wingsofteeth

[wingsofteeth]

The headloss on twitter would be biblical

Lando norris charles leclerc cadillac. This came to me in a dream.

[wingsofteeth]

me

Me, finding a theme or detail in my own writing which I had no idea was there and had no intention of making a big deal of: my genius is fucking extraordinary

[wingsofteeth]

i love art that makes me feel like a child again

Bleaching Linen in a Clearing, 1858 by Peter Christian Thamsen P. C. Skovgaard (Danish, 1817--1875)

[wingsofteeth]

my duality is frightening

[wingsofteeth]

Hannibal: *compliments the Dragon in front of Will*

Will: hE Is UgLy AnD ImPoTeNt

[wingsofteeth]

i feel as though i was blessed with all of the luck and potential in the world and i have left it too late to capitalise on it so now i must suffer in mediocracy until i die at the unremarkable age of 64.

[wingsofteeth]

what the fuck is this. what are you doing. this is so embarrassing for them. stand up both of you.

[wingsofteeth]

They actually make me sick and I don't know how to function on a day-to-day basis anymore!

I mean not only did Oscar canonically choose to stop on his way to put his things in his locker just to watch Lando, gentle blush dusting his cheeks, he was especially fond because Lando and little kids is so natural, also because Oscar of all people knows Lando struggles with reading so maybe he even hovered for help??, and was so proud because Lando did so well??, and then mouthing “ignore me” and being lost in watching Lando, then simply having to speak and say something sweet, because Lando’s reading kind things about himself and Oscar simply has to chime in, because of course Lando lights up and his voice travels into that giddy happy register and they both just smile into each others faces The Way They Do because shared happiness is so easy for them and jfc we rly just saw Oscar wanting to stare at Lando lovingly while asking not to have his cover blown there is no predecessor for this they’re just inherently soft and sweet and bashful about each other fuck!!!!!

[wingsofteeth]

i think that part of will always saw the beauty that hannibal wanted him to see, if only in his head.

in his mind he sees these gruesome murders as much brighter and more captivating than real life seems. like hannibal, where others see horror, he sees light and beauty. because it's all in his head, he can push it down, deny it. hannibal helps him translate those colours into real life. when they kill dolarhyde, the blood is black but shining in the moonlight - what should be a dark and dismal scene becomes quite bright, sparkling. the vibrance of will's internal world has been transferred to reality, and that's when he can admit 'it's beautiful'.

i always found it so interesting that the colors in the show are so much more vibrant when will is imagine gruesome murders

its like one of the earliest ways the audience sees will how hannibal sees him

[wingsofteeth]

pictures like this always remind me of my childhood. those dogs remind me of mine. the rabbit for some strange reason reminds me of my mother. perhaps because she is being chased. i would love to run through those fields with her.

Just Missed by Arthur Wardle (English, 1864–1949)

[wingsofteeth]

on shifting

i am not sure if i believe in shifting.

i had the two week phase in 2021 that many people had, during the second lockdown in England. i wrote a script and kept it under my pillow and tried to follow the many methods that showed up on my for you page. after a few weeks, life resumed and i concluded that it was bullshit.

i have become rather cynical these last few years. it was a rebellion against myself, as i had come to despise the person i had been, for no real reason other than that i was tired of fitting in. i changed my looks, my personality, my beliefs, to fit those of the people around me, hoping i would no longer be rejected. it worked.

but i am getting over myself now, and my mind is opening. my best friend is very spiritual, and now so are my mum and all her friends. even the two coworkers i had recently were both very open minded and free spirited. i am not used to this, i am used to people who pride themselves in their disbelief and see expression as weakness. but i don't see those people now, and the walls in my mind are beginning to crumble for the better.

the idea of shifting is an interesting one, and certainly one i wish i could bring to fruition. to escape this life and find myself in a reality of my choosing? yes please, i'll take 100!

is what i thought initially.

do i think that shifting is possible? sure, why not. there are so many things that we do not yet understand, and we may never understand. i am certain there are infinite universes. i do believe that in thinking of a universe, it is created somewhere. a way to travel between worlds must exist.

do i believe that anyone has genuinely shifted universes yet? no. i have not been convinced. i think that if it had been done, the person would have lost their mind. it is just too much knowledge, too much power. i don't think our brains are currently equipped to handle that power. i think a true shift would surely result in a mental breakdown.

lucid dreaming is not the same as shifting. i firmly believe these people are lucid dreaming, and i will believe this unless i personally experience shifting.

today i have been thinking about shifting. i always believed that given the opportunity i would seize it. who wouldn't?

but as i understand it, shifting does not end your time in this world. you have not moved to another world, physically, you have only projected your consciousness into another state. you will always return to your current reality, and what is the point in that?

i do not care for my current reality.

and honestly, i don't care for any other reality. i am not attached to the people there, i don't know them. i don't know myself.

i know myself, here, in this reality. i know the people. i care about them.

shifting simply isn't the answer i am looking for. it is not a solution to my problems, just a distraction, like everything else.

i want to reverse time. return to my twelfth birthday with all of the knowledge i have now, and fix it. live better. save myself and my family.

i could, theoretically, shift to another universe in which i am twelve, and start again there. or shift to a universe in which i am still twenty years old, but living with the knowledge that i made better choices as a teenager. but what good would that do? that doesn't save her, me.

she wouldn't be me, this other self. and no matter what, i would return to this current reality and be just as stuck as i am now. only i would be in mourning for a life i was so close to living.

it doesn't appeal to me.

i don't care if it is real, if it is possible in my lifetime. shifting is not my way out.

i should probably sleep now, but i won't. goodnight if you read this.

love, dakota

[wingsofteeth]

my sleep paralysis

here is what happened during a 2 hour nap yesterday:

i fell into a light sleep at around 16:30 and began to dream that i was in my tweenhood bedroom (a source of great horror and distress). however, in the dream i felt quite at peace. at home. i was aware, somewhat, that i wasn't in any danger, because i knew that i wasn't supposed to be there. i thought to myself: 'this is where i used to live. but i escaped. why am i back here? he is not here. i am alone.'

i took some time to absorb my surroundings, and found that everything was the same as it had been the day before i left. the walls were the same sickly shade of lavender. the round table stood in the corner, still bearing the handprints i had insisted my friends let me trace first and only time they visited me in that house. the desk that i used to sit under for shelter from the noise. the bed i had been forced to abandon to keep him company. everything stood exactly as i had left it, and i didn't feel the way i should have. no fear, no anxiety, no sickness. just peace.

the thought struck me that, as i was so aware and so in control, i couldn't possibly be dreaming. i said aloud: maybe this is what it means to shift.

i didn't (don't?) believe in shifting, but at that moment in time if made perfect sense. of course, the moment i had the thought, the dream chose to rebuke me and i quickly lost control, suddenly dancing atop a picnic table that appeared outside my room and talking to the dream people. but i vividly remember of standing in that room, aware that i was lucid.

i came back to consciousness and quickly realised that i could not move. i am familiar with sleep paralysis and have been for a few years now. i know that it has hit before i open my eyes, therefore i never quite have the courage to open them. i can feel the presence standing over me, i don't need to see him too.

he scares he. i picture him in my mind - a dark, hooded figure, black cloak trailing along the floor behind him. he looks how i imagined God to look when i was five years old.

i feel him touch me, press against my chest or caress my arm or back. sometimes (once before, and on this occasion) i hear my door open before he comes in, and i think he is my little sister.

this time, i felt his presence, and chose to fall back asleep quickly to avoid him. this worked for a few seconds, before i came back into consciousness again, hearing the door open and somebody speaking. the presence was touching me, touching my back, trying to get my attention, wanting my eyes on it. i ignored it, because i knew what would happen if i didn't.

it was out of fear, i think, that it became my little sister. fear, denial and bargaining.

fact: there is something touching me, trying to get my attention

fact: i cannot see the thing

therefore until i open my eyes and see it, it can be whatever i choose. schrödinger's ominous presence.

so my brain, in a desperate attempt to save me from impending psychosis, decides that it must be little sister trying to wake me up.

the funny thing about my sleep paralysis is that in my head i am quite capable of moving. i'm sure this is not just me, but it isn't something i have heard anybody else talk about. with my eyes squeezed shut tight, and with tremendous effort, i can momentarily break the spell by throwing my body onto my side, or onto the floor, wherever is available at the time. i feel myself move, i see it in my head. but when i really and truly come to, i am laying in the exact same position as before. what a mindfuck. #

so, yesterday, upon deciding the presence was just my sweet little sister, sleeping dakota decided that the best course of action was to grab the little girl by the neck and throw her onto the bed beside me. if this had been reality, it would have been incredibly difficult, as i was laying on my stomach, so i would have had to contort myself beautifully in order to grab her by the neck, and the action of throwing her would have been quite impossible. however in my head, this was all very feasible and i threw her onto the bed beside me, promptly realising that i had bashed her head into the wall so hard that she was likely passed out. i did not enjoy that thought so i went to sleep again to escape it.

i woke up probably five seconds later, still laying on my stomach and unable to move. i felt a split second of relief that my little sister had been a hallucination and i had not hurt her, but i soon became aware of the presence standing over me, breathing on my neck. this time i knew it wasn't my little sister, and i became very panicked.

the presence likes to speak to me in a foreign language, and i understand it perfectly in the moment. it's voice is deep and rich. like that of God.

i notice that i have stopped referring to it as 'he'. i don't know which is right.

i understand it's words perfectly in the moment, but when i come to, i can not remember what it said, not even the gist of the words. but i remember the cadence of the voice.

the voice is normal to me, so when i heard it yesterday i was not afraid. what was new was the roaring, screaming noise in my ears. it almost sounded like wind, rushing past me fast and powerful. such a strong force that it moved the blood in my veins, and i felt this rushing feeling throughout my body. this, i did not like.

i tried my trick again of turning my body to break the spell, and with intense difficulty i rolled over, letting out a full body scream as i did so. it felt as if my body was bound by thick ropes and i was trying to break free. as i rolled over, the noise got louder and louder and my heart felt like it could burst out of my chest.

i woke up fully, panting heavily, and ripped my eyelids open. i looked around the room, making sure i was where i thought i was, and there was no presence standing beside my bed. to my surprise, i was actually lying on my back, with my arms crossed over my chest like a vampire in a coffin. had i successfully rolled over during the paralysis, or had i been on my back the entire time?

it was then that i remembered the dream, about being back in my tweenhood bedroom. i felt a wave of sadness wash over me. i wanted to go back. this is not something i have ever let myself want before.

coming back to myself, i felt quite delirious, and in my confusion i wondered if i could use sleep paralysis to take me back there.

i was fully awake at this point, just bleary eyed and mushy brained. but this longing for a simpler (worse, but simpler) time had seized me by the throat, and i was willing to dive headfirst into the rabbit hole if it took me where i needed to go.

so i closed my eyes, and had a split second of conscious thought ('i wonder if i can induce sleep paralysis?') before i was thrown headfirst back into that state.

i am not sure if i had any control over it. i certainly wanted it, but all that i did was lean into the pillow and close my eyes, and suddenly i was frozen, listening to the sound of roaring in my ears, aware of those eyes on me, a deep chanting voice coming from all directions. it was what i wanted, but it was so much more intense than any sleep paralysis i had ever experienced. i was terrified.

so i screamed as loudly as i could, pulled away so hard that i could swear i felt myself leave my body, tried to throw myself far, far away from this thing.

i woke up, of course, laying in the same position, finding i had not screamed and there was no one beside me.

for the next 30 minutes, all that i could think about was that bedroom, that house. i felt sad, because i had got so close to returning. i truly believed that what i had experienced had been real, that i had been back there, possibly in my old body.

i wondered (not for the first time) if sleep paralysis might be a gateway to something we don't understand. in the past it has been my personal belief that sleep paralysis can be a bridge between worlds. maybe between our reality, and the reality of dreams. the demons want to keep us away, out of their world, because we will just destroy it like we have done to our own world.

now i am wondering if it really could be a way to travel between different worlds and states of being. there is a theory that i read today that sleep paralysis is a gateway to astral projection. i am not sure that i believe in astral projection. it doesn't interest me much. what i am starting to believe, for my own sanity, is that we can go back. i can reverse time, go back to being that girl in that room, and save her. save them all. i want to believe this so badly. i know it is crazy. i know that time travel is impossible in terms of physics and space and everything we know about the universe. it isn't mathematically possible, and if it was ever possible we would already know and blah blah blah but i don't really care.

i just want to stay in that little bubble of hope that i was in yesterday. that what i experienced was real, that i went back there, and that through the help of my demon i can save her.

i have lots more to say and lots more to discover, but i will save it for another day. if you read this, thank you. if anybody has any experience with any of this, i would love to discuss it all. i don't think i've ever cared about anything as much as i care about this.

love, dakota

[wingsofteeth]

fixed it smile

[wingsofteeth]

i don't like my name can i change it?

[wingsofteeth]

i've always lurked on tumblr from various accounts but i've never really posted or anything. this is my first time creating an account and actually following tags i am interested in and making posts. i think i might just post on here all the time and scream about whatever i want and if nobody follows me that is fine because then there is no pressure to Perform

[wingsofteeth]

help

hello i am new how the heck do i change my profile picture and stuff :(