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:(

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André Aciman, Call Me By Your Name

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Aldous Huxley, Proper Studies

Caspar David Friedrich, Woman at a Window, 1822

(Collage: instagram @emmalinatotes)

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i think love is stored in nighttime conversations and “did you eat yet” and books left outside your door and “i waited to watch this with you” and splitting something in half to share and “im proud of you” and folded towels and “you can pick” and heads on shoulders and “you’re right, that was shitty. im sorry” and knocks on doors and “DINNER!” and stupid jokes and “hey i got this for you” and coffee made just right and… there are so many ways people say i love you silently every day over and over again if you only listen

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I’ve never wanted kids.

But I’m not immune to societal pressures or the fear of future regrets.

They tell you to chase your jealousy, that it’s a strong indicator of what you really want.

My friend just had the most beautiful baby, her second. She said life has never felt more complete.

I felt so purely happy for her, nothing but warmth in my heart.

But not one ounce of jealousy.

And with that,

came peace.

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At long last, it is complete.

Albrecht Dürer, Melencolia I, 1514, engraving

Replicated in pencil on paper

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The story of a marble worker Evrard Flignot from Brussels who devastated by the death of his wife built a pretty mausoleum for her in Cimetière de Laeken.

At first look inside, there is a mourner reaching out to an empty wall. But, once a year, on the day of the summer solstice, the Sun draws a light that recalls this love for almost a century.

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Dostoevsky, The Idiot

Caspar David Friedrich, Gartenterrasse, 1811

(Collage: instagram @emmalinatotes)

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"It is better to be with a bad man who is a real person than with a good man who is only pretending."

Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

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Rainer Maria Rilke, Selected Poems of Rainer Maria Rilke, trans. by Robert Bly

Albrecht Dürer, Melancolia I

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When the doctor called and said can you sit down

These are the thoughts that came spilling out:

I want to love again

Nothing matters but friends and family

Why didn’t I eat more of the treats I love

I can’t leave, my cats would miss me too much

There was no reason to be so hard on myself

This body is perfect just the way it is

Spend it, you can’t take it to the grave

Productivity is not what counts in the end

What was I so worried about all the time

We are not meant to do this alone

I want to share this clarity because I know what it feels like to be disenchanted by life. But now I know too what it feels like when your chance at it hangs in the balance. Every day is precious, the highs and the lows, the love and the hurt.

All those days spent wishing I was someone else, somewhere else, only to realize;

I am so glad I am here.

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“How amazing is it to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.”

— Nina LaCour

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Ovid, Metamorphoses

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Ocean’s Eleven, 2001

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— Charles Bukowski, Screams from the balcony

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Fika & Wine, Stockholm

(Instagram: @emmalinatotes)

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I knew I couldn’t be everybody’s cup of tea

but I did think I’d be someone’s