cannicullunacy

[cannicullunacy]

its getting bad again. really bad lmao

and yet, no one by my side.

how romantic, to be alone even when people say they love you.

[cannicullunacy]

me when I try to relate to someone I like forcibly and it backfires.

just might kms

[cannicullunacy]

why the fuck does this have 330+ notes guys? guys ??

daily self affirmations

i will never be loved

i will never find love

i will never have love

i will never find peace

i will never be happy

i will never be content

i will never be healthy

i will never be skinny

i will never be motivated

i will never be seen

i will never be cared for

i will never be admired

i will never be sought for

i will never be hoped for

i will never have happiness

i will never have time

i will never have ability

i will never have determination

i will never have confidence

i will never have energy

i will never have wealth

i will never have family

i will never have friends

i will never have good things

i deserve bad things because i am a bad person i deserve to bleed, to cry, and to wallow in shame i deserve nothing good of this world. i deserve nothing. nothing.

[cannicullunacy]

daily self affirmations

i will never be loved

i will never find love

i will never have love

i will never find peace

i will never be happy

i will never be content

i will never be healthy

i will never be skinny

i will never be motivated

i will never be seen

i will never be cared for

i will never be admired

i will never be sought for

i will never be hoped for

i will never have happiness

i will never have time

i will never have ability

i will never have determination

i will never have confidence

i will never have energy

i will never have wealth

i will never have family

i will never have friends

i will never have good things

i deserve bad things because i am a bad person i deserve to bleed, to cry, and to wallow in shame i deserve nothing good of this world. i deserve nothing. nothing.

[cannicullunacy]

bit of a rant

okay so imma just start off saying this.. i am apart of a bpd endogenic system, i (rhune) am a host/core and i love learning abt other peoples experiences, so drop a comment if you want!!

now, where my psychosis having plurals at due to bpd?!?!?!

im. so upset with myself a bit because i experience IRL shifts and currently it's a lil embarrassing to admit.. but our current IRL is jeff the killer from creepypasta while our kin shift is currently a completely different character from a completely different fandom and i dont feel like outting myself so!! anygays haha.

its weird experiencing this IRL bc our creepypasta IRLs are always a bit ... aggressive. hostile. and it makes us feel bad for reacting different or not as how we really Would. Our Jeff IRL isn't problematic i'd say, just we are more prone to having a short temper and we get aggressive, want to indulge in self destruction more which is BAD when we have BPD and BPD induced psychotic symptoms, so shit gets MESSSYYYY but also i want to say i do not feel compelled to nor have 'urges' or the 'itch' to hurt anyone, maybe myself! but not others.

how WE deal with our IRLs is prob different from others but usually we just.. deal with it and just talk with others who also experience IRLs and it helps us ground ourselves and realize, oh its an episode and it will pass. it's not going to be there forever.

ill prob save the rest for another post/vent but i just wanted to like say all that bc its hard to handle creepypasta or horror related IRLs for us because we feel invalidated over just.. existing and being.. like.. excluded because we have a 'problematic' experience or 'problematic' IRL. it's no different than excluding a fictive or factive due to hyperfixation or other reasons for systems.

crazy.

[cannicullunacy]

Introduction for Blog

Starting simple, starting short- ended!

DNI LIST, PLEASE FOLLOW OR BE BLOCKED/BLOCK ME

Minor Individuals, Minor ran blogs

Sysmedicalist / Anti Endo / Anti non-traumagenic systems

BPD Abusers, Cluster B Abusers, Abuse enablers ect ect

Anti-IRLs, Anti-Kins, Anti's in general that exclude psychosis from plurality and the likes, ppl who refuse to understand/learn how psychosis or psychotic symptoms effects ones plurality & identity

Anti growth, Anti recovery for ALl sorts of disorders/conditions

Ill faith identities, ill intent people

Pro-contact paraphilia's, big 3 paraphilia's

Anti-Fiction or Anti-Ship (those who want to ask questions or specific stances are OKAY, just please dont be weird/insensitive)

Anti's of most to all extent (anti-xeno, anti-neo, anti-lgbtqia+, generally just bigots in general)

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING ON THE LIST ABOVE, BLOCK & MOVE ON. ITS NOT THAT HARD TO CURATE YOUR EXPERIENCE.

I don't really have much to add here, other than please know this is a vent & psychosis related blog for my main. Don't like? Don't follow, block and move on. Thanks for those who are here.