aflamboyanceofflamingos

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Batfam Family Dinner except it's:

Bruce - Refuses to admit he needs glasses so can't refer to any of his children without the chance of getting the wrong name

Dick - Often goes nonverbal (I don't know whose headcanon this is but I love it)

Cass - Still learning to speak or also often nonverbal

Jason - Is upset with Bruce and is giving him, and by extension everyone else,the silent treatment

Tim - So locked in on figuring out a case that he has been fully out of it for 2 days

Duke - Thinks he's missing out on something, or that this is some weird sort of training and doesn’t want to be the first to speak

Damian - Is beta reading Tim's Bruce Wayne/Batman fic under the table (he's only doing it because Bruce said he wasn't allowed to adopt all the ducks at the park)

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One of the good things about chronic pain is the face people make when you remind them that you're complaining about it being hot because its gonna cause to you vomit, not because you're dramatic, and Tim shouldget the same privilege because of his spleen

Jason makes fun of Tim staying to help Oracle while the rest of them fight Mr. Freeze in the winter because "it's too cold" and Tim just roles up his sleeve to reveal a medical bracelet

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Batfam: *is rich*

Also the Batfam: *obsessed with getting the chipotle basketball codes*

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My extended family is staying over so my sister and I are banished to sleeping bags in my parents room and since we both move a lot in our sleep, here’s what positions we’ve woken up it as the Batkids:

Dick - curled around the door

Cass - bottom half under a chair

Jason - top half under a chair

Steph - upside down in the sleeping bag

Duke - CORNER

Tim & Damian - both their limbs are splayed in every direction on top of the same sleeping bag, but somehow are not touching

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New Jersey is unnecessarily hot right now and my AC (which has lasted 18 years) has chosen that this is the perfect moment for it to break so here’s the Batkids and their methods to try and cool the fuck down:

Dick - Has folded himself to fit in the freezer

Cass - Hanging upside down with the bats in the Cave because it’s cold there

Jason - Filled the Wayne Manor pool with ice

Steph - Has 50 fans around her

Tim - So many popsicles that his hand might be permanently stained green and red (his favorite flavors are lime and cherry)

Duke - His Signal suit has a built in AC so he’s very glad that he’s the day vigilante

Damian - Is at the Kent’s house

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Another New Jersey thing that should be in fanfics: You can’t fill up your own gas

Imagine being a gas station worker and the fucking Batmobile pulls up and you have to find where the gas cap is

I’ve yet to see any fanart or fanfic where the Batfam eats bagels and that feels like an insult to New Jersey

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AU where the Batkids are in fact already related, but not because they’re secretly Bruce’s biokids, rather they’re all distant cousins brought together by the Drakes (because Tim gives the most cousin energy)

Cass, Dick, and Damian are all from Janet’s side and Jason and Duke are from Jack’s

Cass - Lady Shiva is just straight up Janet’s cousin, but the much older cousin who’s basically her aunt

Dick - Mary Grayson’s uncle was Janet’s mom’s cousin’s second husband

Damian - Janet’s aunt married Talia’s half sister Nyssa (if this doesn’t actually work I’m sorry, I’ve never read a comic with her)

Jason’s - Shelia Haywood’s grandfather had a fling with another woman and their child married Jack’s uncle

Duke - Jack’s uncle remarried once he was a widow to Duke’s grandmother’s sister

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AU where Tim and Steph become friends solely because they share a class where they have to make a lot of presentations, and they each like the other’s google slide themes- only Tim always makes the edits himself and is baffled by how fast Steph gets her formats done, and Steph always uses Slidesgo and can’t find whatever template Tim uses, so they have to actually go up to each other and ask

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(Robin!Jason Era)

Dick, finding his brother and the Drake’s kid in the coat closet at a gala: B’s looking for yo- What are you doing?

Jason: *deadpan* Underaged drinking

Dick, rolling his eyes: Whatever, keep your secrets. Just come out in like 10 minutes *leaves*

Tim, once Dick’s out of earshot: Do you think he realized I snuck my DS in so I could playing Ace Attorney while you do the voices?

Jason: No, and you’re not allowed to tell anyone or I will never live it down

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Jason Todd became a theater kid on the day that his English teacher assigned extra credit if they performed one of Macbeth’s soliloquies in front of the class, and after practicing the dagger scene feverishly over the weekend, he received a full round of applause from the class

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My class had a cookie decorating event and I couldn’t think of anything else to do, so here you go:

Ignore the Robin one it sucks

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Tim Drake’s detective-who-just-made-a-break-in-the-case face, except it’s just the face my therapist makes when I accidentally reveal something by talking about how I have to be the one to make my sandwich or it’s wrong

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Tim, getting ready for a date: How do I look?

Steph, on his bed eating his leftovers: Remember when we were 12 and you never ironed your jeans? You’ve grown since then.

Tim: Why can’t you compliment me like a normal person

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I’ve yet to see any fanart or fanfic where the Batfam eats bagels and that feels like an insult to New Jersey

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Dick: Why does your symbol look like a Peep? Tim: Why is my superhero name a restaurant? I just really like marshmallows and fries Dick: Okay... strange method of naming, but makes sense I guess Tim: And because I own both companies Dick: I'm sorry, what-

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Kinda based on this post

Tim gets the password to Damian’s Spotify account for the sole purpose of either adding random songs to the queue/playlist or going back like 10 seconds in a song when Damian is actively listening in order to make him think that it's glitching

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Bruce: *starts to say a bad dad joke*

Damian: *grappling gun to the ceiling*

Duke: *straight out the window*

Tim: *moonwalking out of view*

Jason: *in a different country*

Steph: *closing themselves into the fridge*

Cass: *is just fully gone*

Dick: *finishes the joke*