carrietoleratesitself

[carrietoleratesitself]

a part of me wishes you’d come back.

a part of me wishes you’d actually leave.

[carrietoleratesitself]

At some point we're gonna have to talk about being plural aren't we

[carrietoleratesitself]

love as religion

jorge luis borges // ron padgett // richard siken // halsey // lana del rey // caitlyn siehl // hozier // katherine philips

[carrietoleratesitself]

trying a fun new project where i just type stream of consciousness bullshit, post it here for accountability, and hope musical/lyrical inspiration strikes

[carrietoleratesitself]

Ok I’m back on here and desperately in need of attention

[carrietoleratesitself]

Also please ask me things I’m bored

[carrietoleratesitself]

Also update, turns out I’m plural ooops

[carrietoleratesitself]

So update, I have a Substack you can subscribe to for free (paid options also exist) where I write about witchcraft!

[carrietoleratesitself]

The Monster’s Hide

You shed your uncomfortable skin

The lie that you have lived

That you are one of them

This monstrous form suits you better

Although some will prize your hide

And chase it to take for their own

Or simply want to kill you for acknowledging the truth of yourself

But is this

Truly

The truth?

Are you a monster? Is this form monstrous, a beast with think inhuman hide.

Or is your claim to inhumanity simply another way to hide?

[carrietoleratesitself]

hey girl, um, we were playing d&d with your boyfriend and um. yeah she has new pronouns now. yeah no she's doing great, yeah, yeah no she made a girl character as a joke and well the rest is history. or herstory, heh. anyway yeah uh guess she's your girlfriend now

[carrietoleratesitself]

The Tentacle Beast

You can feel it writhing in your gut

Tendrils - no -

Tentacles

Trying to

Crawl

c

r

e

e

push their w

a

y

Out of your body and up into the

fra

g

m

t

e

d

W

orld. They writhe

Like some horror from the

d

e

e

p

Some monster with tentacles

You can

feel them

B

E

N

E

A

T

H

Y

O

U

R

S

K

I

N

ow you understand as they push through

Burst out

Blood pouring to the ground

You are the monster with the tentacles

Finally shedding an uncomfortable skin

[carrietoleratesitself]

The Cave

Embrace

You wish

Wish she would

Em

brace

You.

You seek out small places

Corners closets caves

You feel comfortable in the dark and the pressure

Safety

It feels like home

It is home

Never forget you are a monster

You belong in the dark corners

You reflect the fear that proper people have

That somewhere

(In their own dark corners)

They might be a little bit like you

You belong in the empty spaces

Theirs is the only embrace you will ever know

You can feel the loneliness writhing in your gut

[carrietoleratesitself]

they made girls for be kissed by other girls

[carrietoleratesitself]

Yes this was yesterday’s prompt but I’m a day late, a buck short (as Blink-182 famously said) and today’s piece will follow later. I hope people are enjoying the connections between pieces.

Also I am genuinely several bucks short so uhhh I’ve set up a Ko-Fi and if anyone who likes my writing can ever afford to chip in I’ll put it in my bio

Hypnotised

You withdraw into yourself, feeling the shutters fall in your eyes, blank-staring into the middle distance rather than face another sugar-coated rejection, kind words glossing over disgust at your mismatched body and fragile mind. But she slowly reaches out a hand and gently cups your chin, angling your face towards her so that you look into her eyes. You could get lost in there. Sinking. You feel calmer than you have in a while. What is this rushing in your ears why is her voice coming from such a great distance? You cannot keep looking into the light and beauty of her face so you close your eyes and sink into her embrace.

[carrietoleratesitself]

Hypnotised

You withdraw into yourself, feeling the shutters fall in your eyes, blank-staring into the middle distance rather than face another sugar-coated rejection, kind words glossing over disgust at your mismatched body and fragile mind. But she slowly reaches out a hand and gently cups your chin, angling your face towards her so that you look into her eyes. You could get lost in there. Sinking. You feel calmer than you have in a while. What is this rushing in your ears why is her voice coming from such a great distance? You cannot keep looking into the light and beauty of her face so you close your eyes and sink into her embrace.

[carrietoleratesitself]

The Monster’s Teeth

“I too have teeth” she whispers

Barely above inaudibility

Neither threat nor promise

You find it flirtatious

The fictive fangs of this battered girl

Made monstrous by judgement

Little more than a waif in black

Desperately scrabbling for the goth gf aesthetic

Looking for somebody (to love) (or to be loved by)

Hiding her hopes in parentheses and subclauses

Making herself

Small.

You sink into her eyes, lost in a gaze older than her body

And then you realise her truth

Her teeth do not rend flash but spirit

Her soul has been flayed, battered, trampled

And yet has endured

And now laid bare it is unendurable

It stings. It bites you. It holds you pinned like a moth by its gaze

Accusatory, holding you to account for how the world has hurt her

And it draws you in to danger, makes you a moth to its flames.

Nobody could endure that

She deserves love, needs it, seeks it

But who can love a broken doll?

All shiny damaged gears and sharp misaligned teeth

She clicks when she walks, she hides from light and eye contact

She feels you flinch from the sight of one fang half-bared beneath half-open lips

Sighs

And withdraws.

[carrietoleratesitself]

The Werewolf

You are

Monster made flesh the bearer

Of a curse most fear to even think of

The feral hunter in disguise

Predator among us

A fairytale warning that deviance difference danger

Lurks within our neighbours

(But not, of course, our betters)

I should not

Have gone out this full moon

To harvest certain herbs my sister needs

You find me just off the forest path I wait

For the killing blow that never comes

Yet no silver protects me

Then I see

In your eye, me

(And yet not me)

Neither wolf nor yet man

Understood as one trapped within the other

This is untruth

You are between two worlds

Something new

Not monster, not person, you

Like me, woman-born-man

Yet seen as neither

(And no threat to anything but their norms)

I too have teeth