incorrectafcrichmond - Tumblr blog

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Roy: Jamie, I don't hate you.

Jamie: But you think I'm an idiot for dating Colin.

Roy: No, that's not why I think you're an idiot.

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Ted: Okay, give me your hair dryer.

Keeley: What?

Roy: What are you talking about?

Ted: Don't you carry one in your purse?

Roy: Have you ever met a human woman?

Ted, on the phone: Hey, do you carry a hairdryer in your purse?

Rebecca: Of course. I'm not an animal.

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Higgins: Jane's on the phone again.

Beard: Tell her I exploded and tell her it was very sad and that the last thing I said was, "Make sure Jane moves out of my apartment."

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Roy: You should treat the janitor with the same fucking respect you treat the CEO.

Moe: I'm not going to guillotine the janitor.

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Jamie: Look, as a reasonable, adult, and well-functioning member of society-

Roy: A what? I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly, run that one by me again. Reasonable? Adult? Functioning?

Jamie: *Ignoring him* —I understand logically that the different Froot Loop colours are just dyes, but I'm telling you, in my heart and in my mouth, they're different flavours.

Colin: THATS WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING!

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Isaac: Don't worry, Colin likes your butt and fancy hair. I know. I read his diary.

Jamie: He thinks it's fancy?

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Isaac, after Colin got headbutted: If it's a concussion, you have to keep him conscious, okay? Ask him questions.

Jamie: What's seven times seven?

Isaac: Stuff he knows!

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Beard: Ted, we've known each other a long time, right? You've come to respect me.

Ted: Sure.

Beard: Well, get ready to stop.

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Isaac: You drive like a lunatic.

Colin: Hey, I shaved three hours off our map quest estimate. How about a thank you for that?

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Beard: Bumbercatch, would you consider yourself a revolutionary?

Moe: Well, no, but I do believe corporations rob of us of our dignity and independence and that these systems must be stripped down, burnt down, or leveled by any force necessary.

Beard:

Moe: But that's just one little guy's opinion.

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Richard: Yes! The horsemen! Living together! Partying hard! Luring ladies back to the pad!

Jan: sorry? "Luring?"

Richard: You know what I mean.

Jan: I don't actually.

Richard: You're crazy. We're going to be on fire. Chicks are going to be banging down the door and we'll be like, "Please ladies, one at a time."

Jan: One at a time as in there's two of us and one of them?

Richard:

Jan:

Richard: ... no.

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[The Diamond Dogs discussing how to get Jamie back to his full potential as a player]

Roy: Count me out.

Ted: We can’t count you out. Jamie listens to you.

Roy: He also listens to the Barenaked Ladies. Go get their dumb arses to help you.

*Everyone gasps*

Higgins: Back it up.

Ted: Okay, Roy. You are clearly in a bad space today, but Jamie is one of our best players, and the Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum. Are you?

Roy: Why does everyone leap to defend that band so aggressively? And how much stuff do we have to go through before my coaching stops being questioned?

Nate: Maybe coaching together is about going through a lot of stuff. And maybe BNL has two Billboard Awards to your zero.

Roy: Oh, they're "BNL" now? We need a shorthand for the Barenaked Ladies. That's how fundamental they are. You know what Jamie probably needs more than anything? Some space. Maybe I do too.

Beard: Maybe we all need some space to pull the knife out of the back of the most celebrated Canadian alt-rock band of the mid-'90s, you selfish, jaded ass.

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Jamie: It smells weird in here.

Moe: It smells weird everywhere. That's how you know you're alive.

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Roy, helping Isaac realize his captaining capabilities: It’s in your blood.

Isaac: That’s racist.

Roy: Your soul.

Isaac: That’s racist.

Roy: Your eyes?

Isaac: That’s gay.

Roy: That’s homophobic.

Isaac: That’s black.

Roy: That’s racist!

Isaac: Damn.

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Colin: Do you support gay rights?

Jamie: Not only do I support gay rights, I also support gay wrongs.

Roy: What the fuck did you do now?

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Moe: What are you, a cop?

Isaac: Babe.

Moe: Fine. Ask me again.

Priest: Do you take this man to be your husband?

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Trent: Who's in charge here?

Jan: Usually, whoever yells the loudest.