valeries1ventacc

[valeries1ventacc]

I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating. I need to stop eating.

[valeries1ventacc]

miss little cant leave toxic people

[valeries1ventacc]

So i used to write to cope with $h urges, and i finally got rid of my writers block :)

TW-$H, MASKING?

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As I traced the blade across my skin, a trail of blood followed, slowly running between my thighs. It felt as though it was my only escape from my thoughts, a short feeling of relief in knowing I could forget about my problems. I would do anything to escape the suffocation of my thoughts. To be able to ignore my anger, my sadness, my fear. I would sacrifice my innocence, my flesh and blood. I would carve my own skin to be happy. To escape the living hell I existed in.

For a while, I sat on the bathroom floor, thinking about how nobody would know if I slit my wrists, if I cut my entire body. Not a single person in the world knew me enough to realise I wasn’t okay. Not my family, definitely not the people who called themselves my friends. The person who they liked was a better version of me. A mask hiding all of my damage.

I wondered if anyone would even miss me if I was gone. Would they notice my absence? Would they remember the girl who always tried to make everyone laugh but couldn’t stop crying when she was alone? Would they remember the girl who wore long sleeves in the summer or had scars on her legs? The one who always said she was fine but was drowning on the inside? I doubted it.

[valeries1ventacc]

i didn’t ever recover i just said i did <3

[valeries1ventacc]

i hate forced recovery.

[valeries1ventacc]

“$H is bad for you!!”

damn bitch i didnt notice😱😱

[valeries1ventacc]

i think its the scars fading that makes it even worse. i dont feel valid and then im back at it relapsing again. i want to get better but whats the point if my experience is invalidated because i have no scars?

[valeries1ventacc]

i said i'd get clean for you

i said i'd do better for you

i'm sorry i was too weak to do it

the pain was just too much

and it felt so good to take it out on myself

[valeries1ventacc]

do you ever get to the point where $h isnt fun anymore but its just apart of your routine

[valeries1ventacc]

finding a good reason to live

[valeries1ventacc]

The urge to slit my wrists in a bathtub and let the blood run down the drain 🤔🙃

[valeries1ventacc]

if i can eat past fullness i can starve past hunger.

[valeries1ventacc]

do not expect me to unmask around you simply because we get along.

[valeries1ventacc]

cvtting in the day feels illegal

[valeries1ventacc]

i want to cvt so badly but i cant because once i start i can’t stop.

[valeries1ventacc]

i wish people forgot i was struggling so i could use things sharp things normally without being watched. to not be forced to eat because im genuinely not hungry but they think its always to do with my ed. to not have everyone knowing im not okay, it might be unhealthy but at least i could feel normal

[valeries1ventacc]

i want to cut and be pretty and bleed and take pills and vomit and burn and cry and die and just feel something