ink-will-spill

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My mother's identity was not destroyed with my birth Despite what you have told me. My mother's identity was not reincarnated the day she left me Despite what you have told me. My mother's identity has been perfectly intact throughout both her and my life. Despite what you have told me. And I'm tired of apologizing for the things that you say my own identity took away from her.

Your matriarchy could never look me in the eye and tell me that my mother has a God given right to leave her child because they took away her female identity.

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You might not be my saviour, But you’re my angel. You might not ever fix me, But you’ll put me back together. You might not be my cure, But you’re my medicine.

Medicine

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I think I knew I was getting better, The day I looked up at the sky And smiled at the rainbow Instead of wishing I was happy enough to care.

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We're going to spend the next few months analysing Gatsby. A man who uses his wealth and status to get his way, in the most cavalier of ways.  I, of course, knew nothing about this man, or the tale of his life, before you. But lying on your bedroom floor on the day I learned, I realised some people don't need riches to get whatever they want.

Today wasn’t a good day.

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I remember when we were younger, We used to watch horrible things; videos of people killing themselves And that one film with the main character ending it all and leaving his best friend wondering why she wasn’t enough to stop him. And you didn’t understand why people could ever want to end their lives. But I wanted to die And I thought those people were beautiful. I thought the woman putting the gun to her head was beautiful, And the boy drowning himself in pharmaceuticals was beautiful. I was a typical literature student, a typical poet, I had to romanticise everything, and I found a way to make everything beautiful. And you didn’t understand why people could ever want to end their lives, no matter how glamorous or attractive I made it appear. And here we are now, more than a few years down the line, Though we don’t talk, you’ve begun to understand, and honestly I’m more suicidal than I’ve ever been. To me it isn’t a pretty concept anymore,not now you understand, and not now that I’m past the point of a simple love affair with death. This is a toxic relationship that has devoured me, and is taking you with it as it’s next paramour. I am too far gone to find any of those images beautiful anymore. Death isn’t peaceful, or pretty, and he’s taught me he certainly isn’t the romantic type. And now he’s just gripped you and I know you’d want to rewatch those films and those videos and read those stories, now that you understand. But I need hope, I need something more than that. I need to watch happiness in all it’s glory, I need to watch lovers embracing like it’s their first, last and only chance I need to watch people laugh, and enjoy being alive, I need to see all of these truly beautiful things that life could once have offered me. I want to see beauty in this world one last time, because I know I might not have much time left with it. I need to witness the most amazing parts of life, things that keep people like you alive, before you end up like I am now bound to: A story, A film, A video, That people like us will watch Because they think I am beautiful  

Show me something beautiful that doesn't end in tragedy

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Please stop trying to leave me everytime something goes wrong. I know it's hard, I'm not saying it's not. But there's only so many times I can hear things before I start to believe them. And so many times I can be pushed away and messed around before I give up. I know how hard it is but please stop giving up on me as soon as things get rough and one of us get hurt. Neither of us want to be hurt But we'll never learn how to prevent it if we just give up. Please stop almost leaving me. Please don't ever leave me at all. Please just stay.

I'm so scared of how fragile this is but I love you so much

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And I tell you all these things in the hope that one day I can believe them myself.

I’m sorry

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It seems as though the least alone I feel these days are those days in which my hallucinations decide to visit, and the voices I hear become my only friends.

5am.

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Across one lifetime, you'll have thousands of dreams, and I'll happily waste them all on you

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And you whisper ‘anarchy’ in the way that you do. And you grant me the most ethereal of smiles, in the way that you do. And you reach for my hand in the dark, in the way that you do. And you guide me, running, burning love into the hearts of the empty streets, in the way that only we do.

Teenage Crimes (3/500)

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I was too scared to first write about you because I knew once I started, I wouldn’t particularly be able to stop, And how right I was. For now you’re immortalised forever, In bitter lines of poetry, For people to read long after we’ve come to a conclusion

Immortality (2/500)

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And I hate our former naive selves, for believing in the crude prospect of forever, and promising each other we’d never leave the other’s side. Because here we are much down the line; fighting, falling, scraping and dying, and calling it love. Because we’ve put our own arrogant pride ahead of each other’s happiness, and would rather see ourselves keep a promise than to witness the other person experiencing happiness on their own.

Vile Romance (1/500)

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Okay the entire blog has been cleared. Plan is to upload some inkstay prompts I've done on several other blogs, and then continue with that and basically just do my own writing because I missed it and I have notebooks full of stuff to share so hey yes happy reading and writing my friends

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Hello?

We haven’T TALKED IN QUITE SOME TIME

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It was chilly but my left hand was warm, our fingers interlaced. 'The moon looks like a toenail', I said. Throwing your head back, you laughed and kissed me on the cheek. Every so often one of us would say it. I'd stare into the sky in awe. You'd look at me the same way. The moon is a waxing crescent tonight and I can't help but wonder if you're gazing into the sky missing me too.

delicatevoids

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I’m often falling in a bottomless pit of despair But I just shrug it off I’m often wondering why people change But I watch my skin do the same It’s a fucking silly game you run from your mistakes and they catch you for fame I am truly blessed to be able to shrug of the pain of having to leave you in old pages Still I stare at a blank page trying to figure out where to go now Your words are infuriating they reach the depths of my cold heart that’s what I keep telling myself I’m a heartless bastard with no remorse I won’t speak of my problems because eventually they’ll fade away I don’t waste my breath on stupid shit you hurt me I’ll get over after all even the deepest cuts heal I’ll use you like a step once I’m done with you I’ll forget Then it comes crashing down I’m not anything from the above its just skin I grow to protect me from a harsh world it became a part of me And I can’t seem to get a grip on my real soul

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I know we aren’t together But when I write about us I swear, it feels like we’re one