venusian-oceans

[venusian-oceans]

Entry #3: The Spiral

Date of writing: 6-10-2024 & 7-10-2024

Date of publishing: 18-10-2024

The spiral is a symbol that represents the cycle of life; birth, growth, death and rebirth. It represents going from the outside to within, from ego to soul. Expanding and growing in spirit.

However, no one seems to be talking about the painful process of the movement of growth and expansion itself.

You’re stuck in limbo, some parts of the old you are dying very slowly. All you can do is watch them as your ego is clinging onto you like a leech. You try to shake them off, but it seems pointless. They’re dying anyway.

You know the stories they have been telling you are far from the truth, yet you still extend your energy to listen to them.

You are changing and you are terrified. In a state of panic, the voices in your head try to convince you that the way that things were fine and they shouldn’t change, you shouldn’t change.

But as you look outside and look at your pack of cigarettes and ashtray of unfinished joints and messy room and unbrushed teeth and aching body and unfulfilled promises to yourself, you know things weren’t fine.

You know you weren’t fine.

You know you should change.

So you cancel out the noise. You acknowledge that anything your ego is saying to you right now is useless and a part of the old story. You know that the voices in your head are lying, because of the fear of change.

You repeat to yourself over and over again that it’s for the better and that you will be so much better off if you just let it go.

As you hear just a little less noise and can now see how the last few parts of the old you are taking their last breath, you know you must go within now.

It’s scary to go within. You haven’t been there a while. Too scared, too stoned, too numb. Yet your sensitive heart brought you here, back on your yellow brick road. And as you begin walking it again, you notice the pattern of you walking in circles…again.

And you realized this won’t be the last time.

Channeled songs/lyrics

Oblivion by Jhené Aiko; the world’s a fucking mess it makes me sick and i am every bit a part of it. I may have started it

Womb by Melanie Martinez; feeling alive the closer that I get to my life.

555: change, transformation, good luck, personal growth, spiritual guidance, spirit is with you at ALL TIME, things are shaking, be prepared to roll with it, embrace the next stage of your journey, big bright light, big bright energy, expansion, don’t shy away from your own growth!

Author’s note: Thank you for reading, first of all! I wrote this around a time where I knew I needed to let go of old beliefs and actually start BELIEVING in the story I have wanted for so long. If you can relate to this poem in anyway, I want to remind you that you are not alone in your process and you are doing so well! Keep trusting your own judgment and keep going, you are growing more than you think you are. I love you <3

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Quick reminder that you are indeed the caterpillar, the cocoon and the butterfly all at the same time✨🦋

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― Louise Glück, October

[venusian-oceans]

Entry #2: This Autumn by Delphi

Date: 02-10-2024

There’s something different in the wind this autumn.

I feel lighter.

Not like a feather.

More like a scale where the weight is finally in perfect balance.

Something heavy was taken off.

September’s rain washed this heaviness within me away.

I thought I could never scrub it off of me.

What do I do now?

..Just try this October.

Channeled song and author’s note: My favorite song that reminds me of autumn, Lovers Rock by TV Girl. This song has something so ethereal yet so cozy about. When I finished up this rather short poem and put the tags on for this post, the song played in my head. As a lover girl, this season alongside with winter might feel a little extra cold and lonely. But strangely, this year I am open to cultivating more joy for myself as I celebrate the transformations I have already gone through and the ones I am embracing right now. I hope you’re doing good and celebrating as well! I love you and thank you for reading <3 !!

1111 1234 555 888

[venusian-oceans]

i have loved you. i have had to deal with that

[venusian-oceans]

Entry #1: Dear Love by Delphi

Date: 21-09-2024

Dear Love,

I still love you. You are still a part of me. I know that my soul is profoundly made out of you. You make me feel something when I look at the moon or when I stare at the ocean. You make me want to take pictures of the sunset or of my family and friends. You make me look at the mirror and realize how far I’ve already gotten. Two years of healing and so many more to go.

To love another person is a dangerous thing to do. You risk heartbreak, you risk betrayal, you risk experiencing pain.

However, loving the idea of a person and the idea of a connection is lethal. You risk heartbreak, you risk betrayal, you risk experiencing pain. But perhaps the worst thing: you risk the realization that everything you thought the person was, they in fact aren’t. You risk feeling like an idiot. Like you brought this heartbreak upon yourself. You can’t point at the other person anymore once you realize. It’s all on you.

I have quite a habit of making other people’s problems mine, which I realize now might’ve extended into making other people’s mistakes my mistakes. And while writing this, I am now fully seeing how stupid and egocentric that really is. I know why I do it. It’s to feel a sense of control, which means I can do something about it. Nevertheless when it comes to the person that I am writing about, no matter how hard my brain tries to make it my responsibility, at the end of the day it was his.

It’s not my fault that I got excited over something that I never have experienced before and always wanted to experience, which is falling in love with someone romantically. I can only learn to check my own judgment and perhaps adjust it based on the lessons that I am learning as I’m writing this to you, dear Love.

But dear Love, I don’t know what to do with myself right now, yet I have so many ideas of what I could do. Dear Love, there is a bittersweet aftertaste in my mouth. Dear Love, why did his embrace feel so good?

Dear Love, I know there is nothing you or anyone could say or do that could instantly make me feel better. Dear Love, I understand now that loving is an act of courage. Loving is an act of bravery. Of looking at all the ways you could be shattered to pieces once again and still going for it. Dear Love, I see now that loving is an art and the act of creating art is inherently loving.

So I will practice on myself. I will create the art I want to see. I will embody you while looking in the mirror and blow myself a kiss. Every day, I will try to smile brighter. I will try to love despite the pain. I will try to keep my heart open despite the hurt. I will try to be gentle with myself. I will try to love again for eternities on end. I will try, dear Love.

songs i channeled while writing:

Build Me Up by Cleo Sol

in my head by Ariana Grande

Everything is romantic by Charli xcx

Rise by Solange

W.A.Y.S. by Jhené Aiko

555 888 999

note: hi! i hope you enjoyed this poem/entry of mine. if you would like to give me your thoughts or feedback on it, don’t be afraid to leave a comment! have a lovely day/night <3

[venusian-oceans]

i love putting on my headphones like goodbye world

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I want to follow him around like a cat and run in front of his feet and trip him

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It'll be okay *puts a little flower in your hair*

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Unconditional love isn't a free pass to hurt me.

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love yourself a little extra right now. you're evolving, learning, healing, growing, and discovering yourself all at once. it's about to get magical for you

[venusian-oceans]

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This is your sign to keep showing up for yourself....

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