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[yaakoves-blog]

SLYTHERIN:

“VALKYRIE CAIN: I’ve been through a lot. Might not take much more to break me. SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT: Alternatively, as you’ve been through a lot, there might not be much more that could break you.”

-Derek Landy (Skulduggery Pleasant: Resurrection)

[yaakoves-blog]

So I think by now people know that Eleanor Shoshany-Anderson, one of the women who was kicked out of the Dyke March, is half-Persian and thus a person of color.  But I don’t think a lot of people know that Erin Sanders, another of the women who was kicked out (and who, btw, was prominent enough in the organization that she actually led the march on her motorcycle), is a trans woman.

[yaakoves-blog]

To add onto this, I have found an anti-religious climate in many queer Jewish spaces. Asking for accommodations so that I don’t have to write on Shabbat, for example, often marks me as that ‘weird religious Jew’ that makes people uncomfortable; ditto if I mention that I actually go to shul.  While secular and non-halachic religious Judaism are both entirely valid identities, that can be affirmed without diminishing more traditionally religious forms of Judaism and those who find meaning in it. For all the reasons I feel uncomfortable in Orthodox spaces as a queer person, I often feel uncomfortable in liberal spaces as someone who does identify with halachic judaism.

Queer Jews exist in halachic communities. Halachic Judaism has value. Liberal Judaism is not the solution to queerphobia in Orthodox and other traditionally observant Jewish communities. Queer Orthodox Jews have agency over their narratives and should be listened to. And, certainly, if you are facilitating a queer Jewish space (or any Jewish) space and it isn’t possible for someone to observe kashrut and shabbat, please work on that.

So, in light of everything that’s been happening with regards to the anti-Semitic fallout from the Chicago Dλke March debacle, I just want to take a moment to address all my fellow Jews who are not members of the LGBTQ+ community to say that, now—more than ever—we really need to step our allyship the fuck up for our fellow LGBTQ+ Yidden. 

I have seen so many heartbreaking posts over the past few days from gay and trans Jews who are being told by the support networks and advocacy organisations that are supposed to be protecting them that they will not be accepted unless they tow the party line in support of CDM, and basically agree to either pass a GoodJew™ loyalty test or completely hide their Jewishness in future. In one of the anti-Semitism discussion groups I’m in on FB a trans woman was told by trans activism group in her city that if she did not support their “explicit solidarity” with the Chicago Dλke March organisers that she was in the wrong place and should find another group. 

So what this means moving forward is that the rest of us, as allies, need to start working twice as hard to make Jewish spaces more welcoming and accessible for LGBTQ+ Jews than ever before. In this landscape of isolation and vitriol, we cannot let anyone get left behind. 

So to all my Jewish LGBTQ+ friends out there: Just tell us what you need. Tell us how you want be supported and uplifted and I will fucking be there. 

❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜  AM YISRAEL CHAI ❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜 

[yaakoves-blog]

I cannot express enough appreciation for this post. This week, and I know this does not need to be said, has been deeply painful. Reading this was like coming home to a warm bowl of matzo ball soup. (Actually, if you have queer Jewish friends IRL, making them a warm bowl of matzo ball soup might be a good idea. If anyone is in Western Mass...) 

In the immediate post-CDM moment, I think what I have needed - and still do - the most is support and a liaison. I was heart broken to see so many of the left-leaning, well-meaning members of my congregation write nothing about this. I was looking for their Facebook posts, their tweets, their notes in the weekly newsletter, etc. I was looking for them to provide a firm, queer-affirming, left-leaning voice to both make sure we knew we were safe and that right-wing Jews could not exploit this moment (as if the right wing is a safe place for my queerness). 

And I think this represents a broader trend. There are quite a few Jewish people, Baruch Hashem, who want queer Jews to be welcomed into their communities, but are missing a step. For example, my congregation has a safe space sticker on the door. But to see that sticker you have to reach the door. There is nothing on our website; no discussion of our philosophy, how our facilities were made queer affirming, the queer folks in our community, etc. They are not attempting to hide it. They’re simply not thinking about how important it is to make that information accessible. They don’t see that a potential queer member will be searching for ‘lgbtq’ on the website. (We’re a Conservative congregation, as an aside.) 

I need people to say “I see you, I hear you, I care about you, I want you here, and *here are the actions I am taking to make sure you can be here*”. And I need allies to be willing to help us communicate that. If your synagogue doesn’t mention queer folks on their website, recommend it. If your rabbi hasn’t written a message of support on Facebook or in the weekly bulletin, recognizing this pain of this event, ask them if it’s possible. If you’re in a Jewish space and nobody is asking for pronouns, even if (you think) you know that nobody is trans, ask for pronouns and take the moment to simply explain why. If you haven’t invited a queer person doing cool, geeky queer halacha, advocate for it. If you’re a rabbi or scholar, please do cool, geeky queer halacha. 

Don’t forget more observant communities. I am happy that Reform and Recon. movements, and increasingly the Conservative movement (we founded queer talmud camp! SVARA), are doing some of this work. It’s provided an important space. But people shouldn’t have to choose between their queer identity and their religious observance. I see so many people imply to queer Jews in observant communities that they could always come over into liberal judaism. Yes, they could, and that’s a valid option, but it denies people their spiritual agency. Frum communities deserve queer spaces, too. So even if you can’t help create them, don’t imply the solution is to simply leave.

Ditto for thinking about non-Ashkie Jews and Jewish spaces. 

I do trans education workshops. I am happy to do that labor, but after this week I am struggling to do it alone. 

So, in light of everything that’s been happening with regards to the anti-Semitic fallout from the Chicago Dλke March debacle, I just want to take a moment to address all my fellow Jews who are not members of the LGBTQ+ community to say that, now—more than ever—we really need to step our allyship the fuck up for our fellow LGBTQ+ Yidden. 

I have seen so many heartbreaking posts over the past few days from gay and trans Jews who are being told by the support networks and advocacy organisations that are supposed to be protecting them that they will not be accepted unless they tow the party line in support of CDM, and basically agree to either pass a GoodJew™ loyalty test or completely hide their Jewishness in future. In one of the anti-Semitism discussion groups I’m in on FB a trans woman was told by trans activism group in her city that if she did not support their “explicit solidarity” with the Chicago Dλke March organisers that she was in the wrong place and should find another group. 

So what this means moving forward is that the rest of us, as allies, need to start working twice as hard to make Jewish spaces more welcoming and accessible for LGBTQ+ Jews than ever before. In this landscape of isolation and vitriol, we cannot let anyone get left behind. 

So to all my Jewish LGBTQ+ friends out there: Just tell us what you need. Tell us how you want be supported and uplifted and I will fucking be there. 

❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜  AM YISRAEL CHAI ❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜 

[yaakoves-blog]

Some things that make me feel unsafe in public

- being asked if I’m Jewish because of the way my hair looks - being interrogated about my personal political beliefs because I am identifiably Jewish - being expected to denounce and apologize for Israel every time I want to be Jewish in public - being told “I don’t hate Jews, but I’m pro-Palestine” in response to my Jewishness - being told I’m going to hell for being Jewish - non-Jews dictating to me what does and does not constitute antisemitism - people who are not me and who don’t look like me engaging in endless debate about what “race” I belong to - white supremacists telling me that I “control the world” and “should go back to Germany” while folks on the left tell me I benefit from white supremacy - having to make a choice between queerness and Judaism

Noticeably absent from this list: - seeing others’ religious symbols on display in public

[yaakoves-blog]

THANK YOU. 

When you exploit the antisemitism queer Jews are facing to push anti-left, anti-islam, anti-palestinian points, not only are you being oppressive, you’re making it much, much more difficult and dangerous for us. 

Once again, telling a queer Persian Jewish woman her public Jewishness is “problematic” or a somehow statement on Israel is bigotry 101.

[yaakoves-blog]

How Not to Be Antisemitic: A Guide for Social Justice Activists

Treat Jews like you’d treat any other marginalized minority.

That’s it, that’s the whole thing.

[yaakoves-blog]

As much as celebrating Hanukkah during the Summer potentially sounds fun, it seems likely that the heat would reduce our gelt to mush. That would *not* be an acceptable situation. 

If you had a choice to celebrate an extra day of Hanukkah or Passover in the summer, would you?

[yaakoves-blog]

reblog if you think jews belong in queer spaces

[yaakoves-blog]

I have met Jews through conversion that have had invasive and uncomfortable experiences in Orthodox spaces, so some of this might be good fortune. However, I think it is possible, if not likely, that in frum communities folks are more aware of and committed to the halacha on treatment of converts - which includes not asking or reminding them about their conversion, and including them fully into Jewish communities. As a liberal Jew, I certainly don’t mean to diminish our spaces; however, there is definitely less education on the nuances of halacha and conversion is not an exception. 

So I’m curious to people’s personal opinions on this (and I also have this in my “To ask the Rabbi” notebook), but there’s something I’ve been noticing since I’ve started interacting with the frum community more. Frum Jews tend not to ask me “why I converted?”/“why am I converting?"upon learning that I’m a convert. I think I’ve only ever had one Frum Jew ask me why and they actually were a convert themselves. Whereas my personal experience in the non-orthodox world was that people would CONSTANTLY ask me why I was converting and then later why I converted. It became so emotionally exhausting at one point that I no longer wanted to share my conversion story because I pretty much was repeating this short version of it multiple times a week (this was when I was approaching my conservative mikveh date). I feel like a lot of people just don’t understand how personal of a question that can be. A lot of times it was people who barely knew me or only just met me who asked.

So why do you guys think Frum Jews are less likely to ask someone why they’re converting or converted compared to non-Frum Jews? Or is this just something something solely unique to my experience? Whatever the reason, I’m really appreciating the respect that’s being given towards my privacy.

[yaakoves-blog]

What gives?

According to many this week, it seems that I, as an American Jew, apparently have a personal role in controlling American, European, and Middle Eastern geopolitics. Yet, I still cannot convince cisgender-heterosexual men to use my pronouns (they/them) correctly. What gives?

[yaakoves-blog]

From "the past didn't go anywhere: making resistance to antisemitism part of all of our movements" (link: http://www.buildingequality.us/…/ant…/rosenblum/the-past.pdf)

[yaakoves-blog]

It's been quite the week and I'm towards the end of the discourse I am able to expend on what happened in Chicago; however, in light of the language that is often used in these discussions, I think it's important to issue a firm reminder as as to why comparing Jews to Nazis and the Magen David to a swastika is always, without exception antisemitic and abusive. It doesn't make you nuanced or critical - it makes you oppressive, and you can find a way to critique Israel without it.

“Knowingly trying to hurt someone by using words and pictures that you know will particularly upset them is direct discrimination. Hurting an entire group of people because you’re so incandescently angry at a particular set of them is indirect discrimination. In short, comparing Jews, any Jews, to the Nazis is antisemitic and it’s wrong. Please stop.

Criticising Israel is not antisemitic by any means, but criticising the Jewish state by deliberately using comparisons to the systematic murder of Jews is."

[yaakoves-blog]

I have some thoughts about Chicago Pride

The Chicago Dyke March included everyone–except Jews

This was because they made people feel “unsafe”

People were claiming “pinkwashing”

THEY USED THE STAR OF DAVID AS A COMPARISON TO THE SWASTIKA 

“Well done Israel–Hitler would be proud” 

I hope you all are really proud of yourselves.

[yaakoves-blog]

so let me get this straight

the dyke march organizers responsible for uncritically putting out the idea that being attracted to butch women is self-hatred because “toxic masculinity” and “butches are basically men and oppressing The Femmes” or whatever

the dyke march organizers who continued to double down on this even when told by a large number of people that this is misogynistic, lesbophobic, butchphobic and, considering their performative allyship to trans women, incredibly transmisogynistic because butch trans women are not “basically men”

the dyke march organizers who, when asked to please take down the “when he says he’s gonna fuck the attitude out of you [insert happy reaction picture]” and the “when he comes inside" memes from their instagram account (which has since been deleted entirely) because they were at best upsetting and at worst downright triggering for lesbian followers to see, refused to acquiesce because “dyke doesn’t just mean lesbian” and fuck lesbian comfort and happiness apparently

the dyke march organizers who never once mention the word lesbian anywhere and instead call it a “celebration of dyke, queer, bisexual and transgender resilience”, which, coupled with the previous “dyke doesn’t just mean lesbian” statement quite obviously means that lesbians are not explicitly included in an event literally named after a lesbophobic slur (which is double ironic considering their hatred of butch lesbians; ask yourself what straight people think of when they hear the word dyke)

(i don’t object to the inclusion of the other named groups, to be clear)

the dyke march organizers who kicked out three jewish people for waving a rainbow flag with the magen david on it because they “made other people feel unsafe”, and continued to defend this decision even when it was pointed out by LGBT jewish people everywhere that israel does not have a monopoly on jewish religious imagery and equating jewish identity with support of israel’s war crimes is anti-semitic

you’re telling me those are all the same people

like that string of fuck-ups is by the same organizing team

seems like the chicago dyke march’s goal of inclusivity and acceptance doesn’t extend to jewish LGBT people, butch women and, yknow, lesbians in general

[yaakoves-blog]

Buckle up, folks: Your discourse is problematic

I’m tired. I am so tired. I’m tired of Americentric race theory and people being too lazy to put work and nuacne and history and context into their discourse. It’s harmful. And I’m about to tell you why. It’s harmful because it erases a vast majority of people like myself, simply because we do not fit into a black and white, easily pigeonholed category of racial constructs as understood by American progressives.

I am Romani Jewish. My actual physical DNA heritage is from India, Nepal, and the Middle East. My mom is Turkish Romani, Palestinian, and immigrated to the US from Italy, where her parents met in a refugee camp. My mom is brown. My dad is Romani Jewish. He is pretty brown as well. I have fairer skin that is so strongly yellow people have asked if I have liver problems (no, I do not, thank you). 

My heritage is not discussed, acknowledged, or taught in any curriculum. I am part of an invisible minority. Romani are seldom/never discussed in America. The word G*psy is appropriated by frilly white girls at Coachella. I am told my opinion on it doesn’t matter, because not enough of us even live in America. The best responses I can generally hope for are ones saying, “Aren’t Romani darker?” Yes, some of them, like my parents, are. And some aren’t. Like me. 

The Discourse on social justice in America especially is centered around PoC vs. white. To white people, I an an Other. We have nothing in common. My family are immigrants. My mom and her brothers were tormented growing up for not speaking English. I have no inheritance, no stability, and my family has never owned a house in America. We are poor and struggle. 

To PoC, no one knows enough about Romani at all. So they say nothing. I am erased. That is the best case. Many times people decide an image of a dark Romani child they saw once is the only valid one, and demeaningly exclude me as “white” because I don’t fit their image, even though much of my family does. 

The Jewish community largely ignores me or has no idea what to do with me. There are too few of us to really grant any credit to, despite our vocalness as of late. I feel an outsider there, too. I have been berated for also being Palestinian, and even called lesser. 

To Palestinian and MENA folk, I’m confusing. Am I one of you? Am I not? I’m mixed. I am treated with caution. My Jewish heritage is a red flag that I cannot, but do not, want to drop. 

I am invisible. I am excluded. I do not fit into an easy Yes or No category. I am erased and ignored, or else shoved somewhere I do not belong. 

I am tired.

If you cannot find room in your discourse for the experiences and nuances of all, for those of us that are not Yes or No within your very narrow and absurd categories, it is you who need more education–not I. I am tired of laziness. My experiences are to be listened to and learned—not pigeonholed or erased. 

I am a mutt. I am tired. Many are like me. 

Stop deciding who we are and where we fit in, when the book itself is structured wrong. 

[yaakoves-blog]

Summation of How Chicago Dyke March’s Actions Hurt

I recognize that this has been a painful week for the queer community as a whole, but the queer Jewish community is walking away from Sunday in pain, exhausted, and without a home. I have remained quiet about the antisemitism we have been experiencing on the left, if only because I didn't want to - don't want to - play into the hands of the Islamophobic right who would use it to malign communities and the important work that we do in social justice spaces*, but I cannot remain quiet after this. Comrades on the left, especially queer comrades, we need you to step up, to be visible in your allyship, and to be willing to do the hard accountability work of examining how antisemitism has manifested in our movements. Before you react and respond, please step back and listen. The next time someone tells you that they are Jewish and your first impulse is to ask them if they are a zionist, pause. And when you would seek to take the symbols of our faith away from us, drawing the lines of acceptable practice and the conditions of our dignity, please don't and ask yourself if you would impose such demands on any other community.

I have been with you as you have done Palestinian liberation work and heard you say that you recognize that Judaism is not Zionism, as you have declared that it is possible to be antizionist without being antisemitic, and I believed you. I still do. Please show me that you meant it.

(If you need resources to begin to work through this, "the past didn't go anywhere" is an excellent voice that recognizes the need for intersectional liberation: http://www.buildingequality.us/…/ant…/rosenblum/the-past.pdf)

*And if you are a part of that group and would exploit this moment to push your agenda, no, not here, not in my name as a queer Jew. You do not get to use me to malign, scapegoat, harass, or harm the Muslim community. If you do, you will hear from me. To my Muslim friends who have been targeted this week, know that I am sending my love and care. Please feel free to reach out if you need someone to hold them accountable.