vulnerablepoet

[vulnerablepoet]

An incomplete guide to how to talk to young children (3-5 years old):

- Do not assume they understand your instructions the first time. They will ask you the same question three times. Answer it the same way, patiently. They will get it eventually.

- Children will ask strings of “why” questions. They’re not trying to be annoying; they don’t have a lot of the context older people have. Answer until you can’t, then admit you don’t know and ask them a question back. They’ll get distracted for the moment, and trust that you take their questions seriously.

- If you need a kid to do something, give a reason, but don’t give up at “I don’t want to”. If they don’t listen, it’s okay to say “I explained why, and I still need you to do it.” Be calm, and firm. Usually, kids will listen the second or third time.

- If a kid doesn’t listen to an instruction repeatedly, there’s probably something in the way. Ask them why they’re not *without accusing them*, and they’ll tell you what’s going on most of the time. Common reasons: I’m scared, I don’t know how, I miss my parent/sibling, I’m tired, I’m angry/frustrated/sad, I need help. Address the roadblock and help find a compromise that works for the both of you.

- Threats are only as good as you can enforce them. If you threaten them with a countdown, you need a consequence to back it up that is appropriate to the request. For example: “I need you to stay in your chair. I’m going to count to five. If I get to five, and you’re not sitting in your seat with your feet on the floor, I am writing down that you were not listening during snack time on your behavior report.” Keep in mind that these threats only work if the consequence is at the right level; too harsh, and they’ll get overwhelmed and shut down, but too light, and they won’t see it as a consequence. A kid who doesn’t care what their behavior report says won’t worry about a bad report as a consequence.

- Never scream at a child. Never hit them. Never continuously escalate consequences until they do what you say. These behaviors cause a child to panic, and their fear response will prevent them from doing what you want them to, as well as make them more distrusting of you in the future. It’s not just cruel, it is actively counterintuitive to correcting their behavior.

- Make a point to notice and compliment/reward good behavior, especially with kids you are biased to view as “rude” or “badly behaved”. Kids take the views of adults seriously, and if they feel as though they can’t redeem themselves in your eyes, they won’t waste energy trying. Complimenting good behavior when you see it will encourage them to repeat good behaviors to earn your praise. In addition, if there’s other children nearby, they will also mimic the complimented behavior to earn the same praise. Give it.

- Kids want to feel heard. If they want to show or tell you “something cool”, and you have a few moments, watch/listen and compliment them *regardless of if you get it or not*. If you don’t have time, say “That sounds really cool! Can you tell me after we do [insert thing]?” This tells them that you care while still making sure they do what they need to.

- Kids can be downright frustrating sometimes, especially when they need to do something and they just *won’t*. Recognize when you’re getting angry, and learn to stop talking before you direct that anger at them. Take some deep breaths, remind yourself that this too shall pass, and try a different approach.

- Always understand why you’re asking a child to do something. Not only does this help you tell them why they need to, it helps you find replacement behaviors if they can’t/won’t do it. For example: “I need you to lay down and try to sleep, because your friends are sleeping and what you’re doing right now is waking them up. If you can’t sleep after trying for a while, we can work together to find you a quiet activity that you can do at your cot.”

- Don’t expect from a child what you wouldn’t expect from yourself. Could you stand laying still and staring at the ceiling for an hour when you’re not tired? No? Don’t ask a kid to do it. Could you stand staying out in the cold for an hour without a jacket? No? Don’t ask a kid to do it. Could you stand someone yelling at you without feeling angry? No? Don’t ask a kid to do it. Even if you think you could do it, consider if you could do it with the same limitations this child has. Could you do it without the emotional regulation and impulse control you’ve developed as an adult? Could you do it without the inference skills you’ve learned after years of social interactions? Could you do it when you felt angry, tired, overwhelmed, hungry, thirsty, desperately needing to pee with no bathroom nearby? If not, don’t ask a child to do it.

- Don’t react to potty words, insults, or offensive language. Don’t laugh, and don’t act upset. Use the same tone you would if someone said something innocuous, and correct them in that tone. “We don’t say that; that’s a hurtful thing to say to someone.” Or “That’s not funny. Let’s talk about something else.”

- Kids don’t (and should not) have a sense of sexual innuendo or puberty. A four year old doesn’t understand that reaching up to hug you and touching your breasts in the process is gross. A five year old doesn’t understand that “why aren’t you a mommy?” or “why does your face have red dots on it” are weird questions to ask random people. Enforce boundaries without delving into details. “Don’t touch me there; that makes me uncomfortable” and “That’s just how it works sometimes” can be used to great effect. Importantly, don’t act angry or use a tone that indicates they did something wrong; this will seem to them like you’re arbitrarily angry.

- Kids at this age don’t have a strong sense of cognitive empathy or predicting the future. The idea that actions have consequences beyond the immediate result is a very, very new concept to them. Be prepared to explain the obvious of “why can’t I bite her when she makes me mad?”, “why can’t I steal his toy when he stole mine?”, and “why do I have to do what you tell me when I don’t want to?”

- Give explicit instructions. “Stop that” isn’t likely to be understood by a four year old. “Stop throwing the toys; please put them in the bucket gently” is far easier for a kid to follow.

[vulnerablepoet]

This.

Seeing people go "It's okay to have low empathy but-" and "Low empathy is okay but you need to -"

No. No no no no no. Low empathy is inherently a morally neutral trait. So is low sympathy and low compassion. There is nothing someone can do that makes those things no longer an inherently morally neutral trait. Someone being an asshole does not make the fact that they have low empathy/sympathy/compassion/whatever a bad thing.

Your actions and your empathy levels are completely separate things and do not have to be tied to one another at all. If someone has low empathy and is an asshole, it's because they're a fucking asshole not solely because they have low empathy. We need to stop giving disabled people conditions that make their disability more acceptable. It either is or it isn't.

You do not HAVE to do anything in order to make your low empathy morally acceptable to others. If you really think having low empathy is acceptable then it needs to not come with conditions, otherwise you don't actually view it as something acceptable. You only want to validate people who you consider "one of the good ones" who meet your standards as what's okay in a disabled person and what's not.

[vulnerablepoet]

Again, this intent arises because why? Because it's a survival mechanism. Both intention and reasoning matters. Accountability too . I'm not excusing any behavior just acknowledging that it's important to not resort to judgment

The people who actually need to hear this probably won't but I'm gonna say it anyway, Munchausen by proxy does not exist and its dangerous to say it does. Munchausen syndrome on its own is easier to justify existing but is also not real. Both of these "mental illnesses" are defined strictly by actions which isn't how mental illness works. Mental illness is defined by having psychological or emotional instability, since, you know, those things are controlled by your mind. People who pretend to be sick for attention or money or whatever else might have other mental illnesses, maybe, but they don't have so called "Munchausen syndrome." They could even be completely mentally stable. Pulling off a con isn't in itself a mental illness.

Even worse than calling Munchausen syndrome a mental illness is the extension, "Munchausen by proxy." That's just... Committing a crime. Imagine if we said every other crime was inherently a mental illness. Do you see why that might be a bit of a problem? Many people with cluster B disorders are demonized enough already because people think of their disorders in terms of how they affect others and not the person themself, now imagine there was a so called mental illness that specifically only can be diagnosed after the fact of repeatedly abusing someone.

And yes, before someone comes in here saying "b-but (insert disorder) has a symptom of criminal activity!" The activity itself isn't a symptom, the impulse is. Hate to break it to you, but not every single criminal has aspd. Actions and mental states have some connections, of course, but many different mental states cause the same actions and many different outcomes can stem from the same mental state. One person who medically abused someone can have a completely different motivation than someone else, and neither of them inherently have a mental illness.

[vulnerablepoet]

i swear i cannot be the only one who scrolls and looks at sh when i’m bored or when i’m eating

[vulnerablepoet]

This.

quiet bpd traits is you make me feel like i’m exploding into a firey ball of despair almost every time i text you, but i’m not gunna tell you cuz i don’t wanna make you saddddd or upsetttt (but come on, how hard is it to sound interested to talk to me over text?? i changed my texting style for this exact reason!!) /nsrs

-🪼🪲

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[vulnerablepoet]

Reblog if you're okay with people liking your vent posts pls pls.

Like- I'm in the middle of spamming notes and I don't know if you feel comfortable if I like those posts too. TT

[vulnerablepoet]

Growing up , I was fed till my stomach was full

Yet , I felt empty , deprived and aching of something that would fill my soul

So I began searching it in misery , transient relations and self destructive behaviours.

Left being hollow , more than ever .

Growing up , I was asked to approach anytime I needed support in anything

Yet , I was shunned every time I tried to voice my pain ,

leaving me helpless and resentful with wounds that I never learned to take care of .

So I learned to mask , to swallow the feelings and convert them into blood — those very feelings — that were at times unheard or belittled for its mere existence .

I grew up in a household that provided me with things that would indulge me in temporary pleasure

But were oblivion to the fact that what I really craved for ;

was to be heard and to be held .

So I learned to survive by latching onto anyone like a parasite

who’d provide me with even the meagre amount of attention and validation

that a child seeks from their caregivers , which would every time ,

Result in my doom.

I was told to always trust them

and ironically became the target of their suspicions

So I grew up feeling , l would be caught anytime

even if I was doing nothing wrong .

I’d hear their footsteps , their voices

even if there was no one there

and shake in fear .

I was called “too sensitive”

As if that was not the result of being witness of shrieks and negligence of others feelings , every single day , displaying immense insensitivity.

I was screamed at for not interacting more

But pray tell me , how do you speak to people that was never around initially

to converse with ?

Growing up , the love I received,

Felt like a burden , for it felt

Like it was given out of obligation —

Like a liability I had to repay.

[vulnerablepoet]

questioning BPD culture is thinking to yourself "I can't possibly have Wasn't Loved Enough As A Child disorder because my parents loved me" knowing damn full well that despite how much you were loved you were still neglected and that's all that needs to happen

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[vulnerablepoet]

Trigger warning - Suicidal ideation

To be honest at this point I'd kill myself without a second thought if only it didn't mean putting my family through a lifetime trauma and financial burden. I'm tired of acting like everything is fucking fine because it's not?!! Stuck between killing myself and writing 10000 paragraphs as to why they shouldn't kill themselves . Sometimes it feels like my existence is nothing but merely a curse . I know this life is supposed to be a trial but I'm exhausted. I can't carry it no longer , not alone . But who do I go to? They need help too. Should I save them or should I drown myself? I want to bang my head on the wall , I want to scream , I want to cry , I want to hurt myself . I feel so damn helpless. I don't need anyone's sympathy, empathy or support because that's gonna end up making me 10000x times worse because It feels like I'm putting one more brick on their head when they are already carrying so much , that's laying on them heavy .

There's no one I can call my own . And with people that I can , I can't explain nor do I think they'll understand nor do I want them to. I am so tired I'm so tired

[vulnerablepoet]

lol ofc this is on my feed today 😭

[vulnerablepoet]

Dedicate to @brokenintwo

Every single day , every single moment , I'm blessed with the privileges of our friendship and with the privilege of knowing you , so I'm taking a minute to write this to express to you how much you mean to me and your importance in my life.

Love isn't the girl that I lose my sanity over every single day , it's YOU bbg who listens to me yap through it all🥹

Thank you , for being my constant in a world that's filled with inconsistencies, for being the one that I can always count on , the one I can always rely on and trust with my eyes closed.

Thank you for offering me the hands that I can grasp tightly while we navigate this shitty rollercoaster called "life,"

How do I repay you , tell me my love?

For being the listener to my nonstop yapping

For the emotional support that you offer me every time I crash out.

For the encouragement that I receive from you every time I'm nervous .

For the times that you make me laugh till my stomach hurts .

And most importantly ,

For the reminders of my worth every time the world lets me down .

When I am with you , for a moment , all my miseries seems to disappear for a while . Bonding over fps , brainrot , psychology or the struggles of being from a brown household... Yk you make me believe that perhaps suffering serves a purpose , it teaches us to see how meaningful and special, little things in life can be and how much of a difference it can make , no matter whatever the hell that you're going through. It shows us , what truly matters in life. Even the taste of agony seems sweet with a best friend like you there to share it with 🫂

You're not just a girl I call my best friend, you're the connection that heals my soul and makes me feel whole <3

I'm so grateful for the fact that you accept me just as I am , despite the fact that I've laid bare , my insecurities, my fears and my flaws . And instead of running away from the sight of it , you grant me a whole different perspective that teaches me to be more gentle and kind with myself.

Thank you for the way you lift me up and raise my confidence with your excessively sweet compliments . I know , you have complaints regarding me not wanting to hear good things about myself but it's only because I don't believe them to be true . However, it reassures me to know that you don't view me the way I view myself but rather a light I possibly can't ever comprehend looking myself in nonetheless I'm so so thankful 🥹

Although I may not say it all the time , but know that I always see the efforts that you put for me and appreciate it so so much.

You are so amazing baby gurl , I'm so lucky to have you as a part of my life. And I really hope to never lose you.

I know , you don't believe in God

So it's truly ironic , that you make me want to believe in God even more because our friendship is no less than a miracle to me. You're an angel my sweetheart, never in my life , has anyone ever treated me so wonderfully the way you do.

Alhumdullilah ❤️‍🩹

You're so important to me my love and I don't want to just say it to you , I want to prove it to you and I promise I'll do whatever it takes for that. Please, never hesitate to show me your vulnerability because knowing you makes me wanna love you more and it's truly something that never fails to fascinate me and something that I really enjoy🥺💋

Frankly speaking, learning about your thoughts or hearing you yap about your interests or rant about stuffs or the sharing of teas is something I can never ever get tired of . So please don't ever stop😤 I really appreciate you trusting me with it baby gurl and I really hope I never let you down.

You're a wholesome person my love . Your ability to love , your ability to go above and beyond for the people you love that too in creative ways , your empathy , your kindness , your way of caring ; they never fail to surprise me and I promise . they make so much more difference than you'll ever realize. You're a beautiful person, inside out. Not only are you pretty mashallah but you also have a personality that radiates a warmth which I could never explain in words. Your heart my love is too pure for this world and I hate to see it shatter into pieces because of people who fail to protect it. You're worthy of so much more my love. You don't deserve just the world but the universe itself. So , please kindly ,don't ever settle for anything less.

It's an honour to know you , love you , have your company by my side and most importantly to call you my best friend 🫂💕👀

You’re not just my BSF pookie , you’re so much more than that.

You’re the sweet warmth of the sun on a freezing day,

The soothing calm of ice cream on a blazing afternoon,

And the embrace of hope when all the doors seem to be closed.

You’re the laughter that lifts my spirit when I feel low,

The steady hand that pulls me back when I lose my way,

The quiet strength that gives me courage to face tomorrow,

And the unwavering light that shines even on my darkest days 💋

I love youuuuu soooo muchhhhh, to the moon and back 🥺❤️‍🩹

[vulnerablepoet]

Tell me that you despise me ,

That you can't endure my presence no longer

Sever ties with me if that is what brings you peace

But please , I beg you

Don't torture me like this

Don't stay while constantly emotionally abandoning me.

"meeting you was the best thing that has happened to me" - really? Why do you treat me like I'm the worst then?

Perhaps , losing myself is the price I've to pay ,

For loving you.

I love you with the vastness of the ocean,

Yet I find myself begging for just a single drop in return.

[vulnerablepoet]

The bruises of our past remained as mere scars,

silent reminders of the pain you left behind.

Why did you have to dig into those scars,

reopening wounds I thought had faded,

bringing back the sting of betrayal?

The sleepless nights I’ve spent,

tormented by the echoes of your abandonment.

The tears I’ve spilled, drowning in the cruelty of your words.

The pieces of myself I’ve lost,

each one surrendered in the desperate attempt to be “good enough” for you.

In trying to earn your love,

I lost my sanity, my dignity, my sense of worth.

Perhaps the wounds never truly healed.

Perhaps that’s why they still bleed.

[vulnerablepoet]

“Do you hate me” ?

“Are you loosing interest in me”?

“Have you found someone better and replaced me”?

“Are you tired of me “?

Please tell me if that’s the case ….

Your silence

Your late replies

The way you’re acting

Only reacting not responding

You’re hanging out with others while constantly telling me “I’m busy “ or assuming that I’m without even asking me

It’s killing me …. I can no longer take it

Shit makes me suicidal

Why don’t you get it?!?!!

JUST LEAVE ME if you no longer want me

But don’t act like you do while constantly making me feel abandoned with your actions .

Im tired .

[vulnerablepoet]

Why am I being dragged to the place I fought so hard to get out from? Why does it ache so bad knowing your heart skips a beat for someone else when you were never mine to begin with?

Tell me why do you still hold so much power over me? Tears are blurring my vision , please stop tormenting my soul like this.

Weren't we supposed to get better together?

Weren't we supposed to run away together , far away from this cruelty?

I hate that you've found it easier to walk away from me than to love me...

No , it wasn't your inability to love ,

I was just not worthy of being loved by you.

I wasn't enough.

I'll never be.

I hate myself so so much

What does it take to be enough?

I don't blame you for pretending to want me , to love me... I blame myself for believing in your words like a fool .

I wish I never fell for you

I wish I never let you in

I wish I never kissed you

I wish I never met you.

[vulnerablepoet]

I don't regret loving or caring for people I regret believing that they do so too </3

[vulnerablepoet]

Saviour Complex

Tw : sh

Mature for your own age,” is what they say.

What was meant as a compliment felt more like a reminder of the child she never got to be.

From a young age,

she learned to suppress her tears and conceal her pain.

While other children were held when they cried,

she held the blade.

Every drop of blood she shed

represented the agony she couldn’t express.

She didn’t look for her parents when she was on the floor, wanting to give up on her life,

but silently, she begged for someone to save her.

“Help, help, help,” she muttered in her sleep.

The savior she dreamed of was as real as Santa Claus for the kids.

As she grew, she developed a compulsion to rescue

the ones in distress.

She attracted them into her life,

like a magnet for shattered glass.

She’d pick up on the subtle signs and extend her hand —

always the “shoulder to lean on,”

the one to “vent to.”

Often described as a “safe place,”

with nothing to gain.

She made sure they knew their vulnerability

didn’t deserve to be hidden, never in shame.

Perhaps she saw a glimpse of her younger self in their eyes,

and that was why she couldn’t let them face their trials alone .

She kept pouring and pouring,

until she was drained.

History repeated itself,

and she was alone again.

She was never meant to be loved,

only to be used and discarded once her purpose was fulfilled.

Though mature beyond her years, at the end of the day,

she was still a child,

trapped by the foolish decisions of her own mind .

When would it be her turn

to have her tears wiped away,

to feel someone else’s hand,

gently lifting her from the dark?

Some call it “people fixer”, some call it “rescuer complex” others call it white knight syndrome

But I think it’s just a compensation for the lack of emotional availability during childhood