itwaslikeacurse

[itwaslikeacurse]

Time tempted me with love

Like a fool

I gave in

I dived deep into that pool

Warm and inviting

Nothing to want for

I tie my hair back

Slipping my clothes off

And sit on the edge of the bed

I wait for his touch to bring me to life

Wait for his words to give me purpose

Wait for his breath to give me peace

Positioned in his desire

I nod when my mouth is full of him

Never leaving his questions unanswered

He shows me love

I've only dreamt of once

When I would peer into the waters

Never wanting to feel

Wet

[itwaslikeacurse]

I feel my legs twitch

With anticipation

I know

I will run again

Far away from this place in my mind

The place

That sends shivers down my spine

Never truly free

Only a false sense of reality

Created by glass

Tempered

Strong

The walls that know me

And the people who peer through

See what they like

Each angle

A different narrative

A story for them to twist

Not mine to tell

Who am I now?

I can't remember what it was like to ever be

Accepted

Loved and nourished

Another false reality

Never hoping for more

Than looking through

My clear glass walls

[itwaslikeacurse]

Will I be good enough?

I'm close

Closer than I'd thought I'd be

You and I

It's exhilarating

And frightening

There's people knocking on our door

Questions to address

But I haven't the faintest idea the correct answer

Only the answers I know to be true

Is that enough?

Will that satisfy or stir the masses?

Should I care?

Why do I?

Ahh

Who knows.

[itwaslikeacurse]

I'm anxious

It's nothing new but it's different

Like a hand pulling my heart

And a cement layer being added to my body

I feel like I did as a child

Afraid of leaving

Afraid of being alone

There's a man waiting for me

At the end of my anxiety tunnel

Patient

Loving

But his words

They turn into pillows

And as happy as I am to have the comfort

I feel like the smothering is a step too far

I keep saying "I"

It's so much more then I

It's a conscious thing

Supposed to be fun

To take a trip

Right?

Why do I feel like I don't want to go

When it's my choice

Why do I feel like I'm forcing it to happen

When I can just stay

There's something wrong with me

There must be

[itwaslikeacurse]

I'm lost again

Everything is too much

Everything is too little

I just want it to stop

[itwaslikeacurse]

I am condemned

Marked caution with bright tape

What am I supposed to be?

In love desperately?

Face blushed at the thought of you?

You?!

So what about society?

They see that red stop sign

But you

So infuriatingly

Love me

And how can I say no to that?

Those eyes?

That smile?

I give up

I'm yours

[itwaslikeacurse]

Say it... Out loud... Say it!

Say it again

You make it sound like poetry

Your voice

Makes it sound like art

The years I've hated hearing it

And within a second

Of your velvet timbre

It's one of my favorite things to hear you say

It sends a thrill through me

Hearing you

Say

My name

[itwaslikeacurse]

Tales To Astonish

She sleeps in terror

And wakes to a daydream

How will she ever rest?

[itwaslikeacurse]

The clouds have never looked so far

I reach my hand out and I'm left

They leave me in this place

Looking up

They leave me to find the heavens above

I shall plant my feet firmly down

Staring at the blue

Envious

Only growing

To one day reach the clouds

[itwaslikeacurse]

It doesn't feel right anymore

This thing I do

The words I desperately need to say

Don't sound right

What am I doing wrong?

[itwaslikeacurse]

It hands my heart to them

This creature of the night

My eyes fixed to it's existence

Handing out pieces of me

Felt like it was never mine

Only their's

My heart, My lungs, My tongue

No longer in my possession

Given to those who hold my fate

My life

Forever In their hands

Was it ever my life?

Now that I think about it

Was it always their's?

Was I the one holding these pieces

Til they came?

The creature smiles

Pulling my arm from the socket

Handing it to others

My cry silent

The tongue already taken away

I'm left an empty vessel

Surrounded by hands circling me

My audience

Holding me

Letting me spill upon the floor

The sound of the dripping

Make the pain ease

I breathe with the lungs held by another

And they contract

I smile

My heart beats in someone's hands

And the sound of millions clapping as they stare at my mutilation fill the room

I can no longer be without

Lighter than ever

Forever their's.

[itwaslikeacurse]

So this could be...

Chaos abruptly cuts my tale to see you creating stardust. Twinkling. Ever so subtly for me. The motion of your arms turned to slowed movements like this was a moment worth watching in detail. I'd have taken notes maybe even pictures if time would've allowed me to bask in your beauty. How could I, the fool, have fallen so deep in love with you?

Could we be fate? Some cosmic meeting? Or was it your horrible luck to have met a person like me?

Damaged

Beyond repair

Yes, I will love you throughout my life.

Thoughts flutter to trees and a blanket shared

Yelling and kisses

Tears shed, but a shoulder to cry on

Smiles wrinkled through life

Your figure long since passed my view now, but still I stare awestruck, at the place I first saw you, knowing that our future is one.

[itwaslikeacurse]

For You

I write this for you

Who holds my hand when I cry

Giving me kisses long into the night

Singing me such sweet melodies

I'm ashamed at times

The way I need you

And wait for you

It makes the weakness I feel

Strong

It pulls me forward like the ocean

I hear your voice drip with love

Your tongue casting spells that have taken me

Beyond

But this is only a mere line in a long story book

Hopefully filled with chapters of us

Adventures and fights

Passion in every page

This is the reason I wrote

To add this in our growing novel

To express my love to you

With every new day

I hope you accept this

It's not much

I can't offer more than me

All for you.

[itwaslikeacurse]

I wish I could be heard

And seen

Not having one chosen for me

I had a voice once

Loud and ferocious

Now a faint tone

Barely audible

Fairly often mistaken for the wind

[itwaslikeacurse]

The poet

To you I am a poet

A harbinger of beautiful words

Set in a soliloquy

Tales told of love

Hardships and souls set to discover

New

And old

Everything in-between

To you I am more

But to me

I am not

These things

Living things

Written by time

History constantly flowing through

I never know if it's all been said before

But I write

In a soliloquy

Because to you

I am a poet

[itwaslikeacurse]

to you

I fear the eyes of my beholder

They see me

Flesh and blood

And tell me I'm beautiful

The word alone makes me flinch

In their eyes

I barely breathe

Terrified of mistakes or misunderstandings

Terrified of their eyes

Wandering

Wavering

Ever changing their view

And I

I am fallen away

Down below rubble

Not to be seen again

I fear their eyes leaving mine.

[itwaslikeacurse]

Cooking with mom

Pepper used to be so potent

My eyes would water and well up

Tears would fall silent

Soundlessly

Deep down dreading the descent

The momentary mistake slipping through the mask my mind took so long to build

My heart heavy holding grief long forgotten

Sanctuary in the potency of pepper

Gone forever.