#internalized Isolation

[wisp-wandering]

So like what if I made a mini fic about Taco with the “Meeple family Headcannon” (made by yours truly), with one goal in mind, and that being make everyone cry as much as possible?

“Internalized Isolation”

The II, II AU.

If you wanted that, what would you like to see in it? Theories? Thoughts?

[yoroshiu]

Love how in the universe of Kingdom Hearts, there's no therapy, there's only sleep, repression, darkness, and extremism (or all of it if you're feeling a little bold)

[queeraang]

what's kind of fucked up is that stephanie meyer really did eat with the three blank chapters with just the months in them to signify depression, because i'm trying to write someone having a depressive episode now and it's so hard to convey like "they did nothing for three weeks" without it feeling rushed.

[raayllum]

spark notes edition but:

For Rayla, Runaan, and Soren, a job is a sacred calling. It is something (or was something, in Runaan's case) something you strive towards upholding even when it goes against your sense of self or personal desires ("part of me wishes I hadn't seen you," "all of us pledged a part of ourselves," "to carry out my dark work") , and it ripples down and effects all that you are. For Soren and Runaan, there seems to be less separation between job as a part of who they are vs all that they are; Soren in particular scaffolds his identity almost entirely, therefore, on who he is/has become in relation to Ezran as an internalized feedback loop ("I can't do that, I'm sworn to King Ezran" / "I am a crownguard, and he is the true king!"). Rayla, meanwhile, has a hard cognitive dissonance of your job (i.e. the actions you take while operating under parameters) being entirely separate from who you are ("assassins aren't evil, they're doing a job" which also loops around to not holding Runaan's against her against him when he was operating as an assassin) when they align with that specific calling, except when it comes to her being bad at it, which does get internalized as something that is fundamental to her as a person ("I'm not good enough and I never will be") rather than a bad fit for that particular occupation. All of their jobs, notably, also centre around fitting into a collective whole (assassins, crownguards) that serve — conceptually in their own minds — as protectors of Something Bigger Than Themselves (their monarchs/kingdom, their people, etc): "[Soren] told [Corvus] that the young king was not only Katolis’ hope, but all of Xadia’s" / "for all of Xadia" / "I had convinced myself I was a peacemaker".

For Viren, his job is intrinsically tied to his search for self-esteem and self-importance. Given that Viren wants to find external sources to prop up his internal sense of self ("I thought you were going to be something special, something important"), he pursues jobs/actions that will make him important, largely in proximity to power ("the Dragon King and Queen kept this closest to where they slept; it must be important"). It is unsurprising therefore that being High Mage was always going to make him at least a little deranged, being that close to power ("it is an honour to serve him") while still be constantly reminded that you matter less than the person at the very top, hence his desire to eventually be king when his loop of validation with Harrow is irreparably broken. Viren sees his job as high mage (and as king) as being a protector, but in a less genuine way than the prior 3 discussed above do: this may be what he tells himself, but there's still prickles of self-awareness, especially when he coins Kpp'Ar: "Without dark magic, you're just a frail old man. You're no one. I am the High Mage of Katolis. I have power, purpose—" (dying for Harrow would've given him purpose, proved that he'd mattered). His job doesn't justify his actions so much as give him wider reach in which to make 'uniquely good decisions for the greater good of everybody himself', and therefore makes himself somebody.

For Callum, your job is a restriction and/or entirely separate from who you are and what you/he wants. He finds his title as high mage stuffy, he's decently inconsistent in the post, it's something he does find some pride (5x07) in, but that's still mostly tied to being a primal mage at all ("I'm the first human to do primal magic") which is tied to his desire for agency and to have his agency recognized (power, external) > internalized pursuit of self worth the way it might've been in earlier seasons (s1, maybe s2). We see him emotionally toss the job away with very little fanfare (consistently leaving the castle without hesitation; trying to leave the meeting; being distracted at the meeting to the point of barely paying attention) even before he does so directly. While this could be a fit of "right guy wrong occupation," Callum is someone pretty defined by 1) not letting anyone put him in a box (so much of s2) and 2) not listening, by proxy, to anyone else around him. He consistently goes against people's expressed wishes — right or wrong — and only takes up Viren's staff (something passed down between high mages) after he's abandoned the job. Callum is a wild card who will not let anything restrain him, taking only mage as an identifier and leaving most other things (except "Ezran's brother" and "Rayla's partner") entirely out to dry if it gets in his way.

[nidbaesenpai]

I made post game strips of the ISAT party using the Siffrin internal monologue 'you' pronouns for everyone which was fun however. I do think everyone has different ways of referring to themselves internally.

Odile and Bonnie use 'I'.

Siffrin, Loop and Isabeau use 'you'.

Mirabelle uses 'we'.

[katsdynam1ght]

thinking about shouto todoroki and this line from season five of miraculous ladybug: “the love you have for your friends isn’t divided; it’s multiplied!”

i think as someone who grew up without friends (much like kagami) that line and that revelation overall would hit very hard for him. i imagine it’s difficult sometimes for him not to view love as a nonrenewable resource, but. time and time again, his friends prove that it isn’t. they love him and continue to love him no matter what.

[t-u-i-t-c]

"You're looking for a place to die, aren't you?" "A place to die...?"

[bisexualseraphim]

Also, I refuse to entertain the discourse as to whether acespec people are “oppressed” or not, but I will say it’s really fucking lonely — especially if you fall somewhere on the spectrum that’s a little more unconventional.

I’ve discussed many times before how I feel absolutely no attraction whatsoever except towards my lovely partner. I went through the phases queer men tend to: exploring many types of pornography and cruising on Grindr. I really tried, and none of it has ever done anything for me. It wasn’t until I started having sex with my partner that I realised, ohhh, so that’s how most people feel. And even then, enjoying sex with him is far more of an intimacy thing than the actual physical sensations. I do not fantasise about other people or consume porn. There is only him.

And yet when I’ve spoken about this in acespec spaces, I’m still treated as some sort of weirdo who doesn’t belong. I’ve literally been told many times that I can’t be demisexual because demis will still fantasise and consume porn (although that doesn’t line up with my understanding that demis require a close bond to feel sexual attraction, but never mind), and I’ve even been accused of having some weird internalised Christian puritan shit going on because I genuinely cannot comprehend ever looking at or thinking about someone in that way who isn’t my man. As if anything about this is a choice for me and it is offensive to them somehow. As if only feeling attraction to one person is like… “worse” than never feeling any attraction at all. I’ve never once shamed others for how they experience sex and sexual attraction and never would, yet people act like that’s what I’m inherently doing just by speaking about my own experiences.

So no, I won’t say whether acespec people are “oppressed” or not because honestly, when is this shit ever going to come up in conversation and ever be that relevant? But the fact I don’t feel I can talk about it even amongst other queer people, even amongst others in the acespec community, kind of speaks for itself.

Being a queer man who can’t relate to all the stereotypes and anecdotes about enjoying casual sex is one type of loneliness. Being a queer acespec man who can’t even relate to most others in the acespec community is another. I can never win, and either way I do not fit in.

[polymatthews]

I AM STILL IN NEED OF A FIC WHERE A YOUNG CORY REALIZES FEELINGS FOR SHAWN, like that episode where cory bonds with topanga and starts giggling and getting all weird, but replace it with shawn

and it would obviously be a little more complicated (but whats not complicated when cory matthews is involved) but i need to see that written

like just capturing the innocence and the realization that he's feeling funny ab his very best friend

[spiraclephilia]

personally I think more people should write nero with a male love interest, in fact, I fully support and encourage mlm nero

[pinkeoni]

I feel as though there is a desire to completely dichotomize byler when they don’t need to be polar opposites in order to fit together. They are individuals, but it’s their differences AND their similarities that make their dynamic what it is

[fuckingwhateverdude]

@nosebleedclub / april #25

[solo-walker]

Ok l&co. fandom, I think it's time we settle something. The (geo)politics and economics of the universe have always interested me, so here's a question:

Feel free to explain the reasons for any of your choices in a comment or reblog!

[whitesnakewine]

I really had no ideas what itachi was talking about when he said kabuto reminded him of his old self then i read the light novel and it was like, that was literally kid kabuto if he had a family au

[longdeadking]

i would have so much to say about hlvrai gordon if i liked him