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I just wrote my first blog post and I'd really appreciate anyone taking a moment to read it, it's under 600 words so it won't take up too much of your time:

Home | Justforthesakeoftalk (hillsb07.wixsite.com)

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NT LIVE: Fleabag Encore, 2023

10/10

Yesterday, on the 17th of June, at 6 pm, my mum and I went to go watch a screening of Pheobe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag; the popcorn I ate was cheddar cheese flavoured, making me feel worthy of my British citizenship, which I accompanied with a black americano as I had been clubbing the night before and was running off of 2 hours of precious sleep. Like many people, I watched the TV show Fleabag religiously, again and again, in times of discomfort for support and also times of boredom for some top-quality content leading me to develop a deep love for this woman, both Waller-Bridge as a writer and performer and Fleabag as a character as she expresses what many spend their whole lives trying to conceal, exploring shame and hidden emotions in a way that people had been yearning for yet never wanted to take a step towards themselves. 

It feels wrong being a 19-year-old with next to no writing experience reviewing and ranting about my opinions on works done by incredibly talented professionals. Yet, still, we all have to start somewhere, so here we go…

Waller-Bridge’s one-woman performance was nothing short of incredible; as a gen z kid whose attention span grows shorter by the second day, I was worried that sitting there for an hour and a half watching one woman speak with a chair as her only prop would begin to bore me yet as the play started and progressed I found myself so entranced by her over-exaggerated facial expressions and ability to create a whole new scene and character by the tone of voice and incredible impressions of types of people that we all face in our lives such as a man she meets on the tube who is given the nickname of ‘rodent’ which is in reference to his tiny mouth yet also speaks of his sleazy behaviour of bad yet overly confident flirting and demanding of more and more nude photos from Fleabag herself. 

The success of Fleabag can be credited to the raw nature of the one-woman show. Fleabag talks to us, the audience, directly and informally, like we're having a gossip with our friends, having a debrief of the past year of our lives. As much as I love the TV adaptation of Fleabag, the live performance hit my emotions so much harder and deeper because of the intimacy of the performance, not having someone hiding how they truly feel about themselves and those around them, although is desired by most of us we hardly ever get to experience it. Waller-Bridge creates a level of relatability that is unmatched in the entertainment world. Fleabag is here to show and express emotions that were usually too scared or intimidated to talk about, it's so simple, yet the way that Waller-bridge has written and performed this story captivates whoever lays their eyes on it can't help but fall in love with the storytelling as it makes you feel free, understood and seen. 

Overall, I wish I could have written a more well-balanced piece and included some flaws, but I have found none; I love Pheobe Waller-Bridge, I love Fleabag, and I genuinely feel lucky to have been able to watch the show, even if it was a recording, at The Arts Picturehouse Cambridge and not the actual live performance at the National Theatre itself if you ever have the chance to see this one-woman show you should really go for it, it's nowhere near a waste of time and money.

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no boyfriend no drugs no girlfriend no therapist im rlly raw dogging life here

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I'm obsessed with the game 'Stray' and you need to all go start playing it.

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Currently reading...

'The memoir of an anti-hero' by Kornel Filipowicz

(listening to) 'Cleopatra and Frankenstein' by Coco Mellors

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Fighting the urge to send this to my ex

“The general sentiment of mankind is, that a man who will not fight for himself, when he has the means of doing so, is not worth being fought for by others, and this sentiment is just. For a man who does not value freedom for himself will never value it for others, nor put himself to any inconvenience to gain it for others. Such a man, the world says, may lie down until he has sense enough to stand up.”

— Frederick Douglass, “The Significance of Emancipation in the West Indies (1857)”

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Want to know a weird indulgent habit that I do that has significantly improved my grades, mental health, and work performance?

I started getting up earlier and having slow mornings. I get up, make my bed, brush my teeth, get ready for the day, and then I'm left with about an hour all for myself with no stress or worries. I can sit and have my coffee with sweetened condensed milk while my ferret runs around and I can read while listening to my fishtank. I can go to a coffee shop if I please or catch up on chores. Get an episode of a show in. Water my plants. Whatever I want to do. This hour or so is mine. It let's me just relax and exist in between the hustle and bustle of everything.

I usually do yoga and meditate and then make some coffee and just chill. Yall have no clue how amazing this small change has been for me. I feel better and tend to actually eat in the mornings (I am one of those who can't eat when busy or stressed), I look forward to my mornings, I've gotten better at going to bed at a reasonable hour, and I'm just happier overall.

This has also made my grades go up, as I usually wind up leaving a bit earlier than I need to and so I sit on campus and study before my classes. Feeling better also makes the classes more enjoyable, as I'm not a walking heap of misery and dread anymore.

It takes discipline and getting used to and I do have an advantage because I am a morning person and have always gotten up early, but it's just nice to have a little me time after getting ready and before having to actually do anything.

Tl;dr: give yourself an hour between getting ready and actually leaving to have a slow time for whatever you wish and after a month just watch how it changes your life.

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Goals I managed to complete...

~ Clean Abdul's room (trash and dishes)✓

~ Unpack at St. George's 1/2✓ (I took out the trash and unpacked 2 bags)

Tbh I'm surprised I could do anything today since I pulled an all nighter due to a relapse in drugs so I'm gonna take my wins where I can

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Habits I'm going to develop...

~ more regular sleep schedule

~ go to gym more often

~ stretch daily

~ workout abs daily

~ read at least 25 pages daily( of non-school book)

~ eat healthier

~ go to all seminars and lectures

For a hot minute I've been posting about how this account is to give myself motivation as life has been kinda rough lately but I feel like I've been reluctant to fully throw myself into it so for the next three days I'm really gonna push myself to actually make change.

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Goals for the day

(15.02.23)

~ Clean Abdul's room (trash and dishes)

~ Unpack in St George's

~ Make a habit tracker

~ Catch up on all classics lectures

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Goals for the day...

Catch up on two classics lectures

Finish knitting brown top

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Goals for the day...

~ (Research and criticism) plot summary

~(Genre and context) Elizabeth Gaskell's 'Mary Barton' essay

~ Make a daily general schedule/plan

Pretty simple goals, but I'm feeling pretty down today, so I've really gotta just focus my mind :)

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Goals for tonight:

Finish and hand in philosophy essay

Legit, just one goal, but oh my god am I struggling. It's an essay about if pornography silences women, and its a really interesting topic, but I missed the lectures and seminars due to illness so trying to fully understand some points is a bit of a struggle so wish me luck :)

And good luck to all of you who are in similar positions, it's fine if you missed some classes and struggle with the work; all you can do is try.

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This is now going to become a study blog (and more)

I need some serious motivation for university work at this point, and I hope that posting about it will force me to actually try and stay on top of my work.

Wish me luck :)

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Ownership

Ownership is a funny thing. Throughout history, ownership has caused wars and revolutions. But I am not talking about the extreme examples of ownership. I am talking about getting to the age or state of mind where you realise that you have to take ownership of your own actions and decisions; you have to face yourself. From simple things like not having a good sleep schedule to more important things like building healthy relationships with people. 

Taking ownership of your life and problems is a serious thing. But here is where the problems start. We grow up talking to our friends, discovering that our known world goes beyond what we have grown to know. Like, how my mate would have a jacket potato for dinner, got put out on the naughty step as a punishment when she would talk back and how she would be read a bedtime story every night from her mum. While I ate palacinky for dinner, my parents would be a bit more active in my punishments when I spoke back, but my mum did read me a bedtime story when I went to bed. At least we have that in common.

As we age, we reflect. This is a great but also scary part of life and one that comes to people at different stages for different reasons. Few will go through life and barely look back at how they acted and try to apologise, let alone trying to grow. What a lucky few they are. All those who they hurt along the way, maybe through abusive words, coercion in to do something they were too young to realise what was happening, or twisting stories. Those who fell victim now blame themselves.

Those who have fallen victim to these lucky few now have to take ownership of the aftermath. My fear of having my first kiss because I don’t want to be reminded of what I did. When I get unreasonably angry with my friends. When I go to school half asleep because my thoughts wouldn’t stop screaming, and my memories wouldn’t stop rolling. I need to take ownership and get some help. But it’s not my fault. It’s still my responsibility to fix it; I don’t want to carry this on, like some legacy made up of unseen scars.