interloveproject

[interloveproject]

ISHAM & LIZ | TORONTO, ON

Isham grew up in Toronto in a Hindu family. His upbringing fostered a strong belief in being open minded and in connecting with others. Based on his scientific and evidence based outlook, he today identifies as an Atheist.

Liz was born and raised in Toronto, Ontario. The influence of growing up in a strict Catholic family deepened her spirituality and led to her majoring in Religious Studies at McGill University. Today she identifies as a Theist and seeks spiritual truth from a variety of sources. Over the years Liz has been practicing daily meditation and prayer. This routine has strengthened her connection with the divine and, as she says, become her guiding light.

THEIR STORY:

Although they attended middle and secondary school together it wasn’t until university that they actually connected. Isham and Liz met on December 23, 2004 at a pub in Toronto after they both had been at separate holiday parties. Isham was the first person Liz noticed when she entered the room, however he was the one who approached her. The two felt a strong connection immediately and wanted to spend time together. Isham quickly made plans to visit Liz in Montreal for the upcoming New Year's Eve.

“Although we grew up in the same neighbourhood, we have come from very different cultural and religious backgrounds.”

They admit that in their relationship there have been challenges. Planning an inclusive wedding where both families would be integral to the arrangements was not easy. Ultimately, they explain how their loving and supportive families have enthusiastically embraced one another.

“We honour both traditions and cultures through open communication, mutual respect, devotion and cultural observances.”

Liz and Isham emphasize how they stand together as a united front and always listen to and support each other.

“We always deal with our issues privately, put each other first and above all else love each other fiercely and unconditionally.”

Today Liz and Isham live in a downtown Toronto condo located inside the James Cooper Mansion. The party room holds a special significance for them as this is where Isham proposed. They say this building represents the official beginning of their lives together.

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook and Twitter. If you have an interfaith love story to share please email colin@colinshafer.com.

©  2016 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

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KATE & AVI | TORONTO, ON

Avi grew up in Calgary, as part of a Jewish family that encouraged intellectual query. He went on to study philosophy and teach meditation and that passionate spirit of inquiry is a major driving force behind his spiritual practice.

“I describe my religious belief as inter-spiritual with Jewish roots. I believe that all the world’s faith traditions have wisdom about how to live richer lives and improve the world. Also crucial to my belief system is the Socratic injunction to continuous inquiry, rejecting all fixed dogmas and doctrines, save for the dogma of trust in the endless inquiry itself. I am largely a pragmatist when it comes to religious belief systems. I don’t so much ask, ‘is this true?’ as ‘how does this work to enhance one’s life and the lives of others?’”

Kate was raised in a very traditional Catholic home in Scarborough, and continues to consider herself Roman Catholic. The desire to experience connection with God fuels her compassion for people and she has a couple of degrees in Theology. Kate says she has a pragmatic approach to learning about diverse spiritual practices:

“If a religious teaching makes no sense to me, I dive deeper to find the good in it. One of my most central beliefs is that there’s goodness at the heart of things: that people and the world are all essentially good, and are in various degrees of turning toward or away from the source and fullness of that good. My belief is that all our curiosity and passion and desire and creativeness and sexiness and inventiveness and tenderness, all our love of knowledge and learning, all of the qualities that make us most brilliantly human, are inextricable from our longing for what I call God. We come from love, are made to magnify love, and will return to love.”

Love, and in particular romantic love, are also central to Avi’s spiritual practice:

“I believe in God as a benevolent shapeshifting cosmic intelligence who takes many forms and many names, manifesting for each culture and each individual in the form that is most needed. My own favorite form (Ishta Devata in Sanskrit) is the God Eros. Eros speaks to the endless romantic passion that animates all creation, the force that drives all great human endeavor and which inspires devotion through endless delight, enthusiasm, and curiosity.”

Kate and Avi share an approach to prayer that characterizes the mystical traditions of various religions. Avi did lots of reading to help him understand the tradition of Catholic mysticism and imaginative prayer that Kate was steeped in. Since she fell in love with Avi Kate has started meditating and has begun participating in Jewish rituals. Kate says,

“I’ve had mystical moments during the Amidah at a synagogue, after receiving communion, and during a mountain meditation. I will welcome any practice that helps me let God in.”

THEIR STORY:

Both Avi and Kate have careers in spiritual care - Avi as a spiritual director and meditation teacher, Kate as chaplain and psychotherapist (of a spiritual bent). They first met in 2014 at a professional conference in mental health and spiritual care at  University of Toronto’s Hart House.

“I took notice of Avi a couple of times during the day, but he really caught my attention when he asked a particularly elegant question. It was about how to support a person with bipolar disorder as they integrate their experiences of illness- some of which may be spiritually significant- into their overall sense of identity.”

Kate figured he must have a background in philosophy and waited to chat with him after the conference was over.

“When I finally got my chance to talk to him, the intellectual spark was immediate- we discovered that we had the same favourite philosopher, Maurice Merleau-Ponty, and I shouted “We have to be friends!””

Avi explains how he doesn't usually meet many Merleau-Ponty fans, so he agreed that they should be friends. Kate wrote to him that week expressing her interest in continuing the conversation, and Avi replied saying: “you are the most interesting person I have met in a very long time”. He suggested they meet the next day.

Their first date lasted six hours because they kept refusing to end the conversation and they both were nearly falling over from exhaustion. They had discussed prayer, meditation, mental illness, sexuality, prisons, singing and “a million other things”.

Early on Avi identified a “cultural difference”:  Ashkenazi Jews drink considerably less alcohol than Irish Catholics. After pointing out this difference to Kate, he said, “But there are things I love about Irish culture, like the Irish flute!”. Little did he know, that Kate had grown up playing the Irish flute and she soon discovered that he was interested in Celtic folk music.

Avi and Kate admit that their families are concerned about the religious identity of their future children. People have commented that their kids will be “confused”, but they say they are not worried. According to Avi:

“We both made our careers out of our love of prayer, ritual, tradition, and serious thought. Our shared spirituality is so in sync - we even question whether we are interfaith. We may come from different home faith traditions but I've never met somebody whose faith is a better match for mine: growth, exploration, going deep, breaking the rules, devotion, the sacredness of sexuality, imagination, aspiring to see the good in all people.”

Jokingly Kate explains that there hasn’t been one event they’ve attended, of any faith or background other than Ashkenazi, at which Avi has not commented, “If this were a Jewish event there’d be more food”.

“Somehow, without looking, each of us found a partner who prized a relationship with God above all else, who had reached so many of the same conclusions about living and about relationships.”

Kate and Avi will be married on Valentine’s Day, 2016.

“We still think of God as the “third person in the relationship”, and pray together regularly. Usually with great gratitude for the amazing and unexpected gift that we were given in each other.”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook and Twitter. If you have an interfaith love story to share please email colin@colinshafer.com. 

©  2016 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

COLIN & JAG | TORONTO, ON

Colin was born in Dominica and raised as both a Baptist and Catholic. It all depended on who, his mother or his grandmother, was supervising him that day. Either way, he remembers religion being celebrated on Sunday with much passion and enthusiasm. Growing up Colin didn’t really understand why they all needed to go to church as he felt he wasn’t getting anything out of the experience.

“A significant memory of mine is being slapped by my grandmother for not attending her church. I hated confessing because it felt weird telling a man something that was personal. Practicing religion was the only pain in my life; I would self-inflict small wounds as excuses to not go. Today I view religion as a farce that I want no part in. There is hardly enough time to do what needs to be done; following beliefs that are faith-based and not evidence-based is a turnoff for me.”

Today Colin identifies as an atheist.

Jag was raised in Bahrain by Sikh parents. From an early age she was immersed in religion, listening to the morning hymns playing on the car radio and regularly visiting the Gurdwara to pray. Praying was something Jag had to do as a child but given the opportunity she would try to avoid it. She attended a private co-ed Catholic convent school but, as her family was Sikh, was exempt from taking religion classes. This was the beginning of her break from the daily indoctrination Jag says she and the other children experienced.

“As a keen observer, I noticed that the only time my prayers worked is if a person, myself or others, helped me out and enabled me to achieve my goal. My disillusionment with religion was gradual and by the time I immigrated to Canada and finished high school, I was doing whatever I could to avoid going to the Gurdwara.”

Jag came to the conclusion that people created religion to deal with social and emotional issues, and to help explain and accept naturally occurring disasters. Jag believes religion enabled people to maintain cohesive groups which were important for survival. She understands its historical significance, but thinks in today’s modern society, religion has little relevance.

“Being branded at birth with a particular religion prevents free-thinking and open-mindedness. Religion clouds us from birth into believing in these unsubstantiated differences between people. Today I identify as a secular humanist atheist. I do not care for any other explanation than what science provides because the new gold standard is evidence-based thinking.”

THEIR STORY:

Jag and Colin met at a gathering for Caribana (Toronto’s Caribbean Festival). They sparked up a conversation about university, as Colin was living in NYC while finishing his final year in Mental Health Studies. They kept in touch after their initial meeting and soon Colin began making regular trips to Toronto to visit Jag. A short time later, when things were getting serious between them, Jag travelled to NYC to meet Colin’s family but she never mentioned Colin to her parents - who were deeply invested in the idea of her having an arranged marriage. Jag knew that if they found out it would result in drastic measures to stop her relationship with Colin. Later her parents confessed that they would have sent her away, without money or a cell phone, until they were sure the romance was over.

After many visits back and forth, Jag and Colin moved in together in Toronto while still keeping Jag’s parents in the dark. They eventually were married in the presence of a non-religious female officiator at North York Civic Centre. An entire year passed before they informed Jag’s parents.

“That meeting did not go well; racist and insensitive only begins to describe the interaction.”

Due to a complete lack of trust on either side, Jag cut off communication with them for the best part of a decade.

Colin’s family has been very supportive of their union. They accepted Jag with no questions and were quite hurt about the way Jag’s parents treated Colin. They even helped out financially as Jag had been cut off from the family and Colin was not allowed to work in Canada until his paperwork was processed.

Colin and Jag’s increasing commitment to promoting atheism and science led to the development of their longstanding passion, astronomy.

“Due to our lack of funds, attending astronomy lectures that are free and open to the public not only kept a strong tie to my former campus and the source of our love for science and understanding life, but also became a new common ground for us to build new memories based on something forward-thinking and uplifting.”

Only after many years, and much pushing by Jag’s grandparents, Jag’s mother reached out and worked hard to reestablish their relationship, even apologizing for past behaviours. She tried opening her mind and accepting that her daughter’s family was replacing religion with other interests and even started attending astronomy lectures with Jag and Colin. Over time some other family members, including her dad and brother, began attending  events exploring different ways of thinking. Now they have some respect for secularism but still struggle with atheism.

Some of Jag’s family members still do not accept or understand how people can live without religion. To avoid friction, Colin and Jag do not bring up these topics unless they are asked.

In 2011, on their tenth wedding anniversary, they had a wedding-like celebration and this time the entire family and legions of friends were invited. This resulted in the coming together of both sides of the family and today things are much better. They all purposely refrain from mentioning religion and instead focus on current events and safe topics

Prior to the anniversary get-together, Jag and Colin decided to change both their last names to a non-religious name that represents their love for the sky. This took more than a year to finalize and was hard for their families to accept.

“Changing our last name to Nebula made our atheism and secular beliefs even more pronounced as changing a name is quite an official act. We want a last name that reflects our passions and new identity. The name ‘Nebula’ is symbolic of our two backgrounds uniting to create a new path, so our child can grow up not feeling subjugated by gods who are supposed to be omniscient but are cruel too for some reason.”

They want their children to ask questions, and not bow to tradition that they believe can often stifle creativity. Now new parents, they intend to educate their daughter with evidence, so she can lead a life centred on furthering the cause of humanity. They both want to raise her very differently from the way they were raised stating that they understand the need for religion in the past, but it has no value in our life today. The would like their child to grow up using reason rather than faith based assumptions.   

“We respect evidence and whether the thoughts are modern or traditional, if they have merit they should be continued but if the evidence points in another direction, those thoughts are not worth pursuing.”

Colin and Jag often return to the University of Toronto’s public astronomy lectures and they love visiting planetariums. They continue to expand their understanding, learn from the great minds, and are inspired to pursue new ideas.

“Thinking about space gives perspective on the meaning of life. We pause to think about our existence and such venues provide the knowledge and chance for intellectual exploration.”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook and Twitter and if you have an interfaith love story to share please fill in this form!

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

RICK & JOSÉ | NORTH GOWER, ON

Rick was also born in Ottawa but was raised in a conservative Jewish environment. Although his family did not attend synagogue every Saturday, they did go during the High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Always interested in science, Rick adopted a scientific approach to life and soon started challenging his religion’s tenets. Once he and his father had a discussion about evolution. His father believed, without doubt, that the earth was only around 4,000 years old. When Rick asked his father about dinosaurs existing here at least 60 million years ago, his father’s response was “That’s just put there to test us”. Realizing that he could not win when arguing against his father’s faith, they agreed to disagree.

“While denying creationism and an omnipotent God, I do embrace the basic beliefs common to all religions – being compassionate and kind to others, and accepting the differences (and similarities) shared by all peoples.”

Rick is proud of the Jewish traditions he was raised with, but considers himself to be an atheist.

José was born and raised in Ottawa. She and her siblings went to Catholic School and attended mass every Sunday with their parents. Her father died when she was still quite young and her mother, who was less religious, took the children to less conventional services at a seminary. It was a much smaller gathering and everyone there knew each other.

“The main ideas preached by the predominantly Dutch priests were more about being a good, decent person and less about church dogma. These elements have always stayed with me as the most important thing to believe in.”

Although she is not practicing any religion these days she misses that sense of community church provides. She identifies as a non-practicing Catholic bordering on agnostic.

THEIR STORY:

José’s sister was dating Rick’s best friend, and that is how they were first introduced. Rick and José hit it off immediately feeling comfortable and at ease with each other. After only a few weeks together they were talking about the logistics of marriage. They dated for three years before getting engaged, the time necessary for the idea to sink in and be accepted by Rick’s parents and so the wedding coincided with university graduation.

The biggest challenge so far in their relationship was the first four years. Before they  married, Rick’s family was very much against them being together and kept trying to get him to date Jewish women. They had even threatened not to come to the wedding.

“This hurt my feelings but we were never going to be apart. I tried my best to win them over with kindness and eventually when grandchildren arrived we came to a better understanding but there was always a certain distance.”

José’s family had sheltered Jews during the war in Holland, and have always been accepting of her relationship with Rick. José’s father had died before Rick came into the picture, so he only knew her mother. “Moeder” as she was called by everyone, was very amenable and  believed that love and happiness trumped all other things in a relationship.

When Rick proposed - although it was not a surprise as they had already gone shopping for the ring - he prepared a fabulous meal including homemade pasta, and even got down on one knee.

The wedding however was a little bit tense. Jose’s sister (who was a bridesmaid) had just broken off her engagement with the best man!

“Needless to say, between them staring daggers at each other and the Jewish parents not at all happy, it was quite the wedding! It was an unusual service in that we had to hire a Rabbi from Toronto to come and perform the service alongside the family priest.”

Rick and José now have two sons, both in their twenties. While raising them, they strove to pass on their moral beliefs which emphasise the respect, kindness and compassion that is  common to every religion, and to allow their sons the freedom to choose their own paths. They also tried to celebrate the major holidays from both families such as Christmas, Hanukkah, Passover, and even Saint Nicholas.  

“We like to think that they have grown up into two fine young men with strong moral compasses.”

Their North Gower home in the country is Rick and José’s haven. They built most of it themselves, and enjoy being away from the city. When they bought the lot, Rick’s parents realized that there was no synagogue close by.

“I think for them it was finally the realization that our children would not be brought up in their faith. My parents finally accepted this and in the end were very close to their grandchildren.”

This year they celebrate 35 years of marriage.

“I often thought I should write a short story about our relationship. I hoped to give an example to others that love can conquer all and that in time things can work out… patience pays off.”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook and Twitter and if you have an interfaith love story to share please fill in this form!

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

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DAN & SUZANNE | STITTSVILLE, ON

Dan was born and grew up in the west end of Ottawa in a very religious Roman Catholic family. Dan’s mother attends church with her husband weekly, prays and says her Rosary. His grandfather sang in the choir, and the priest would often visit their home. As a youngster Dan was an altar boy and attended weekly mass. He remembers church breakfasts and having friends who were priests. Today he identifies as a Roman Catholic, goes to church (although not as regularly) and prays.

Suzanne was born in Vaughan Township (north of Toronto) but grew up in the west end of Ottawa. She was raised Anglican and her maternal grandfather was a respected Anglican Minister in Ontario. Suzanne’s family attended Sunday service weekly, said grace at meals, went to church retreats, and were involved with the choir and youth group.

“We went to “Five Oaks” camp where we learned fun songs like the “Johnny Appleseed” grace that we impose on all dinner guests to this day!”

Suzanne still identifies as an Anglican but considers the French Roman Catholic church, where she was married and had her children baptized, as her church. She still sometimes attends services with her mother at her family’s Anglican parish.

THEIR STORY:

Dan and Suzanne both worked part time at the Beer Store in Nepean. Suzanne had been an employee there for some time and when Dan was hired there was an instant attraction.

“We respectfully disagree on who made the first move, but suffice it to say there was a courtship before the first date, which was romantically set at a local diner for breakfast. I picked Dan up in my Chevy Chevette and I remember thinking - how very untraditional!... I guess I had better go to the door, and meet his mom and step-father!”

Trying to cover each other’s Christmas traditions prior to marriage involved compromise. Figuring out how to include Dan’s French Catholic Reveillon Celebration on Christmas Eve AND having to wake up early to open stockings from Santa, attend Suzanne’s Anglican Church Service and open the gifts on Christmas Day took plenty of stamina.

“Over time, and certainly with the arrival of our children, things have settled into a bit of a plan.”

They dated for five years before Dan proposed. Accommodating both faiths in the ceremony required creativity and flexibility on the part of Dan’s priest.

“According to Dan's faith, if we were to be married I would need to convert. This I could not do. I was very proud of being Anglican and still am. So I spoke with the Catholic priest. He was progressive and he agreed to a marriage service in the Catholic Church performed by my childhood minister and Dan's childhood priest.”

In the Anglican church all baptized Christians are welcome "to the Lord's table", while in the Catholic church only baptized Roman Catholics are can receive communion by a Catholic priest - and this is announced prior to this part of the service. But, at their wedding, both both Anglicans and Catholics were welcomed, and Suzanne’s minister and Dan's priest  delivered communion to their wedding guests.

“I am still very sentimental about this ‘concession’. For me, a marriage celebrates a commitment between two people that is based on love, respect and acceptance. The ceremony remains my favorite part of our special day. Start to finish it was everything I could have hoped for… both childhood priests; surrounded by all of our friends and family; meaningful hymns were sung and religious passages read, and the crowning touch an inclusive communion! I never encountered roadblocks, constraints or conditions during the ceremony’s conception. All I experienced was love, acceptance and goodwill.”

Today Dan and Suzanne have three daughters who were all baptized Catholics.

“We continue to attend services in both the Anglican and Catholic churches, and have open conversations about the similarities and differences of both forms of Christianity.”

Aside from faith, their different language backgrounds have enriched their relationship. Dan’s maternal side are proud French-Ontarians, and his father’s side are from northern New Brunswick and speak Acadian French. Suzanne’s maternal grandparents came to Canada from England, and her paternal grandmother moved to Ontario from the Maritimes. Suzanne’s paternal grandfather was of Loyalist heritage.

“Faith and language are gifts from our parents that we honour and are proud to have sustained in our almost 25 years as a couple and in our day to day family life.”

During the summer Dan and Suzanne spend a lot of time at their cottage in Carleton Place. They bought it a decade ago, and it continues to be a great place to spend summers together as a family and ‘unplugged’ from technology. They enjoy hosting friends and extended family and their children will often ask: “Who is coming over today?”

“We are conscious of time passing quickly and feel grateful (and a bit spoiled) that we've been able to give our children some phenomenal childhood memories.”

Being together as a family is more than important to Dan and Suzanne as both of their parents divorced. Suzanne’s mother never remarried; her father (who she sees infrequently) did. Dan's father died when he was in his teens and his mother remarried a wonderful man of Polish heritage.

“Imagine the birthday party singing! The candles on the cake are nearly melted before we get through ‘Happy Birthday’ in English, French and Polish!!”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook and Twitter and if you have an interfaith love story to share please fill in this form!

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

SCOTT & DENISE | NEPEAN, ON

Scott grew up in the Vancouver area and moved to Ottawa when he was twelve. He was baptized Anglican. His mother was Irish Protestant and his father was a Roman Catholic with French and First Nations background.

“I am a non-practicing religious person and continue to hold strong principles and values of kindness and honesty towards others.”

Denise is a first generation Canadian Jew whose mother was a Holocaust survivor.  Born and raised in Toronto she had a strong religious upbringing. She attended Hebrew School daily after public school and, until her early teen years, went to synagogue every Sabbath and on religious holidays.

“It has always been instilled in me from birth to carry on the Jewish principles that have survived for thousands of years. Although nowadays I no longer go to synagogue, I continue to carry my Jewish beliefs with me.”

THEIR STORY:

Denise moved on her own to Ottawa in 2000. Within a month of her arrival, she had a car accident that would change her future. With no friends or family to support her, she was alone. After the accident, she decided to purchase the safest vehicle she could find - a Volvo S40. Shortly thereafter the car developed a mysterious engine problem. Scott, who was working at the dealership, attempted to solve the issue. Over the course of the next few months, Denise and Scott began to see each other regularly at the dealership and although they were already smitten Scott knew it would not be a good idea to mix business with pleasure. After many months, when the car was finally repaired, they both realized they would no longer be seeing each other unless someone made the first move. Denise finally asked Scott to join her for coffee.  

Their relationship blossomed quickly but it took a while for their families to accept what was really happening. In the beginning, Denise’s mother would refer to Scott as “her friend” and then later as “her good friend”. Scott’s parents were somewhat skeptical as they had never had a son date a Jewish person before. His father began reading books to learn more about the Jewish faith. Eventually when both families realized and accepted that they were seriously in love, they couldn’t have been happier for Denise and Scott. In the summer of 2004 they were engaged and they married in early December.

Their marriage was the first for Denise and Scott’s second.

“The blending of inexperience and experience in marriage is the magic equation in our chemistry. For us, every challenge in life is solved using humour, humility and most importantly respect. We bring a different perspective to each other's lives and use it to get us through whatever tough moments may fall upon us. Through the support we give each other, love truly conquers all.”

Denise and Scott share a love of skating in the Ottawa winters, but prefer the summer months when they can walk and bike together.

“Since Ottawa has such a short summer season, we make the most of it by biking the paths along the Ottawa River both on the Ontario and Quebec sides.”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook and Twitter.

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

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NAHID & MAURIN | TORONTO, ON

Nahid was born and raised in Bangladesh in a religious Sunni Muslim home. He has fond memories of spending Eid and other religious holidays with family.

“Everyone around me was Muslim. My parents, who are my role models, are religious and never miss a prayer.”

Today Nahid is a practicing Sunni Muslim. He prays every Friday, fasts during Ramadan, and says he continues to try to be a better Muslim.

Maurin was born in Bangladesh and raised as a devout Baptist. Her family had prayer sessions every evening after dinner and on Sundays they always attended church.

“I was very close to God as a child and used to pray and talk to Him all the time. I used to rely on Him for everything. Religion was and still is very important for my family.”

Maurin drifted slightly from the strong religious views her family held when she moved to Canada. She converted to Sunni Islam when she married Nahid and today she identifies as a practicing Muslim. 

“My husband’s view towards his religion had a huge impact on me. I have slowly taken the time through him to absorb the knowledge of Islam over the years.”

THEIR STORY:

Maurin and Nahid attended the same middle school in Bangladesh’s capital Dhaka, but they barely knew each other.

Then, something that Maurin calls “a fortunate coincidence” happened as they both attended University of Toronto and were in the same engineering program. They started seeing each other regularly, and meeting secretly, on campus.

“We couldn't stop seeing each other despite our religious differences. We fell in love.”

Coming from a country where Muslims are the majority, Maurin explain how her community is very strong in their religious convictions.

“Dating is a big no no in our culture, let alone seeing a Muslim guy!”

Maurin and Nahid kept their relationship hidden from their families for the first five years. When their parents found out they were not happy and both families immediately expressed their disapproval. Nahid’s parents wanted him married to “a nice Muslim girl” and Maurin’s parents were definitely against the relationship.

“They gave me a choice - leave Nahid or never see them again. Those were the most trying days of our lives.”

Maurin and Nahid were madly in love and confident with their decision to be life partners.

“I said to my mom - either I marry him or no one.”

Nahid said the same to his parents.

They were persistent in trying to get their families approval and believed that eloping was not an option. Eventually, after two years, both sets of parents calmed down and agreed to bless their marriage.

“We finally married after seven years of seeing each other. It was a fight, a challenge - but it was worth it. We now have a very good relationship with both sides.”

The benches at the University of Toronto’s St. George Campus will always have a special place in Maurin and Nahid’s hearts. It was where they met in secret, where they got to know each other better, and where they fell deeper and deeper in love.  

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook and Twitter. 

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

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ROSI & CHRIS | TORONTO, ON

Rosi lived in Peru, until she was eighteen. Her family, like most families in Peru, is Catholic. They all went to church every Sunday, trekked up a mountain once a year to represent Jesus’ sacrifice, participated in processions for different saints, and celebrated all the Catholic holidays. She would also pray every night with the rosary, which was the inspiration for her name. After she moved to Canada Rosi lost this strong tie to the church as she wasn’t able to find a Catholic community she could relate to. She still prays and goes to Church occasionally and hopes eventually to return to Peru so she can once again connect with the community she knew from her youth.

Chris was raised in Quebec by parents who were Protestant and Catholic. As a youngster he attended an Anglican church and, in the summer, would go to a religion-based camp. His Catholic-raised father was non-practicing and wouldn’t attend church with the family because of a negative childhood experience. His mother however, used the church community as a social outlet as she was an Anglophone living in a predominantly French speaking area. Currently Chris’ family is non-religious and Chris identifies as Agnostic.

THEIR STORY:

Rosi and Chris first laid eyes on each other while getting off the bus for a work orientation training. Rosi was lost and asked Chris [who didn’t know the area well either) for directions. Luckily they both managed to get to work on time. They soon discovered that they lived in the same neighborhood and that led them to become ‘bus buddies’ on their daily commute to work.

After a few weeks Chris summoned up the courage and asked Rosi to a drink after work. Rosi saw him as a friend and so she accepted. Much to her her surprise, she felt very comfortable with him and soon started seeing him as a potential romantic partner.

“Kensington market is where we had our first date, and it was magical.”

They had a beer at a small bar named Ronnie’s, a fight started, and Rosi narrowly escaped being hit with a broken bottle. The soon-to-be couple quickly moved on to a Mexican restaurant where they encountered a group of Rosi’s Latin friends. This allowed Chris to observe Rosi interacting with the people in her community. They then moved to an Indian tapas bar where they had their first kiss while dancing to a live band playing Beatles music. After that they danced (and kissed) the night away at a funky place while listening to hip hop. It was a very eclectic first date.

While religion doesn’t play a big part of Chris’ life, it’s important for Rosi and so they look for ways to accommodate for the other’s point of view. For example, Rosi would like a Catholic Church wedding while Chris is happy to have it anywhere, as long as it’s special.

Rosi and Chris have faced a number of challenges in their relationship, apart from having different religious views. They have differing views on family. Rosi is incredibly close with hers while Chris isn’t, as his family lives in Quebec and Alberta. She is constantly encouraging Chris to connect more with his family, and so they went to visit them last year and they even all took a Mexican vacation together.

Another difference between them is that Rosi is conservative while Chris is liberal. At the beginning this was very challenging, but Rosi is trying hard to be more open to different points of view.

“Due to our different cultural upbringings, it’s important that we try to empathize and clearly communicate with each other in order to avoid misunderstandings.”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook, Twitter and apply to participate.

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

SHANA & SEAN | TORONTO, ON

Shana grew up in Downtown Toronto. Shana’s mom was a Jewish atheist and her father was an atheist who was raised by an Irish Catholic mother and an English Protestant father. Shana grew up as a culturally Jewish atheist. Being Jewish in Shana’s family meant being  raised with Jewish morals and observing Jewish holidays. The culture was kept alive by observing these customs and with the language they spoke at home. Shana believes that the most important part of being Jewish is being a good person, treating others with respect, being charitable, asking questions and always learning. She doesn’t think that one needs to believe in God to be a good person.

Sean lived in Trinidad until he was eight at which time his family moved to Canada. He was baptised Pentecostal and both his parents were quite religious. On Sundays they always went to church as a family, both in Trinidad and in Canada. While growing up, and to this day, Sean prays every night, every morning, before meals, and before every single trip in his vehicle. Sean identifies with being Pentecostal because of his family’s history but says he isn’t familiar enough with the differences between the Christian sects to know if his actual beliefs line up more with this one than any other. Sean no longer attends church on a regular basis. He believes that worshipping God can happen anywhere, any time, not only in a church.

THEIR STORY:

Sean and Shana met on OKCupid, with a 96 % compatibility match.

“We were super compatible in every category except for religious beliefs.”

From their very first conversation they felt a deep attraction to one another. Their first date was at a BBQ in Caledon where Shana was introduced to twenty of Sean’s closest friends. On the way there she had asked him if he would have a problem with their religious differences. Sean responded:

“As long as you are a good person, I don’t care what you believe in.”

From that day forward they saw each other constantly - and with each day fell more in love.

Sean and Shana decided to get married about six months after they met but didn’t want to announce it too much in advance. Even though their decision to get married was a mutual one Sean still wanted to surprise Shana with a ‘fun proposal’. He told Shana not to expect a proposal on their Carnival trip to Trinidad because it would be too predictable. When they were on a holiday at Blue Mountain they decided to start planning their wedding in order to have time to book the venue. Sean still had not planned the exciting ‘fun proposal’ so he said to Shana in the elevator: “Should we just start telling people we are engaged”. Shana gave Sean the stones from the amethyst ring that her great Auntie Anne had given her when she was born. Auntie Anne had just passed away so this was very meaningful for Shana.

In October of 2014 they had a secular Jewish wedding with Trinidadian elements in Toronto.

Shana explains:

“I was worried that Sean’s religious family would have a problem with the lack of God and Christian traditions in the wedding, but they ended up loving it.”

Sean and Shana’s families have been very supportive of their union. The first time Sean’s cousin met Shana she told them that they were made for each other.

Since Sean has been learning more about Judaism from Shana and her family, he has developed a great fondness for the religion and culture. He has been learning Yiddish and enjoys participating in all the Jewish holidays.

Shana and Sean are proud new parents of a baby girl. They made the decision together to raise her Jewish, a tradition in which the religion is passed on through the mother. She will be raised in a similar manner to how Shana was raised, with Jewish customs and traditions. There will be a baby naming ceremony to welcome her into the Jewish community and at age thirteen she may have, if she chooses, a Bat Mitzvah. As Judaism is not only a religion but also a culture and ethnicity, they will be able to raise her with Jewish values and teachings and also incorporate their own personal beliefs about God. They named her Danae Anne, the Anne for Shana’s late Auntie Anne because in Jewish custom it is an honour to name a child after someone who has died.

Since the birth of their daughter this small family has spent a lot of time in Toronto’s Jean Sibelius Square Park. Here Sean can play frisbee while Shana chats with friends and nurses her daughter free of judgement.

“It was important that we raise our daughter in a way that respects both of our beliefs. We have decided that when we talk about religion with her we will say what we believe without saying that the other person is wrong.”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook, Twitter and apply to participate.

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

EMAN & JESS | TORONTO, ON

Eman was born in Kuwait to Palestinian parents and raised Muslim.

“When I was younger I was drawn to the religion because, although we were Muslim, no one around me really practiced the religion beyond fasting at Ramadan. And, as it goes with me, when a large number of people seem to dislike something I feel like it must mean there’s something really awesome about it. I’ve always needed to figure things out for myself. I was clearly a pleasure to raise! When I started to learn about Islam though, I discovered a bunch of sexist rules I couldn’t get onboard with. I couldn’t wrap my head around how something so divine and righteous could be so unbalanced. And that’s how my short-lived religious phase came to an end.”

Eman’s mother became religious later in life after losing people close to her, and Eman describes her father as someone who isn’t religious but really loves being Muslim.

“I identify as Muslim, from the agnostic sect. Does that exist? I like some sins way too much to be pious.”

Jess was born in Montreal and was raised Jewish. Originating from Eastern Europe, a few generations of her dad’s side of the family have resided in Montreal. Jess’s mother is from Peru. Her maternal grandmother had migrated  there from Poland and married Jess’s grandfather who was from Egypt. Most people assume she is Irish. Jess explains how her family is not religious. They celebrate the major Jewish holiday and go to synagogue on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. No one went to a Jewish school.

“We all ate bacon, just not at home. That’s ‘level one kosher’: If you order it very crispy and at a restaurant it’s not as bad.”

She explains how her being Jewish is more of an ethnic / cultural identification than a religious one. When she attends synagogue it is more about experiencing and connecting to the tradition than it is about prayer.

“I go to a conservative synagogue which is weird because most of the members there aren’t all that religious. But it’s a beautiful place with an incredible choir and when I go I feel connected to my past, to my grandparents and to my history. To be fair, I also feel that way when I eat smoke meat at Schwartz’s or have a bagel and lox at Beauty’s.”

THEIR STORY:

When asked how they met, Eman and Jess respond:

“Our parents introduced us.” *Laughs*

They are both comedians...literally.

“We met doing comedy and became friends, sticking around after shows at the bar to discuss the situation in the Middle East. We’d quickly clear the place out and even comedians that didn’t smoke were going out for a cigarette...at minus 20.”

They had a platonic relationship for the first two years.

“Jess is so soft spoken that I never heard a word she said to me but she also likes to talk, so it was a weird combo where I’d be like “oh here we go, Jess is here. She’s going to talk my ear off and I won’t hear a thing”.”

For this reason Jess jokes:

“It was important for me to find a job that involved using a microphone.”

One day they had lunch together, and Eman’s interest was sparked by how funny, smart and sexy Jess was.

“I really didn’t think anything would possibly happen. I mean she’s a Taurus and I’m a Leo and that’s just scandalous. There were some hurdles to overcome. Astrological issues. Auditory issues.”

They both agree that their families are disappointed with their relationship but love them enough to at least pretend to be okay with it. Eman explains:

“Homosexuality is foreign to my parents. They don’t believe it’s a real thing. My parents understand that Jess and I are “close”, as they like to put it. They think the best solution is for us to find brothers to marry so we can stay “close”.”

In 2014 Jess and Eman moved to New York to explore the comedy scene and they hope to go back there permanently.

“New York was where I decided to propose to Eman. I realized that, as 70% of my Instagram photos were in the subway, people probably assumed we were becoming moles. Mole lovers. For the record though, I didn’t propose in the subway. Maybe I should have though… had her sift through someone’s guitar case for the ring while they played her a ditty.”

They are definitely not a couple that shies away from public displays of their love.

“We are VERY affectionate together, but we dread being that annoying over the top couple so we try to be as self-aware as possible. In all honesty though, being affectionate comes so naturally that most of the time we don’t realize we’re even doing it until we get an eye roll or two.”

Jess and Eman feel as though they are on the same level when it comes to their respective religiosity, so they have had few issues. For the time being they enjoy being a part of and learning about each other’s holidays. They do however admit that it may get a little more complicated when they have kids.

“When it comes to the Israeli-Palestinian situation we’ve had some heated debates. I think most of our arguments come from our different starting points: That not necessarily logical place where you assume your people are the only ones coming from a good place. It’s a defensive place to start from and it doesn’t lead to objective discussion but we’re rational people so accepting that Palestinians are being oppressed took some work - but we got there.”

They do find it difficult when their relationship causes discomfort to the people they care about.

“Our daily life together is truly wonderful but knowing our parents aren’t a 100% on board is frustrating because it’s as though our being in love is somehow wrong. There are so many reasons we shouldn’t be together but our love for one another is so genuine it was impossible to be apart.”

Jessica explains how they broke up a lot at the beginning of their relationship.

“Eman really tried not to be with me! but I think those challenges make your relationship stronger in the end. Because there is the feeling that if you can overcome differences and disapproval you can probably overcome the other stuff life throws at everyone.”

They believe it is important to focus on what the relationship is between two people, and ignore the external noise.

“If there is a real love and also deep compatibility there – common goals, interests, and values – the rest doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter in the sense that you’ll be able to figure it out. Dating someone that doesn’t do comedy … that would be harder.”

Eman and Jess were recently married.

“I freaked out before the wedding but the day of I was so calm. Jess got more emotional. It really looked like I was forcing her into it. It looked like a hostage situation. It was a beautiful day in the end. We did it at City Hall. We took so many super gay photos. It was a tribute to our love and also of course to Rob Ford.”

When asked if they had any final points to add:

Eman explained:

“Both our religions are waiting for the Messiah, so I think if we do have kids one of them will for sure be the Messiah. It makes the most sense to me, prophets are never born into traditional circumstances so you are welcome everyone.”

Jess added: 

“As long as we don’t call him or her, Yasser. I have to veto so many names you don’t even know.”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook, Twitter and apply to participate.

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

CALEB & MAHSA | TORONTO, ON

Caleb was born in Toronto, grew up in Muskoka then moved back to the city for high school. His Christian family is religious and faithfully attended church every Sunday. Today he identifies as Christian which to him means following the moral principles outlined in the Bible, and having a relationship with God. Some of his childhood memories are of his family getting together for Christmas and Easter. These gatherings were for him special, and a time for spiritual reflection.

Mahsa was born in Iran and raised in Toronto. Growing up she attended both Sunday school and the Baha’i nineteen day feast (the Baha’i equivalent of going to church every Sunday). Her childhood memories include daily prayers, conversations about God and attending religious events. Today she identifies as a practicing Baha’i.

THEIR STORY:

They met online nine years ago, at a time when meeting someone online wasn’t as common as it is today.  

“Online dating was a taboo at the time and the fact that we were of two different cultures and religions didn't help - we didn't tell our families how we met until we got engaged six years later!”

Their first date was at Starbucks. Caleb says jokingly how he was impressed by Mahsa’s  ability to park in reverse.

“We immediately felt a trust and warmth with one another. We talked about our families and realized how alike we were. We both grew up in religious traditional families, and we both attended Sunday school. Although we were born in opposites sides of the world and came from different religions, we had so much in common in terms of how we were raised.”

They were pleasantly surprised how open-minded and understanding their families were with  regard to their relationship.

“At first, their knee-jerk reaction was to question what we're going to do, how we will make it work, how we will raise our kids, etc. etc. The questions that everyone starts asking when things begin to get serious. Over time they realized that we love each other and we are a good match - with all the divorces and breakups in the world, I think people are just happy to see two people making it work and staying in love.”

In 2012 they had a beautiful dual ceremony in Toronto. They did not have an officiant but did have a representative from the Baha’i community there to sign the paperwork and make announcements about the ceremony. It began with a poem about love written by Mahsa’s best friend. They had Christian and Baha’i readings and prayers read by various family members and  ended the ceremony with the vows they wrote, followed by the exchange of rings. Before dinner, Caleb’s dad said grace. They made a point to represent both faiths equally and it ended up being a very beautiful and spiritual day.

The Pearson International Airport is special to Caleb and Mahsa as it represents their love of travel and their plan to see the world together.

“We've travelled to twelve countries already and are just getting started!”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook, Twitter and apply to participate.

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

MELODY & CHRISTOPHER | SUDBURY, ON

Melody grew up on Manitoulin Island in an ecumenical household, attending both the Anglican church where her mother was active, the United Church where her father and large extended family were members, as well as going to an after school program and bible study classes at the local evangelical church. Her mother told her from a young age that, as a Christian, she could attend any church in town - and she did!  She felt a calling to serve in the ministry from a young age and was attracted to the openness, hospitality, commitment to justice and personal support she experienced in the United Church. After obtaining her Master’s of Divinity at Queen’s University she is now an ordained Minister with the United Church of Canada and has served at many rural churches in Ontario. She acts as the Manitou Conference Minister for Mission and Stewardship Animation, a regional ministry supporting United Church congregations in Northeastern Ontario. Her ministry takes her from congregations in Hornepayne, Hearst and Kapuskasing, Timmins, Sudbury, North Bay as well as to her beloved Manitoulin Island. She preaches, teaches, coordinates programs, and gets to support regional youth work.

Christopher grew up in Peterborough, Ontario. His father had taken his minor perpetual vows with the Oblates of St. Francis De Sales but, in 1968, like many seminarians of his generation, he left the order to marry.  As the son of an ‘almost’ priest and the great grandson of an Irish labour activist, the old adage, don’t talk religion or politics was routinely ignored in the their household.  During an extended break between his second and third year of University, Christopher seriously considered a vocation in the priesthood. He eventually came to the conclusion that, as his Carmelite spiritual director had reminded him, “the Church needs priests in the world, as much as it needs priests in the church”. Christopher continued his academic studies at Queen’s Theological College in Kingston and completed his PhD in Systematic and Historical Theology. Today he identifies as an active lay Roman Catholic who happens to be a theologian.

THEIR STORY:

Melody and Christopher met during their first day of orientation at Queen's Theological College. Melody was beginning her Master’s of Divinity and Christopher was starting his Master’s of Theological Studies. Christopher clearly remembers the moment he first laid eyes on Melody.

“I saw her climbing the stairs and was immediately struck by the contrast between her long hair, floral dress and kick-ass combat boots.”

In the small class of about fifteen students, they spent quite a bit of time both in school and at social events

Their attraction to each other blossomed over a shared birthday dinner (their birthdays are only three days apart). In less than a week, they were committed to each other, and were fearlessness about their relationship. Melody fell for Christopher’s wild curly hair his big, bright brown eyes, his divergent thinking and his quick sense of humour, and Christopher loved Melody’s compassion, sensibility and “combat boots”.

“We kept our relationship secret at first. The college is small, and we wanted to give the relationship a chance without the scrutiny of our classmates.”

It wasn’t until after the February reading break that they decided to go public with their relationship.

Melody remembers her first introduction to Christopher’s devout yet loud, boisterous and energetic Irish Catholic family. Christopher’s mom spent some time trying to convince Melody that she could fit into the Roman Catholic tradition and all the grandmothers were very concerned about the faith life of their hoped-for children. Melody’s mom was much more pragmatic: “I’d be more worried about your bank account than what church your kids go to!”

As an interchurch family, they face a number of challenges.

“The main challenge we face is finding a way to participate in the worshipping life of each other's communities.”

From the Catholic side Christopher explains how the sacraments are proving to be a challenge. The unity that the sacrament of matrimony represents, in Christopher’s experience, is in stark contrast with the other sacrament of unity, the Eucharist which, under current Church canons, he cannot share with Melody.

As their children, Lachlan, Padraig and Sophia begin their own sacramental journeys,  the spiritual pain of Melody’s exclusion from the Eucharist is becoming more or an issue. Christopher plans to use the Jubilee of Mercy to explore the pastoral and ecumenical need to extend the mercy of Eucharist to interchurch families who are in similar circumstances.

From the United Church’s side Melody has at times felt foreign in the Roman Catholic church - people don’t always know quite what to do as she is: a wife, a mother, a Christian, and someone who is ordained. She often feels it might be better to keep a low profile while worshiping, to try to blend in. Sometimes she slips up on the words of prayers, sings a bit too loudly and wants to challenge the priest’s homily or the Pope’s politics…

In her United Church community Melody finds herself a Roman Catholic apologist, sometimes defending the centuries old Christian tradition, when challenged by her more progressive colleagues. As their children receive communion in the Roman Catholic community, Melody is sad that she is excluded from this sacrament as she is able to share it with them in her own church.

“Spiritually, we overcome these difference through our understanding of our common baptism and our understanding of the family as a domestic church that models ecumenism.”

They are raising their three children in both the Catholic and United Church. They all attend the local Catholic elementary school and participate in both the local Catholic parish and in their local United Church. Because of Melody’s current ministry, she is often found on a Sunday morning attending worship in different United Churches, frequently accompanied by at least one of their children.  Although Melody considers all of the United Churches to be ‘home’, her family maintains a special relationship with two churches right across the street from each other, the United Church and Catholic Church in Garson.  

They belong to the Association of Interchurch Families, which has a fairly active discussion group. One thing they understand, from those who have more experience with raising interchurch families is that, as children grow and life circumstances change, so does the logistics of Sunday worship.

“I’ve come to recognize that as an ecumencial domestic church it is important that our family find ways to observe Sunday worship and feast days, together, as a family. Whether in the celebration of the Catholic Eucharist at the Catholic Church, or the Sunday Service at the United Church where Melody, our Holy Day of Obligation is to our family as well as to our faith communities.”

Christopher and Melody have been living in Sudbury for the past seven years. When asked where they would like to be photographed, after some thought, they suggested the Grotto. This Sudbury landmark, in addition to being a local Catholic shrine includes a multi-faith memorial, a labyrinth popular with the United Church community and one of the better views of the City of Sudbury. In some ways, Sudbury’s rocky, and moon-like landscape is an apt metaphor for how Christopher and Melody see their ‘interlove’. While they come from different Christian denominations, and worship with different Christian communities, they emphasize how their faith and their love is built on a rock-solid, shared foundation.

“and on this rock I will build my church” (Matthew 16:18)

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook, Twitter and apply to participate.

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

JAMES & MELINDA | SAULT STE MARIE, ON

James was raised in the small town of Goulais River, Ontario by his Anglican parents. He was baptized into the Anglican Church and attended Sunday services. When he was young he fondly remembers going to a church, located on a farm, where he studied the bible and went on hayrides! Today he considers himself a practicing Anglican.

Melinda grew up in the Bahamas in a mostly Baptist family.

“It meant church every Sunday, no matter what. If you stayed out late on Saturday night, you still had to get up and out to church. I always loved the music, the way it moved me. I love a great choir.”

Today she is a practicing Baptist. She explains:

“That means keeping my heart set on the Lord. My faith in God and prayer has changed things in my life always. Having a relationship with the Lord is what really matters to me, no one particular religion is going to save us, we have to know Him on a personal level.”

THEIR STORY:

James was in Toronto and decided to go to a Blue Jays game. He noticed that a woman a few rows back was cheering for Florida (the wrong team), and started to tease her about it. This led to many laughs and after the game he asked Melinda out for dinner. Three weeks later he got down on one knee and proposed.

“I was not going to let her get away. I knew I wanted her to be my wife and to share my life with this woman.”

It was important to Melinda that James go to the Bahamas and ask her father’s permission. Arriving at their home he remembers being left alone with her father, and he says that meeting went pretty well. When her mother came out however:

“This woman’s concerned look and raised eyebrows would have made a staff sergeant wet his trousers.”

The interrogation began and, out of fear, James agreed to everything she said, even if he didn’t understand her.

“In the end I don’t think, being a much older white guy with a disability, that I was their first choice for a son in law, but I’m happy to say that everyone there treated me like one of the family.”

Once he got past her hard outer shell, he found his late mother-in-law to be a kind and amazing woman.

James’ family was concerned about the relationship because of the short time the couple had known each other, and they didn’t want their son to get hurt.

Their wedding, that was predominantly Baptist, took place in the Bahamas at the place where Melinda grew up. They exchanged vows before their families and 100 guests, enjoyed a lovely reception and partied the night away in the street. Then they flew to Paris for their honeymoon, and went on to have a second reception in Canada.

Moving to Sault Ste Marie was not easy for a woman from the Bahamas. For Melinda the biggest challenge has been the weather - especially the long winters. The issues James and Melinda have faced have had more to do with ethnicity than with faith. In the past they have heard people making snide remarks, but James says they let them slide like “water off a ducks back”.  Today “The Soo” is becoming increasingly diverse, and they believe that most people there are open to this change.

For his whole life James believed he couldn’t father a child. One morning, about four years ago, Linda told James she had cooked breakfast (this was odd as usually he makes breakfast). When he arrived at the table he saw a “pen-like device in a plastic bag”. After a while he realized that it was a pregnancy test kit showing a positive reading!

“I was beside myself. At 50 years old I was soon to be a daddy for the first time. Pretty amazing stuff!”

Linda had a very rough pregnancy and at one point they even thought they may lose their child. Luckily, after many hours of praying and tears, the crisis passed.

“No one to this day can tell me that God didn't have a hand in this positive outcome. Shye was born a healthy boy. Just remembering his arrival brings a huge grin to my face.”

They now have found a church they both like where they attend as a family.

“It really doesn't matter to me which church Shye goes to, Baptist or Anglican. All I really care about is that my son has a relationship with God and follows the teachings of the Christian faith. I'm sure my wife can keep a little boy on the straight and narrow, if she can do that to an old dog like me.”

As a family they enjoy board games, road trips together and watching Shye’s favorite television programs, so they know all the characters, the storyline and the theme song to team umizoomie, bubble guppies and the octonauts.

“It’s amazing seeing him evolve before our eyes, we are truly blessed.”

As emphasized by James:

“I think it’s important for people to know that if two people really love each other, no matter the race or religion, you can make it work.”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook, Twitter and apply to participate.

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

LOUIS & REBECCA | BRAMPTON, ON

Louis was born in Toronto and raised in a Roman Catholic home.  

“My upbringing was heavily influenced by religion. I had an uncle that was a priest, and an aunt that was a nun. I also have never met anyone more devout than my grandmother.”

He went to church every Sunday with his siblings, said grace before meals, and prayers before bed. He was baptised, had his First Communion and Confirmation, and attended Catholic school.

As a child he never questioned these teachings.  Because the information was coming from his parents and the church he figured it must all be true.

Today he identifies as a non-practising catholic, and he doesn’t go to church but still prays. When Louis is with his parents he will say grace as do his own children.

“Now that I am older and have the freedom to make my own decisions and without the pressure of other peoples beliefs being forced upon me, I believe that there is a God. Do I believe he was there for me? No, I have Multiple Sclerosis. Maybe I am still bitter but people say God only gives you what you can handle. I’ve had so much more than just MS to deal with in my life. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that there is a God who cares about us all. Ultimately I believe you should be a good person and help people when you can. I do believe there is a higher power…what it is I can’t say. I haven’t come to a conclusion yet.”

Rebecca, born in Calgary, Alberta, was baptised Protestant and attended Catholic school. She explains how, for her, church was the place where she enjoyed singing.

“I believed in God when I was very small but too many tragedies affected my life and I  stopped believing there was one guy who could help the world.”

She started to notice how many contradictions there were in organized religion.

“I pondered quite a bit before finally deciding, once and for all, that I did not want to associate myself with a God who had choosey compassion and couldn’t get his story straight.”

Her questions led her to read many religious texts - from the Quran to the Bible - and she felt that they “all pretty much said the same thing”.  In her late teens she began to identify with Buddhism, and the writings of mystic poet Rumi changed the way she perceived the world.

In her 30’s she had, while vacationing in Cuba, a deeply spiritual experience. She heard a voice out of nowhere saying “you are not forgotten” and she felt it was the utterance  of God.

“I laid there in the warm sea and cried the happiest tears I had ever cried.”

Since then her life has never been the same.

“My current belief is that we are all connected and we all matter. Defined religion is just another way to draw lines of separation between us, when really we are all the same. I believe that God does exist but it’s just another name for universe, creation, spirit.”

THEIR STORY:

Louis and Rebecca met online three years ago, and their first date was to an auto show.

“Our first date was really the best. We laughed together a lot. In fact we hadn’t yet arrived at the convention center and were having side-splitting laughs.”

The fact that they could be their “silly selves” together made the relationship advance quickly. Louis liked that Rebecca talked a lot and laughed at his jokes, and Rebecca liked how Louis was both patient and kind.

“I’m a good listener, she is a good talker.”

Rebecca returned to Cuba (after her previous visits spiritual revelation) with Louis and he proposed on the beach at sunset. He had previously asked for her son’s permission  and she was totally surprised having no idea what he was planning.

Very early on in the relationship they had talked about their differing religions and upbringings.

“Discussing our differing beliefs has always been very easy because we are both very honest and respectful. I respect that he needs to be buried, he respects that when I die my ashes will be put into a bio-urn so that I may end up part of a tree.”

Louis had warned Rebecca that his family was very religious. Every year at Christmas they receive many prayer cards and Catholic literature from Louis’ Aunt and Uncle. Louis’ mother has also given Rebecca prayer cards and rosaries. Rebecca explains:

“I promised to learn the Rosary if she learned how to use the SMART TV we bought her. So far I haven’t had to learn the Rosary.”

It hurt Rebecca’s feelings when she heard some of Louis’ family say, when hearing that she wasn’t Catholic, that she had “no beliefs”.

“Someone said not to ask me anything because I didn’t believe in anything. I was shocked because no one had ever asked me what I believe. I want to tell them I believed in so much, that I had deep and comforting beliefs – but instead I have just stayed quiet.”

They have had to face many challenges in addition to the religious ones. They both have children from previous relationships and they deal with Louis’ incurable illness on a daily basis.

“It's so easy to get swept up by bills, daily worries and other people’s judgements. We try our best to savour the quiet time together.”

Louis and Rebecca married in April 2015. There were certain family members who did not attend their wedding because it didn’t take place in a Catholic church and, as it went against their beliefs, Louis and Rebecca understand. They were just not willing to marry in a church to make everyone else happy.

“After the wedding we returned to Cuba for our honeymoon. It’s a place that has brought us pretty good luck so far.”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook, Twitter and apply to participate.

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

ROLAND & PAULA | NORTH BAY, ON

Roland was born in Jamaica and raised and his family were practicing Catholics.

“From a very young age we all went to church every Sunday. We came to Canada when I was 11 and going to church for me tapered off to Easter and Christmas and the odd Sunday mass in between. I went to neighbourhood prayer meetings every Sunday night with a lot of the neighbourhood kids. That lasted age 11 to about 15. My parents not only went to church, but also did the born again Christian-Benny Hinn thing, 100 Huntley Street, Jim and Tammy Faye, and of course donated money to all of them.”

Today he identifies as Catholic.

“I still go to mass when the feeling hits me. I pray more often. I don’t think it’s necessary to go to church to have your prayers heard.”

Paula grew up in Kirkland Lake, Ontario and her parents are Presbyterian. She attended Sunday School but started to question religion at a young age.  

“I loved Greek mythology as a kid. When I found out that nobody worshipped those gods and goddesses any more I remember thinking that someday people might think our God was made up too.”

At 10 she started arguing with her parents about having to go church.  

“I imagine they were disappointed, but above all, they raised me to make my own decisions.”  

She respects the compassion and bravery of Jesus, but struggles with the sexism, homophobia, judgment, and intolerance she sees in some self-described Christians. Today she identifies as somewhere between atheist and agnostic.  

THEIR STORY:

“Love thy neighbour” Paula laughs. She moved into the apartment next door to Ronald and remembers seeing him first on the elevator and thinking, “nice eyes, great smile, bet he has a girlfriend.”

A couple weeks later as she was sitting on her balcony after work, enjoying a beer, a head popped into view from around the divider.  “He scared the living shit out of me!”

Roland admits that it wasn’t the first time he had tried to make contact with his new neighbour. Luckily Paula’s shock was soon followed by drinks, hours of chatting, and a very unexpected sleepover.

They never really meant for things to get serious because Roland was soon leaving the country to work for a couple of months.  

“When Roland moved out of the apartment to buy his first home spending time together was no longer a mere convenience. At that point we made a real choice to be a couple.”  

Six months later Paula moved in with him.

They have faced many differences - religion, ethnicity, culture - and it hasn’t always been easy, but they have made it work. Roland’s family was not initially impressed with his new girlfriend. Four years later, when he told them he was getting married, and not in a church, they were not happy.

“I had a lot of battles with my family, especially with my mother. But having a strong commitment to each other and sticking to our guns won out in the end. We have been through a lot and we are still together, and I think they finally see this and know we are strong together.”

Paula feels she has earned her in-laws’ respect and feels valued.

“Over the years, they have seen how much I love Roland and my stepdaughter. There were adjustments on both sides and now his family is my family too.”

One of the biggest challenges they have faced, was losing their house to a fire eight years ago. Many of their possessions were damaged and had to be thrown away. Paula explains:

“When I was 11 I was playing baseball and had a great game. The ump gave me the ball and my big brother wrote my stats on it. Roland saw me throw the ball out while cleaning up after the fire and knew I'd regret it. He waited for me to leave the room, fished it out of the garbage bag, and gave it back to me when he knew I was ready. I don't think I ever told him how much that meant to me.”

The experience of the fire really clarified for Paula and Roland what is important in life. It isn’t about material objects. They now live in a smaller house with fewer possessions and are very comfortable. Roland’s career required him to be away for long periods of time, but now he is taking a break from it. He is enjoying doing some of  the things he missed while travelling. There is now time for cuddling on the couch, watching North Bay Battalion hockey games, working out together and he is able to attend special events with family and friends.

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook, Twitter and apply to participate.

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

MICHELLE & NEIL | SUDBURY, ON

Michelle was raised in Sudbury by her mother. She was baptized as a Roman Catholic and, as a child, attended Sunday School and church regularly.  Her mother forced this on neither her nor her sister. At the age of nine Michelle started questioning her religion, became defiant, and switched from Catholic to public school. At the age of 15 Michelle became friends with a girl who was Wicca. Over a two year period she started to learn more about that belief, and it seemed to be a good fit for her. Today she identifies as a Wiccan.

“I believe in honoring and respecting life in all it’s many manifestations both seen and unseen. Wicca promotes responsibility for our actions and choices - and the consequences that follow. I practice my religion with rituals, spells and chants that allow for personal and spiritual growth, to honor the god and goddess that exist in all things and to celebrate the changing of the seasons.”

Neil was born and raised in Sudbury. His family attended church on holidays and special occasions. He was baptized into the Roman Catholic religion at a very young age, and attended catholic school up until grade 5 when he switched to public school. As he entered his teenage years he started questioning his religion and stopped going to church. He found many of the bible stories to be nonsensical and “knew there had to be more out there”. At 15 he came across some information on atheism and found it extremely interesting.

“I could really relate and found comfort in knowing that there were others out there who did not believe in any gods.”

Today Neil identifies as an atheist and believes that everyone has the right to believe what they want to, including the freedom to not believe in anything supernatural.

THEIR STORY:

Michelle and Neil met in early 1999 while studying together. They clicked right away and developed a friendship that would last for four years before they started dating.

Twelve years later they finally got married.  It was an event that they describe as “way overdue ” and “the greatest day of our lives”.  The wedding, at a hall close to home and in front of friends and family, was non-denominational and had a personalized ceremony where they reaffirmed, and made official, their love for eachother. There was one big challenge. Neil’s mother never approved of his relationship with Michelle. She chose not to attend their wedding, and this issue has been a constant strain as he refuses to visit her if she cannot accept his wife. Michelle’s family has always been accepting of Neil, and her mother treats him like a son.

They have faced some challenges regarding their differing religious beliefs. The fact that Neil does not believe in any type of God is difficult for Michelle to comprehend.  Neil knows this and enjoys getting her going. Neil jokes: “She has a sassy side that will tell me where to go and how to get there.”

The biggest struggle however has been regarding Michelle’s sexuality and her adversity to monogamy - an issue that they have battled with for many years.

“I started to realize when I was a teenager that I was different than most people I knew. I never wanted to be held down by one person and I did not want to live by rules that were viewed as normal in relationships. In my mind it seemed normal to date and love more than one person at a time and I thought for the longest time that there was something wrong with me. I dated both females and males even though many would tell me that was wrong, but I didn’t think so. I found it hard to fit in, but once I reached adulthood I realized that there are others out there just like me. I introduced my husband into the polyamorous and swinging lifestyles with hopes that he could see how amazing and fulfilling it was.”

Michelle and Neil have had two serious partners over the years. The first woman created some serious rifts when she started wanting Neil all to herself. This could have broken up their marriage, but they explain how their bond was too strong to permit that to happen.

“We made a pact that day to not let anyone come in between of our primary relationship. Today we both believe that opening our relationship up to others has been the greatest thing to happen to us. It has taught us patience, respect and the ability to love on a deeper level. It has brought us closer together.”

Today they run the facebook group for Polyamory & Swinging in Sudbury. In their apartment they often host potlucks and get togethers with their like-minded friends. Their bedroom of course is an important venue considering their lifestyle. Michelle emphasizes how, with BDSM, they are now actively learning about the kink community.

“In the end we believe in the freedom to love and be who you are and love yourself for it. Regardless of our struggles we have always come out on top and we refuse to give up on each other.”

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook, Twitter and apply to participate.

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.

[interloveproject]

ELVAN & ALLEN | NEPEAN, ON

Elvan was raised in a conservative Muslim family in Kitchener, Ontario. It was only after her parents had emigrated to Canada from Turkey that they became religious. Her father started praying five times a day and attending the mosque regularly, while her mother chose to wear a headscarf. Quran classes and Sunday school were weekly events for Elvan and her sister and at home her parents tried to positively reinforce the Islamic way.

“I tried to balance my culture, religion and environment as a Turk, a Muslim and as a Canadian.”

Although her parents exposed her to her religion, and hoped that she would follow their path, Elvan never felt pressured. They continuously emphasized how faith and religion should come from the heart and not be imposed. Today Elvan identifies as Sufi Muslim Canadian.

“Some might call me a corrupt Muslim, I say relaxed, spiritual. There are many beautiful things about the Muslim religion:  love, acceptance, respect, tolerance. In fact, these are the foundations in most “religious” belief systems.  I believe in these things - I believe in the good, the acceptance, the love. I believe in a higher power and I also believe that it is what is in your heart that matters. You can check off all the rules a specific religion tells you to do but if your heart is hateful does that not overshadow all the rules you’ve crossed off?”

Allen was raised in Ottawa as a Roman Catholic. His mother is particularly devout and goes to Church every Sunday. She faithfully observes lent and the other Catholic traditions. Allen was baptised and grew up attending mass and sunday school weekly [something he appreciates now much more than he did at the time]. Overall, Allen accepts the notion of religion and believes in a higher power but he shies away from some of the more dogmatic Catholic practices. Today, Allen identifies as an “Easter and Christmas” Catholic who believes in God and has a strong desire to live a happy, honest and caring life.

THEIR STORY:

While Elvan was studying at the University of Waterloo, and Allen was attending the University of Western Ontario, they met through Allen’s roommate who happened to be a friend of Elvan’s. Elvan was instantly drawn to Allen’s “strong and silent” demeanor and Allen was fascinated by Elvan’s zest of life. There were months of  back and forth travel and many years of dating and living in separate cities before Allen finally proposed to Elvan.  

Both sets of parents were a little reticent about their children marrying outside their respective religions, but they ultimately supported their union. Gaining her parents' approval was especially difficult for Elvan but over time they couldn’t help but appreciate Allen’s good intentions and kind heart. Allen and Elvan married in a small non-denominational private wedding ceremony that was followed by two diverse hometown celebrations.

Now the proud and gushing parents of three wonderful (and extremely active) children, Allen and Elvan try to maintain a home that is loving and caring and respectful of all religious beliefs.  

“What matters most to us is that our children are happy and have a healthy respect for the beauty of life and the world around them.”

Their children don’t eat pork, they attend Christmas mass every year, celebrate Hanukkah with friends, and participate in a protestant church-supported summer camp.  They emphasize how important it is to live life to its fullest each and every day.

“Our wish for our children is to expose them to as many religions, races and cultures as possible and let them choose which path of faith they wish to follow. It doesn't matter what you call it, how you choose to express it (attending church, mosque, synagogue, temple) - what matters is how you act in everyday life.

In a day and age where some people use religion as a basis for hate, both Elvan and Allen feel as if their interfaith love story defies this. They believe that love and respect are unifying qualities.

“Interfaith love like ours is not without its challenges, but with a strong core to the relationship, all these challenges can be overcome.”   

Raising three young children can be rather chaotic; busy is an understatement. Lytle park is a place in Nepean where Elvan, Allen and their kids have a chance to spend time together, in nature, and unwind from a busy schedule of school, piano lessons, hockey and soccer practices, gymnastics and dance.  

You can follow the INTERLOVE Project on Facebook, Twitter and apply to participate.

©  2015 Colin Boyd Shafer, All Rights Reserved.