ghostsnjokes

[ghostsnjokes]

*update I passed my class*

Me: *crying cause I found out I passed*

Ted: *comes into the room* hey could you….never mind I’m leaving

[ghostsnjokes]

*studying for my final like 2 hours ago*

*my deities looming over me*

Selene: I don’t know what the fuck this is talking about

Amphitrite: I liked your environmental science class better

Athena: Just focus young one you’ll be fine

*me having half a mental breakdown*

Me: I’m gonna fail this is it I’m gonna drop out of college

Selene: don’t be dramatic you got this

Amphitrite: yeah your professor just well wasn’t great

Athena: I just got here so I don’t know

Me: guys please I’m trying to-

Ted: HEYYYYYYYYYYYY

Me:

[ghostsnjokes]

So for context I’m an eclectic witch.

*making money bowl (a spell for more abundance)*

Ted: whatcha doin

Me: making a money bowl *I don’t look at him I continue with my spell work*

Ted: is it gonna help you with money?

Me: no Ted it’s gonna steal other people’s money and bring it to me *I roll my eyes*

Ted: oooooo I knew you could be evil but this is cool evil

Me: Ted it doesn’t steal money from other people!

Ted: but you just said-

Me: sarcasm Ted. Sarcasm.

[ghostsnjokes]

Have you ever had a spirit who was connected to someone online try and communicate with you before? And if so what happened?

It’s harder to feel a spirit online. It’s more like I feel an attachment on the person rather than the actual spirit. If I can see the person that has the attachment like through a video call it’s a lot easier to see what’s around them. I had a friend whose great grandmother was attached to her always tried to nag her about what she was doing. When we FaceTimed one day I told my friend that she might want to clean her room because her Nana didn’t approve of a pig stye. We laughed about it though I wasn’t 100% sure she ever fully believed me but oh well.

[ghostsnjokes]

*cats are playing a little too rough in the living room while I’m trying to do schoolwork. I get up and go to separate them*

Rando spirit: go go go get him! *rooting for the cats to fight*

Me: who tf!?

Rando: *jumps like he’s the one scared* wtf!

Me: no dude YOU WTF! Who are you and who let you in?

Rando: um I just um I was just

Me: TEEEEDDDD!

Ted: *was somewhere else at the time* hey what’s u- WHO IS THAT GUY?!

Me: YOU DONT KNOW HIM!?

Ted: WHY WOULD I KNOW HIM!?

me: WELL

Ted: wow not all spirits know eachother okay

Me: THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT!

[ghostsnjokes]

Sorry it’s been awhile!

For context I have POTS it’s a dysautonomia disorder. Aka I pass out cause my blood be crazy. I was in my living room walking to my room.

Me: *dizzy* oh shit *grabs hold of wall. Leans over trying to help*

Ted: what if I pushed you right now

Me: you can’t though

Ted: you don’t know that

Me: huh?

Ted: you don’t know the power I hold.

Me: yesterday my bf sat THROUGH you and you squealed like a bitch

Ted: point taken

Quick thank you to everyone that actually reads these and enjoys them!

[ghostsnjokes]

Ik it late but here’s what happened. this situation reminded me of that once scene in iCarly so I had to share.

*context I (chronically mentally and physically ill) am terrified of being home alone at night*

*I go to the kitchen to make a snack*

Ted: whatcha got there

*I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a sword in the other*

Me: a peanut butter jelly sandwich

Ted: no.

[ghostsnjokes]

Little something I walked into the other day.

Bf: FUCK!

Me: everything okay

Bf: *breathes* can you ask Ted to stop BEING AN ASS!

*my bf is looking in the opposite direction of where Ted is.*

Me: Ted

Ted: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING! IT WAS THEM. *points to the cats*

*mind you the cats are laying down in the bed seemingly calm*

Bf: babe if he pulls out the internet one more time im gonna lose it.

*I look at Ted then to my bf then to the cats.*

Me: have you considered other culprits *I ask as I then turn and watch our cats randomly pounce on eachother.

Bf: FOR FUCKS SAKE!

[ghostsnjokes]

My partner and I were traveling this weekend and here’s snippets of what I heard in passing while at our destination (a cabin in the woods) and walking around town.

-

Spirit: ah young love, what a waste of time

-

Spirit: Keep to your side of the thing Petunia

Spirit (Petunia): Up your ass Bert

-

*native American spirits in the woods with wild animals. Noticed me. Gave a nod of acknowledgement and went on with their day.*

-

*a few spirits followed us to our little cabin*

Spirit 1: aren’t they a lovely couple?

Spirit 2: yeah. Do you think they’re gonna have sex?

1: oh Nicole stop it

2 (Nicole): what! they can’t hear me so what does it matter.

1: they aren’t married so of course not

Nicole: I don’t think they care Jenn

1 (Jenn): oh whatever

me: *clear my throat* Hey babe we got two ducks!

*ducks is what I would call spirits so they don’t know I’m talking about them*

Bf: *forgets code* what?

Me: ducks babe ducks

*Nicole and Jenn look confused*

Nicole: the hell is she going on about

*i sigh*

Bf: *comes into the room* what about ducks?

Me: *groans looks at Nicole and Jenn* Hi

*Nicole and Jenn absolutely mortified*

Jenn: Nicole is she

Nicole: yes

Bf: *looks at empty space. Looks at me.* oh ducks

[ghostsnjokes]

I have a house ghost…his name is Ted. He thinks he’s funny. He’s not.

4am on a random Tuesday. My cats are even sleeping.

Ted: *knocks over various different things on to the floor*

Bf: *half awake nudges me* the cats. separate them

Me: *opens my eyes slightly to see Ted giggling* not the cats my love *lays back down*

Bf: Wha- *thinks* it’s Ted isn’t it

Me: yup

[ghostsnjokes]

Spirit: *whispers*

Me: stop

Spirit: *awhile later whispers*

Me: Stoooopppp

Spirit: *at 4am whispers*

Me: GOD DAMN IT TED!

[ghostsnjokes]

It’s me again. Here to post another silly encounter I had.

!TW STRONG LANGUAGE!

Ghost: HEY! YOU! YOU SEE ME?!

Me: *trying to carry one about my day*

Ghost: you do fucking see me! Hey!

Me: *walks increasingly faster*

Ghost: wait! I need to know something.

Me: *stops* what do you want *trying to look like I’m on the phone*

Ghost: listen I need to know whether my wife was cheating on me. Can you do that?

Me: I don’t know your wife.

Ghost: oh my god all you women are the same! I’m gonna give you her name! *he said it slow like I was dumb or something*

Me: *side eye* what’s her name?

Ghost: Fauna ******. She lives down that street in the blue house. That whore.

Me: *crosses my arms* oh Fauna? She was married? Huh I had no idea.

[ghostsnjokes]

So I’m a medium and sometimes I hear the wildest shit. So I’ll share it here. I’ll start with a most recent one I heard that made me do a double take.

!TW STRONG LANGUAGE!

Me: *minding my own business at the used bookstore*

Spirit: whores all of you whores!

Me: *i look over to see an older woman looking over a middle aged woman’s shoulder (she was looking at a spicy book).*

*the woman looks at me*

Woman: can I help you

Spirit: yeah help you close your fucking legs!

Me: oh um no I just..*glance at spirit then back to the book* that’s a really good book