1-800-luvmail

[1-800-luvmail]

transmasc!reader being guy gardner's bi awakening. you know. for pride month.

[1-800-luvmail]

"ties are so fucking stupid—" you mutter to yourself, hands still trying to correct the mess of knots you've somehow managed to make out of a single tie.

how sweet of jason to be the one to get you a nice outfit for this event. got it custom made to suit your tastes, tailored just right to fit you... but unfortunately, he seemed to have overestimated your capabilities when it came to ties.

you've stood yourself in front of a mirror, trying to copy some online tutorials you had watched previously. all efforts in vain. great.

after a little more struggling and cursing under your breath, you hear a warm chuckle from the doorway.

"you could have just asked me for help, you know."

"this is what the learning process looks like," you retort.

"to what? tie a noose? c'mere."

before you can protest, jason's hands are on your tie, brows furrowed as he tries to figure out what exactly you were doing with it. he has to bend at the knees slightly to observe it closer.

the view of the top of his head makes for a very convinent angle to deliver a kiss. he laughs softly when he feels his lips on your hair.

"don't distract me now."

after a brief moment of untangling the catastrophe you were just wearing, he calmly ties it up. he makes it look too effortless — you're almost ashamed of the fact you were practically fighting with it just seconds ago.

"you look stunning, y'know. gonna make 'em all jealous." in spite of the lighthearted tone, there's a softness to the upturn of his lips. not a smirk. a smile — subtle yet sunny in the way that only he can be.

you grin. "are you saying that just because you got me the suit?"

"nah. ...maybe a little. but you'd look good in anything."

biting back the immediate instinct to joke about what anything might entail, you decide to relish in the simple sweetness of the moment.

the mundane act of tying a tie has become something strangely intimate in it's own way, like seeing this angle of jason all for yourself is something you can't help but cherish. he slowly straightens up after adjusting your tie neatly, and presses a quick kiss to your cheek.

"there," he says, unable to do anything but silently take in the image of you once again, standing in front of him so casually beautiful. he's almost a little breathless.

"gorgeous," jason mutters under his breath, hardly realizing the word slipping from his lips.

"huh?" you cock your head to the side, too preoccupied with fixing up your hair to catch on to what he was saying.

his face heats up. why do you always manage to make him feel like a schoolboy with his first crush? frankly, it's unfair. and humiliating. there's jason, a grown ass man, blushing like he just got his first kiss at a valentine's day dance.

"...said we're gonna be late. c'mon."

"jason. you aren't even dressed yet."

[1-800-luvmail]

THIS IS SO FUCKING ADORBZ HELLO????

wade wilson u are always my bbygirl sweetie pie angel 3000

Unlucky in Love

Wade Wilson (Deadpool) X GN!Reader (POC friendly)

Pronouns: You/Your, They/Them

Summary: You ever went on a date so bad you gotta break the 4th wall?

Warnings: Cursing (It's Wade, c'mon), self-deprecation, Wade has a slight breakdown but it's all good in the end.

Word Count: 922

A/N: Idk if this format of writing works but I had fun, so who cares...

Well hello, you wonderful readers. It’s me. Your favourite merc with a mouth: Deadpool. And boy, do I have plans tonight.

I’m about to go on a date. Which means someone, somewhere, actually agreed to spend time with me. On purpose. I know, I know, I’m just as shocked as you are. I checked them for a concussion. They’re fine. Probably.

Now, unfortunately for my emotional stability, I am straight up head over heels for this person. Like, if I were a cartoon character, my heart would be lunging out of my chest and my eyes would be shaped like hearts. So, I want this date to go well.

So, here’s the plan: step 1, show up with flowers. Say something charming. Not creepy. Maybe a pun. Puns are romantic, right? Not cheesy at all? God, it’s been a while huh...

Anyway, step 2: dinner at that hip new place with the truffle fries and overpriced water. (How do you overprice water? It LITERALLY falls from the sky, but okay, pop off capitalism.)

Then step 3, a classic, mushy-gushy movie. Hopefully followed by a totally PG-rated make out sesh. Or PG-13. Or whatever rating I can get away with.

Whelp, now that I’m done monologuing, I’m off. Wish me luck, dear reader.

Wade rings your doorbell and checks himself out in your window one last time. His new dress-suit goes well with his mask.

You open the door. You. Beautiful you. The you I definitely didn’t spend two hours nervously googling whether normal people wear red spandex on first dates for. “Well, well. If it isn’t my favourite person in the whole world looking like a whole snack.”

Wade presents his flowers with a flourish that would make the best magician jealous. "Aww, you shouldn't have!" You smile, take them, inhale deeply... and immediately sneeze. And then again. And again.

Oh no.

“Shit. Shitshitshit. Are you allergic?! I could’ve sworn they were hypoallergenic! That’s what the lady at the weird corner stand said!”

You give your best attempt at a smile through your sneezes. “No, they’re gr- Achoo! -eat, really!”

Wade snatches the bouquet and yeets it into the nearest bush. “They were on sale anyway.” Wade shrugs, rubbing his neck apologetically.

“You bought me discount flowers? I’m not worth full price?” You squint at him teasingly as you wipe your nose. “Hey, flowers are expensive! Be glad I didn’t steal them. I almost did. But then I thought, ‘Hey, let’s impress them with legally acquired flora.’”

Okay. Flowers = disaster. But dinner? Dinner is where I shine. Candlelight. My oh-so-great and totally not-out-of-practice flirting. Lady and the Tramp-ing a single truffle fry, except-

“I’m sorry, Mr... uh… Pool. It seems your table was double-booked.”

“Double-booked?! But I bribed that waiter with an expired Olive Garden gift card and a drawing of Spider-Man in a position I won’t describe in front of my gorgeous date!”

The poor hostess gives the two of you an apologetic look. “Sorry. Nothing I can do.”

Well shucks. Trashy fast food it is…

You take a bite of your burger, eyes rolling back slightly. “Honestly? Better than truffle fries.” Wade nods in agreement, though still bummed out. “I knew I liked you for more than just your butt. But also your butt.”

At least you can’t go wrong with a movie, right?

Right!?

Okay. So the movie starts out decent. Classic setup. Some romance. Some drama. Some action. And then... it all goes so wrong.

Plot holes the size of Canada. CGI so bad you just know those poor artists were underpaid. The actors making choices… that are there. You exchange one long, horrified glance.

“Do you just want to get out of here?” Wade whispers to you. “I thought you’d never ask.” The two of you awkwardly shuffle past the other people that somehow haven’t run out yet.

“How did they even manage to make a movie so bad? It wasn’t even good-bad, it was just bad.” Wade vents as you walt towards the exit. “No idea. I think the director was having a moment.”

“And the writers, actors, and composer. The whole production is just a shitshow.” Wade opens the door for you, only to find it absolutely pouring outside.

“Of course it’s raining.” Wade mutters, sighing heavily. “This night was supposed to be good. Like, actually good. I mean- I tried. I wanted it to be special. And-”

Wade’s voice cracks.

He looks up at the sky.

“Author, you suck.” He mumbles. “You could’ve made this the fluffiest fic to ever fluff, but nooo. You had to go all angstcore on my ass.”

You interrupt his crazed ranting at the sky by grabbing his face and pressing a kiss right over the mouth of his mask. “I had fun.” Wade blinks. “You did?”

You smile, brushing your thumb over his masked cheekbone. “Yeah, I did. ‘Cause though this date was pretty shitty, it was shitty with you.”

Wade lets out a strangled noise from the back of his throat. “Wait, hold on- that was actually really cute. Gimme a second.”

Wade takes a step back, sniffles, and clears his throat. As a cherry on top he wipes away a non-existent tear, before turning back to you.

“Okay. I’m back. Where were we?” The way you smile at him makes him feel all warm inside.

You shrug, stepping closer with a mischievous glint in your eyes. “Making out in the rain?” You say, arms sliding around Wade’s neck. “YES. YES, WE WERE.”

ROLL CREDITS, BABY.

Masterlist

Thank you for reading <3

[1-800-luvmail]

in a guy gardner moment (EMBARRASSING ALERT!!! EMBARRASSING ALERT!!!!!!) but i dont know if i'll write for him cuz like,,,

i dont wanna be his bf. or gf. in my idealest of scenarios i wanna be his HEADACHE.

[1-800-luvmail]

three times dick grayson failed to do The Fanfic Trope, one time he succeeded accidentally

dick grayson has been doing absolutely everything right. everything.

you, unfortunately, just don't seem to be susceptible for the charm he's trying to subject you to. all of a sudden, he's faced with a challenge he can't seem to win— but hell, he'll try anyways.

ice cream date? perfect. you've got a little bit of your favourite flavour smeared in the corner of your mouth and he sees the perfect opportunity to be a gentleman and gently tilt your chin up to dab away the mess with a napkin. hopefully leaving you a flustered mess in the process, of course.

"you got something there," he says, about to extend the napkin to you—

...and you just gently pluck it from his fingers, thanking him with a bright grin as you wipe it away yourself.

walking you back home and it's getting colder? the cliche is inevitable. this time, he's got the perfect method to get you all heated up in the face. the plan is simple: he's going to offer you his jacket, drape it around your shoulder (definitely tell you how cute you look in it) but before he can even offer, there you are, pulling something out of your bag.

he's unsure whether to be exasperated or impressed. "...how'd you fit an entire sweater in your bag??"

"konmari'd that shit, dude. i always carry an emergency sweater."

saying goodbye at your door after a date, dick is entirely convinced that you're just immune to whatever fanfic tropes he's trying to subject you to. which... kind of sucks, actually. how else can he impress you?

he's too busy thinking to realize you're staring up at him.

"i had a really great time. hoping we can do this again."

your voice snaps him out of his thoughts and he returns your smile, albeit a bit nervous, chucking awkwardly. "anytime."

a small laugh escapes your lips and you lean in just a bit, leaning against the wall, placing your palm just next to his head.

"guess i gotta say goodnight, huh?"

"i guess so," he replies, feigning completely and utter nonchalance.

his mind is going crazy. this is too inentional of you. mind you, people don't typically accidentally kabedon others (and yeah he's seen this in damian's shoujos).

in spite of his racing mind and heart, he manages to grin like he's not about to collapse.

this is it, he thinks, this is the moment.

his eyes flutter close as you both lean in, waiting to feel your lips against his and...

...instead, you gently press a chaste, sweet kiss to his forehead.

"alright. well, goodnight," you say, smiling at and clearly not registering the fact he was expecting something totally different.

part of dick wants to scream. he's the one who should be making you go all head-over-heels. being at the other end of it feels... strangely vulnerable. scary, even.

you missed, he wants to say. come back.

a clap of thunder interrupts both his thoughts and your steps towards the door. rainfall begins pouring from the sky so heavily that it's almost comedic.

"ah— guess i better get going," he says to you, notably umbrella-less.

"uh, absolutely not?" before dick can protest, you tug him with you through the open door "it's late and that's a thunderstorm."

your point is supported by a distant flash of lightning.

"it wouldn't be that bad." he shrugs, even knowing that, yes, it would.

but you're stubborn, as he's come to know and love, so he just trails after you.

"nope. looks like you'll be staying the night here!" you pause as you glance around. "...we'll figure something out."

dick grayson raises an eyebrow and looks around. "what do you mean by that?"

"oh, nothing. it's just— there's only one bed."

[1-800-luvmail]

oh dude ur real asf 4 that. WRITING this stuff has made my standards impossibly high,,,,

frank castle taking off your makeup when you're too tired or too sleepy to do it yourself.

he will sit you on the bathroom counter as he mutters to himself, sorting through your skincare to find your micellar water.

frank shakes his head, half amused. "so many fuckin' products."

"maybe to a guy who exclusively uses bar soap," you murmur. you might be functioning at a barely conscious capacity— eyes half lidded and hardly able to sit upright— but you won't miss an opportunity to quip back.

"it's practical."

you laugh softly at his defense, as he gently takes your chin between calloused fingers, tilting your face upwards.

you're impossibly adorable— frank can't resist but place a quick kiss to your forehead before beginning to wipe off your makeup.

[1-800-luvmail]

so im an impulsive little silly guy

read more if u wanna hear abt my newest side account

i made YET another dc oc. sorry valentino, kerina, and rocky. there's another guy now.

this time i made an account for him though!

@morelikegothamshitty which is NOT letting me tag it right now but. hiii caspian!!!! he's lowkey boring but i like boring ocs,,, just a guy trying to be an ER nurse in gotham and survive getting his masters degree

im a bit of a busy bee but!!! plz do interact if ur into that sorta stuff ^_^ idk if i'll do full on rps cuz icl im vv shy,, but. i do like answering asks and chatting in character! very good for fleshing my ocs out.

note i will be posting drabbles on @1-800-luvmail as well!!!! if u miss my fics and hcs,,, :3 i've been having a frank castle moment. but i have a constantine drabble, as well as a nightwing one in the works. mwa <3

[1-800-luvmail]

gimme frank castle and reader who's a DORK.

frank castle, who listens with full attentiveness whenever you start talking about whatever obsession's got you in an iron grip lately

frank castle, who loves those passionate rambles, adores the way your eyes light up as you discuss things that most people hardly think of, much less dissect.

frank castle, who only actually cracks an amused grin when you're pissed off about something.

"that writer totally mischaracterized them!" or "they would not fucking say that!" are some of his favourites.

frank castle who very quietly has beef with the very much fictional character that you're not-so-subtly in love with.

"now hEAR ME OUT—" ...absolutely not. why them???? he might even lightheartedly tease you about it. just to watch you flounder.

frank castle who doesn't give a FUCK about how silly your interests might seem to others. he's in full support. might've gotten you merch a few million times since you like it so much. nothing is cringe when it's you who loves it. he always finds your capacity to love endearing.

you managed to squeeze him into that heart of yours, after all.

[1-800-luvmail]

miguel o' hara vs cuteness aggression

(ft migz being awk asf becuz i like him being a silly qt im sorry >0< !)

it's a losing battle when it comes to you, by the way.

the thing is, he refuses to believe that you have this much of an affect on him. unfortunately, it's really hard to deny it— it almost frustrates him how cluelessly adorable you are.

miguel's typical attitude is perfect to keep you clueless and in the dark about everything— what do you mean he's genuinely having a heart attack because you laughed at something stupid? get out. he always acts this way. don't pay attention to the blush on his face.

his pride will not let him verbalize the fact that everything you do is just so damn cute. he thinks that maybe it's better that way.

he's trying to brief you about a mission. some other universe, some new anomalies, blah, blah, blah— you're pretty much pro at this. portal hop into the universe, apprehend the anomaly, clean up, leave.

"stop looking at me like that."

his words snap you out of your thoughts. honestly, you didn't even realize you were zoning out in the first place.

"are you even listening?" miguel asks, exasperated. seriously, when you look up at him like that, he swears the words are just going through one ear and out the oth— fuck, don't tilt your head like that.

you frown slightly. "huh? oh. uh— yeah. sorry..."

he scrubs a hand over his face, and at first you think he's annoyed— but there's a subtle change in his expression. the corners of his lips twitch up every so slightly and you swear he gets a little red but—

"go complete the mission. report back to me later." miguel leaves no room for arguments. before you walk off to do your thing he... quietly pats your head.

you raise an eyebrow at the odd gesture. "uh—"

miguel immediately kicks himself for being awkward and impulsive. it's like his arm moved on its own.

"okay, get outta here."

[1-800-luvmail]

frank castle taking off your makeup when you're too tired or too sleepy to do it yourself.

he will sit you on the bathroom counter as he mutters to himself, sorting through your skincare to find your micellar water.

frank shakes his head, half amused. "so many fuckin' products."

"maybe to a guy who exclusively uses bar soap," you murmur. you might be functioning at a barely conscious capacity— eyes half lidded and hardly able to sit upright— but you won't miss an opportunity to quip back.

"it's practical."

you laugh softly at his defense, as he gently takes your chin between calloused fingers, tilting your face upwards.

you're impossibly adorable— frank can't resist but place a quick kiss to your forehead before beginning to wipe off your makeup.

[1-800-luvmail]

dating Wade Wilson hcs

• expect lots and lots of movie nights, crappy movies, junk food and cuddles

• this man doesn’t know what a salad is, his diet mostly consists of burgers, chicken tenders, chimichangas and pizza rolls, so don’t expect super healthy or well made meals

• cuddle bug, hugs all the time and always draping himself over your shoulder!!

• lots of stuffed animals so if your sleeping in his bed, don’t expect lots of room

• not that Wade minds, gives him an extra reason to sleep closer to you

• will try to wear your clothes, doesn’t matter if they fit or not he will spend an hour trying to fit in a shirt of yours (if your a smaller size)

• he randomly twirls your hair around his finger!! • calls you the cutest and cheesiest pet names such as; cutie pie, munchkin, boo, sugarbear, sweet stuff and whatever else he randomly comes up with!!

• “Hey sugarbear, you’re looking extra scrumptious today!!!”

• “cutie pie can we puh-lease watch golden girls tonight??”

• “oh lord and lady gaga, your drop dead gorgeous sweet stuff.”

• if your a anti-hero / vigilante (?) like him, he practically lives to annoy and flirt with you on the job.

• will let you play / use his katanas with supervision of course

• love language is physical touch and give giving!

• “here doll face! this- is for you.” He’d say before placing a horribly wrapped gift in your hands

• he gives you big bear hugs where he slightly lifts you off of the ground!!

These are so fun!! I’m working on one for kurt wagner rn

[1-800-luvmail]

walked into the room when they wrote this btw

tim drake is the type of guy to stand outside your bedroom window blasting again by fetty wap from a comically large boom box to get you to talk to him again

[1-800-luvmail]

boi sybau 😭😭

yeah no they revised ts for me i cant lie

hopeless romantic! jason todd who thinks cheesy pick up lines are stupid, and that surely, the shakespearian shit is gonna work on hinge

hopeless romantic! jason todd who doesn't get why everyone he tries to match with doesnt fw his poetic bars (hes TRYING)

hopeless romantic! jason todd who finally, FINALLY gets a match. he has to put his phone down for a million years just to process everything and then glances back down at his screen to make sure it's still there.

how is someone is genuinely that stunning?

hopeless romantic! jason todd who feels like he's fumbling every time his messages you. if he had less pride, he'd probably ask dick for advice, but no, fuck that, he can do things on his own. it'd be humiliating to beg for romantic advice from him.

at least you seem amused by jason's antics. even if he does seem mildly inept with flirting. dork.

hopeless romantic! jason todd who makes sure to ask about your favourite flowers to get you a bouquet of them for your first date and meet up

hopeless romantic! jason todd who drops said flowers when he finally sees you in person and loses all his words and cognitive function for a moment when you say hi and greet him with a friendly hug. yeah he's not surviving the date.

completely and utterly hopeless! jason todd when the date goes incredible. he walks you home because... obviously? it's gotham and it's dark.

you leave him with a kiss on his cheek and the promise of seeing him sometime again, and he just knows he's a goner.

[1-800-luvmail]

after an argument with frank (for whatever reason—) you crack the joke that you accept apologies in cash or credit.

and then he immediately whips his wallet out and tucks his credit card in your hand.

"wh— no, wait, i'm joking—" attempting to shove it back into his hand proves to be a fruitless endeavour as he pushes it back to you.

"well, 'm not, sweetheart. get yourself something nice, yeah?"

[1-800-luvmail]

do i write frank castle awkwardly trying to comfort dysphoric reader out of self indulgence or do i hop into someone's ask box and beg,,,,,

[1-800-luvmail]

like waa-nyay

pronouncing wayne like kanye to piss him off

[1-800-luvmail]

im going to write for frank castle and you cant stop me oh wait its 2am snooooreee mimimi yes you can i guess