clandestine-sadboy

[clandestine-sadboy]

I miss you

I talk about you to chatGBT about you

Trey k

For a while it didn’t matter where I was going

[clandestine-sadboy]

I couldn’t begin to describe the feeling I got when you told me I was hard to love. And you know what? You’re right. I am. I struggle loving myself too… don’t you see that all of this shit we’ve been through- is based upon that. I don’t think you really understood when I told you that I was gonna be in love with you for life - even if one day you left. Let me try and explain…

You see, after my last relationship, I told myself that if he left anyone else would too and well of course that’s true… but we went from understanding me to refusing to understand me. I told myself that I wouldn’t ever let myself fall for another person like that again. I truly gave everything in that relationship. I’ll admit I let my past trauma get in the way, which is also something I told myself I wasn’t going to do. I wondered a few times what it would be like to move on with someone else I wasn’t completely miserable over the thought but I still told myself I wasn’t going to do that again. I couldn’t. Many opportunities were available but I never even entertained it for a moment. Then that night when I saw you.. I knew I was attracted to you but I honestly thought you were gonna be like everyone else. Pretty to the eye but not what I needed in my life. But then I got drunk and I had to know more about you. And once I spoke to you face to face I couldn’t let myself continue to party with my friends I just wanted to be with you. For the first time since my last- I felt.. good. Confident. Suddenly I was calmer, I smiled more, I was actually feeling things… but I realized that I started to actually love myself again. That’s such a good feeling. Trust me you don’t want it to end. Because you know when it does- it’ll hurt more. It’ll be longer than before. It’ll be worse in every way.

So how am I supposed to love myself when I let a moment put the only thing that brought me out of the dark place I was in, in danger? You’re gone and I don’t blame you. But I don’t think you get it.

I’m gone too.

Trey k

[clandestine-sadboy]

You deserve someone that wants every moment of life with you. That wants heaven with you. That wants to be with you, wherever you go.

[clandestine-sadboy]

Did you even cry, man? Or did you seriously just drive away and sigh in relief?

Here I am… again.

Trey K

by Lee

[clandestine-sadboy]

O SANGUE (1989)

[clandestine-sadboy]

[clandestine-sadboy]

[clandestine-sadboy]

I’m living for me and me only.

I’ve done a lot- there’s no doubt that I’m not a perfect person.

But I can admit that. Can you?

Trey K

[clandestine-sadboy]

Don’t trust anyone

D O N ‘ T trust anyone

D O N ‘T T R U S T anyone

D O N ‘ T T R U S T A N Y O N E .

Trey K

[clandestine-sadboy]

[clandestine-sadboy]

I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be real and I wanted to be your reason. I wanted you to be mine. I wanted you to stay. I wanted to be better. I wanted to grow with you. I wanted to simply love you.

I saw us slowly fall apart and sadly, I saw it coming. At first, I fought you. I didn’t wanna let you be mad at me, or let you be sad. I fought it for you. I wanted to show you that I did in fact love you totally unconditionally- just as you wanted someone to.

Despite your flaws I loved you more than anything in this universe. You made me genuinely happy. Which is something I never really felt before. True bliss.

Now I have to let you go as if I’m okay with all this being for nothing. As if I don’t love you still - like you’re not on my mind anymore. Like I’m not gonna cry every night. Lonely. Again. I wonder though, when are you going to leave my head? Because I meant everything I’ve said to you. I will love you for the rest of my life.

Trey K

[clandestine-sadboy]

Photo by KizanokZ

[clandestine-sadboy]

Don’t worry about me or anything

But I haven’t slept since the last time we spoke… I separated from my body and my mind fills with words that never leave my mouth because it’s just me….

Alone - I don’t wanna be alone.

Truth is, the guilt is killing me. The words unsaid are haunting me. Ripping my own heart to shreds dissecting everything piece by piece. I am scared to see you in my dreams and my skin itches in longing for your skin on mine. I have thought about you too much. I’m so tired… but I just want you… need you.

Trey k

He was pretty,  

Etched with fading incisions,  

The shiniest among the lost toys;

But I watched him perish,

My little glass boy.

[clandestine-sadboy]

i’m sure silence should hurt less.

[clandestine-sadboy]

nothing is ok, everything is horrible

[clandestine-sadboy]

[clandestine-sadboy]

When I’m with you, I don’t wanna be with you

Covet-Basement 🎶