blessedheartwithwings

[blessedheartwithwings]

the last years i spent dragging my broken feet along the trails of dead foliage,

passing browning leaves and sticks with thorns and the occasional fallen rotted fruit

pouring gasoline from a jerrycan hung loosely in my left hand, swaying and stumbling

lost so far deep in a forest and my head would pound every second, my teeth would freeze, my right hand in constant salute

and behind me was a beast, snapping and snarling, always on my heels and i kept running

on my broken feet, and i ran so far and so quick in panic, that I didn't look behind me when the beast approached

that I didn't realise, not for a moment, that I was running further and further into it's forrest

until I stopped dead in my tracks, unable to run forwards and ignore the lump in my throat

i leaned over, lurching and gagging on the smell of gasoline suffocating me, vomiting black tar along a wall of thorns

I burnt down the forest and I ran free

[blessedheartwithwings]

trip

⋆ ★

infinitely falling through ancient cathedral arches

bricks of limestone, then bone marrow, a million faces flourishing in vibrant gardens

the stars bleed rainbows like an oil spill

infinitely sprawling through impossible never ending spaces

the air itself swirls in breaths of colour around us, i can feel the earth revolving

my body sinks into yours, melting together into a keleidescope of overwhelming feelings

ive never seen colours like these before

⋆ ★

[blessedheartwithwings]

my angel, all mine

⋆ ★

you are the loudest thought in my mind

and the easiest thing to love

i want to breathe you in, ours bodies entwined

together we swim in the stars above

⋆ ★

a fox made of stars sees us through clouds in the sky, just like our love, free and divine

you breathed the warmth into my lungs i've been deprived of

the way you so perfectly fell into my life is something i can never comprehend

the star fox spitting you into my arms

pressing my cheek into the cold pavement, i get so high off of calling you mine

there will always be a part of me in every corner of you

tidal waves of yearning crashing only against soft whispers of your name

my entire world feels like its crumbling around me

yet in your eyes everything feels so safe and normal and time doesnt pass like it should

⋆ ★

i rise into the heavens, i've seen my own deaths

many times ive watched my funeral, each time

i whisper your name as my dying breaths

forever i'll hold you in my arms, my angel, all mine

[blessedheartwithwings]

[blessedheartwithwings]

little green

green is my favourite colour

because of all the greens you can see

in the bushes and the trees,

guilty conscience in the mind of a killer

blood stained hands turned three

sick of their begging, yet born to please

\\

a heart so ruined, insides spilling out

beneath boots long looming above the clouds

ive been loved before like love is a weapon

pleading, unconvincing they had nothing to lie about

plowed through promises once vowed

i've locked my heart with heavy sighs, i never want to let it out

\\

green is still my favourite colour now,

because i've never fallen so fast, so deep, so suddenly

into your eyes, diving into your soul

swimming blissfully through you, your veins, you'll never know

how natural it feels to trust you, needing to hold you but my arms are empty

some things i'll never be able to say, some things don't need to be told

[blessedheartwithwings]

yearning

waiting, waiting as the hours creep

i dream to lay on your chest, listening to your heartbeat

waiting and yearning to hold you close

my empty arms carry the warmth of your ghost

waiting and watching the hours creep by

you flood into my mind when i close my eyes

this obsession is scarily addictive

waiting and yearning for your lips on mine

the walls i built for others crumble under your gaze

you drift through my mind, constantly, always

waiting and yearning and feeling so much

my skin sparks dreaming, yearning for your touch

blindly trusting you, a warm and guiding light

in your arms my worries leave, in your arms i feel alright

[blessedheartwithwings]

oh god you hold me in a storm raging in my heart and my lungs and i dont remember praying for this

but me falling right into your arms, you falling right into my life

a typhooning flurry of feelings exploding flying and crashing within me

every atom of my body unstable,

every hair standing on end,

every inch of my skin on fire

i dont remember praying for the floors to sink away as fast as the changing tides, falling fast and heavy headfirst heading into the unknown

but some God saw me regardless and wrapped me in wings like you hold me in your arms and this feels nothing short of a blessing,

what made me worthy of your divinity?

[blessedheartwithwings]

snap dragons slowly creep out of the cavern of rotting lungs

decaying, moss blooming, swirling, like veins beneath the skin

lifeless, contorted, a shattered skull, dried blood turned brown cut from a million tongues

my breaths have been long still and silent, my thoughts are distant, my feelings are foreign

i swat away at waves of grief like unrelenting flies

swarming to my barely beating heart, heavy and bruised

stuffing away feelings wherever they'll fit, looping screams in this void, surrounded by a million eyes

constantly feeling on edge, constantly feeling confused

heartbreak has never succeeded, but i think it's come pretty close to getting me killed

this pain weighs heavy on me from the moment i wake up, it weighs heavy on me while i sleep

its an exhausting cycle, filling a glass with my blood obsessively, the glass always spilled

i have so many feelings i need another soul, always headfirst in water murky and deep

statues of my gods will begin to rust

everything i love will turn to dust

[blessedheartwithwings]

// desire //

i hate that im yearning for you, of all people

thinking of you despite the abominable raging fire of my life right now

i hate that i yearn for your comfort in this war,

your the god i'm choosing to worship in this ruined temple

seeking relief in heavy breaths, the constant dreams of you behind my eyes

stars burn behind me in a vicious fire, my eyes raping every inch of your soul

and your eyes, its harder to catch myself falling into them

my desire disgusts me, but it's keeping me alive

[blessedheartwithwings]

timeless burdens

a fragile soul born naked i must remember

a soul so young and so pure, kissed by the moonlight

this heart beats on despite its constant tremor

forged in a furnace of my earliest nights

it tries so hard and it keeps me alive

but the blood it pumps under my skin

is sour, and i feel it tells me lies

stalling in this battle i can hardly fight and can never win

i move wearily through each day

unsure of who i ever was or will ever be

a scratched throat and bruised knees, i think i was made this way

was there ever a chance from the start, will i ever truly feel free?

thoughts poisoned with guilt flood my mind

i will bear their burdens for the rest of time

[blessedheartwithwings]

unhinging your jaw like a snake

hissing, our romance, a spectacle scaled around your eyes

a set of fangs dripping with saliva, I place a blade between your tongue and hold it steady

[blessedheartwithwings]

You asked me if I had ever loved you when I asked you to leave.

Don’t you remember that the heart which loved you with its entirety is the very thing you broke with your own hands? Don’t you remember how you blamed me for the blood it left on your hands, as if shards of my love were tainting you when you trampled all over them—again, and again, and again?

But I can’t tell you that, because you won’t understand. So I say I did. But not now. Not anymore.

The sun that warmed you until now has burnt out. So leave, before you’re engulfed in black smoke and suffocate on your own senses. Leave.

And never look back.

[blessedheartwithwings]

i feel a renaissance

and also as if im complete scum

i walk a fine line of divinity with no penance

ringing back and forth, fuzzy tongue

choking on every thought, i can't recall the hazy entrance to

this new state of being, blood smeared

everywhere, on my brain and across your skin

take deep breaths from within, straight through

my voice is weak, tangled in thoughts

constantly needing a place to run,

embers stray from a fire within

the very core of myself, i find it exhausting

weird, addict, my heart is not spared

from rebirth

[blessedheartwithwings]

I AM ASHAMED OF YOU

leave don't come near, but leave leave your scribbled notes, your cheshire grin your gummy candies, your 2000s lyrics. leave it with me and never show your face again allow me to bask in eternity with your ghost. soak up all the boy-like innocence. the one i treasure, the one you mock. your face respulses, i settle for what you were and not what you've become

[blessedheartwithwings]

i shake and tremble in this state of loneliness

i know will pass with each day, each hour

time takes all, and i understand that time takes

all these feelings

but why do I have to suffer through them now? just

take the pain away already and i know

it wont go away until i feel it

and im running so fast and so far away from it all

i just cant face it yet, i plead with time

[blessedheartwithwings]

Valerie, let me lay on your chest

feel you breath in and out

this was what i was made for, Valerie

to adore, and let me adore you

Valerie, I need to breath to

stop falling deep into your gaze, Valerie

but I dont think I can and

it's getting so obvious

and it's going to ruin everything for me

but not for you, Valerie

The only one I cannot reach

is the one I want most, and i'm sorry for this

Valerie

[blessedheartwithwings]

i chased the sunset

and missed it, i was looking for a park

to sit and watch the sun disappear

but i couldnt find one, and when i walked back

i found a park with a nature playground

with parents and kids running around and

the last thing I wanted was to be around people

so I kept on my way, walked home

looking up at a clouded sky

stars starting to emerge

a crescent moon staring down at me