incorrect-maraudersaandco-quotes - Tumblr blog

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Peter: What's a gender neutral word you could use for your spouse? Wusband? Hife? Wifesband? James: Sirius: Remus: Peter: I may be stupid Sirius: this is just like when James was looking for his glasses when they were on his head Remus: I'd say hife would be a good one

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Sirius, while cleaning a mess kid!Harry made: We need a slur for toddlers Remus: in polish we have "gówniaki", which roughly translates to "shitlings" Sirius: Perfect

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Regulus: I don't think you guys are appreciating the sun enough Regulus: and I say this as someone who gets a sunburn from sticking my head out the window and people with shiny teeth.

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Lily: Barty Crouch, I've heard your name. Barty: Most people have. It's also a verb.

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Dorcas: Hey nerd!

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter: [turn around to look at Dorcas]

Dorcas: Oh, you all turned around? Wow.

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Regulus: Do you now the story of the mouse, the lion and the thorn? James: Yeah. Regulus: Well, there you go, in case we ever meet a monster. James: You know that story’s about the mouse becoming friends with the lion after taking the thorn out of it’s paw though, right? Regulus: No, it’s not. The mouse kills the lion with the thorn. James: Who told you that? Regulus: My mother. James: James: That actually explains a lot.

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Barty: Fabulous party. You know, I haven’t seen this much love in a room since Lockhart discovered himself.

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Evan: I'm sorry for saying fuck in front of Luna Pandora: You just said it again. Evan: I'm not a role model!!

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James: Make no mistake. not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight. Sirius: But are you shuffling? James: Every day. Regulus: What language are you two speaking?

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Ravenclaw's common room

Sybill: Stop that! You are going to set a table on fire! Emmeline, running in: Barty, NO! Barty, in the corner, reading a book: What? Emmeline: Sorry, force of habit. PANDORA, NO!!!

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Mary: We need to get through this locked door. James, give me your credit card James: Here Mary, pocketing it: Thanks. Remus, kick down the door

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Marlene: You take two hours to eat a bowl of soup. Mary: Oh please, you inhale your food. Marlene: I grew up with James and Peter. If you didn’t eat fast, you didn’t eat.

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Xeno: You have the courage of a lion, the passion of a panther and the wisdom of a flamingo. Dorcas: A flamingo's wise? Pandora: LET THEM SPEAK!

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Sybill: [tries having a vision but can't] Uh... Emmeline: Um, what's wrong? Sybill: Uhhh I don't know. I can't see it anymore. Pandora: Well if you can't see the future, we have no future

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Dorcas: If James is even slightly mean to you… Regulus: Yeah. You’ll murder him. I know. Dorcas: I was going to say I’d send him a howler, but murder’s fine too.

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James: Ma, what would you do if I was a bug? Euphemia: Crawling bug or flying bug? James: Let's say crawling. Euphemia: Sweep you outside so you can be free. James: But I'm your son. Euphemia: A bug. James: What if get eaten by a bird? Euphemia: Circle of life. James: Okay, well, what if I was a flying bug? Euphemia: Same thing. Shoo you outside for you to fly or smack you with a fly swatter. James: YOU'D KILL ME?! 😭 ~~~~~~~~ James: Papa, what would you do if I was a bug? Fleamont: I would build you a little bug house. James: Thank you! Mom said she'd kill me. Fleamont: Yah, she really would.

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Lily: I'm totally the most boring person I know. Marlene: Okay. Everyone knows that I'm the exciting one, Mary is the hot and intellectual one, and you're like the totally awesome level-headed kind-hearted glue that hold us all together. {Lily's phone, that she has so this joke can work, rings] Lily: Glue speaking.