blackquirkyqueer

[blackquirkyqueer]

Let’s Finish Pride Month Strong!

What it do, y’all?! This is the last week of Pride Month. I’m sad to see it go, but thankfully, it comes around every year. If you’re like me and haven’t done a whole lot to celebrate Pride, there’s still time left. There are many events taking place across the U.S. So, let’s finish this Pride Month strong and on a good note!

I did a little research—and I do mean a little—on events happening in the States, and I wanted to share that with you guys. Below is a list of events in some major cities and RVA. Obviously, I can’t provide every event in every state. I’m not a machine, but I wanted to share this information in case you didn’t know, wanted to participate in an event, or couldn’t find anything in your own search. Also, if you want to add to the list, please do so in the comments.

Philly Gay Pride

They’re having Pride Night, drag bingo, drag shows, a drag story time, and more all week! Last day of events are June 29th.

https://www.phillygaypride.com/top-philly-gay-pride-events

Denver Pridefest

This weekend Denver Pride is hosting a ton of events like a 5K run, live performances and more on June 28th. Then, on June 29th, there will be a parade and more celebrations.

https://denverpride.org/

Lexington Pride

There wasn’t much information, but it seems like they’re gonna have something on June 28th from 11am to 9pm. If you’re from Lexington, Kentucky and know more, let me know in the comments.

https://www.lexpridefest.org/

Nashville Pride

This weekend from Friday, June 27th to Sunday, June 29th, Nashville Pride is hosting a ton of things, like a concert Friday night (Estelle will be there), a parade on Saturday, and even more activities on Sunday.

https://www.nashvillepride.org/

They even have a playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6WLwcX6a862fKEhal2gQrd?si=tdWdmc_5QJi09gTd6IVAzQ

Newport Pride

For those of you who live in Rhode Island, from June 25th to June 29th, Newport Pride will have a parade, Pride trolley, Pride After Dark, and more to close out Pride Month.

https://www.newportprideri.org/

New York

I’m sure there are way more events in New York, but these are the ones I decided to share with you:

NYC Pride All White Midnight Cruise

On June 28th from 12am to 4am, there will be a cruise for you lovely queer folks. It looks like it’s hosted by Unity Pride. If you happen to go to this event, please let me know. I want to know all about it!

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/nyc-pride-all-white-midnight-cruise-tickets-1248999102939

NYC Pride: The March

I’ve always wanted to go to New York and march with all the other queers. So, I may or may not be envious of the ones who attend this event. It’s on June 29th, starts at 11am, and the march starts at 26th Street and 5th Avenue.

https://www.nycpride.org/event/nyc-pride-march

Gay & Sober Pride Celebration

On June 29th starting at 11am, “all LGBTQ people in recovery and their allies unite for fun and fellowship.” There are 2 events. The day time event is free, and the night time event has a fee.

https://www.gayandsober.org/celebration

San Antonio

On June 28th, Pride San Antonio will have a festival, parade, a heel race (ooh la la!), and more!

https://pridesanantonio.org/

Twin City Pride Festival

This weekend in Minneapolis, there will be a festival at Loring Park from 10am to 7pm on Saturday and 10am to 6pm on Sunday. There will also be a 5K run and a parade on the 29th as well.

https://tcpride.org/#

San Francisco Pride

This weekend San Francisco Pride is having their 55th annual pride celebration. Their theme: Queer Joy is Resistance!

https://sfpride.org/

Seattle Pride Parade

On June 29th from 11am to 3:30pm, there will be a parade in downtown Seattle. There’s also a pre-show at 10am.

https://seattlepride.org/events/seattle-pride-parade-2025

Richmond

Alright! Since this is an RVA-based blog, I wanted to save the best for last. Here are some events taking place right here in the river city:

Top Golf Pride Night

This starts at 6:30pm on Thursday, June 26th. It’s $30 for my solo riders and $200 for a bay. Go play with some balls y’all!

Pride Market

This Saturday, June 28th from 12pm to 5pm, you can support some of our local queers and allies. The market is located at 434 Hull Street.

Love On Tap

At Hardywood Park Craft Brewery on June 28th starting at 12pm, you can celebrate the 10th anniversary of nationwide marriage equality, the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, and love of all forms with VA Pride.

The Revolution Fashion Showcase

Aww, shit! This one is a Black LGBTQ+ event! I see you, Black Pride RVA! This Saturday at the The Valentine Museum, you can witness the revolution of fashion. Doors open at 6pm, and the show starts at 7pm.

Queer Youth Meetup

On Sunday, June 29th, the youth can attend a meetup and create zines. It also looks like people from the ages of 13-17 are encouraged to join. This event is located at The Devil’s Lettuce on West Broad.

Pride and Progress

Several pride organizations and Virginia Museum of History and Culture are hosting a screening of a local documentary called “Meet Me By the Magnolia” that explores the history of gay cruising in RVA. This is on June 29th starting at 2pm at VMHC.

All of these events can be found on Diversity Richmond’s website: https://www.diversityrichmond.org/endless-summer-of-pride. I also discovered Out RVA, which is a program of Richmond Region Tourism. They also listed events here: https://outrva.com/events.

Okay! That’s all I have for you guys. Like I mentioned earlier, if you know of any other events, share them in the comments.

Stay safe, stay healthy, and I love y’all. Peace, love, & happiness! ✌🏽

Tags:

[blackquirkyqueer]

Just in case you missed it, I do have a blog. It's called The Black Quirky Queer, and I've just posted a new blog post. Didn't read the previous post? That's okay! Here ya go 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽

Give this a read, then read the latest one "How Does That Make Sense?" Once you've done that, pretty please subscribe to the blog to get the latest and greatest updates.

I appreciate the support and love. Thank you so much! Peace, love, & happiness ✌🏽

[blackquirkyqueer]

Visually, it looks much better here 👆🏽

Go check out the post, read it, then support ya quirky queer girl by subscribing.

Peace, love, & happiness ✌🏽

Disguised Unacceptance

As I navigate my Blackness and sexuality, I think about the things that make me who I am and the journey that got me where I am today. Oftentimes, when I reflect on that journey, I think about the people who have been in my corner and those who have not. Then, I think about my community, specifically the LGBTQ+ communityuq and how I fit in.

Every time I think about my fellow LGBTQ+ peeps, I always envision them as Black, not white, Hispanic, or any other race. “Well, it’s ‘cause you’re Black,” is probably what you’re saying to yourself, and you may or may not be correct, but I don’t think so. I’m surrounded by all kinds of proud queer people. The majority of them do not look like me, and being around them can be quite exhausting.

After thinking about it, I kept asking myself this one question. Then, I wondered if other Black LGBTQ+ folks felt the same. So, I asked …

“Do we feel accepted, safe, or seen in the mainstream LGBTQ+ community?”

I’ve asked this question mainly online. Even though I didn’t get many responses, all but one answer was the same and similar to my own: No. Now, why is that?

I got the most responses on Tumblr and Discord. Lots of people said no without an explanation. One person simply responded to my post with a red X. One person stated, “No, I think specifically trans masc spaces are so dominated by white men that most of the time my Blackness seems to automatically cancel out the possibility of me being trans. People are genuinely surprised every time because the image of a trans man is always a white one.”

Huh! Interesting! This was also an eye-opener because I don’t think I have a specific image of a trans-masc person. I think my brain actually goes to someone I know versus what I think one should look like. That’s just me, though.

Another person said, “I haven’t interacted enough in normal LGBT+ spaces to actually know if I am.” Neither have I, but I’ve been around enough to know I’m not actually welcomed.

Fun facts!

A study conducted in 2022 from May 16–22 by the William Institute reported that 62% of Black gay, lesbian, and bisexual people feel part of the larger LGBTQ+ community while only 29% of Black transgender people feel part of the larger community.

Quick story.

Once upon a time, before I got my own place, I lived with this gay couple. One white and one biracial (black and white). They’d always have company and little parties downstairs or outside when it was nice. I never joined them because I was an aspiring recluse, but one night, I said, “What the hell!” and joined them and their friends outside on our small patio.

I grabbed a beer, the only alcohol available to this wine-drinker, and plopped down into a seat.

My white roommate — I’ll call him Greg — looked around and said, “Oh my gosh! We finally have more Black people than white people!” He clapped his hands and raised them in the air as if praising the Jesus he does not worship.

His friends also cheered and raised their bottles in excitement.

I just sat there and thought to myself, “Okay, whatever, nigga,” because it’s such a stupid thing to acknowledge out loud. Also, why did he care? So, I listened carefully to the conversations around me.

Lots of it was inside stuff, like, “Johnny looked a hot mess,” or “Did you see Carla the other day?” type of talk. (I’m just making up names, obviously.) Then, a Black gay man in the group started talking about Kim Kardashian and the braids she wore that one time. I don’t know this chick or how many times she’s actually worn braids, but I know she’s an appropriator and knew which instance he was referring to. I expressed that she was appropriating the fuck out of us and has been for years.

“Well, they were wearing braids back in Egyptian times, so [the braid style] doesn’t actually stem from us.”

He said that with a straight face.

That’s when I realized several things: 1) I am in the wrong crowd right now, 2) does he not think we (Black people) existed in Egypt?!, 3) this man knows absolutely nothing about the history of braids and where the style came from, and 4) he has been brainwashed by these white people!

I just rolled my eyes, finished my nasty beer, and told them I would lie down because I was tired. Tired of the bullshit, that is, but they didn’t need to know that. After I got away, I didn’t think much of that night until much later. When I finally reflected on that night, I started thinking, “What besides the obvious made that gathering so uncomfortable?”

It took me a minute to figure it out, but when I did, I noticed something. They had an overwhelming need to feel present and accepted among Black LGBTQ+ people but did not feel the need to extend the same courtesy to us. Yeah, it was cool to have “more Black people than white people” hanging out, but “make sure you tone down that nigger shit over here” was unquestionably the vibe that night.

I couldn’t voice my opinions or jump into a conversation without being criticized or judged. My only undisclosed purpose was to be seen and not heard so they could seem inclusive and cool because, let’s face it … I am cool as fuck, as are many other Black people, and they wish they could be, too.

One person in my Black LGBTQ+ Tumblr group made an excellent point! He stated, after answering my question, “White people also tend to employ black behaviors as a shorthand for their queerness. For some, being LGBTQ+ is their greatest level of oppression, and (especially in younger spaces) they refuse to acknowledge the importance of intersectionality and the racism in their own spaces.”

It’s precisely what happened to me that night. Also, I want to expand on his point of why I think white LGBTQ+ people employ these Black behaviors. I believe they do that because they see us at the bottom of the social totem pole and the most discriminated against worldwide. They acknowledge this in their mind but won’t say or admit it out loud. If they do, they are liable to be held accountable for their actions by those they discriminate against. So, instead, they try to use some of our behaviors because they feel it’ll make them seem more victimized and oppressed and possibly give them a greater platform to be heard. After all, they do have white skin and will be heard more than Black people.

LET’S BE REAL ABOUT THAT!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a gay white man say he needs to get in touch with his “inner Black woman” as if he has her tucked away in his back pocket or attempts to mimic a Black woman’s behavior. I’ve also lost count of how many times a white person, whether they’re straight or queer, says that they’re not racist because they date Black people or have Black friends. As if that makes them impervious to racism! And this happens in mainstream LGBTQ+ spaces all the time. They just refuse to acknowledge and address it.

Sure, I’m always invited, but I’m always expected to stand on the sidelines looking crazy while all the non-Black people, especially white people, have a good time. Kind of like how slaves silently had to pour drinks and clear plates during dinner time for their masters; this imagery pops into my mind whenever I think about this. However, this is not 1706, and I am not a slave. I am a real human being — not just 3/5 of a human — who has feelings, thoughts, goals, dreams, and deserves respect, and has rights.

So, yeah, I always envision LGBTQ+ people as Black because they don’t make me feel unsafe. They don’t make me feel stupid for expressing myself, and they don’t look down on me because I’m Black while trying to take and use my Blackness as their own. Thus, the Black LGBTQ+ space, as of right now, is the safest place for me.

[blackquirkyqueer]

How Does That Make Sense?

I work in a diverse environment. There are people from all kinds of backgrounds. There are Americans, Germans, Egyptians, Indians, you name it! We’re all made up of different races, genders, ethnicities, cultures, and whatever else that makes us a colorful bunch. It’s beautiful! I love to see it!

Although I am surrounded by a diverse group of people, I primarily work with a small bunch within my department. The core group I work with has a similar background as me: Black Americans. There are some white people sprinkled here and there, but most of us are Black in my department. It’s nice!

Now, you may be asking yourself, “How is this relevant?” I’ll tell you why towards the end. But first, a story!

One day, I was sitting in the break room with three other people: a gay man, a straight man, and a straight woman. We were all doing our own thing, minding our business, and just enjoying the silence. Then, my gay coworker finally gets up and goes back to work. No big deal, right? That is normal.

Once he is out of earshot, the other two, who happen to be related to each other, immediately start bad-mouthing him. 

“He wants to be a woman so bad!”

“His nails are painted? That’s gay!”

“He needs some more bass in his voice.”

It went on and on until I spoke up. I told them to leave him alone and that there’s nothing wrong with being gay. I was just waiting for them to start talking about me and my super gay ass, but surprisingly they didn’t. Instead, they took a hard left turn.

“Well, it’s okay for a woman to be gay, but not a dude. That’s just nasty!” said the woman. (I won’t mention anyone’s names even though they probably do deserve to be called out.)

Then, the guy said, “Yeah, I agree.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Honestly, I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I’ve been on this earth for a while now, but it was the first time I ever heard this concoction of ignorance. I told them that didn’t make any sense.

Then, the woman said, “You know, they be takin’ it in the butt, and that’s just dirty!”

So, I countered with, “You know, women have anal sex. Does that make them dirty and gay, too? If that’s how you want to classify someone as such, that makes women gay, too, right?”

She didn’t reply. She just moved on to another topic. 

Up until recently, every time I saw those two homophobes, it was the first thing I would think of.

 “It’s okay for a woman to be gay, but not a dude.”

 Then, immediately after, I wondered if others heard this crazy line of thinking, too. So, I asked. 

Several people I posed the question to said they’d heard the same thing. Then, I asked, “Why is this a thing?” I got different responses. 

“Because they think lesbians are hot,” was one response. Not false, but a little shallow with no forethought in my opinion. 

Another person said, “Straight men for whatever reason feel threatened by gay men…. Those same very obnoxious straight men fantasize about being with two women at the same time. So, they tolerate lesbians because they think they might have a shot at getting a couple of them in bed or getting one to go home with him and his girlfriend.”

I have totally experienced this at a club! The dude stood back and watched his girlfriend, some white woman, flirt with me. I was taken aback because she came on so strong. She grabbed my waist and kissed me, too, and I was so done! Touching and kissing without consent is a no for me!

Another person said, “Being penetrated by a penis makes you dirty…. Straight women are dirtied by sex, too, which is why we slut-shame women but not [straight] men. But lesbians are not dirtied in the same way because there is typically no penis involved in lesbian sex.”

Yep! I believe that is what my bigoted coworker was getting at. However, penises aren’t these soiled things that dirty people and ruin their lives. Penises are just penises, and sex between two men, two women, a man and a woman, or whoever is completely normal as long as all parties are consenting. What’s not normal is someone being so caught up in someone else’s sex life that they think they can judge them and tell them that what they’re doing is wrong. 

I think another point that I’d like to mention that no one did is that homophobic straight women seem to think all gay men have HIV or some kind of STI. Automatically! You’re a gay man, so you must have something. This is a very old stereotype, which began in the 1980s, that people still believe today. However, statistics now show that Black women are at a higher risk of getting HIV than any other group of people. I read that somewhere and wish I saved the article. I'd go into the details, but I want to stay on topic. I'll save that for another day. The very least I can do is post a few links at the bottom of this post to get you started on your HIV-learning journey.

What it all boils down to is ignorance and hatred. People like my coworkers have these misconceptions about LGBTQ+ folks, which makes them treat us poorly without hesitation, and that can really put us in awkward, embarrassing positions or even in harm's way. They are so unwilling to unlearn and reeducate themselves because they are so set in their ways. All of the misinformation floating around in the media doesn’t help either. 

But you know what? What makes me even more upset about the whole situation at work was that the two people who were bad-mouthing the Black gay man were Black. With all the things happening in the world, especially with the Trump administration, we need to stick together so we can try to make it through unscathed. We are stronger united than divided. I’m fully aware that homophobia is rampant in the Black community. Even so, I was just hoping those two were a little more progressive since they seemed to be okay with me before that day. It just really goes to show how ignorant, nitpicky, and unfair people can be.

It's a long shot, but I hope that one day homophobia will be a thing of the past. I hope that we can see past our own biases and see others for who they truly are and treat people like human beings. I hope one day I can sit in the break room or anywhere else with a group of people and not worry about anyone, including myself, being discriminated against. That’s the future that I hope to see, but I know that would take putting in a ton of work, and lots of us aren’t even ready to lift a finger. Still, a girl can dream!

As promised, I’ve provided some links so that you can learn move about HIV and how it impacts us as a community, especially the Black community. If you have any other reliable sources of information you’d like to share, please submit them in the comments below. You can also message me using the contact form if you don’t want your name displayed in the comments. Then, I’ll post them for you.

Articles:

https://www.history.com/articles/history-of-aids

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/why-black-women-face-barriers-to-accessing-prep-an-hiv-preventing-drug

Resources:

https://www.hiv.gov/

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-care/our-services/hiv-services

https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/index.html

https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/overview/data-and-trends/statistics

Tags:

[blackquirkyqueer]

Monday's blog post will be on time. YAY! 😆 It's hard sometimes balancing all the things, but I did it. Also, I may or may not have another blog post magically appear sometime this week. Just go to The Black Quirky Queer official blog and sign up for the newsletter so you can stay up to date.

It would mean the world to me, especially on this very special Pride Month! Peace, love, & happiness y'all! ✌🏽

[blackquirkyqueer]

So pretty! Also, I love you too 💜🖤🩷🏳️‍🌈

i love you queer people

i love you fat queer people

i love you queer people of color

i love you queer people of different cultures

i love you disabled queer people

i love you differently able queer people

i love you queer systems

i love you neurodivergent queer people

i love you queer people of different religions

i love you intersex people

i love you unlabeled queer people

i love you mentally ill queer people

i love you all queer people

happy pride <3

[blackquirkyqueer]

Another person to support during Pride Month

I made a new sticker collection of these cute little Pridesaurs!!

They are currently available on my esty page, we got the whole gang!

ACE-kylosaurus (Ankylosaurus)

ALLY-oramus (Alioramus)

ARO-margasaurus (Amargasaurus)

BI-rachisaurus (Brachiosaurus)

Me-GAY-losaurus (Megalosaurus)

LESB-beosaurus (Lambeosaurus)

THEY-rizinosaurus (Therizinosaurus)

PAN-oplosaurus (Panoplosaurus...yeah its juts literally its name...)

QUEER-mesaurus (Quilmesaurus)

TRANS-ceratops (Triceratops)

If you are interested in owning one of these pretty pretty dinos, please consider supporting my silly art and visit my shop through the following link

I CURRENTLY RUN A 20% PRIDE MONTH SALE (May till end of June):

Link to the stickers:

[blackquirkyqueer]

May we all end up like this during this wonderful Pride Month 🙌🏽🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏴‍☠️

her kisses leave me weak

(submitted)

[blackquirkyqueer]

She is BEAUTIFUL! Loving the natural hair, too.

god she is so beautiful

[blackquirkyqueer]

Disguised Unacceptance

As I navigate my Blackness and sexuality, I think about the things that make me who I am and the journey that got me where I am today. Oftentimes, when I reflect on that journey, I think about the people who have been in my corner and those who have not. Then, I think about my community, specifically the LGBTQ+ communityuq and how I fit in.

Every time I think about my fellow LGBTQ+ peeps, I always envision them as Black, not white, Hispanic, or any other race. “Well, it’s ‘cause you're Black,” is probably what you’re saying to yourself, and you may or may not be correct, but I don’t think so. I’m surrounded by all kinds of proud queer people. The majority of them do not look like me, and being around them can be quite exhausting.

After thinking about it, I kept asking myself this one question. Then, I wondered if other Black LGBTQ+ folks felt the same. So, I asked …

“Do we feel accepted, safe, or seen in the mainstream LGBTQ+ community?”

I’ve asked this question mainly online. Even though I didn’t get many responses, all but one answer was the same and similar to my own: No. Now, why is that?

I got the most responses on Tumblr and Discord. Lots of people said no without an explanation. One person simply responded to my post with a red X. One person stated, “No, I think specifically trans masc spaces are so dominated by white men that most of the time my Blackness seems to automatically cancel out the possibility of me being trans. People are genuinely surprised every time because the image of a trans man is always a white one.”

Huh! Interesting! This was also an eye-opener because I don’t think I have a specific image of a trans-masc person. I think my brain actually goes to someone I know versus what I think one should look like. That’s just me, though.

Another person said, “I haven't interacted enough in normal LGBT+ spaces to actually know if I am.” Neither have I, but I’ve been around enough to know I’m not actually welcomed.

Fun facts!

A study conducted in 2022 from May 16–22 by the William Institute reported that 62% of Black gay, lesbian, and bisexual people feel part of the larger LGBTQ+ community while only 29% of Black transgender people feel part of the larger community.

Quick story.

Once upon a time, before I got my own place, I lived with this gay couple. One white and one biracial (black and white). They’d always have company and little parties downstairs or outside when it was nice. I never joined them because I was an aspiring recluse, but one night, I said, “What the hell!” and joined them and their friends outside on our small patio.

I grabbed a beer, the only alcohol available to this wine-drinker, and plopped down into a seat.

My white roommate — I’ll call him Greg — looked around and said, “Oh my gosh! We finally have more Black people than white people!” He clapped his hands and raised them in the air as if praising the Jesus he does not worship.

His friends also cheered and raised their bottles in excitement.

I just sat there and thought to myself, “Okay, whatever, nigga,” because it’s such a stupid thing to acknowledge out loud. Also, why did he care? So, I listened carefully to the conversations around me.

Lots of it was inside stuff, like, “Johnny looked a hot mess,” or “Did you see Carla the other day?” type of talk. (I’m just making up names, obviously.) Then, a Black gay man in the group started talking about Kim Kardashian and the braids she wore that one time. I don’t know this chick or how many times she’s actually worn braids, but I know she’s an appropriator and knew which instance he was referring to. I expressed that she was appropriating the fuck out of us and has been for years.

“Well, they were wearing braids back in Egyptian times, so [the braid style] doesn’t actually stem from us.”

He said that with a straight face.

That’s when I realized several things: 1) I am in the wrong crowd right now, 2) does he not think we (Black people) existed in Egypt?!, 3) this man knows absolutely nothing about the history of braids and where the style came from, and 4) he has been brainwashed by these white people!

I just rolled my eyes, finished my nasty beer, and told them I would lie down because I was tired. Tired of the bullshit, that is, but they didn’t need to know that. After I got away, I didn’t think much of that night until much later. When I finally reflected on that night, I started thinking, “What besides the obvious made that gathering so uncomfortable?”

It took me a minute to figure it out, but when I did, I noticed something. They had an overwhelming need to feel present and accepted among Black LGBTQ+ people but did not feel the need to extend the same courtesy to us. Yeah, it was cool to have “more Black people than white people” hanging out, but “make sure you tone down that nigger shit over here” was unquestionably the vibe that night.

I couldn’t voice my opinions or jump into a conversation without being criticized or judged. My only undisclosed purpose was to be seen and not heard so they could seem inclusive and cool because, let’s face it … I am cool as fuck, as are many other Black people, and they wish they could be, too.

One person in my Black LGBTQ+ Tumblr group made an excellent point! He stated, after answering my question, “White people also tend to employ black behaviors as a shorthand for their queerness. For some, being LGBTQ+ is their greatest level of oppression, and (especially in younger spaces) they refuse to acknowledge the importance of intersectionality and the racism in their own spaces.”

It's precisely what happened to me that night. Also, I want to expand on his point of why I think white LGBTQ+ people employ these Black behaviors. I believe they do that because they see us at the bottom of the social totem pole and the most discriminated against worldwide. They acknowledge this in their mind but won’t say or admit it out loud. If they do, they are liable to be held accountable for their actions by those they discriminate against. So, instead, they try to use some of our behaviors because they feel it’ll make them seem more victimized and oppressed and possibly give them a greater platform to be heard. After all, they do have white skin and will be heard more than Black people.

LET’S BE REAL ABOUT THAT!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a gay white man say he needs to get in touch with his “inner Black woman” as if he has her tucked away in his back pocket or attempts to mimic a Black woman’s behavior. I’ve also lost count of how many times a white person, whether they’re straight or queer, says that they’re not racist because they date Black people or have Black friends. As if that makes them impervious to racism! And this happens in mainstream LGBTQ+ spaces all the time. They just refuse to acknowledge and address it.

Sure, I’m always invited, but I’m always expected to stand on the sidelines looking crazy while all the non-Black people, especially white people, have a good time. Kind of like how slaves silently had to pour drinks and clear plates during dinner time for their masters; this imagery pops into my mind whenever I think about this. However, this is not 1706, and I am not a slave. I am a real human being — not just 3/5 of a human — who has feelings, thoughts, goals, dreams, and deserves respect, and has rights.

So, yeah, I always envision LGBTQ+ people as Black because they don’t make me feel unsafe. They don’t make me feel stupid for expressing myself, and they don’t look down on me because I’m Black while trying to take and use my Blackness as their own. Thus, the Black LGBTQ+ space, as of right now, is the safest place for me.

[blackquirkyqueer]

ATTENTION QUEERS & ALLIES!

I've got a brand new blog that you can check out.

Like I said, it is new, so there aren't but 2 posts. However, more will be added as time goes on. I post weekly every Monday. Typically, posts are available to read by 8am. If there are any changes to that schedule I will let you know.

"How will you let us know?" you ask.

Sign up for The Black Quirky Queer newsletter! 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽

You'll get a welcome email (initially), alerts letting you know when a new post is available, and updates pertaining to the blog or the Black quirky queer herself. 🙋🏽‍♀️

If you have any questions, feedback, or want to reach out, DM me or visit the Contact Page on the blog. In advance, thank you so much for your support, especially during this wonderful Pride Month.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏴‍☠️

[blackquirkyqueer]

This looks much better on the website. Pretty please go check it out and support a queer Black blogger during Pride Month

Then I Crawled Out the Closet

Have you ever wondered why the very thing you’re running from catches up with you? This has certainly crossed my mind. Soon after, one particular question would pop into my mind: Why am I this way? And about 99.9% of the time, I’d follow up with a prayer asking God to take the gay away from me. It never worked, obviously, and I’m so glad it didn’t.

That prayer, which varied each time because I didn’t know how to pray, was one I’d recite more times than I’d like to admit. Even after I got away from the anti-gay hell I called my hometown, I still had to battle homophobia at college. So, I struggled with the inner turmoil alone because I did not want another fiasco like I did back home.

Well, there were a few people on campus who knew I were bisexual. One girl that I’ll call Kira, whom I was acquainted with, a guy that used to date my homophobic roommate sophomore year, and my ex-boyfriend. They all discovered my bisexuality at different times, and each reacted differently.

One day, Kira and I were at her place chatting away. She was talking about how confusing bisexual people were. She said she couldn’t understand why they claimed to be bisexual when they didn’t seem to be. I don’t remember what these folks said to discredit themselves and make them seem like frauds. Nevertheless, I remember understanding where she was coming from. I think she was referring to chicks that were just trying it out or just curious. I don’t remember. This was years ago.

I took a leap of faith and explained to her that I was bisexual, and I explained my attraction to both sexes.

“It’s not that I like girls more than boys or vice versa. I just like what I like, and if I meet someone I find attractive and really get along with, I pursue it,” I said or something along those lines.

She nodded. “You’ve made the most sense out of anyone I’ve talked to,” she said. “I feel that.”

Kira lives lavishly somewhere around here, as she should! She was so chill about it. There was no judgment or any negativity. It was what it was, and that’s all that was to it. I have so much respect for her and her beautiful mind.

Then, there was the unfortunate guy I’ll call Joe, who used to date my homophobic roommate. He didn’t care about sexuality at all. Where he grew up, he was exposed to all kinds of people, so he just treated everyone like a human being. I believe I was drunk one night when it slipped out of my mouth that I thought this one chick was kind of hot.

“Ooh! You like girls?” he asked excitedly.

Oh fuck! I have a boyfriend, I’m in the closet, and I don’t need this shit right now! I panicked internally.

And I guess Joe could see the panic all over my face because he rubbed my shoulder and said, “Hey! It’s okay. I’m not coming onto you or anything, or making fun of you. I was just curious because … you know … you brought it up.”

Valid! My dumb ass did bring it up. I couldn’t blame him for being curious.

We were at a kickback at my boyfriend’s place at the time. I stepped outside to get fresh air and tried to figure out what I would do if shit got out. I didn’t have anything to worry about, though. Joe came out right behind me and apologized because he thought he had said something wrong and was worried. I told him the truth and told him that no one, including my boyfriend, didn’t know. He understood and kept my secret under wraps.

Then, there was the boyfriend, Joe #2, because he shares the same name as my roommate’s boyfriend. I remember that he used to get upset with me because I wouldn’t ever share my personal thoughts or feelings. I just didn’t feel comfortable, which should’ve been a glaring red flag, but I was young and inexperienced in dating. So, I stayed for a while.

Though there was one night when we did have a deep talk, and I did open up a bit. It was the night I shared that I was bisexual with him, too, and his response just killed me.

“I never would’ve dated you if I knew you were bi.”

I couldn’t believe it. After months of begging me to open up and be honest about any and everything, he said that. I closed up like a clam and never shared anything else with him ever again. Everything between us was surface level after that.

Eventually, the relationship just dwindled to nothing. I tried breaking it off, but this idiot didn’t want to break up. We were inevitably growing a part—literally and figuratively—and he wanted to stay together. He also hated who I was and wanted me to be more—I believe the words were—“more feminine and normal.” I was confused. Like, do you hate me or not, bruh?!

A few months and a sidepiece later, we finally broke up. It was devastating because he was my first love. We had some firsts together and some memorable moments. However, not all of them were great, which made it a bit easier to get over him. I was so glad I broke up with him because I started healing after that and focused on myself more.

Still in the closet, I was going back to church, meeting new people, and doing whatever I wanted to do without Joe #2 hovering over me. I was having a great time, and during this time, I met a woman, I’ll call her Lisa, who was also struggling with her sexuality. Only she was more open about it than I was.

I never told Lisa I was bisexual. I didn’t want to open that can of worms, but she told me she used to date and have sex with women often. Lisa’s mother hated it, so she used to hide it (or try, she used to get caught often) to avoid any arguments with her. She also used to pray about it all the time at church, at home, wherever, or whenever she felt like she needed to pray about it.

Then, one day, she met a nice guy. They were each other’s opposites. She was skinny. He was fat (no shade). She was tall, and he was short. She was hyper, and he was chill. Their personalities fit really well, though. Everything was going well, and eventually they got married. I even got along with him, and everything seemed to be going well between the two.

However, good things never seem to last long. Sometime later, Lisa met a woman, and they were spending a lot of time together. Sometimes I’d hang out with them. She was cool. I didn’t think anything of it until her husband started asking me questions. He seemed upset and suspicious, which are two emotions I’ve never seen come from him, so I knew something was wrong. And boy was he right! Lisa was cheating on him with that woman.

He was so angry and devastated, and I felt so bad for them both. Yep! Felt bad for the cheater, too, because I knew she was struggling with something that she was trying to run from, just like me.

That’s when I knew hiding wasn’t the answer. Pretending to be something I’m not or pretending something doesn’t exist, such as my bisexuality, wasn’t going to make it disappear. I am who I am, and there was nothing I could do about it except accept it. There was nothing wrong with me. If anything, denying who I am would do more damage than not, and I saw that firsthand being Lisa’s friend. I didn’t want to end up like that, and I certainly didn’t want to hurt anyone in the process of finding myself, which was the next thing on my agenda.

It took me some time to actually do that, find myself, that is. I didn’t feel comfortable exploring and dissecting my sexuality while living deep in Alabama. So, I still continued to live closeted, and I lived there for a few more years until I couldn’t anymore.

Times were rough! I was so poor. I couldn’t afford to stay anywhere because I had a shit job. I was living on my friends’ couch. Things were bad, and I was tired of it. Then, I decided to do something I thought I’d never do. Move back to Virginia. It was a hard decision, but I did it. I didn’t move back home, but I moved close enough to home in case I needed help from my relatives, who often didn’t help. To be quite frank, they still don’t, but that’s a story for another time.

Sometime mid-May, I moved to the capital and settled in the best way I knew how. It was another new beginning for me. New city. New people. New everything. I’d never lived outside of my hometown besides going to college in Alabama, so it was all new to me.

As I got settled into a new city, I noticed that there were quite a few gay bars around town. I’ve lived here for some time now, so I know there aren’t that many, but back then it seemed like a lot. I didn’t go to any gay or lesbian bars for a long time. For some odd reason, I just didn’t feel like I would’ve been welcomed. Probably because I didn’t feel comfortable with myself, but that quickly changed.

I started picking and choosing my friends a little more wisely. If they seemed laidback and accepting of folks, I’d hang out with them. Bonus points if they were LGBTQ, BIPOC, or very hipster! If they were too religious or really white (you know, the “I’m not racist because I have 1 ½ Black friends” white people that know it all and believe they’re your godsend), I avoided them altogether. Sooner or later, I had a nice little community and friend group that I could rely on and who would accept me no matter what, because people are people, love is love, so forth and so on.

As time went by, I felt more comfortable being myself. I was okay discussing women, how attracted I am to them, or talking to a woman because I felt safe. I even went on a few dates with some nice ladies eventually. No one was going to judge me. Even if they did, they were assholes, and I’d ignore them and put them on my mental shit list.

What? Confidence? Where did that come from?! My friends and the people I surrounded myself with, which is so important. Now that I think about it, that’s why coming out is such a big deal. To live in your truth safely and comfortably, you need to make sure the people around you aren’t going to tear you down or hurt you. They need to be able to accept you for who you are, no matter what.

The kids at my high school looked down on homosexuality and bullied me and my straight brother every day. My family, the people I came out to first, were not on my side and tried to change me. It’s a very harsh reality, but it’s the truth. My father did everything he could to straighten me out and told me often that I was going to hell until he perhaps decided to focus on something else. Maybe something happened all those years back that made him magically forget that I was bisexual. I’m not sure. It’s not like he was ever going to talk about it with me, but now I know why it’s such a big deal. Coming out, that is.

Coming out is the day, after all the years of hiding or figuring things out, when you tell people who you really are. It’s the day you should be able to breathe a sigh of relief and walk in your truth. It’s a day that deserves celebration, like your birthday. Except it doesn’t always go that way. People aren’t always accepting. People have their own views and beliefs, which they are entitled to, but when those views stem from hate or ignorance, it makes things more difficult and harmful. And those people that you want to come out to may be a significant part of your life, not some Joe Schmoe off the street, which is the difficult part. Dealing with the folks who don’t agree with your life choices, with whom you happen to be close. At any rate, that was my case in the beginning and throughout my college years.

Anyway, life in Virginia’s capital got better, and I became the woman that I always wanted to be: myself. I now live as a queer Black woman with a decent job that I absolutely hate and plenty of supportive friends that love me just the way I am. I also live in a community that accepts me for who I am. They don’t seem to judge. Well, not outwardly. If they are judging, I think they may be too afraid to say so. I’m very head strong now and don’t put up with a lot of shit anymore. Life is good.

My family doesn’t acknowledge my queer identity. I’m not sure if they just think that I’m straight now because I haven’t mentioned anyone I’m dating or don’t remind them that I like eating pussy or what. However, things seem to be as good as they’re going to get, and I’m okay with that for now. If there’s a time when I meet a nice lady I want to keep around, I’ll be sure to burst their bubble once again. This time, however, I’ll be able to stand firmly on my own two feet and not get the wind knocked out of me when they express their displeasure. I’ll stand tall and strong as myself with the new confidence and support that I have, and they’ll either accept me or not. Either way, I’ll be living my truth where it’s nice and cozy.

Tags:

[blackquirkyqueer]

Coming Out Part 1 & 2

I divided my coming out story into 2 parts, and both are available to read on here on Tumblr and my official blog. But let me help y'all out:

Also, there's some cussing in there and a reference or two to sex. So let me put this here 👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Part 1 is about my time in high school, which sucked, but was crucial in my development and identity. Even though it was rough, I learned so much when I think back on it.

Part 2 is about college, which also sucked, but during this time I had some revelations and had come to terms with a couple things. It was tough; I hit a very rough patch in my life, but things turned out alright.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and as always, comments, likes, and reblogs are welcome. Peace, love, & happiness y'all!

Credit for dividers to  @cafekitsune 💜🖤🩷

“I Popped Out of the Closet” © 2025 by Toni D

“Then I Crawled Out the Closet” © 2025 by Toni D

All rights reserved. No part of this written work may be reproduced in any form without permission from the author. Do not repost, translate, plagiarize or otherwise repurpose.

[blackquirkyqueer]

This looks much better on my website. Go check it out:

I Popped Out of the Closet

I feel as if I have two coming out stories. I know that sounds crazy and impossible, but for me, it’s true. Coming out part 1 and coming out part 2, and I am sure I will have a part 3.

The first time, I came out like anyone else. I sat there and told whoever I wanted to tell and took their reactions as they came. However, despite how bold and determined I was to be myself, I’m one of those who didn’t have a great coming out.

But let me back it up a bit. So, I knew I liked girls very early. It just took me a long time to come to terms with it. My first kiss was in first grade with a girl named Kelsey. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were laying on our mats during nap time, and of course, we were talking. (What kid actually took a nap back then?) I’m not sure how it happened or what we said to each other, but the next thing I knew, my lips were on hers, and we did this several times. She tasted fruity, like strawberries. It was a very good experience, and it only happened once.

Throughout my childhood, I’d admired girls, but always from afar. I knew that being gay in a small rural town was a death sentence. I’d be bullied and treated differently. Was I necessarily afraid? Yes, but not for being openly gay per se. I was afraid to date in general. I cared a lot about what the other kids thought and even more about my parents finding out. I knew my dad, in particular, wouldn’t want any guy near me, let alone a girl.

So, while my classmates had boyfriends and girlfriends, I just focused on schoolwork and hanging out with my friends in my free time. I’d get jealous and lonely from time to time, but I never acted on it. It was like one of those things; you don’t know if you want something until you see it. And I never saw or met anyone I truly wanted to date until later.

Fast forward, I am a junior in high school taking some computer class. There’s a girl that I sit next to who’s pretty cool, cute, and just as dorky as me. We get along pretty well, and I’m starting to feel things. I wasn’t entirely confident about what I was feeling at the time. I had never felt this way about anyone, but I knew I had to do something about it. So, I up and told her that I was bisexual one day while we were sitting in class.

Thinking back on that day, she was the first person I ever told I was bisexual. I hadn’t shared that part of myself with anyone else before, and I remember being nervous as hell. I didn’t think she would have a bad reaction—and she didn't—but I guess I didn’t know how she would treat me after that.

Maybe a day or two later, we took the long way to class from our lockers, and that’s when she told me she was bisexual, too. I stopped in my tracks as the butterflies filled my stomach. I looked at her. She looked at me. Then, she dragged me into a corner where no one could see us and kissed me. We made out for quite some time. Actually, we made out a little too long because we were both late for class.

Anyway, she became my girlfriend sometime after that. I liked spending time with her and loved having sex with her even more. (Oh, my raging teenage hormones!) Plus, being with her felt right. Well, for as long as it lasted, it felt right. Naturally, I wanted to be open, hold hands, and kiss like my other classmates and their significant others, but I knew that would come at a cost. I just didn’t know what it would cost me.

Also, I wanted to make sure that word of my having a girlfriend didn’t get to my parents before I could tell them. They were significant people in my life, after all, and I’m sure hearing it from me would be better than someone else. So, while I was at school, I told my girlfriend I decided to tell them before they went to bed one night.

“That’s a bad idea! Don’t do it!” she begged me.

She had been to my house a couple times and met my parents, so she had an idea of what I was up against. But did I listen to her? Of course not! First of all, I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide having a girlfriend if I was going to be open in a small town. Second, I wanted to rip the bandaid off because I knew this wasn’t a phase for me. So, I did what any zealous teenager would do and popped out of the closet on my folks one night.

I used to regret that decision. Not anymore, but I’ll explain that much later.

My mother was very silent. She didn’t say a word. I never knew what she thought of my relationship or my sexuality. ‘Til this day, she’s never said a word. My father, however - God rest his soul - had plenty to say and was very disappointed. Very!

“God didn’t intend for you to be with a woman! It’s not right! God this, and God that,” was all I heard, and it baffled me. How could my father bring God into this when he had shunned Him so long ago? The very man who was angry with God for being terminally ill was now bringing Him up to serve his own purpose and get his point across.

So, yeah, I was baffled, sad, mad, and ultimately and inevitably regretful. I was also disappointed in my parents for not accepting me and living by their stupid, conservative ways, which made me resistant to anything they had to say to me. “Should I have kept this to myself?” I thought in that moment getting grilled by my father. And after that night, for some time, I always wondered, since my mom was so quiet if she was upset that I was bisexual or that I said anything at all.

That night, my angry father told me to never see my girlfriend again and sent me to bed, where I cried for at least an hour. So many thoughts were running through my mind. I didn’t know what was next, so I did the only thing I knew I could do. Just live my life as normally as possible.

The next day, when I went to school, I told my girlfriend what happened, and of course, she said, “I told you so,” but hugged and kissed me and told me we’d be okay. I didn’t break up with her. I don’t even know if I told her my father didn’t want me to see her again. I don’t remember, honestly. That was years ago!

I also don’t remember exactly when this happened, but my parents told me that I had to go to therapy. Apparently, I needed to be straightened out. So, my mom took me to this janky place to talk to some white dude about my sexuality, but that never happened. He broke confidentiality mid-session, so my mom and I left and never returned. Not a traumatizing experience at all!

I, a regular churchgoer then, started noticing the members treating me differently. A deaconess tried to make me look more “feminine” and behave differently. I knew my mother or father must have said something to someone. Then, one day, someone tried to pray the gay away. I was appalled and didn’t sit there for that crazy bitch to finish. I got up, found my brother, and we both left. It took me a long time to step back into another church after that.

Church wasn’t the only place I was getting mistreated. My classmates and my cousins made fun of me atschool. I lost friends, too. Random boys in the hallway would ask my girlfriend and me for threesomes. My computer science teacher, the religious crusader she was, told me that it was wrong in the eyes of God and that, as a Black person, I was making my life harder. My extended family stopped calling and answering the phone when I called. Then, my favorite aunt (I know I shouldn’t have a favorite, but I did) stopped picking me up for our weekly girls’ day out. That’s when I knew I was really outcasted. Out of everyone that mistreated and ignored me, she is the one that hurt me the most.

Then, I found out I wasn’t the only one getting bullied. My brother, who was in a grade behind me, seemed upset all the time when we were boarding the school bus to go home. He wouldn’t tell me for a while, but eventually, he told me that this guy was picking on him for having a gay sister. “You like having a fag as a sister?” was one of the things my brother told me he said.

Up until that moment, I felt sad and defeated and wanted to hide. However, my brother was my rock at the time and one of the few people in my family who could care less about what I was. Who I was was his sister; he loved his sister, and that’s all that mattered to him. He kept this secret to himself because he didn’t want to upset me, but I was already upset, so it didn’t matter.

After my brother told me what was happening and who was bullying him, I told him I’d take care of it. I didn’t feel sad and defeated anymore. I felt angry and tired of the bullshit. When I got to school the next day, I went looking for that motherfucker. I found him talking to some of his friends by their lockers. So, I took out the largest textbook I had in my backpack, ran at him full speed, and whacked the fuck out of him with it. His big ass fell to the ground, and his friends backed away, hands in the air. They didn’t say much either because I think they knew.

I stood over him. “You better stop making fun of my brother and making fun of me. If I hear you doing that shit again, I’m gonna come back and kick your ass again!” Then, I grabbed my textbook off the ground and headed to class.

Surprisingly, I didn’t get sent to the principal’s office. No one came looking for me. No one ever brought it up, and no one ever made fun of my brother again. At least, not that I know of, and my classmates stopped harassing me and my girlfriend.

Shortly after that, my girlfriend and I joined an LGBT group that one of the counselors had formed. We’d meet weekly just to chat and support each other. It was nice, and I enjoyed it. Eventually, the counselor recommended I talk to the school psychologist, and I’m so glad I did. I don’t remember her name at all. It saddens me, but I can remember what she looks like.

Average height white woman with brown hair, friendly brown eyes, and a cheerful face. She wore work-casual clothes all the time. She looked comfy and relaxed, like she had no worries in the world. I mean, she’s a white woman, so I’m sure she had way less to worry about, but that’s just my opinion. Nevertheless, she was very attentive and let me speak freely and share my thoughts and feelings.

As my junior year passed, things changed. People stopped bullying me and my brother. My parents miraculously forgot I was bisexual and pretended I was okay after all. I found my core friends and stuck to them like glue, and I became single toward the end of the school year. My girlfriend was getting too jealous of my friends, my guy friends specifically, and I felt like she was ready to cheat on me with a girl from the LGBT group. So, I broke it off. I wasn’t upset or heartbroken. I just didn’t dwell on it and moved on with my life.

In a flash, summer came, left, and I was a senior in high school planning my future with my counselor. I applied to my dream school and a few others in case I wasn’t accepted to my first pick, but I did! Getting that acceptance letter was amazing! I had something to look forward to. A new beginning. A beginning, I determined, that wouldn’t be as tough as the hell I went through recently. Therefore, I consciously decided that when I got to college, I would go back into hiding. So, on that fateful day sometime in mid-August, in the SUV with my parents and my brother on my way to college with my things in tow, I silently retreated into the closet, attempting to protect myself and my future.

Tags:

[blackquirkyqueer]

This exactly

Here's some reasons you might see a "straight couple" at pride:

• they're trans and straight

• they're trans and not passing

• one or both of them are queer

• they're aro-spec and het

• they're het and a-spec

• they're with a supportive friend

• one is queer and the other is a supportive partner

• one is butch and you misgendered them

• one or both is nonbinary and not androgynous

There's dozens of reasons why you might see a "straight couple" at pride. Mind your business and just have fun

[blackquirkyqueer]

Hey, y'all! It's Pride Month, so let's support a fellow LGBTQ member! If you're not part of the ABC gang (there are so many letters now 😆😆😆: 2SLGBTQQIPAA) but want to support, here ya go!

Happy Pride Month.

Hi-Res Prints and Editable PSDs: https://ko-fi.com/s/c16fb83091

Prints: https://www.inprnt.com/gallery/mxmorgan/

Tees and More: https://mxmorgan.threadless.com

[blackquirkyqueer]

Yes, yes, and YES!!! May the transphobes, homophobes, and losers suffer dearly this month.

Also, Snoopy is like the second love of my life!! He's so cute!