intothepineforest

[intothepineforest]

Really really want to make jam tarts and I thought it’d be so easy since I’ve already got a roll of puff pastry in my freezer…

Suuuper glad I decided to have a research before I stumbled into cleaning that mistake!

[intothepineforest]

oh to be a pangolin squirming around in the sludge 🥺🥺🥺 this would fix me

[intothepineforest]

I’m taking this blog over by myself. It’s usually only been me, but I’ve been using it as a whole system blog to talk about CDD things. But my Others have their own blogs and we have a disability blog, so all things health related are going to be said on @thefundisorderdiary that includes any more CDD stuff that I might want to say.

Since this blog has my name in it “Pine” I’m keeping it for myself! 🌲

It’s going to get more personalised over time, so if you’re here for my CDD stuff, head on over to the Fun Disorder Diary blog instead. Peace! ✌🏻

[intothepineforest]

Hahaha. And the F2F meeting went even worse because I was having a panic attack about being in the same hospital my evil stepmum used to work at in the town my dad’s family still live. So naturally I fawned and agreed to everything she said which ended in her discharging me. Wonderful! .

Huh. Had a chat with mum about how the appointment went yesterday and how it made me feel.

I don’t remember how our conversation went, but I know I cried a lil and she said comforting things.

I feel more settled about it all now and way less disoriented.

I also don’t fully remember the conversation with the woman at the appointment either so I guess that’s progress? I know I’ve been wanting to forget it because it made me feel yuck.

Now idk if it’s best I forget it, but I feel better so I’m gonna take the win as it comes! ☺️

[intothepineforest]

[intothepineforest]

[intothepineforest]

Huh. Had a chat with mum about how the appointment went yesterday and how it made me feel.

I don’t remember how our conversation went, but I know I cried a lil and she said comforting things.

I feel more settled about it all now and way less disoriented.

I also don’t fully remember the conversation with the woman at the appointment either so I guess that’s progress? I know I’ve been wanting to forget it because it made me feel yuck.

Now idk if it’s best I forget it, but I feel better so I’m gonna take the win as it comes! ☺️

[intothepineforest]

Had an assessment call yesterday and although she’s agreed to a face to face meeting I’m not feeling very positive.

She was pushing the “they’re just personalities you put on because you like the way they help you cope”

Then told me my homework is to write down what each of them do for me when they’re at their strongest, like what is their purpose?

Some of these guys ain’t got no purpose! They’re just there!

Is Ryan’s purpose to be an emo teen boy who plays games? Is that supposed to be “I like being Ryan because he helps me relax”? Ryan’s games are not relaxing! I don’t like Ryan’s games, Ryan doesn’t like the body. This is not a helpful personality to choose to be.

I don’t know if we just fucked up in trying to explain to her, or if she just doesn’t believe me, or maybe this is just the place she starts at and will hopefully branch out her thinking when we have more conversations. But I just feel so disoriented, depressed, and unheard.

I want trauma therapy, I don’t want to have to yet again go through “why aren’t you hearing me” about another problem! 😪

[intothepineforest]

We’ve been calling ours “the Others” but I might take on “Trauma Responses” personally 😂

Things to call your headmates that arent BASIC

Trenchcoat rats

Trauma responses (dont mind me just talking to my trauma responses)

Brain worms

Chat

The entrapped souls of my enemies

Plural pookies

System sillies

Puzzle pieces

ADD MORE PLS!!!

[intothepineforest]

It’s okay to put a LOT into your trauma work but please remember the breaks, the being, the video game binges are also an important part of that process. You can stop doing and just chill the fuck out sometimes. ASMR, red light, body butter. Whatever senses need tending.

[intothepineforest]

I forgot this was a thing and now I’m wallowing in my helplessness from the reminder.

My mum was so unapproachable about so many things that the teachers all thought I should be able to solve and I just had to sit there taking shit from both sides. 😪

[intothepineforest]

what doesn't kill you makes you weird at intimacy

[intothepineforest]

Don’t attack me like this.

Actually, do! Someone might take pity on me and save me…

did you imagine your own tragic death a lot as a child or are you normal

[intothepineforest]

Whaddup bitches! There’s no fire.

What a surprise…

Oh, who poured the wine in my glass?

Nose is telling me there’s a fire (I can smell toast)

Body is saying “I’m not moving tonight” (very fatigued)

Brain hasn’t decided to take Nose’s trigger and run around screaming yet.

Heart is beginning to feel the pressure and Brain is getting there.

This feels weird.

[intothepineforest]

Nose is telling me there’s a fire (I can smell toast)

Body is saying “I’m not moving tonight” (very fatigued)

Brain hasn’t decided to take Nose’s trigger and run around screaming yet.

Heart is beginning to feel the pressure and Brain is getting there.

This feels weird.

[intothepineforest]

I had a bad dream about my new boyfriend. It’s 6:07am right now. He’s not awake. I texted him about the dream because I know he wants me to tell him when something’s up.

I’m terrified for when he wakes up. Logically, I know he’s like me; he’ll read it and say nice comforting things to cheer me up.

But my ex trained me that any potentially upsetting things must never be told to him during wake up time, otherwise he’ll get smashy.

My hand hovered over the send button for so long. I only pressed it to challenge myself and my trauma. I’m going to be on edge for the next 4 hours until he wakes up!

Domestic abuse needs to end!