checkyourlingeaux

[checkyourlingeaux]

Hello world! It's me again!

So much has happened since last time I posted here, I think I just fell out of love with blogging for a while. So here's where we're at:

Quit guitar lessons, not because I wanted to but because...

I moved in with my partner in a different city! We've been living together for a while now and I'm still loving it!

By virtue of moving to a new city, got a new job! Already have so many good memories of this place and the people in it

So since my last post I've been living in a new place and working with new people. I'm still in school and recently finished another semester with all As! Two of them were 89s so thank goodness for professors who round up.

French study is going well. My grammar is slowly improving, my vocabulary is slowly building, and my professors like me I think? I've also made some plans for grad school, and the head of my school's French dept agreed to write a recommendation letter for me!

This coming semester I'll be studying applied linguistics for ESOL and working on a couple of senior-level French & F/francophone courses.

Oh yeah also my car was stolen in august and I legally changed my name. Navigating both of those at the same time was a challenge and I'm glad it's all over.

I'll be looking forward to a hopefully not super intense spring semester.

Also! I recently started reading Babel by RF Kuang and it's REALLY good! Check it out if you haven't!

[checkyourlingeaux]

a mini update— big things happening

Guitar lessons are going well! Super excited to be a month in now and I feel like things are kind of moving along. I felt sort of a plateau last week but I think I’ve begun to push past it. The plan for right now is to do some fretting drills each day and try to play along with as many different genres as I can to make myself try different approaches. I think that will allow me to expand my musical vocabulary and my technical ability at the same time.

On an entirely different note, I may be relocating soon. Far be it from me to say where I’m heading but it’ll be the farthest I’ve ever been from where I was born and raised which is a little scary. Less of a safety net but it will technically be the first home where my partner and I will be on our own together. I’m really glad because it means a lot of new opportunities— having friends over for game nights, decorating the entire place to our liking, and getting to fall asleep together every night instead of being over an hour apart. No more long drives on the weekends. Just life together with its ups and downs!

I’m really excited for the way things are going. Very scared of course but it’ll be worth it.

[checkyourlingeaux]

the fall semester cometh

Okay! It is time to register for fall classes!

I’ll be taking math, biology, and French in the fall. That’s the only real update on the school front! I’m waiting to hear back about some credits my old school awarded that two different counselors at this school have said they’d check on but I haven’t heard anything back yet. Here’s hoping because that would allow me to have one less class to take.

In other news, I finally started guitar lessons! I like my teacher a lot. He’s got a super chill outlook on music in general but also very clearly knows his stuff to a ridiculous degree so I think I’m in good hands. Ive been having a lot of fun playing lately so I’m just excited to have someone to guide me a bit.

[checkyourlingeaux]

summer classes? yes and no

With the semester over and my 4.0 intact, I’ve decided to take the summer off of school to allow myself time to rest and commit to a few hobbies! I’m still studying French (and dipping my toes into Italian) through books/video games/movies/etc but actual studying and having assignments due and such is on hold for now.

But! I recently signed up for guitar lessons! So I’m still getting education over the summer *kind of.* I’ve been self teaching over the past few months and now I’ll be getting actual instruction. I’m very nervous and very excited!

My fiancée also just recently started grad school so I’m very very proud of them. I expect great things to come! Life is never *easy* easy but right now we’ve got a lot of good, positive things in the works. :)

[checkyourlingeaux]

another one down

Sophomore semester #1 is finally finished. I’m officially 3/8 of the way through college. I think I finished with all As again but I’m waiting on one last class to post a final grade.

A couple of victories throughout the semester:

•First conversations in French

•Pushing through a semester with poor mental health and doing well

•Learning not to punish myself when I occasionally missed assignments (bc it happens and I don’t deserve to suffer for it)

•Getting a *ninety nine point five* on my French 2 final

But I think my biggest victory might be getting an A in French conversation. I was really really worried about that class going in because I didn’t even meet the prerequisites and I was prepared to fail. But I finished with an A. AND I was told by three completely different native speakers that I speak well— to the point of them asking if I’ve spent time in France before. Which I haven’t. That’s really really flattering and reassuring that maybe I’m in the right place.

So now, with school over for a while, I’m taking the summer to work on a guitar kit. Sanding, finishing, priming, painting, buffing, like. As professional a finishing and assembly job as I can manage. It’s been really fun so far. Maybe I’ll post pictures when she’s done. (:

[checkyourlingeaux]

it’s been a while

I haven’t updated this blog all semester, mostly because I’ve just been seriously overwhelmed and partly because I forgot it existed.

I’m in therapy, learning guitar, having actual real conversations in French now, and I’m just… pushing through the semester. Finished my second Lit class with a 99, holding down Bs in both french classes and I think I’ve got a B or an A in US History.

I had my first real conversations in French this year which blows my mind. Full on thirty minute chats with my tutor without a single word of English. I never realized just how cool that would feel but man it still intimidates me. I’m proud of myself.

I also got an Epiphone Les Paul and an honest to goodness Fender Strat and it is all going really great on that front. Ive improved pretty quickly from self study but I’m thinking of taking lessons over the summer just to shore up my technique and see if I can learn some exercises to improve a bit.

Things have been… a lot. But I’m trying and that’s what matters, right?

[checkyourlingeaux]

So you wanna be a sophomore

I just finished my freshman year of college. Last night I took my last final of the semester which makes me effectively a sophomore. That’s really crazy for me to think about. I never thought I’d have the opportunity to even go to college and now I am out here finishing my first year.

Not only that, but I got nothing but As. All year. I have a 4.0 as a sophomore. If you had told me back in high school that I’d be where I am right now I never would have believed you.

Back in high school I had a bad habit of being cocky to overcompensate for just how little confidence I had, to the point that it became annoying and toxic. I finally realized it and ended up swinging the other way so hard that I barely ever acknowledge my accomplishments— I called finishing my freshman year with all As “moderately successful” on the phone with my fiancée last night.

But I realize that it’s important for me to find the line between feeling bad for bragging and feeling good for celebrating my hard work. So today I am celebrating all the time and effort I put into this past school year and saying HELL YES!! I did it!! I worked hard and this is a pretty big accomplishment, especially for someone who barely graduated high school. I am very proud of myself and I am not going to let myself or anyone else take that from me. I deserve to be excited.

So now that I’ve got a month off from school I can focus on studying French and Japanese a bit more and spend some time relaxing and writing. It’s winter break babyyyyyyy!

[checkyourlingeaux]

Becoming a Blazer and Other Fun Hobbies

So I applied to Valdosta State and for a full month I had total anxiety because their acceptance rate is significantly lower than my current school. Not only that, but I also had to take a placement test for math which is by FAR my weakest subject. It was seriously not looking good.

But! Major shout out to khan academy because without their basic pre-algebra lessons I would be dead in the water. I stumbled across them a month or two ago and they carried me all the way through that test and I absolutely crushed it. I’m nowhere near popular enough for them to even halfway consider sponsoring, I just legitimately love the service because I sucked at math and now I suck a little less.

So I aced the test somehow— I have no idea how because half the material wasn’t on the practice test and I felt like I was just taking random guesses at the answers— and VSU admissions opted to review my file *before I had the required number of credits to transfer.* It seemed like a good sign because like… why would they do that instead of waiting on my final transcripts if they thought it would make any difference?

Turns out it WAS a good sign because less than two hours later I got an acceptance email and as of Wednesday I am officially a Blazer.

Normally I don’t get into school spirit or anything like that but… this school has treated me so well so far, especially the admissions counselor. They’re working on getting my deadname removed on the student portal and my emails and even that gesture is enough to endear me to them a bit. I know that academia can be a soul sucking monster but at least right now everything feels great.

Now I’ve just got to get through finals at ULM so I can have a nice shiny final transcript to send, which means acing my last french quiz and my french and geoscience finals. Finishing freshman year with a 4.0 hinges on these three tests. Nothing to it but to make it happen.

[checkyourlingeaux]

Depression, Anxiety, and all A’s

Pt 2

So it’s been about a month and I’m well into my second semester. Things are moving along slowly but surely but I’m pretty worried about… everything really. It feels like there’s so much going on and I am not sure how I’ve managed to keep all my plates spinning so far.

Money is still a huge worry. I’m desperately hoping that this school transfer goes through— Ive been trying to keep my grades up and relearn math for the placement test to give myself the best chance possible. Getting into VSU would save me thousands.

I’ve also started therapy and it’s going pretty well. I’ve learned a lot about combatting anxiety but that doesn’t really fix living in a broken capitalist society. We’ve mostly been in the “getting to know you/general advice” stage but it’s been good so far. Just the fact that I’m there doing the work is nice.

Carrying a 100 in geoscience so far but I have a midterm today that I’m not at all prepared for. I’ll be doing the extra credit to offset just how poorly I anticipate this going. If this geoscience midterm goes well I will be able to breathe a bit more easily. If not… oops.

French is going okay, but I think I did poorly on the last quiz and that I may have missed an assignment. I am going to be doing everything in my power to finish this class with an A. I would absolutely hate to finish the first class of my major with a B.

World Lit is going well. No complaints. Got a 100 on my midterm essay for that class. Just trucking along because it’s my easiest class right now.

[checkyourlingeaux]

Depression, Anxiety, and all A’s

Ive managed to somehow hold onto my A’s so far this semester but it’s been pretty hard. As we move into the winter and brace for seasonal depression, I worry that my grades will be in danger. I know how hard it kicks my ass every year and I would hate to lose my track record to depression onset by a bit of dark, cold weather.

I’ve also been more and more worried lately about money. My savings account is emptying more quickly than I’d like and I’m worried that school is going to be off the table if I don’t do something about it. I’ve applied to a new school with tuition that’s less than half the cost of my current school, so pending a couple of things that need to fall into place, I’ll be transferring if I get accepted, even if it’s on a probationary period. Hopefully they’ll see my 4.0 and decide it would be crazy to deny my application. This one move could be a lifesaver, seriously.

On the other end, I met with my advisor who is going to do some digging about what kind of tuition assistance is available or if tuition can ever be dropped for any reason— again, in the hopes that my good grades will convince someone who makes those decisions that I’m worth keeping around. Framing it as “we would hate to lose a straight A student because of financial issues” will hopefully do the trick.

On the mental health side, I’ve got my first therapy intake appointment this week and I’m both nervous and excited about it. I’ve already got a handful of topics I want to cover— coming out at work and to my fiancée’s grandfather, getting diagnosed for adhd, maintaining school work and a full time job without getting overwhelmed, that kind of stuff.

I believe in being forthright in talking about my mental health and saying very plainly that it’s been a difficult time. I’ve been struggling lately, mostly because of anxiety over money. Therapy and changing schools should help alleviate a fair bit of that but these are both things that take time.

In the meantime, I’m still carrying a 100 in my literature class, finished my music class with a 99, and my lowest grade of the semester is a 96 in my French class. I’d classify that as “not too shabby”

[checkyourlingeaux]

Cheeky lil update!

Nearly three weeks into my new job and fall semester and things sure are the way that they are.

Ive been brushing up on my French and getting the feeling that this class will be pretty easy after all. So far everything is super simple and I’ve been looking ahead to concepts that haven’t shown up yet in class. Music and Lit are both reasonably easy and I’ve got a couple of As on my hands right now.

The new job isn’t so bad. I’m mostly sitting at a desk answering the phone all day. Most of the people who call are perfectly friendly, one or two have been a bit difficult, and one guy yelled at me about vaccines like a conspiracy theorist. My coworkers are mostly nice people and the slow pace allows me to journal and do school work a lot which is really cool! Still waiting on word about getting me to learn Vietnamese but I imagine that’s pretty low priority right now which is fine.

I did have a covid scare this week and honestly I’m still a little worried about it. I tested negative on an at-home rapid test and I’m taking another one tomorrow with hopefully the same results. If it’s positive, I can’t go see my fiancé this weekend, so I’m hoping really hard that I’m not sick. Hopefully the coughing and nausea is just a sinus infection because my room is a bit dusty and my rats are in here with me making it worse. I guess we shall see

[checkyourlingeaux]

Fall Semester and New Job!

The fall semester has begun! I’m already digging in to my classes and I’ve submitted my first assignments for Music and French.

French is going pretty well so far. I’m understanding all of the material and it’s little more than basic concepts and some cultural background. Nothing difficult at all just yet.

For music, I’m actually pretty far ahead of the curve because I was in band and music theory in high school. I know the difference between a treble clef and a bass clef, I know what chord progressions and triads are, like… easy stuff. Funny enough, a piece we were asked to identify by just an audio clip (Blue Rondo A La Turk by Dave Brubeck) was something my ensemble played in high school so I was already intimately familiar with it. ^^

On the work front, I am now the front desk receptionist for a new office full of new people and I’m pretty nervous… I’m answering phone calls from people asking questions I don’t know the answers to, but luckily a large part of my job is just transferring the calls to whoever DOES know. It’s in a much nicer building and I’m pretty happy with it so far. I think I’ve impressed my new boss somewhat and the opportunity to dress a bit nicer than at my old job is making me feel pretty good. :)

[checkyourlingeaux]

new job and fall semester!

i spent most of my night planning for my new job and for the upcoming fall semester!

I’ve ordered my books— En Avant for my french class and a book on music appreciation for…. music appreciation. I do also need the Norton Anthology of World Literature but luckily we’ve already got a copy at home! That’ll save me a fair chunk of money. I also went ahead and set up my payment plan for the coming semester— it’ll be pretty expensive, but I think it’ll be worth it. As worried as I am about finances, I’m really proud of myself for being able to put myself through school. I don’t know that I’ll ever accomplish anything as important as getting my education, and knowing that I’m doing it almost entirely on my own power and determination is something I can’t help but take some pride in.

On the work front, I’ve been printing and filling out seemingly endless paperwork— tax forms, benefits stuff, things like that— and I’m excited and nervous at the same time. I’ll be making more money, doing less physical labor, probably dressing better and therefore feeling better, and working in a pretty nice, clean office instead of a damn warehouse. It’s gonna be a major change, and I’m taking the opportunity to reinvent myself as far as work goes— I’m gonna dress and present more feminine than I ever did at my current job, and let people be comfortable or uncomfortable with that from the beginning. Who knows? Maybe it’ll turn out to be a good thing. I’m looking forward to it.

[checkyourlingeaux]

POC, my partner returning, and fall semester

So POC was a couple of weeks ago and I can’t believe how great it was. I got to meet Joe Hills, who’s one of my favorite youtubers, and actually got the opportunity to chat with him for a while on a hill by a pool at like 1 AM. I danced on stage at a concert, made a bunch of new friends, realized I’m not terrible at archery, and sang sea shanties in a canoe. I was tired and covered in bug bites by the end of it but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m definitely going next year too.

My partner comes home from California in six days and I couldn’t be more excited. I miss them terribly and, despite being pretty worried about us growing apart while they were gone, I think we’ll be able to pick right back up. They’ll have some new religious practices when they get back and I’m looking forward to learning more about them! But most of all I have just been in dire need of a good cuddle and the ability to talk with them for longer than their schedule will allow right now. I’m going to pick them up on Monday and I absolutely cannot wait.

In the meantime, I’m gearing up and getting ready for fall semester. I need to start ordering books for my French, music appreciation, and literature classes. I have the ISBNs so maybe I can find them cheaper than the school bookstore offers. I’ll definitely wanna keep the French book because it might come in handy later in my major but I’m more or less indifferent about keeping the other two. I am definitely nervous about having three classes at a time but I think I can handle it, considering I’ll be taking classes in a couple of things with which I’m already somewhat familiar.

[checkyourlingeaux]

✅ summer semester

I ended world civ I with an A after having more trouble with my professor than I ever wanted to have. She was really rude about not helping students with technical difficulties that *she* caused and the department head refused to respond to any part of my emails detailing it. It seriously has me considering switching schools. Thank god I’m not a history student because having them as professors would be a nightmare. I’ve got some choice words for them for sure.

At any rate, I survived with my 4.0 intact and now I’m 2 days out from Play On Con! Very excited to get out there and have some fun for a few days.

My fiancée is in California for another 20 days and I don’t know how I’ll manage. I miss them more than I thought I could ever miss someone. Their schedule doesn’t allow them to text or call much and that makes it even harder. I’m hoping POC will distract me from it because I feel pretty alone right now. At any rate… it should be a fun weekend. It gives me something to look forward to for now and I’ll have to just keep myself occupied for the two lonely weeks after.

Fall semester starts next month and I’ll officially be a sophomore. If I keep my grades up it’ll make applying for other schools easier and hopefully help me get into a decent grad school. We’ll see!

[checkyourlingeaux]

I got on the president’s list!

Super excited to say that I’ve had my name on the president’s list for what will hopefully not be the only time. It’s the first time I’ve had enough credit hours to be eligible and I’m super proud of myself.

World Civ I started as a nightmare. The professor didn’t have a required book for the course, only mentioned the “highly recommended” book on the syllabus we can’t access until the first day of class, and based all the quizzes off the “not required but highly recommended” book that, because of shipping times, most of her ONLINE STUDENTS couldn’t get until halfway through the class. I was furious. I still kind of am. I’m going to be writing an angry letter to the school.

Still, I’ve got a 98 in the class. I won’t let one short-sighted jerk teacher get between me and academic success. Two weeks until summer break.

Also! I’ll be at Play On Con this year!

A friend invited me and talked me into going. It’ll be my first time doing anything remotely like this and I’ll only know one or two people there. My fiancée will be on the other side of the continent for thirty days so it’ll give me some much needed rec time and help me get out of my rut a bit. I’m super looking forward to it! I’m also hoping to use the month and a half between semesters to crack down on my Japanese study because I’ve been shirking it so much. And I’ll be starting French in the fall which I’m actually kind of nervous about. Oh well, c’est la vie! 仕方ない

[checkyourlingeaux]

End of semester update!

Another semester down! It wasn’t the easiest but I held onto my 4.0 and I’m very proud of that. I’ll be looking for my name on the President’s List because I fully anticipate seeing it there. :)

Public speaking was kind of a pain in the ass, but English comp was fine. I actually kind of loved my biology class which was totally surprising.

This summer: World Civ I! I’ve already taken World Civ II so I’m assuming this is just studying a different time period. Then in Fall.... my first French class and World Lit! I’m so so excited for both of those. I’ve also got an enjoyment of music class and a class about natural disasters (for some reason) so that’ll be pretty interesting.

Here’s to academic success!!