apriljstarr

[apriljstarr]

a daughter should not have to beg her father for a relationship

rupi kaur

[apriljstarr]

the words that a father shouldn’t have to hear

[apriljstarr]

A story for us broken hearted daughters

At one point in life this guy was your hero

Teaching you to ride your bike or tie your shoes

Slowly he becomes the villain

Passes out drunk in front of your 6 year old self and the only thought is that he’s dead

I guess that was just hopeful

Year by year, 

Tear by tear,

He rips your heart into a thousand pieces

This was the first man to break my heart

I’ll never quite get over that one

The memories that stick are the god-awful ugly ones

The one where I chase his car after he fights with my mother

The one where I beg to spend an hour with me for lunch

The one where I give up and walk out

This isn’t love

This isn’t peace

This isn’t A RELATIONSHIP

THIS IS TOXIC

[apriljstarr]

[apriljstarr]

Omg yes. Best way to get over is get under 😈😈😈

[apriljstarr]

F. Scott Fitzgerald; The Great Gatsby

[apriljstarr]

“I will never say the things that I want to say to you. I know the damage it would do. I love you more than I hate my loneliness and pain.”

— Henry Rollins; Solipsist

[apriljstarr]

“I write because you exist.”

— Michael Faudet

[apriljstarr]

Alright here's the latest

Okay so the last relationship didn't work out.

Here's what I'm hoping for:

Self exploration

Self love

Self confidence

Self trust

I want to love me

In every way possible

I want to fall in love with myself again

I want to have a relationship with myself that noone has

thank you, next

- Ariana Grande

[apriljstarr]

Here’s Your Being Sad Time

he notices you pulling away

he finally understands why

why you say you don’t know why people like you

why you feel like a fuck up

why you can’t make a good thing last

why you are the fucking way you are

[apriljstarr]

quiet down everyone its being sad time

[apriljstarr]

I am

Starting a daily challenge on my instagram

[apriljstarr]

MIA Means Not Gone

I’m lost as hell

But yet not gone enough 

I want to hold every single one of you

Give you the love you’ve given me

Give you a home where you feel safe

You’ll always be safe with me.

[apriljstarr]

You. Can’t. Handle. This.

I am a piece of shit. 

I don’t want to live. 

This life is so hard. 

I want you to know that I love you. 

I will always love you. 

I have no idea what I am doing. 

I lost my best friend. 

I lost a piece,

A half,

Three fourths of my heart. 

I have a quarter of a heart left. 

Because you are gone. 

Gone

Moved on

And forgotten about me

[apriljstarr]

Marc Klein; Serendipity

(image source: qvotext on instagram)

[apriljstarr]

How to be a heartbreaker..

1. Never tell them you love them

2. Ghost for hours

3. Tell them all your flaws in a joking way

4. Never set up higher expectations

5. Let them fall for you, but keep at an arms length

Fuck feelings

[apriljstarr]

Fuck you and you, and you

I hate your friends and they hate me too

While doing some self reflection..

Here is the reason why I will NEVER date, love, marry ANYONE:

Me (post marriage 3-6 months): Hi J, I’m C, E’s wife haha. How are you?

The woman I had no idea was fucking my husband lying, cheating ass partner:  

First things first. Lets get this straight. I am 30 years old. I will not play your little high school jealous girlfriend drama games. This is why I initially blocked you on my other facebook. Second off “I am Es wife haha” think I dont know who you are? Really? F (his last name) has told me all about you. Now let me tell you some things you may not know about me. I am engaged to S, ready and happy to get married at the begining of June. We have been together for 5 years. He is on deployment which has made it hard on not only me but the two children involved. I have an 11 year old daughter who loves him dearly and a 7 year old son with aspergers that is not taking S not being here well at all. I have had to go to the school 2-3 times per week because of this behavior and they have me sitting in his classes with him to make sure he holds it together because his stimming has gotten so bad.  So F coming over and helping me with G or helping me hold it together while S is gone should make you proud not jealous. With Gs condition when we are married he will never be deployed again. They will keep him on shore duty because changes are so severe for G. Then there is my daughter. The one doesnt want to fight a child younger than her on the playground that is picking on her so she ends up getting kicked in the head repeatedly causing a mild concussion. So C how do you think I am doing? (retorical question) Now does it sound like I really have time for any of your drama or jealousy? I barely have a moment to breathe most of the time. Not to mention Im in a new place with none of my family or friends. This is why S made F promise to help me while he was gone. So Im sorry but you having issues with me is at the bottom of my list of things to care about. Now with that said. I am sorry if you are feeling insecure in your relationship but instead of looking for someone to blame maybe you should be taking a good look at yourself. Now at this point I really dont see how this conversation could go any further nor do I see us ever being friends in the future. So please dont write me again. I will not open it and I will not write back. If nothing else just for the pure fact that you should be talking to F and not me. Have a blessed day.

J

And then she blocked me. Surely enough, I found her number, her boyfriends number, and her address. 

Did I stay with E? I did for 2 more exhausting years before filing for divorce. 

This was the single most devastating thing to read. 

And just at the point of crazy, I drove 12 straight hours to get a real answer from him.

Did he still lie to me after this, yes. 

So, J, you are the worst type of person. The one that wrecks marriages with being the white piece of trash you are. I hope your new husband contracts all the diseases you have by fucking all of his “friends.” 

Have a Satanist day you cunt.