cloudynia

[cloudynia]

I was holding a grief and suddenly I saw this on my timeline. Thank you so much @tenderwatches. You are a life saver! Somehow this really gives me passion to empower my vocabulary for creative writing. ✏️❤️

sometimes you need dialogue tags and don't want to use the same four

[cloudynia]

The Art of Losing

Today, I remain alone. Untouched by the presence of someone new. I try to carry on with life as if nothing has changed while gathering the shattered pieces of my heart you once so carelessly broke. To live without you is a weight I quietly bear. It's heavier than I thought especially when I see you smiling beside someone else.

Compared to her, I'm...

-

A day meant for joy which is my convocation... It became a memory etched with sorrow. Though we no longer speak, the wound you left still aches deeply. I remember it all too well... As I stood waiting for my moment on stage, I opened my phone, curious to see your WhatsApp status. And there she was... that woman in your photo. Fair-skinned and radiant, her lips beautifully shaped, her eyes glowing with confidence, her style graceful, her presence fierce and independent. No wonder you chose her.

still work in progress,

still learning how to be strong,

still rebuilding my life from the ground up.

-

And now, the car seat that once held me beside you has been filled by her, your chosen one. She looks so happy and cherished with your presence. The very reflection of how I once felt in your arms. I can picture it... You driving to her home, greeting her father with a smile, laughing as you did with mine. It’s all the same, isn’t it? Only the face has changed. I wonder... have you shared with her the same words, the same gestures, the same warmth you once gave to me?

-

It feels almost unreal with what I saw, what I’ve come to know. I understand I have no right to keep tabs on your life because we haven’t spoken in a long time. But still, I find it hard to believe that you found someone new so quickly. While I’m still here… silently trying to forget the memories we built together. The places we used to go... the beach, the Thai border, cafés, the paddy fields… I try to erase the echoes of us from those places. I haven’t returned to any of them since we separated. I stay home instead, writing letters that will never reach you.

-

One day, I believe all these letters will stand as proof how deeply I tried to protect my heart, how fiercely I tried not to fall again. I don’t know if I’ll still be alive when that day comes, but if I am and I’ve truly healed, I will burn these letters. Not to erase the memories, not to suppress the emotions or the journey I’ve walked through...

It's because I've learned:

To love does not always mean to possess.

To love does not mean holding your hand so tightly.

Sometimes, we must let go... For peace, for comfort.

-

And this time…

I choose to let you go.

-

Though it hurts, I release you for the sake of the future we once dreamed of together. It pains me to see you still standing in the same place, while I had been asking you to move forward with me. You know what hurts the most? I cannot force change upon you because it's your choice to stay at those places, so we decide to let go and carve separate paths with purpose.

-

As for me? Don’t worry. I will continue to choose myself and live my life. Though a thousand memories of you still linger at the window of my heart, let time be the one to decide our fate. And in time, each of us will find our rainbow even we are no longer walking side by side.

Love notes from me:

Life never tires of offering us new experiences. One of them is learning that people will come and go. The human heart constantly yearns for change, for new stimulation to breathe life into its days. It’s okay if you’re still trying to let go of those who once painted your skies with color, even if your heart still whispers otherwise. We may lose a part of ourselves after losing someone we love, but remember to not remain fallen forever. Rise. Seek the strength that still lives within you, even after a piece of your soul has been torn away. It is through loss that we truly come to know ourselves. In the quiet aftermath, we uncover strength we never knew we carried. From sorrow, we learn to hold joy more gently, more dearly. And slowly, we learn to welcome change not as an ending, but as a sacred part of growing.

Credit picture: The Separation by Edvard Munch (1896)

[cloudynia]

Before Everything Went Digital... (Part 1)

I was born in 2003, so I got to experience a bit of what growing up in the 2000s felt like. Basically this is just a random throwback when everything was such a simple and fun time. Full of toys, cartoons, flip phones, and things that felt so exciting back then. I wanted to make some post just to share some of the stuff I remember from that era. Maybe you'll feel a bit of nostalgia too, or just enjoy the throwback.

— PUFFER BALLS

— DISNEY PRINCESS TEA SET

— HELLO KITTY STAMPS

— ORBEEZ (AKA WATER BEADS)

— RAINBOW LOOM

[cloudynia]

Drifting But Still Moving...

Sometimes, I wonder… What will I become in the future? Will I be happy? Or will life choose a different path for me? I don’t know. I feel like a duckling who’s lost its mother. Confused by life, holding a map too wide for my hands. The roads all blur and I forget where I was going.

I wish I could be like those who move with purpose. I really admire people who have clear goals, who know exactly what they want. While I’m just drifting, Following the flow that I didn’t choose and not knowing if I’ll reach land safely or maybe I’ll drown in the waves along the way.

I always feel like I’m the only one who feels this lost but quietly, somewhere deep down I know I’m not. Maybe you, the one reading this feel it too. Maybe we’re both floating in the same sea. Uncertain, but not alone.

In all this uncertainty, I’ve come to learn new things. I’ve met parts of myself I never knew...

My strengths,

My flaws,

My quiet sadness,

And the loneliness that sometimes hugs me tighter than joy ever did.

Disappointment,

Sorrow,

And shadows of depression

Have been companions on this winding road.

And yet... The journey continues. Even now. I carry on, step by step with a small piece of hope folded gently in my pocket.

Love notes from me:

If you’re reading this and you feel the same, I want you to know: you’re not alone. Feeling lost is part of growing up. It’s part of the silent syllabus of life. So don’t stop learning about yourself. Don’t give up searching. One day, you will find out who you truly are. And maybe that version of you... Has been waiting patiently all along.

[cloudynia]

about me:

hello! i'm cloudy☁️

★ age: 21 - 30

★ pronouns: she/her

★ personality: high in openness, agreeableness and neuroticism

★ aesthetic: cottagecore, indie kid, autumn core, soft grunge, art hoe, boho, ethereal and any aesthetic related to glitter graphics.

---

likes:

moody music

comfortable and earthy clothes

meaningful media

writing what i can't say out loud

late night thoughts

playlist that feels like me

rainy days spent inside

fairy lights

cute things

books that feel like home

self expression

---

dislikes:

loud and crowded places

feeling rushed or pressured

feeling misunderstood or disconnected

negativity and judgmental attitude

unrealistic standard

people who lack empathy and kindness

superficial conversation

forced positivity

when people dismiss feelings

---

currently obsessed with:

self expression ✏️

---

hobbies:

sleep

journaling or expressive writing

making a playlist that matches my emotions

observing people and life

daydreaming

capture random pictures

listening to the music

watching movies/tv shows/cartoon/anime

decorating my bedroom

explore something new

---

random facts:

i love authenticity

slow living believers

silent resilience

i find peace in rainy weather and cozy spaces

best learning by slowly understanding

live, laugh, love ramen 🍜

---

favourite quote

"stay true to you and dare to be DIFFERENT."

---

special thanks

to my bestie zarith and sofea. you guys are awesome! i love you. bestie forever xo