calmgloomyday

[calmgloomyday]

did you at least kiss the brick before throwing it at me?

Someone on Twitter wrote that Bob said that you can't die inside the Void and that means he had tried to kill himself while being there. I've never paid attention to this fact before and now I am unwell

[calmgloomyday]

back again with another medical-related bob post. im NOT a medical professional but i did more research. PLEASE correct me if there's a mistake. SPOILERS BELOW, not a whimsy post 😔

tw: mentions of mental illness and suicide

=======================================

this kinda ties in with the post i reblogged and the post i made the other day (you can find the reblogged here and the post i made here) so you might wanna read those first.

we all know that scene when bob tells yelena that he has really good days/really high highs and bad days/really low days? stay with me here.

bob more than likely has bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and narcosis (pretty sure he had it in the comics as well but take a look at the black bubble👇)

black bubble in the picture: "*might also be worth noting that in the comics, bob supposedly has narcosis (drowsiness or unconsciousness due to drugs) and schizophrenia, which could be a reason why (in the movie) he doesn't remember being in the void. not that he was using drugs, but that schizophrenic episodes can cause memory issues"

for those who don't know, people with bipolar disorder have manic episodes and depressive episodes. manic episodes can make a person do reckless and dangerous things. when bob threw himself in front of all those armed guards, there are (in my eyes) three possibilities.

1.) he did it because he was in a manic episode

2.) he really did care about yelena, ava, and walker and wanted to save them

3.) he was ready and willing to die

that's not really the point i want to make, but it's helpful to know. when bob involuntarily starts using his powers and flying, he goes up really, really high. 👈 metaphor for manic episodes? i think yes.

when he falls, he goes low. below-the-plateau-where-the-vault-is low. 👈 metaphor for depressive episodes? i think yes.

the memory loss after these episodes? can likely be chalked up to schizophrenia. the falling asleep while he's hundreds of feet in the air? probably something to do with narcosis (drowsiness due to drugs) since he had all those drugs pumped into him during the medical trial.

...sorry. i love analyzing characters and movies 😶‍🌫️ carry on

[calmgloomyday]

Do you know how fucked up your team has to be for Bucky Barnes to be the most stable member

[calmgloomyday]

just a little something i thought was worth noting about bob

tw: mentions of suicide below the cut

=======================================

bob was thought to be dead by valentina after project sentry, which is why he woke up in the vault. he doesn't remember much about the trial and therefore doesn't know that he basically cheated death.

when bob is stuck in the vault with yelena, walker, and ava, he fully admits to yelena that he would stay down there and not go with them if it makes things easier - basically admitting that he doesn't care if he dies or not. what he doesn't know (which is revealed after he's shot multiple times) is that he can't die now that he's the sentry.

the point i'm trying to make is that bob was fully ready to commit for these people that he just met. he either really cared for them or was genuinely trying to kill himself. he willingly ran in front of those armed guards and wholeheartedly accepted that he would die, not knowing that because of project sentry, he can't.

anyways sorry for the non whimsical post, carry on ☺️

[calmgloomyday]

Heyyyy !!

why hello there!

[calmgloomyday]

this!! i've done some background research on bob (and some medical research but feel free to correct me. i'm in no way a medical professional) spoilers below if you haven't seen thunderbolts* yet!

Ok, but I’ve seen no one talk about the representation of Bob’s manic episode as Sentry. Hear me out.

He describes himself in the movie as having really high highs and really low lows. They never use the word but that’s clearly bipolar he’s describing. A manic episode followed by a depressive one.

The Void is clearly the representation of his depressive episode. Obviously. But I really think that fight as blonde boy Sentry was his mania.

It’s not the typical manic depiction we’re used to seeing, he’s very very calm during that scene. But a lot of times when experiencing mania people describe themselves as feeling indestructible, unstoppable. Bob literally calls himself a god. That’s, that’s mania, babes.

His mental health manifests in his powers. He literally becomes indestructible. He literally becomes nothing, a void.

In addition: In the end credit scene he says he can’t be Sentry without also being The Void. They go hand in hand, just like bipolar. Now, I know nothing about this guy’s comic counterpart, but going off of what the movie has shown us, I’m assuming that if he gets his mental health managed, he’s going to have both power sets. He’s going to have the Superman like powers and the shadow like powers. They’re intermingled.

[calmgloomyday]

tutorial on how to make gifs, pause to read if needed! 🫶

[calmgloomyday]

Thunderbolts* The New Avengers

little late to the party but i discovered how to make gifs yay 🥹 anyway enjoy these gifs that i made myself - any and all characters portrayed are products of marvel and are not mine!

[calmgloomyday]

𝕊𝟘𝟚, 𝔼𝟘𝟚

warnings: angst, swearing, bit of violence

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a long day. Or days. Or…whatever. However much time has passed since Sylvie killed He Who Remains and since you found out that Loki is timeslipping and…yeah, all of that.

It’s nearly time to leave for the mission. You’re donned in a sky-blue dress that goes down to your ankles, perfectly showcasing your curves. Dressy but combat-ready boots are worn on your feet. Thin black gloves reach up just past your elbows, finishing the look.

Loki steps out of the small TVA dressing room. His suit fits him and the situation nicely - the two of you (and Mobius) will be tracking X-5 down. Once the two of you are ready, Mobius opens a time door and the three of you are off.

      1977, London

It’s loud, but you’d expect nothing less from where you’re at. Which, by the way, seems to be a…movie premiere?

“Thoughts?” Mobius asks you and Loki. You survey your surroundings, looking everywhere.

After a moment, you respond, “It’s…a movie premiere.” Flashing lights and people engulf you, making it hard to see. Loki sighs next to you.

“Sylvie’s not here. It doesn’t feel right.” Loki’s voice holds a small amount of sadness, something you figured Mobius has also just picked up on, too. Ever since you, Sylvie, and Loki had gone on your trek to find whoever created the TVA, you’d grown close to one another. Until Sylvie shoved you two through a time door at the Citadel at the end of time. Loki thought he and Sylvie were getting closer and you could tell he really did like her - platonically. She didn’t seem to care much for Loki after that moment, especially since she fled right after killing He Who Remains.

Your relationship with Loki, on the other hand, isn’t like a lost puppy trying to follow someone around. While you like him (and have a sense that those feelings are mutual), it hasn’t been acted on yet.

So there you have it. Sylvie and Loki? Kinda friends. You and Loki?

Well, it’s complicated.

“I know, but why?” Mobius thinks out loud.

“It’s too safe. It’s not a war zone, not an apocalypse. It’s not her style,” the god says, dejected.

You shrug. “It’s chaotic, though, isn’t it?” It truly is. In a sea of faces, it wouldn’t be hard to just disappear. Sylvie would like that, which makes it all the more reason she might actually be here.

“Maybe she’s changing tack. We got a hit on a TemPad that belonged to Hunter X-5 before it went dark,” Mobius suggests. With that, you start wandering off through the crowd, leaving Mobius and Loki to follow you.

It isn’t long before you’re able to find X-5, who goes by Brad Wolfe in this timeline. His cheery voice booms over the others, boasting to people about his movie, “The Zaniac”. Loki’s presence is noticeable beside you and you gaze up at him. Those blue-green eyes meet yours before darting straight ahead. Following his gaze, you see none other than Brad Wolfe.

Mobius, trying to blend in with the crowd, makes an effort. “Will there be a Zaniac Two? You know, a sequel for the fans?”

“Mobius! Whoa!” Brad chuckles, clapping Mobius on the shoulder. The atmosphere is tense between you three. To your luck, no one else notices.

“You look great.”

“Oh, thank you very much.”

“You look pretty good. We’re gonna need to catch up.”

Brad’s eyes widen slightly with fear before he laughs, “Afterwards, all right?” You make a move and place your hand on his forearm, almost seductively.

“Well, let’s catch up now, maybe,” you suggest with a grin. Brad smiles at you but turns around. It isn’t until now that you notice Loki’s left your side. Huh.

Sure enough, he isn’t gone for long.

“Hi,” the god says as Brad turns around to face him, cut and dry.

The variant, trying to hide panic by now smiles briefly. Fear flickers over his features as he looks from Loki, to you and Mobius, and back again.

“I’m actually really glad to see you three. I need to catch you guys up on what’s going on here, but I think first we could all use a drink? What are you drinking?” he asks you, backing away with small steps.

“Surprise us,” Mobius answers for him and you. Loki politely declines.

Brad claps his hands once, turning and walking away, saying, “All right. We’ll do whiskies.” There’s a pause between the three of you as Brad disappears. Finally, Mobius pipes up.

“Is he running now?”

“Yup.”

“He is running,” Loki confirms simultaneously.

Thank god for your boots. Had you worn heels, you wouldn’t have been able to chase Brad down without a sprained ankle. Loki runs slightly ahead of you, god stamina and all. Mobius diverts to another street to try cutting the actor off ahead of time. By the time you catch up to Brad, Loki’s got him on the street.

The god scoffs. “So unsophisticated, X-5.” The people surrounding X-5 disappear in a green light and the TemPad flies out of his hand.

“You quit with the magic and fight fair!” he shouts, looking between you and Loki. As he turns to run away, a clone of Loki appears before him.

“It’s not a fair fight,” you sigh, shaking your head. Mobius catches up with you and the god as you two corner Brad.

“I didn’t do anything wrong!” the variant grunts. Mobius pants behind Loki, slightly out of breath from the chase.

“Yeah, but why’d you run?” Shadows resembling Loki with his horned helmets hold Brad in place against the wall of a building. “A little over the top, don’t you think, all the shadow play?”

Walking up to Brad, you call back, “I thought it was spot on. And kinda hot, if I’m being honest.”

                                                       TVA

Mobius and Loki had left briefly to meet with O.B. to discuss the rigged TemPad that X-5 had been holding onto. Meanwhile, you busied yourself changing into another outfit and dealing with other important matters. Tracking down Ravonna Renslayer, for example. Unfortunately for you, no progress was made in that department.

Loki and Mobius return and work on the TemPad a bit beside you. Eventually, the three of you decide that interrogating X-5 will be the best bet. Mobius runs over the objective once more.

“Okay, keep it simple. Where’s Dox? Where’s Sylvie? And what did he do to that TemPad? That’s all we need to find out, okay?” he asks, looking between you and Loki. Your eyes meet the god’s and go back to Mobius. “Okay, most of all, Brad’s an asshole. So don’t let him get under your skin, all right? Okay? Loki?” he instructs pointedly.

“What?”

Your hand finds its way to Loki’s wrist and then moves down to his hand, holding it tentatively as you walk into the holding cell.

“Oh, welcome back. Why don’t you go ahead and take this time collar off and start treating me like somebody who outranks you?” Brad sasses.

“I don’t work for the TVA,” you say quietly.

“Oh, that’s a good point. You should stop talking,” he says matter-of-factly. X-5 is seated on a short, orange stool in the holding cell, which you didn’t think could get more orange.

Rolling your eyes, you continue interrogating. “Hey, what were you doing down there on the Sacred Timeline?”

“Making movies.”

“Don’t waste our time, X-5,” Mobius threatens.

“It’s Brad. Bradley,” Brad corrects him immediately.

“Point is,” you say, looking to the side at Loki and then back at Brad, “we need to know what you did to this TemPad.” You hold it up for him to see, the usual orange panel decorated with colorful buttons. “We know it doesn’t block trackers, so don’t bother bullshitting us.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“What’s it designed for, X-5?” Loki asks, impatient.

“It’s Brad. And under whose authority are you holding me here? Looking around, I do not see anyone ranking high enough to make that call,” Brad ventures off topic. You don’t bother hiding it when you roll your eyes and scoff. He doesn’t miss this. “A pretty little thing like you shouldn’t be doing a man’s work here, sweetheart.”

“Your ass must be jealous of how much shit spews out of your mouth, huh?” you spit back. Loki takes your hand and gently pulls you away from the variant.

“There are lives at stake here,” Loki tells Brad solemnly.

“There are lives at stake? Oh, you’ve got some nerve. ‘There are lives at stake.’ Everyone here knows what you’re doing, you know? You’re just trying to make up for all the terrible, awful shit you’ve done in your life, you pathetic little man.”

“That’s enough, asshole,” you growl through grit teeth. Loki sucks in a breath and looks at you, exhales, and turns back to Brad.

“No, no. It’s…it’s riveting. Keep going, I want to hear more.” It’s times like these you swear your heart shatters. He’s hurting, you know it, but there’s a part of him that believes everything that’s being said.

“Good. See, everything you and Sylvie have ever done to try to help, has only ever made it worse,” the variant continues, “See, I’ve read your file. It’s you. You’re the problem. Every time we’ve ever found a you. Problem is, you think you’re special, but you’re not. So, it doesn’t matter what outfit you put on, play dress up or what little lies you tell your friends or even the lies you tell yourself. At the end of the day, you just make everything worse. For Mobius, for B-15, for your mother. ‘Cause that’s what you do. You lose. You’re a loser.”

Shaking your head, you turn to the god. Hopefully you can ground him, make him realize that it’s not true, that nothing this variant says is true.

Brad chuckles, “Stop trying to be a hero, man. You’re a villain. And you’re good at it. Do that.”

“Loki,” you say gently, “you’re not a villain. You’re anything but-”

Brad laughs again. “Look at you! You must really have a lot of faith in this guy, huh?” It’s taking everything you have in you not to slap the shit out of this man. You’re practically seething with anger - no, rage, because Loki doesn’t deserve this. You know he’s done awful things, but hasn't everyone?

“Thank you, Brad… very much. I really am touched. You know, you’re right. I have done some terrible, awful things. Yeah, maybe that is who I am, and she knows-” the god looks at you before clapping his hands once and returning his gaze to Brad, “-it’s the real me. A loser. Always have been, always will be. And perhaps I’ve been…holding something back.”

“Loki,” you warn, watching as he walks closer to X-5, “Loki, no.”

“Perhaps I’ve just been…biding my time. Perhaps I’ve just been waiting for a moment like this, so I can do terrible, awful things to you. So let’s try this one more time,” he growls, “Where is Sylvie?”

By now he’s all up in Brad’s face. The variant’s face holds fear before looking at you.

“He needs therapy. I can recommend someone if you wanna work that out.”

“Of course you would know someone,” you snicker at him, “I’d get therapy too if I were you, Brad.”

“Control your little pet,” he sneers at you. That has you blushing like a schoolgirl. Thankfully, the lights are dim and it’s not visible. “None of this is real. I mean, who even are you on the timeline, do you know?”

“Yes, I know. The TVA took me from my timeline, dipshit. It doesn’t matter anymore,” you answer.

“I think it does matter because none of this is real. Do you have any idea what kind of life you might have left behind? Who might be waiting for you back there? I mean, do you care? You know they took your life, and you’re still here. I mean, it’s kind of weird, man. I mean, you need to wake up,” Brad prods.

“I know what kind of life I left behind. I do care, I am awake. But that’s not important right now,” you say, trying to keep calm.

“Yeah, no, you’re asleep. You need to wake up. And until you do, you’re nothing. Mobius is nothing, I don’t know where to start with that,” Brad gestures to Loki, “but you’re nothing here.”

“No, you listen to me,” you snarl, storming up and slapping him, “I might be nothing here, but at least I know what it’s like to live a real life on the timeline. No pretending, no knowledge of the TVA, nothing. I was something. Go fuck yourself.”

It isn’t until Loki pulls you back by the waist that you realize you’re crying. You miss the life you had. You were happy and unaware of the TVA and everything that comes with it. You thrash in his hold, trying desperately to get to X-5, who’s clearly shocked at your outburst. You want to hurt him and see him suffer.

“Come on,” Loki coaxes you gently. His hands wrap around your waist from behind, trying to guide you out of the room. He finally gets you out, leaving Mobius to deal with Brad. “What was that?”

“Nothing.” You and Loki start wandering down the halls of the TVA.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“What happened back there?”

“Nothing.”

“Didn’t seem like nothing, seems like he got under your skin. Are you alright? I’ve never seen you like this before.” You turn on your heel to face him, tear streaks on your face.

“I had a life on the timeline. It was ripped away from me by the TVA. You know that. You had one, too. I just want to forget it. What’s the point in remembering if I can’t ever go back?” you sniff.

He says nothing to this. Instead, he wraps his arms around you in a comforting hug.

It’s been a long day. Or days. Or…whatever.

[calmgloomyday]

𝔹𝕝𝕦𝕣𝕣𝕪

a/n: much shorter version of a nightmare of mine

warnings: angst, some slightly descriptive violence

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How long has it been?

That’s the question you keep asking yourself. A question that you’ve never gotten the answer to and don’t plan on getting the answer to. It seems like only yesterday HYDRA had taken you into their hands, training you to be the deadliest weapon possible.

The world’s a little blurry and time is even blurrier.

“Asset,” your commander snaps. The cold metal cuffs against your skin bring you back to the present, holding you to the chair that they’d reset and wipe your memories in. Your eyes are glassy after watching the footage of what you’ve done. People stabbed without remorse. The only thing that matters is the mission, which you never fail to complete.

You glance to the left, looking at the other soldier. His eyes are glassy, too, no doubt having just seen the bloodshed he caused on video and being told it was a good thing. The sting of a slap causes you to look back at your commander.

“I want her reset. She’s not focused,” your commander says to a man in a lab coat. You know what that means. The headgear will go on and nothing but pain will fill your senses as your memories are wiped.

Even as a super soldier, the pain will feel like it’s killing you.

“I killed those people,” you mutter quietly, sadly. You vaguely remember being told to stab a group of people, seeing the bloodstain bloom on their shirts as you twisted the knife. Their faces are familiar, but you can't quite place them. “I did that.”

Your commander leans down and looks up at you. “It was for a good reason. They were bad people. Your work is doing wonders for the world," he reassures you. It’s convincing, but something nags at you.

“But I feel like I knew them.” Your eyes meet your commander’s. He stands up and mutters something to the man in the lab coat. There’s no point in trying to delay the inevitable. The metal chair you’re seated in leans back, taking you with it.

Sadly, you turn your head to face the soldier on your left. His shoulder-length hair is greasy and he’s shirtless, hands bound to the chair by the same type of metal cuffs you have. An IV is stuck into the veins of his right hand, injecting god knows what into him. Sorrowful blue eyes meet yours as a mouth guard is stuck into your mouth. You bite down on it and look away from him, knowing what comes next.

Headgear is lowered on you, preventing you from turning your head at all. With your eyes squeezed shut, the head-splitting pain begins.

______________________________________________________________

When you come to, orders for a mission that takes place tomorrow are being barked at you. You’re not in that chair again, thank god. Actually, where are you? You can’t remember. Everything is blurry, including the orders that you now have to complete. But of course, you’ve registered them and oh, look, you’re being led back to your cell for the night.

You hear the click of the lock of your cell and hear the HYDRA agent walking away. The wall, made up of only iron bars, resembles that of a prison cell. The blue-eyed man sits on the ground with his head down in the cell next to you, leaning against the bars. His metal arm glints in the light and he’s still shirtless, covered in sweat.

A brief look down at yourself and you find that you’re dressed in tactical pants and a sports bra. You don’t have it in you to complain, at least you’re dressed in something. Though you don’t know him very well, the man in the cell beside yours is a companion. He’s in the same situation as you. You don’t talk to each other much, if at all, but the company of each other is what really matters.

Keeping each other sane.

Walking to the cell wall and sliding down to sit with your back against it, you reach a hand through the bars, resting it on the ground. A flesh hand covers your own, the soldier sitting against the same wall as you. There’s no talking, only a comfortable silence. You understand each other.

The world’s a little blurry, but you’ll face it together.

[calmgloomyday]

𝔾𝕖𝕥 𝕄𝕖 𝔹𝕒𝕔𝕜

a/n: thanks for being so patient! this is not proofread - it was written very quickly & i apologize for any mistakes!

warnings: typical violence, swearing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a month.

A month since you were rescued from HYDRA by the Avengers. After being tormented and experimented on relentlessly, it had ended. The pained screams that had come from the dark hallways of the HYDRA base still echoed in your nightmares. Some nights you’d wake in a cold sweat, out of breath from the horrors that plagued your mind. HYDRA had turned you into a killing machine and you were constantly reliving the kills.

Luckily, after the team had gotten to you, you’d met Bucky. A former HYDRA experiment himself, he understood your struggles. You’d grown closer to him as time went on, bonding over shared experiences in the hands of the evil organization.

The team of heroes used to have Bucky’s trigger words on a post-it on the fridge but took it down once the Dora Milaje removed the winter soldier from his mind. Now they have yours up. Дождь, кровь, товарный поезд, семнадцать, один, фокстрот, рассвет, горизонт, вальс, батарея. Rain, blood, freight train, seventeen, one, foxtrot, daybreak, horizon, waltz, battery. Yours were similar to Bucky’s in a few ways, but uniquely your own as well.

You wake up, shooting up from the mattress ramrod straight. Another nightmare. This time, you were killing a family. The feeling of sweat dripping down your temple finally registers as you snap out of it. Wiping the sweat away and taking a few deep breaths, you throw the sheets aside and get out of bed.

If you can’t sleep, you figure you’ll work out.

After pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a sports tank top, you head down to the training room. Huh. The lights are already on. You take a glance behind you before pushing the glass doors to the training room open. Sure enough, to your right is Bucky, beating the shit out of a punching bag.

“Can’t sleep?” you ask him as you go to wrap your hands in protective bandages. Your voice startles him and he whips around.

“Oh, uh, no. Guess not,” he mumbles back, turning back around to continue abusing the punching bag. That’s what you loved about Bucky - he kept things simple. He never dragged things out more than they needed to be, especially conversations. Though the both of you are close, you both have a quiet nature.

You take place at the punching bag next to him, inhaling deeply before you begin throwing punches. Left. Right. Left. Right. The motions are second nature to you by now, this routine of training when you can’t sleep is a constant in your life. Left. Right. Left. Right. Sweat trickles down your temple for the second time tonight, this time for a different reason than the last. Your knuckles burn from their rawness despite the protective bandages.

Bucky clears his throat and walks to the side of your punching bag, holding it still, and asks, “What was the nightmare about tonight?” Your punches falter as he seems to have read your mind.

“What do you mean?” Your voice goes slightly higher as you try to feign confusion. “What nightmare? I didn’t have a nightmare.” While you were skilled in combat, you most definitely were not skilled in the fibbing department.

He releases the punching bag, letting it swing gently back and forth. “Don’t try hiding it,” Bucky huffs, “I know when something isn’t right with you.” You unwrap your hands, rubbing your knuckles.

“I was triggered,” you sigh, “HYDRA got to me, made me kill a family.” The soldier’s gaze is directed downwards as he sighs. He knew you had nightmares like these, he’d stayed up with you on the nights they were really bad.

“You’re here. You’re safe.”

“I know. But I guess there’s a part of me that doubts that.”

“Don’t listen to it. As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you,” he insists gently. In the last month you’d been rescued and lived here, Bucky was always there for you. He’d held you in his arms when you sobbed from the terrors you’d get in the night, gently shushing you. Other nights he’d listen as you told him what went on while you were with HYDRA. Bucky was everything you could ask for and more. In less than a month you realized you loved him and suspected that the feelings were mutual. Of course, you’d never gotten to telling him about how you felt or asking about how he felt.

That would come with more time.

You check your watch. 4:12 AM. Oh well. You’re probably not gonna get any more sleep so you say your goodbyes to Bucky and head back to your room to grab a shower. By the time you finish showering and putting on some clothes, it’s almost five. There’s a mission scheduled for today. Taking place at an old and supposedly abandoned HYDRA base, your job is to extract files from their database. A simple in-and-out mission that doesn’t require the whole team. With you, Bucky, Steve, and Sam going, you have backup if needed.

Padding your way to the kitchen in socks, you can’t help but think that things might go a little awry. Sure, your group today has your back. When haven’t they? Ever since you were rescued, you insisted you were fine to go on missions with the team despite their thoughts that you weren’t ready. For you, it was just a way to distract yourself from the horrors that HYDRA put you through. Plus, what better way to wipe out the red in your ledger than helping civilians?

“Morning.” Steve’s voice cuts through your thoughts, startling you a bit. He’s already at the coffee machine, beating you to it. You’ve learned that he’s an early riser, the complete opposite of Sam. Sam would stay in bed all day if he could.

Yawning, you greet him, “Good morning. You beat me to it.” You gesture towards the coffee machine.

“Sorry about that. I can make you some,” he offers. Thanking him, you seat yourself on the couch in the open living room. Tony liked his buildings modern - the complex lived up to that. With an open floor and high ceilings, the room could fit thirty people comfortably. Modern windows reached from the floor to the ceiling. The kitchen, adorned with marble countertops and sleek cabinets, was one of the most occupied rooms. Someone was always getting themselves a snack. You loved it all. The complex was so open and airy, the exact opposite of the musty and closed-in HYDRA facility you were kept at.

Steve hands you a mug, letting you pour your coffee yourself. You take occasional sips of your drink as you stare out the large windows, sunlight starting to stream in. It wasn’t rare to find you in the living room staring out one of the many large windows. Oftentimes the team would see you sitting there for hours, just gazing out the windows keeping to yourself. Sometimes Bucky joined you.

An hour and a half goes by. Sam and Bucky have made their appearances in the kitchen already, making their drinks and eating breakfast to fuel up for the mission. You take your time walking to the dishwasher and stacking your cup, the smell of coffee still filling your nose.

Steve gathers you, Sam, and Bucky at the table. The captain is admittedly very good at his before-mission speeches, even when the mission itself is a small one.

“Alright, team,” he takes a breath, looking at each of you, “It’s a simple mission. Get in, get the data there transported onto the flash drive, and get out. There shouldn’t be anyone at that base, but if there is, we have each other’s backs.” He hands you the flash drive. "Sam and I will keep watch at the two entrances of the base. Bucky will be with you when you transfer the data onto the drive.” You nod along as he speaks.

One protein bar and a trip on the Quinjet later, you’re at the HYDRA base. You and Bucky head into the old concrete building, Steve and Sam guarding the entrances.

You blow away a cobweb as you walk down the abandoned halls, muttering, “Damn, this place is ancient.” Bucky nods beside you.

“Ah, this is the room,” he calls out to you as he jogs ahead a bit. The room in question is the size of a conference room, except instead of a long table with chairs, there’s a long table with old computers lined up. The room is musty, ventilation hard this deep in the concrete building. You pull out the flash drive from the pocket in your tactical suit, plugging it into one of the ports of a computer.

The screen flashes on and you get to work. Bucky roams the room, keeping watch for any potential threat. At the bottom of the screen, little numbers appear. 5, 4, 3–

“Oh, shit,” you swear, “Bucky-” Red lights flash in the room and you look for Bucky, who stares back at you.

“We’re not alone.” He runs forward and grabs your arm, running with you. Whoever is here did a damn good job at hiding themselves from you.

A voice rings over the old speakers in the room, speaking in a language you don’t recognize at first until it gets to the second word.

“Дождь, кровь-”

Bucky’s eyes widen and he shouts in a panicked tone, “Don’t listen to it! Stay with me!” He continues trying to run with you through the hallways except with every trigger word the HYDRA operative says over the loudspeaker, you slow more and more.

“товарный поезд, семнадцать, один-”

“Hey!”

“фокстрот, рассвет, горизонт-” Your ears start to ring and your head is pounding as you try tuning it out, but no, all your mind can focus on is how it’s trained to respond to those words.

“вальс, батарея,” the voice finishes. Your posture stiffens, straightening as much as possible. All thoughts and sounds are tuned out despite Bucky’s constant begging, pleading that you come back to him. That he doesn’t want to have to fight you or hurt you to get you back.

A trained reply leaves your lips. “Готов отвечать.” Ready to comply. Bucky doesn’t bother trying to reason with you now, the soldier knowing all too well that the only person you’d listen to is the one talking into the loudspeaker, the one who’s now ordering you to kill Bucky and the rest of your teammates. You stalk forward, a murderous glint in your eyes as you reach into your thigh holster for your dagger.

Bucky’s not stupid. He knows your moves; after all, he was once a winter soldier, too. He lets you go to him, lets you get your dagger before he makes a move. You flip the dagger in the air, catching it with the other hand and aiming for his chest. Anticipating the move, he ducks and sweeps your legs out from under you, temporarily knocking you down.

You roll on your side, avoiding his fist that collides with the ground instead of you. With ease, you hop up and get onto your feet, throwing the dagger aside and deciding to take things into your own hands - literally. Bucky aims to sweep your legs out from under you again, but you learn fast. Jumping and swinging your legs around him for momentum, you hoist yourself up on his shoulders. He’s seen this move before - Natasha tried using it on him when he was the winter soldier. Unfortunately, it hadn’t worked.

The soldier is able to throw you off of him and against the wall, pinning you there. His vibranium arm around your throat in a threatening manner, he holds you there, daring you to move again.

“I really don’t wanna have to hurt you, doll,” Bucky says, cringing at the thought, “come back to me. I know you’re in there.”

It’s getting hard to breathe. His hand tightens threateningly around your throat in an attempt to snap you out of things. Your throat feels like it’s closing up and you’re gasping for air. A shimmer of fear shows through your eyes and Bucky knows he’s getting somewhere.

His eyes narrow and he mutters to himself, “Come on…” The shimmer of fear takes over and your eyes dart all over the place. The room swirls as you get dizzier and all you can hear is blood rushing in your ears. A tear slips down your cheek and your eyes widen in fear because this is it, if he doesn’t let go now you will suffocate. You’ll die at the hands of someone you love and there’s nothing you can do to stop it, only wish that he’ll let go because you’re back, you’re back, you’re back-

His hand lets go, ready to fight again if necessary. His eyes follow you as you drop to the ground, clutching your throat and coughing. Bucky kneels on your level and places his hands on your shoulders.

“Who am I talking to?” he asks sternly, gently grabbing your jaw with one hand and directing your gaze to him when you look everywhere but.

“You helped me with my nightmare early this morning,” you mumble, thinking back. He visibly relaxes and pulls you into his arms, hugging you tightly. The soldier rests his chin on the crown of your head, closing his eyes. Now, nothing else matters. The musty atmosphere of the HYDRA base is forgotten, as is the dirtiness of the hallway you’re both in.

“I love you,” you say so quietly that Bucky would’ve missed it if he hadn’t had his super soldier hearing. His heart flutters.

“I love you, too, doll. Let’s go home.”

[calmgloomyday]

𝕊𝕚𝕓𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕒𝕟 𝔽𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕗 - ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟚

a/n: wow, over three months since my last fic post! sorry about that - school is insane and i barely have time to myself anymore :( enjoy!

warnings: none

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You purred at the intimacy of it all; most people on the team knew when you shifted and figured you’d like to be left alone. Those who didn’t (or did, and just wanted to be kind) usually gave you a few pets on the head and continued with their day.

Little did everyone know, you loved being held, cuddled, and snuggled when you shifted.

Bucky trudged towards Steve’s room with you in his hold. Shifting you into his right hand, he raised his left and knocked on the door. The soldier’s eyes flickered down to you and back up at the door again. You also reminded him of one of his former furry companions - Alpine.

The door swung open, Steve behind it. One glance at the cat in his friend’s hand and he knew what the conversation would be.

“Hey, uh, ‘m just a little confused here. If Stark didn’t adopt a cat, then what the hell is this?” Bucky asked, holding you forward to emphasize what this was.

Steve stepped back and sighed, gesturing for Bucky to come in. You could see the exhaustion in Steve’s eyes and knew that he clearly wasn’t in the mood for this talk.

After all, Steve was on the same dreadful mission that Bucky was and had gotten back no sooner than he had.

Bucky walked through the threshold, petting and gently scratching your head all the while. You couldn’t help the purr that came out of you as he did so - he hit the spot right behind your ears. You pressed your head into his hand, a “keep petting me” gesture.

The soldier plopped down on Steve’s couch with you in his arms, awaiting an explanation. As Steve was walking to the armchair across from Bucky, he figured there was no dodging this.

"That's our newest addition."

And that was not the answer Bucky was expecting.

You were suddenly dropped out of Bucky’s arms and you let out a hiss, narrowing your eyes. It doesn’t matter who you are - nobody should drop you like that.

Bucky tried speaking, but nothing came out. He looked like a fish gasping for the water it so desperately needed to live.

“N-no, that can’t be right. She - this cat was making biscuits on my arm, for God’s sake,” he said unbelievingly, “It was practically rubbing itself all over me-”

“Huh. Guess she likes you. Usually takes her a while to warm up to others,” Steve suggested. Having recovered from your drop out of Bucky’s hold, you slinked over towards Steve, demanding pets by swatting his arm. Bucky all but gawked at you, watching his best friend give in and caress your furry little head.

“So…she is friendly towards others? Like this?” Bucky questioned, not wanting to offend. You and Steve simultaneously directed your gazes towards him.

Steve contemplated for a moment before confirming, “It takes some time, but yes.” He picked you up and put you back in his friend's lap, scratching your chin and letting Bucky hold you.

“Just hold her for a while. If she really did ‘make biscuits’  all over you,” he airquoted, “well, it's a cat's way of marking their territory. She probably feels the need to protect you. She gives in to her instincts sometimes, holding her should assure that you aren't going anywhere.”

Bucky nodded, thanking his friend, picking you up again, and walking out of Steve’s room. He couldn't help but wonder why you wouldn't shift back already and properly introduce yourself, if this really was you. He entered his own room and set you down on his bed, not caring about the fur that would inevitably be shed onto it.

A small chirp from you got his attention - Bucky was pacing around his room. He’ll wear a hole through the floor if he continues like that, you thought.

You meowed again, and he approached you carefully, offering a hand for you to smell. He’d seen you in the hallways or in the training room, but the two of you never really had the chance to converse together.

You stood, short on your four legs and placing a paw in the soldier’s outstretched hand.

It's me.

[calmgloomyday]

𝔻𝕖𝕝𝕖𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕊𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕖

a/n: so i've been prepping for season 2 and found a deleted scene on youtube. many people didn't think it was a good scene. my goal here? get people to have a different perspective on it. maybe loki and sylvie had it planned out as opposed to the popular opinion of "this doesn't make sense, why would sylvie suddenly care about loki when they got back to the TVA even though he just held her hostage?"

warnings: angst, daggers, some swearing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m going to die here, you thought as the meteors came crashing down into the purple atmosphere of the planet. This is where I’ll die.

A tear slipped down your cheek.

You couldn’t think of what would happen to this planet in less than fifteen minutes. What would happen to all of its inhabitants, its families. They’d be gone - and so would you.

You could feel a hand slowly intertwining itself with yours. A sign of comfort, or maybe shared fear. With slightly blurry eyes, you turned towards Loki. He gave a pained smile.

It was overwhelming. Within the past few days - or had it been weeks? - you’d found out that you were a variant of yourself.

During that time, you’d also met Loki in a not-so-friendly way. When you found out you were a variant, you’d fled from the TVA using a TemPad. While being on the run for those few days, the TVA had caught up, and with them came Loki.

Although you tried to fight him, he used the same device you had to get out of the TVA’s grasp as well.

Why?

You hadn’t a clue, but you didn’t quite care. As long as he didn’t try to kill you, it didn’t matter. One thing you’d learned was that the god was talkative. Very talkative.

So much so that when he landed you both on Lamentis-1, you didn’t bother paying attention to him. You walked on and he followed.

Like a puppy.

Loki hadn’t seen any…emotional side to you. He gave a small squeeze to your hand. You slowly came to realize that you harbored feelings for him this whole time. The entire journey of trying to leave this godforsaken planet you’d kept a stone cold face.

Except now.

“Don’t cry, darling,” the god said softly, wiping the stray tear away from your cheek with his thumb, “you’re not alone, I’m here.”

That was it.

The tears started flowing, albeit quietly. The stress of being on the run and learning that everything you ever loved was meaningless overwhelmed you. A small whine left your lips. This couldn’t be happening, not in front of Loki.

You stood up, shaking like a leaf, and stumbled as a meteor hit across the lake. It would’ve knocked you off of your feet had Loki not been there to catch you into his arms. Shushing you, he attempted to calm you down, but to no avail.

“I’m so sorry,” you cried to him, “so, so sorry.”

The meteors grew in size.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” he reassured you, one hand on your lower back and one on the back of your head.

“Yes, there is. I failed us.” At this, he pulled away slowly.

A confused yet slightly hopeful look on his face told you all you needed to know. “There’s an us?”

A shaky sigh left you as you nodded, the roar of crashing meteors growing louder.

“Look, it’s difficult to explain at the moment, but…god, I’ve loved you this entire time. I was trying to keep it hidden, to protect us, and by the look on your face I did a pretty good job,” You gave a watery laugh. “I figured since we’d die here, I’d just let you know-”

Lips crash into yours and your eyes slide closed.

After a few moments, you back away to get some air, and notice the distracted look on Loki’s face. He’s focused…on something behind you.

He turns you around, pinning your back against his chest and you feel the coolness of a dagger across your throat.

His breath on your ear, you hear him whisper, “Follow my lead.” Those damn time doors had opened in front of you, three of them not ten feet away.

Minutemen walked out, leading Ravonna Renslayer and Mobius towards the both of you.

“What happened on this moon?” she questioned the two of you.

Loki started moving you slightly, a sign for you to make this “hostage” situation look real, “I did what you asked me to do. My way, perhaps - unconventional - but more sophisticated. Not quite the, uh, TVA way, but I did it. And now, you have her. That’s what happened.” He looked towards Mobius, “I’m not your enemy.”

You struggled against him, seeing this as your only opportunity. Loki would forgive you for this, right? He wanted you to play along.

“I am,” you growled.

It happened fast.

You bit your captor’s arm, knocking the dagger out of his grip and giving him a sharp elbow to the gut. The god grunted in pain, keeling over before restabilizing himself. You charged forward, snarling, to Hunter B15. Just as you were about to land a punch to her gut, too, she extended her arm and knocked the wind out of you.

Your vision went black before returning to the purple hue of Lamentis-1’s sky. As you gasped for air, you could hear Mobius saying the last thing you wanted to hear.

“Arrest them both.”

Those damn minutemen dragged you up to your feet, armor clinking as they moved. Your desperate attempts to fight them off were no use, and the click of a time collar sounded as you felt it locked onto you.

“Mobius, you have to trust me,” Loki pleaded behind you.

“I don’t.” The disapproval was evident in the man’s voice. The same collar was locked on to Loki, although you couldn’t hear any signs of struggling.

“Prune it. And get them back,” Renslayer ordered. It didn't matter to you - at least the people of this timeline wouldn't know what was happening in the next few seconds.

No, I’ll die where this circus act started, you thought.

[calmgloomyday]

𝔸 ℕ𝕒𝕘𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕊𝕦𝕤𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕚𝕠𝕟 - ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟙𝟜

a/n: this was more of an information-filler. my shoulder is recovering from a dislocation but i've had tons of ideas for writing

warnings: talk of blood, angst, slight depression

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You lifted a hand to your throat - good lord, this was getting unbearable.

“It’s one of those two options. If you want to kill me, have at it. I’ve lived as a 19 year old for a hundred years and it’s been far too long. In case you aren’t feeling homicidal, I’ll keep my distance for the rest of your life since you’ll eventually die,” you proposed. Loki raised his hand, palm facing towards you.

“You’re forgetting the third option.”

“The third option won’t be an option because I refuse to believe that just a few drops of your blood would ease the hunger that feels like it’s consuming me!” you yell, exasperated. “It just can’t be that easy!”

The god lowered his hand and stepped closer to the cell that held you. He was clearly trying to help you calm down because he - hell, he didn’t think the team had ever seen you so ravenous and controlled by your hunger.

“It could work if you give it a chance. You’re forgetting that this is all a part of your nature. You don’t have to do this the hard way. If it makes you feel more comforted-” he conjured one of his infamous daggers, “-you don’t have to get all up-close and personal.”

You knew what he was implying the second the dagger appeared in his hand with a green glow.

One part of you knew this was a better option; you had less chance of losing control. Still, so much could go wrong. If someone else other than Loki were to hand you a cup of his blood, you could be too far gone with your survival instincts because Loki’s blood might be the only thing that sates the hunger. 

Accidentally attacking a team member was only a best case scenario, though. Your control is good now considering the circumstances, but what if attacking one person after downing what had to be the most satisfying blood in existence caused a chain reaction?

History repeats itself, and you have a rather dark & hidden one with bad self control.

You never thought much about it, but the last thing you wanted to do near a team of heroes is repeat what you’d done when you were first turned: flip your humanity switch off and go on a killing spree.

On the other hand, if you drank directly from your mate, you could probably get away with having a sip or two each day as opposed to a pint every three or four days.

Loki is a god, after all - doesn’t he have godly strength?

The only issue with this option is the team’s trust with you; they caught you while you were trying to hunt. These people may not like Loki too much, but your fear is that they won’t let you feed directly from him in case you kill him.

Thor wouldn’t be a happy camper, either.

Then again, who are you to be asking for permission?

You huffed. “Fine. But let the others know first in case you go missing.” At this response, the trickster’s face lit up the slightest bit.

The dagger he possessed disappeared just as it came, the green glow an indicator of its departure.

[calmgloomyday]

𝕊𝕚𝕓𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕒𝕟 𝔽𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕗

a/n: it's been a hot minute since i've last posted. i've got a bunch of unfinished drafts laying around...

warnings: none, just use of a russian word (Привет, meaning hello)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were woken with the feeling of weight on the other side of the couch. It didn’t bother you much, so, remaining curled up in a ball, you fell into a light sleep.

An ex-HYDRA experiment, a shifter, you were able to shift into different animals.

Your most well-known one?

A majestic Siberian cat. It was the “form” you felt most comfortable in if you didn’t feel like lounging around as a person in the compound. It wasn’t surprising for a teammate of yours to find a cat in the most random spaces.

Some of your teammates - the new ones - didn’t know about your abilities, though. Thus, when Bucky sat down on the couch after a very long and tiring mission, he was startled to find a snoozing furball on the other side of it.

He didn’t want to bother you - after all, how often do you see something so peaceful in a place so chaotic? But it still struck him as odd that Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, would adopt a cat.

Especially when it was getting fur all over the couch.

The soldier decided to let it go. It wasn’t his problem, was it? And the cat - you - weren’t bothering anything or anyone, so why make a fuss? Bucky leaned back into the couch, finally letting himself relax.

You could hear his heartbeat slow as he started to doze off. As far as you knew, Bucky was the only one who didn’t know about your abilities.

You were curious. After standing up, stretching, and giving a big yawn, you padded your way to the other side of the couch next to Bucky.

You swatted his thigh. Bucky, who was just getting into a nice nap, looked down to see you - only, he didn’t know it. The Siberian cat looked friendly enough, so he lifted his flesh hand to pet your head.

It wasn’t rare for you to lose yourself to some of the animalistic instincts when you shifted. Purring, you rubbed your head into his hand even further.

“Aren’t you just a sight for sore eyes,” Bucky spoke quietly. He’d never really interacted with animals, so for one to initiate contact with him was quite the surprise. The immense happiness you were feeling was dialed down just a bit when you noticed that Bucky’s left arm - the vibranium one - wasn’t helping out in petting you.

You let out an exasperated meow and flopped down onto the soldier’s left arm, rolling and wiggling all over it. Bucky had always been insecure of his vibranium arm - this you knew. Regardless of the form you took, you felt it was your job to help boost his confidence.

Just as Bucky removed you from his left arm, planning on petting you with both hands now, Nat strolled into the room eating a peanut butter sandwich. She gave Bucky a “what’s up?” nod. 

“Привет. Nice job on the mission today.”

He looked up from the feline on his lap. “Thanks. Natasha, why didn’t anyone tell me Stark got a cat?” Nat looked down at you, then back up at Bucky.

“He didn’t,” she deadpanned. Seemingly happy with her answer, the spy exited the room.

Looking up at Bucky, you noticed the shock on his face. Just as fast as he’d relaxed, he tensed up again and picked you up, putting you on the other side of the couch where you initially started. You could tell what the poor guy was probably wondering: Was he hallucinating? Were you an intruder since Natasha said that Stark hadn’t adopted a cat?

Were you actually Loki trying to pull his leg?

Stress rolled off of this man like waves. You took it upon yourself to reassure Bucky - again. Determined, you got up and curled into his side, purring all the while. You didn’t want to outright tell him it was you, rather you wanted to see if Bucky could figure it out himself.

At this point, he wasn’t far off, either. There was something about the cat, he decided, that reminded him a lot of you. He shook that thought out of his mind. There’s no way you were a mutant or a shifter. If you were, you or the team would’ve told him.

And you certainly wouldn’t be trying to “make biscuits” on his vibranium arm, a sign of marking your territory.

He picked you up and held you face-level with himself. Actually, now that he looked closely, the cat’s eye color was shockingly close to yours. Eerily close. Keeping one hand under your stomach and the other supporting all four of your legs, he lifted you up against his chest and went to find Steve.

He would most definitely know where this cat came from.

[calmgloomyday]

𝕄𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕖𝕗, ℕ𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕤, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕄𝕒𝕪𝕙𝕖𝕞

warnings: threats, teeny bit of angst

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A meeting with Frigga regarding your husband was what had you rushing down the bifrost to Midgard, land of the mortals. Loki had been getting into too much trouble for his mother’s liking (for anyone’s liking, really).

And so you’d suited up in your dark gray leather armor, not caring that anyone might think you were headed into battle.

You were, after all, Melinoe, the goddess of ghosts, shadows, and nightmares.

This is what left you here, at the moment. Standing on top of the Avengers tower and trying to figure out a way to break inside without causing too much of an issue.

You walked over to the edge of the tower, looking at the bustle of the city below you. The vehicles hummed by and occasionally you could hear the blaring of a horn or two.

Going back to your current predicament, you look to see if you can find a way off of this stupid building. Turning on your heel, you see there’s an entrance - or an exit - that leads in and out of the building for those looking to hitch a ride on a helicopter.

Perfect, you thought.

Before entering, you made sure to cloak yourself using shadows. You thought it best not to barge in fully visible.

As you pushed the door open, you could hear the low chatter of voices from the floor below. You’d been told by Loki about the team of people who call themselves the Avengers. He didn’t like them much, and you’d communicated with the souls who couldn’t be saved by the team. You felt nothing but pity towards the souls and annoyance with the Avengers. Still cloaked, you pull out one of the many daggers hidden in your suit.

You continue down the stairs, slowly entering the lobby. The team is gathered, some with drinks in hand. Okay, scratch that. It’s Tony with a drink in hand.

Loki always warned you that mortal was an alcoholic.

As far as you understood, Stark was the “leader” of this team, so you crept up behind him. Your plan? Threaten the Avengers, find Loki, and get out of this place.

You simultaneously unveil yourself from the shadows and raise your dagger to Stark’s throat, ultimately putting the man in a headlock while applying pressure with a knife.

“If anyone is to make a move for a weapon, I’ll have this mortal dead in the most gruesome manner you’ll ever see,” you warn. That stops the team from reaching for their guns, bows, and any other weapon they might wield.

The room is dead silent now, except for the ragged breathing of Tony who’d been caught off guard. It’s clear that you aren’t from earth - the Avengers could figure that part out in no time.

Someone clears their throat. “Since we’re currently under the impression that you’re a threat, we’re gonna have to ask you to leave,” a man wearing a cape tells you.

Ah, you realize, the wizard that made Loki fall for 30 minutes straight.

“I’m not a threat, unless you’d like me to be. In that case, I’d make all of your lives living hells to the point where you’d wish you were back in this situation,” you hiss. Keeping your dagger held tight against Tony’s throat, you slowly back up towards the floor-to-ceiling window. “I have every intention of finding what I’m looking for and leaving.”

Stark wheezes, “Then I suggest you tell us who you are and what it is you’re looking for. Then we might come to an agreement.” You look at the members around the room. None are holding weapons but all are in a fighting stance.

Rolling your eyes, you call the souls with the voice inside your head. It wouldn’t be long before they arrived, so you took yet another step back.

By now, all of the Avengers looked agitated, the redhead in particular. She took a step forward, counteracting your step back. Any minute, souls.

“Make one more move and I’ll have his head cut clean off,” you growl.

The woman looks at the hostage in your arms and back at you. “I know what you’re looking for, and I know the location.” Though your face remained neutral, this had you stunned.

How could this woman understand what - no, who - it was that you came looking for?

The souls you’d called just moments ago came crashing through the windows as ordered, shattering them. The team forgot about your orders with weapons and drew theirs, ready for a fight. It was always funny seeing others’ reactions to souls. A person had to be a god to see the souls’ figures. If they weren’t? Well, then they couldn’t see them, only the things that were caused by them.

Thus, you chuckled as the Avengers gasped when the windows seemingly shattered out of nowhere. All of this commotion, and one person that you expected to see here, wasn’t.

Thor.

You cloaked yourself and Tony in the shadows again, putting your dagger back in your hip holster and keeping a hand over his mouth.

“Make a sound and it will be your last,” you whispered to him. Shouts of confusion start being thrown around the lobby.

“Where’d that thing take Tony?”

“Hey Nat, weren’t they just here?”

“That woman didn’t jump out the window with him, did she?”

All the while, you snuck off into a different part of the tower, specifically the hallway of the bedrooms of each team member.

You release your hand from Stark’s mouth so he can talk again and put a finger up to your lips, signaling to be quiet. “Tell me where Loki’s room is.”

“WHAT-?”

“I said, tell me where Loki’s room is!” you whisper-yell at the billionaire. He points to the door at the end of the hallway.

“If you’re looking for him there, you won’t find him. Reindeer Games has been making some trouble and is being stored away safely,” he tells you matter-of-factly.

“Wonderful. Take me to him.”

“Why should I? You haven’t even told anyone your name yet! Gosh, what bad manners for a wo-” You cut him off with a harsh hold on his neck, not wanting him to finish his sentence.

“Fine. I’ll find him myself,” you say through grit teeth, harshly dropping the man to the ground. You uncloak him but let yourself stay covered.

Norns, mortals are a pain.

You continue to make your way around the building, careful to avoid crowded areas. At last, you come along a quiet hall. On your trek around the tower, you’d read the maps to locate where the Avengers would (in your mind) most likely hold your husband.

A little spot on said map read “Holding Cell” and you were sure that’s where your beloved was.

Even though you were cloaked, you still kept your eyes peeled. A door at the end of the hallway had a plaque above it, reading “EMPLOYEES ONLY BEYOND THIS POINT”.

Well, that was easy.

Though the door was locked, you were quickly able to pick and open it. There, in a large, glass cell, sat your husband. He didn’t notice the door of the room open quietly by itself.

What you noticed was that this, although a holding cell, was meant for creatures much more dangerous than he.

Slowly looking and walking around the cell, you found the entrance and removed the lock thanks to the souls. The clang of the lock dropping to the ground made Loki turn his head to look. No one was there, but he knew it had to be you.

Just as the thought crossed his mind, you unveiled yourself from the shadows and opened the door.

“Darling, how I’ve missed y-” he starts, but a slap echoes through the room.

“That’s for causing all of this trouble down here. You know I love you but this stress is terrible for the baby.”

[calmgloomyday]

𝔸 𝕊𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣 ℕ𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝔽𝕠𝕣𝕘𝕠𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕟 - ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟛

warnings: swearing, bit of blood here and there

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Jas, I’m thirsty again,” I whine. I’d just drained two deer and one bear not two hours ago. At the time, I felt full, but it quickly wore off. Having a hard time adapting to this lifestyle was an understatement.

I was lucky I wasn’t draining the entire town of Forks.

Now, I'm confined to the house and the woods around it. The Cullens made sure to keep watch around me when I hunted, since I could easily find an escape route. Usually Emmett or Jasper went with me, sometimes both.

“Give it time, Ivy,” he replied, sitting down next to me, “I still have trouble with it.” I get up to find Alice. I was tired of being told to give it time. I wasn’t a newborn, but due to changing my diet I was treated like one. The family had also taken the age I was turned at into consideration, along with the fact that I could always find my way out of a place.

Walking up the modern hallway, I find a giant plaque holding at least 20 graduation caps of all different shades. I’ve never been to high school in all my years of living.

Not that I’d want to. 

Pushing the door open into Alice & Jasper’s room, I find her organizing clothes. In the past two weeks, I found that Alice has a knack for clothes. I hadn’t seen her wear the same outfit twice. I stroll in and sit on the chair by the bookshelf. Alice had told me that I was always welcome into her and Jasper’s room whenever I liked, but I rarely went into anyone’s room except mine. 

“Hey, Ivy,” Alice acknowledges. “What’s up?” 

“Nothing.”

“I know you well enough to know that it is not nothing.” What the hell? She's known me for all of two weeks.

“Just thirsty.” 

“Jasper won’t take you out?”

“Nope. Neither will Emmett.” She stayed silent after this, her eyes going blank. I guess she was scanning the future for something, so I get up and leave.

I’ve been so bored lately. Being confined to the house and the forest sucked. I'm not even allowed near people, probably to help me adjust more. Walking back downstairs, I make a quick decision: I would ask to go out in public (with Jasper and Emmett, for safety) and test my control. 

“Jasper!” I call out, knowing damn well he can hear me. Excitement practically oozes out of me as I skip over towards him.

“How’s my favorite biological big brother?”

“I’m your only biological big brother.”

“Then how are you?”

“Ivy, what is it you want?” he asks, catching on. He looks up from his book. I never thought Jasper would be the book type. When he was human, he was always out riding horses.

At least, I think he was. My human memories have pretty much faded away at this point. 

“Nothing much. I just wanted to see if you and Emmett would take me out in public. You know, get some fresh air?” I reply innocently. He closes his book and looks at me. It seems like he's studying me.

“Absolutely not. You just said you were thirsty. If I took you out there, you’d kill the first person in sight.”

“Well, what if I didn’t?” I counter. “I’m really thirsty now, but if I go out there and manage not to kill anyone, won’t that definitely prove my control?” He looks deep in thought now. I know I've got him. Emmett walks into the room just as Jasper's about to speak again. Ruffling my long, honey-colored hair, he joins the conversation.

“Not yet, squirt. If Jasper and I took you out there, what would Esme think of me? She’d think I’m a bad influence on you,” he says. 

“You already are,” I tease him. He laughs, his voice booming down the halls. 

“I see no problem,” Alice chirps, skipping into the room while clapping her hands. I get up and let her sit with Jasper, who immediately puts his hand on top of hers.

One thing was certain: I’d learned that Jasper and Alice are each other’s rock. Neither could live without the other. 

“Wait, really?” I wonder out loud. Alice nods. I look towards Jasper hopefully. 

“Alright, alright. Just let Carlisle know where we’re headed.”

We’d left Alice behind since she told us everything would be okay. I sit in the back of Emmett’s Jeep, with Jasper riding in the passenger’s side. I’ve never been in a car before, usually I run to wherever I need to go.

With no particular destination in mind, we park by a diner. I know that I can’t eat food now, but I always wondered what would happen if I did.

Climbing out of the vehicle, I'm accompanied by Emmett and Jasper. One on my right, the other on my left. 

“We’re just gonna walk the streets today,” Emmett tells me. “It’s probably not a good idea for you to be inside with a lot of people.” I nod.

Even though Alice hadn’t seen anything doesn't mean her visions can't change. My uncertainty is taken over by a calm wave. Damn it, Jasper.

He never lets me feel anything negative if he can help it. 

We walk towards the high school that they go to. Boys play basketball on the court, teasing each other and laughing. As we walk, I watch one boy in particular dribble the ball and go to shoot, but trip over another teen’s foot.

Knowing where this was headed, I freeze in my tracks. The boy falls, scraping his knee pretty badly. Emmett and Jasper notice I've stopped, which stops them, too. The teen is bleeding badly, but not badly enough that there's a need for an ambulance.

My throat rages. All of my muscles lock up and I'm unable to move. 

I know Jasper and Emmett have their own struggles, even now, but they're doing a good job at hiding it. Thirst takes over, and my muscles loosen, ready to run.

I'm not in control anymore.

An animalistic growl comes out of my throat. Emmett quickly puts his arm around my waist, trying not to make a scene while holding me back. I'm struggling against him and I know I'm not going to have a chance at escaping, but I try anyway. 

“Let. Me. Go,” I hiss through grit teeth. He shakes his head. Jasper seems to be having a hard time now, too. I see him focus on the blood, but then return his focus to me.

“Not a chance,” Emmett mutters. I continue trying to pry his arms off of me, anger and thirst flooding through me. I feel normal in that moment - Jasper uses his abilities on me again.

I try to keep my cool and keep walking with them, away from the high school and back to the car. Emmett keeps his arm secured around my waist the entire time.

As we reached the car, the content wears off. Jasper must not have been able to fight his hunger and mine at the same time for long. The boys are practically tackling me to get me into my seat.

“Damn it, Jasper, I told you! I’m thirsty,” I tell him, thrashing around in his and Emmett’s grip. “C’mon, just one person! Otherwise you’ll have to take me out hunting for days.”

“That can be arranged,” Jasper assures me calmly, his Texan drawl coming out. The brothers manage to get me into my seat, and as Jasper concentrated less on his hunger, he began to use his gift on me again.

The drive is silent, with my occasional complaint about how thirsty I am. God, I’m like a child, I think to myself.

There’s nothing worse than being ignored, and that's exactly what was happening now.