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[author-athenagrey]

Writing Tip: Characterization

A random writing tip that either I picked up on from many different sources (that I can't really remember) or realised as I began writing more and more

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[author-athenagrey]

A study of a toxic relationship written without romanticization

This post includes spoilers for A Torch Against the Night by Sabaa Tahir.

Did I enjoy ATATN very much? No. It was too slow paced for my tastes. But did I love how Sabaa Tahir portrayed Keenan and Laia's relationship in the book? Yes, I did. I am in love with the way she portrayed a toxic relationship. On first glance, it doesn't even seem toxic but then you see the subtext and go "this is brilliant." I made incoherent notes on that brilliance for this post.

For those who don't know, Laia and Keenan are a couple of sorts from book two in the An Ember in the Ashes quartet by Sabaa Tahir. We do not like Keenan. Here is why.

Love bombing

Keenan was hot and cold with Laia all through book one and just generally giving her mixed signals. He would be aloof and then bomb her with attention and make her doubt her emotions and feelings. He'd make it seem like he cared and then retreat again in his cycle of manipulation when Laia got dependent on him. He used her loneliness when she was vulnerable when Elias left for Kauf and slept with her. Then he used magic to befuddle her mind and manipulated the shit out of her emotions.

Invalidating her emotions

Making her feel like she should let go of negative emotions, instead of openly expressing and feeling them like positive emotions. Making her feel as if sadness is a luxury, when it's not.

Making her question her capabilities

This seems like it's sweet on first glance, but it's not. He used his magic to manipulate her, to befuddle her mind and to make her question herself. Then, in a position where she couldn't lean on anyone else because she was alone with him, he put her in an even more vulnerable state by making himself the only person she could trust. He made it so that she couldn't even trust herself more than she trusted him. He's making her feel like she's not ready and capable and making her dependent on him instead of herself. Her inner voice figures it out but his magic wins in the end and she tricks herself into believing he's right.

Making her feel like shit for having a voice

Laia questions his authority. Can't verbalize her doubt because he's breaking her spirit. 'As if she's growing smaller day by day' shows that she feels inferior and that she thinks she should be thankful (she shouldn't) that the Great and Wise Keenan is helping her and is with her. She trusts him and his abilities over her own, which is not a good thing.

Making her trust him

He does the stuff he did and then acts like he cares so she doesn't question his authority again. After all, why would he wanna harm her if he cares about her well-being like that?

Making himself her only relief

He took away her comfort space, the coat Elias gave her, to make him her only respite. He took away her comfort space and introduced a new one that's moreso based on him so he can take her further away from who she truly is.

Loss of sense of self

She's conflicted. She wants to be herself but she has no energy to fight back because of how he's hurt her. She wants to be herself again but she can't because she isn't even aware of the fact that she isn't herself and it's all because of him and this is brilliant.

Beaten and bruised

He told her this toxicity is normal. That this is better than independence because she can't handle independence. That she screws stuff up when she's not babied and infantilized and made dependent on someone. She completely loses trust in herself and places it in Keenan, as that was what he wanted.

Tl;dr, Keenan is a toxic s/o to Laia so I hope you don't ship them and go hype up Sabaa Tahir for she is brilliant.

[author-athenagrey]

Dear Parents: Your Children Don't Owe You Anything

As a Desi child, I've grown up hearing things like "I feed you and give you a house and this is how you repay me?" addressed to me, my friends, my cousins, kids in various forms of media, as far as I can remember. But something I don't understand is, why do parents want credit for keeping their children alive and making sure they dont die? That's the barest minimum you have to do as a parent, keeping your kid alive. That's saying "since I keep you alive, that makes you obligated to me. You owe me for making sure you don't die."

Which is a strange thing to brag about. You keep our dog alive, too. Why isn't he asked to achieve outrageous academic accomplishments, hug people he doesn't even want to speak with, dress in the way you'd like him to dress, speak in the way you'd like him to speak and change his entire personality and sacrifice his happiness so you could be happy?

As Elena Alvarez from One Day At A Time said, the bigger person should not have to be the kid. Why do you expect your child to behave like an adult when you treat them as if they still suck a pacifier? Why do you expect children to stop going to art classes so they can focus on their education, even when it makes them miserable? Why is your reputation and your bragging rights due to their achievements more important than the happiness of your child, a human being that never asked to be born? Why do you revel in making them feel like they owe you for a life they never asked for?

They do not owe you anything. Not a smile, not a grade, and definitely not their happiness.

[author-athenagrey]

Incorrect Quotes: The Good Place (season 2) edition

A: Are you gonna talk or are you just gonna walk around like a nerd trying to get a personal best on his Fitbit?

M: I can't go! I'm too young to die! And too old to eat off the kids' menu. What a stupid age I am!

A: I've only said I love you to two guys in my life- Stone Cold Steve Austin and a guy in a dark bar whom I mistook for Stone Cold Steve Austin

A: I have a bit of wisdom I can give you

B: I know everything that's happened in your life, and it was all incredibly stupid, so I highly doubt that

D: Oh, let's not get caught up in "who lied to whom" or "which one of us created an entire fake reality in order to cause eternal misery for the others." That's ancient history.

B: It was happening until 20 seconds ago

A: First off, how can we possibly trust you?

B: You can't. But you have to. Logically, you shouldn't, but you have no choice. I mean, I wouldn't, if I were you, it's a crazy thing to do. But you gotta.

A: I understand nothing

M: hey, same!

M: I have no idea what's going on, but everyone else is talking and I think I should, too

C: I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good. So, I simply did myself.

D: Parties are jus a distraction from the relentlessness of entropy. We are all just corpses who haven't yet begun to decay

B: Yeah, but... balloons!

A: Michael is not going to become a good person overnight. He's not even a person. He's a bunch of evil shoved up the butt of an evil mannequin. Teaching him to be good is like teaching me to be not hot. It's impossible.

[author-athenagrey]

I think I love the way people realise they're in love in friends to lovers more than I love the trope itself. Like. They wake up one day, go through the motions, and a faint smile on their face later, they realise, "I am in love." Their heart is warm, their plants are watered and their pets, fed. They have had this person since forever, but they're finally realising a truth that's been in front of them this entire time. They're finding forever in a person who was already part of their forever, but in a different way. I think that's beautiful. It's like waking up from the most peaceful sleep of your life and finally, for the first time in forever, being excited for the day in front of you. Scared of what's to come, yes, but oh so excited and worried and anxious but finally happy and call me a simp, but I think that's just beautiful.

[author-athenagrey]

I love the SubZero fandom so much. I love how we've made Raizo the Umbridge of the story. I love how we love Kharis and Nouren. I love how we've adopted Yun as our unofficial child. I love how we write intellectual character analysis essays in the comments and then just keysmash and enter. I love all of it and I love you all.

[author-athenagrey]

I love the Lore Olympus fandom so much. I love how we call Apollo Asspollo. I love how we stan and support Hera in LO even when we loathe her existence everywhere else. I love how we've been shipping Hadephone since day one and how we all agree that Demeter needs to back the fuck off. I love how loyal Eros is. I love how Artemis tries. I love all of it and I love you all.

[author-athenagrey]

Not Like Other Girls: Internalised Misogyny in Teen Fiction

I read a romcom a few days ago, where a dude that the MC crushed on (not the LI) said he liked her because she was "not like other girls." MC was a fangirl who liked this sci-fi show with a small fan base, a smart student who worked hard for all her achievements, academic and otherwise, and a pretty relatable character who just wanted to get a scholarship so she could pay for college. The MC was rightfully pissed, because she realised how misogynistic that statement was. Problem is, most of the characters in different pieces of media that have scenes like these, don't realize that very thing.

You may ask why exactly that statement is misogynistic. Well, it says that the character is "not like other girls", which means that other girls are trash and one shouldn't aspire to be like them. More importantly, the other girls are generally more "feminine", as in, they wear pretty dresses every day, like doing their makeup and have had a boyfriend or two.

This demonization of femininity is exactly why this statement is misogynistic: it pits the more "boyish" character against the other girls, who are "feminine", thus stating that being more "boyish" or "masculine" is the desirable way to be, the better way to be.

It doesn't help when the feminine characters are portrayed as shallow and airheaded ditzes that have nothing to do but giggle, or vain and catty mean girls who just exist to make the character's life a living hell.

These archetypes portray being feminine as being stupid or as being a bitch, which are two stereotypes that have been associated with women since time immemorial.

What bothers me more than this is when the character, usually the narrator, thinks they're superior or better than everyone else because they wear t-shirts and sneakers while the other girls wear short skirts and high heels. They think everyone else surrounding them is shallow and vain and therefore, not worth their time. Or that the feminine people bully them for not being like them, which is not exactly a good way to showcase freedom of choice in wardrobe.

I'm not saying you can't write a mean girl who wears short skirts, I'm saying you shouldn't make her mean because she's feminine, or make being feminine and mean her entire personality. One-dimemsional mean girls and airheaded ditzes are the reason why internalized misogyny is prevalent in teen fiction, why tomboy MCs who think they're special because they read, who shit on other people because they have different outfit choices than they do, are seen as the standard. Make sure the mean girl is mean not because she's a girly girl, but because she's just a jerk. I know many people like that, but femininity has nothing to do with any of them.

Internalized misogyny is also the reason why the mean girls make fun of the tomboy for not being more "feminine." A very good example of this would be when in that one episode in Big Mouth, all the girls decided to wear outfits that went against their school's sexist dress code as a way to protest, but Missy wasn't comfortable wearing that stuff, and she thought her friends would accept her efforts towards the protest (she made such cool signs, you guys) if she just showed up in her usual overalls.

They did not. They attacked her for not wearing a tank top and stuff that showed off her bra straps, which upset Missy. The misogyny goes both ways, and it just ends up damaging everyone in the process.

It's unfair to attack someone because they have a different sense of style than you do, because they have different interests than you do, just because heteronormativity makes you think hobbies or clothing have a gender. Which makes the characters dickheads for bullying each other over it. No matter who does it, it's wrong anyway. And girls hating girls for being girls is so 2000s. Be better.

[author-athenagrey]

i am YELLING

[author-athenagrey]

Villains: My Opinion

Yes, hi, hello, please pay attention to the title. It is my opinion. Not facts. Or, maybe facts. I don't know. It's just my opinion.

A villain is someone who stops your hero from achieving what they want. A hindrance to their ultimate goal or the main conflict of the story. I like villains, in a nonromantic way. They make for excellent characters when written well.

I think there are three types of villains. Evil villains, sympathetic villains and antagonists.

Evil villains are usually people projecting their trauma onto other people instead of finding healthy ways to deal with it. Or they want something so badly that they're selfish and cause ruin amongst other people, people that they're not close to or familiar with, like strangers, or even sometimes the people they care about. They are manipulative or otherwise toxic and very hard to redeem. They don't really care about other people. Or they're bigots. Example, (and I am so sorry for having to reference this series but I don't read enough fantasy to have other examples for this one) Voldemort and his obsession with blood purity due to his Muggle father, which led to genocide.

Sympathetic villains are like Kronos from PJO. We sympathise with them, probably because the cause for their evilness is relatable or understandable. Like a kid who steals test question papers because the pressure he was under finally broke him. Yeah, everyone thinks he's a wayward child on his way to world domination because of a single stolen paper, but you relate to him, don't you? No matter your moral stance on the fairness of this scenario, you relate to him. That's the point. Kronos' kids overthrew him so he wants to get revenge. Understandable, arguably sympathetic, but he was abusive to them so this is a discussion.

Antagonists are like Loki from Norse mythology and Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard. (I have no idea about the morality or stance of Loki from the MCU. I haven't watched any of the films.) They could be perceived as a role model or a hero, but they're actually selfish jerks who do what they want with little to no regard for everyone else. But from their perspective, their goals can make perfect sense and even seem noble, and the hero of the story may seem like a hindrance to their plans. Very relatable, they do what we don't and we can see ourselves in them. We can idolise them, want to be them or want to be with them. I'd be very concerned if you wanted to be with oldy moldy Voldy, but yeah. I'd totally ship you and Loki.

There's also morally gray characters, anti-heroes and anti-villains, but I don't think they count as a villain, because they're morally gray. If your hero is a morally good person, they'd likely have a morally bad person as the villain in their story, and vice versa. But morally gray characters are, well, gray. They murder and loot but they protect women and children and the innocent from harm. They're not necessarily good or bad, which is why I never really count them as villains.

You can have a morally gray person as your antagonist, but they won't really be a villain. They'd be the villain in your hero's story but not a villain objectively. They can't be classified strictly as good or bad, no matter whose perspective we follow, theirs or their enemy's.

No, the Darkling is not morally grey and no this is not a discussion. Yes, Kaz Brekker is morally grey and yes he is better than the Darkling, both as a character (in my opinion) and morally. Luke Castellan is significantly better than the both of them as a person with morals, but not as a complex character.

[author-athenagrey]

I didn't realise Kathleen from These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong was trans until a friend of mine, with whom I buddy read TVD, came to me GUSHING about how Chloe Gong is amazing at queer rep, first with Ben and Marshall and then with Kathleen being trans. Since then I've realised I'm not the only one whose eyes skimmed over all the non-Romajuliette POV chapters because of the tears blurring their vision, so if you are one of us, you are not alone. I am dumb. How can I pay attention to Kathleen subtly mentioning she's trans when I'm sobbing over how Juliette is afraid to hope? I'm just glad my friend mentioned it to me, otherwise I'd have spent the entirety of the two days it took me to read the duology thinking she was cis.

[author-athenagrey]

Incorrect Quotes: The Good Place (season 1) edition

A: Remind me what I'm getting out of this, again?

B: You get to avoid eternal damnation.

B: What did you do?

A: Nothing! It just started raining trash out of nowhere for no reason at all!

B: You broke the world

A: smiles proudly

B: It's not a compliment!

C: You're a mountain of strength, you're a paragon of fortitude!

D: (in tears) I'm not a mountain of strength. I'm a canyon... full of poo-poo.

D: I've had to ban flying for 1000 years. A resident flew into a turkey carcass at 1000 miles per hour. It just exploded into this fireball of turkey flesh and bones and sinew.

B:

D: Anyway, enjoy your coffee. And the cup.

E: We have a category 55 emergency doomsday crisis.

D: We have a category 55 emergency doomsday crisis?

C: What is a category 55 emergency doomsday crisis?

D: Oh, nothing, it's just a minor inconvenience.

A1: Are you making a move on me? It's fine, I just didn't see it coming. Hooking up with someone with the same name as me is a fun, narcissistic fantasy, but I could be into it.

A2: I was talking about you and B

A: I've never had to walk before. This is fun!

Two steps later

A: This is not fun. Walking is boring

B: I think you're capable of change. And I wanna help you.

A: oh, Thank you, man. I swear I won't let you down.

E, who appears out of nowhere: (to A) I've collected the worst smelling garbage I could find. Do you still want me to dump it inside Antonio's house?

B:

A: I swear I won't let you down, starting now

[author-athenagrey]

What I love about soulmates is the whole "finding each other" aspect. No matter what happens and how they're separated, they'll find each other. His memories are wiped by the queen of the gods? They found each other. They're dead, in the afterlife, destined to torture each other forever as their memories are erased over and over again so they don't remember any of the previous attempts? They found each other. Through murderous monsters and evil giraffes, they find each other, over and over again, basically saying fuck you to the haters and to the people who keep tearing them apart and I think that's beautiful.

[author-athenagrey]

I just said to myself "yeah, we're gonna ignore our responsibilities to read romance books again" and honestly, I have never related to myself more

[author-athenagrey]

Day 2!

Taylor Swift makes me happy

And so do books!

Well, well, well, will you look at that? It’s Pride again.

You know the drill by now. It’s June 1, and suddenly everything from banks to big box stores has slapped a rainbow on their logo. Rainbow capitalism knows how to target LGBTQIA+ customers. For exactly 30 days of the year. How quaint.

Of course, it’s nice to make things bright, and colorful, and pretty. But it’s meaningless if that’s all it is.

Pride should be about uplifting and celebrating you, the community. And it should be year-round, not just 8.22% of the year. So, we’re signal-boosting your posts that celebrate, support, and honor all genders and sexualities over here. Follow to keep your dashboard lovely and gay as hell all year round.

And, yes, we’re also making a bit of a fuss right here on @celebrate (apparently, we just can’t help ourselves). So if you’re interested in talking about what Pride means to you or want to celebrate Pride but don’t know how to go about it this year, we made a fun little 30-day Share Your Pride Challenge list. Because you do, in fact, deserve to be celebrated.

Tag your posts with #ShareYourPride if you want to make them a little easier for other people to find. And Tumblr? Happy Pride. We’re glad you’re here.

[author-athenagrey]

Day one! Well, my pronouns are she/her and my flag is

Well, well, well, will you look at that? It’s Pride again.

You know the drill by now. It’s June 1, and suddenly everything from banks to big box stores has slapped a rainbow on their logo. Rainbow capitalism knows how to target LGBTQIA+ customers. For exactly 30 days of the year. How quaint.

Of course, it’s nice to make things bright, and colorful, and pretty. But it’s meaningless if that’s all it is.

Pride should be about uplifting and celebrating you, the community. And it should be year-round, not just 8.22% of the year. So, we’re signal-boosting your posts that celebrate, support, and honor all genders and sexualities over here. Follow to keep your dashboard lovely and gay as hell all year round.

And, yes, we’re also making a bit of a fuss right here on @celebrate (apparently, we just can’t help ourselves). So if you’re interested in talking about what Pride means to you or want to celebrate Pride but don’t know how to go about it this year, we made a fun little 30-day Share Your Pride Challenge list. Because you do, in fact, deserve to be celebrated.

Tag your posts with #ShareYourPride if you want to make them a little easier for other people to find. And Tumblr? Happy Pride. We’re glad you’re here.

[author-athenagrey]

Possessiveness- Hot or Not? Tea Theory Rebranded

I love a possessive love interest who lets everyone know that their s/o is with them and no one else, just as much as any other person out there. It’s really sweet and very hot to see someone so in love that they hate the idea of their loved one being with someone else.

But when the possessiveness becomes paranoid and limiting, that is when it becomes toxic, and it’s not so hot anymore.

So, how do you know whether a love interest– one that you’re writing or reading or are yourself in a relationship with, is hot-possessive or toxic-possessive.

I, a dumbass who reads too much romance for her own good and therefore knows a wide variety of love interests, present to you- the tea theory, rebranded.

If you don't know what the tea theory or tea analogy is, it's an analogy involving tea and its drinking used to make people understand consent, because human beings are trash and sometimes cannot understand what consent is.

It goes like this- if you're making tea and you have someone with you, you ask them if they want tea, they say no thanks, you don't make them tea. If they say okay, just a little bit, you make them just a little bit of tea. If they say okay, give me a cup, but later change their mind due to any reason, you don't plug their nose and force them to glug it anyway. Basically, replace tea with sex and that's how it relates to consent.

Now that everyone knows what it is, I present to you- tea theory rebranded.

If you're going out with your friends for 'drinking' tea and you're wearing a nice dress because you wanna feel beautiful, but your partner acts all caveman-ish and tries to control your wardrobe, or forbids you from going altogether because they want to spend time with you, that is not right and therefore you have a right to talk it out, or take a break from them/leave them if they refuse to listen that you are a grown up person, and therefore, you are in control of your own wardrobe and you choose who you spend time with.

If you're out with your hot colleagues that fall in the category of humans that you are attracted to for tea, you're talking about work stuff and just trying to maintain a nice, healthy work environment; and your s/o shows up and demands you leave the tea gathering, right in front of all your colleagues, not trusting that you won't give the hot colleagues your sugar. Your s/o needs to trust you, honesty and trust are the base that every relationship should be built on. They need to trust that you won't give your co-workers your sugar, they should trust that your sugar is just for them and that you don't take any sweetener when you drink tea with other people, you just take plain tea-infused water as your drink.

They need to know that you're not Rapunzel and they're not Gothel, that they cannot lock you in a tower, control your hair, food, wardrobe and also the people you interact with. And if they do and refuse to stop when you confront them, just RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AND GET YOURSELF A FLYNN!

Get yourself a Flynn, everyone.