deardiaryig-blog - Tumblr blog

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wow

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its 1:30am and im pretty sure i have ms

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Ok so this is me. On June 26 of this year. A week before this I thought I had finally figured out a small health issue I had my whole life and was very liveable. I had some blood tests done. Felt pretty alright saw a chiropractor. Things were actually alright so I took a pool dancing class. I was starting a new job and had orientation that month so the next few days kinda sucked cause my legs were sore (which was usual). A week later and still sore my test results came back weird so I had to have more done. The newest one had what’s called a CK level test. The results came back and the normal range for that was 10-180 and mine was 19,835. It’s the enzyme that muscles release when they break down, that plus the muscle pain, scared the shit out of me. Couple days later was July 4th, I hung out with some rad friends at a firework thingy. Super fun it was almost over and I still had to walk back to my car. Then it happened. I tried to stand up and my muscles felt that they were getting shredding and just pulling apart. I was stuck in my car for 45 minutes crying in pain for my mom. I was too broke to go to the hospital, it’s a holiday, I can’t think straight. My boyfriend helps me up the stairs slowly without me yelling and gets me in a bath while we wait for my mom. Skip some talking and medicine taking. I wake up and go to work scared and in pain. More results came back saying that I had some sort of autoimmune disease and had to go back. Cool. I had to go to a rheumatologist to get more tests and my mom took me to it and those test came back. Wait for it. Normal. But I haven’t felt normal for the last three months I can’t walk as far as I used to. Can’t make it up three flights of stairs without stopping and going slow. I’m 21 and used to be in colorguard, I ride bikes, and can walk long distances. Well I used to. I have to move out of my apartment because I live on the third floor and it’s extra rent to live on the first floor. Fuck that. It was hard to figure out my “new” body and muscles. Realizing my limits and what I can do without completing dead and in pain. I don’t have much of an appetite so when I eat I try to MUNCH to actually get food in me. I wear it well I guess cause the last few months have actually been the best times. I’ve made such close and amazing friends that help me. But don’t let it define me. And neither do I. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and trust me it has taken a village but damn I’ve got the best village.

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So this might sound crazy but I’ve been trying to “over exert myself” so that whatever is happening to me will come back so they can figure out wtf is wrong. But whatever. Yeah so I walked at the park cleaned the apartment and went to Walmart. And I probably fucked up. Shit hurts. I guess it worked then. Idk. But I cleaned my face so I’m doing something right.

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goodbye august

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Honestly oitnb did it again

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I lied i found out nothing today. But anyways so. Bout a month ago I started having muscle and joint pain like hella. And then I took a pole dancing class which was like not extremely hard for me (I used to dance and I’m pretty active¿) and was so sore for like 2 weeks I got stuck in my car because of the pain. Ever since then my pain has fluctuated and my strength hasn’t been the same since. I’m 21 and I can’t walk up to many stairs without stopping or my knees shaking. So that’s what’s been happening if any of you (5 followers). Today I went to the doctor and not only do I have to wait 2 weeks for my test results. But their patient portal is shitty so that’s that.

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I get answers tomorrow

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Hecking wow man

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Hey here’s another gr8 song suggestion.....

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So my body is falling apart and no one knows why. And apparently now my boyfriend does not want a cat anymore. Tbh just someone get me pizza.

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hey listen to Acidrap on Spotify.

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I’ll be back I swear

my body is falling apart so I can’t do much rn.....

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i just wanna stop hurting

Everything hurts and I just wanna be out of pain. I don’t know what to do.

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oh, are you scared of the thought of falling ?Like raindrops and stormy weather