guywhoconfirmsthings - Tumblr blog

[guywhoconfirmsthings]

#PIEGATE

[guywhoconfirmsthings]

Can confirm

I can confirm that Vampire propaganda works so well because all it does is make attempts to subtly reaffirm the opinion that vampires don’t exist and so there’s nothing to worry about. I can also confirm that The Matrix is a cryptic recruitment video for the vampire illuminati and you can’t change my mind.

[guywhoconfirmsthings]

Cunting neato pal woah!

[guywhoconfirmsthings]

Can confirm.

We're all going to get cyber-nucleared, guys. Mark Zuckerberg my words.

[guywhoconfirmsthings]

Can confirm...

[guywhoconfirmsthings]

I made thing for thing. I call it 'Jeff Weeboz'. And it's the sexiest damn thing you'll ever bitch-swindling know...

I can confirm. I have ejaculated an estimated 23 times since I first laid eyes on this colossal hunk of raw gaynal pleasure of a man. I came 11 more just typing this up. Just the sight of it alone. Sexiest damn thing ever.

[guywhoconfirmsthings]

I Can Confirm...

[guywhoconfirmsthings]

I obviously get a lot of questions...

This ‘blog’ is obviously a very active ‘blog’. And so I obviously get a lot of questions. One of the more frequently asked questions - and I have no proof of this but I mean, really, when it comes down to the wire do we have any real proof of anything? - one of the more frequently asked questions - and I'm sorry that I'm not getting to the point quicker than I am. I suppose it is how it is and I could do better. And you know I was going to do better. That was, at least, my intention: to do better. so I'm obviously sorry about the way this is unravelling - but one of the more frequently asked questions is - and I know that I sound a lot like Stephen King by the way I'm writing this and I am obviously very truly sorry this is clearly true and obviously very sincere I really am so verily sorry - but when it comes down to the wire this question gets asked a lot. And the question is: Who was phone?

And honestly I never really know how to answer this. I mean I was there when phone was there. I wasn't in the room and I wasn't part of the events themselves but I was alive when it all went down. The truth of the matter is that I just simply don't know who phone was. I can't confirm who they were. I can't even truly confirm if phone and the events surrounding phone transpired. All I really know is that you never really know for sure, you know? So even if I could confirm who phone was and if phone really ever was in any way, really there'd always be some doubt.

I don't pretend to be the most reliable source on confirmation. I don't pretend to be the most useful source. I don't even cite my confirmations and I tend not to even justify them. But I believe it is important nonetheless to only ever really confirm confirmable things.

I would like to obviously, sincerely apologise for not being able to satisfy this frequent request. My inability to confirm who phone was keeps me awake at night some nights. Not every night otherwise I'd never be able to get any sleep and I obviously do get some sleep, obviously. Otherwise I'd be dead. Possibly. I can't really confirm that.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this.