jklawlcatz - Tumblr blog

[jklawlcatz]

The shape of me

Bouts of sorrow fill me, how will life’s mishaps shape me? 

Will there be scares that are ever lasting on my skin my fingers will run over for years to come or will they be bruises that fade with time?

As good of a person as you try to be, sometimes that doesn’t matter. Fate decides your path, your life’s journey. It doesn’t matter what you do or how you interact with the world around you - things will just, be.

I want to release the pain I’ve received from others. I want their words and actions to gently roll over my skin like a water droplet, fall to the floor, and release it all. That isn’t the way of the mind though, is it?

These wounds I feel I’ll never heal from. There will always be doubt and worry, sorrow and pain. Even though the light may shine through, darkness it quick to follow. 

Why did he leave me? Why does he not care? Why did he cheat on me? Why must their pain and suffering become my own and where do I go from here to heal myself and create a path where there is no destruction?

How am I interacting with those closest to me and damaging them?

It sometimes feels like the best of me is shaped by the worst of them.

[jklawlcatz]

I had lots of parties when I was younger, most of them in my basement in my room.

They had a certain atmosphere, it was almost visible to the naked eye. I didn’t have to let anyone know they were happening; it was all quite organic.

One moment, no party, the next, party.

I never felt I got to choose when I had these parties - it was sort of decided for me. I never complained, I went with the flow. I didn’t argue, I let it happen.

These parties, I was always alone. I don’t think anyone knew I had them. They required little effort and would arise when a sudden feeling would come about. Sometimes I feel like my circumstance planned these parties for me, which maybe it did, maybe it did not.

Regardless, they were dreadful but I could never seem to get myself to leave, you know, with hysteria clouding the mind.

So much emotion, so much pain clouded my mind, my eyes, my heart.

So young, I think the parties started when I was but 12? Maybe 13. The party activities also began to evolve, where once was only tissue grew into activities that required either cold, sharp objects or combustibles.

It was an experience all in itself, but I adapted and grew and eventually the parties stopped.

I resumed a normal life with normal emotions, for the most part, never having those parties again and crumbling in the same manner as I used to, until one night it all made sense.

The parties, full of despair, were the result of a feeling of unimportance.

Unimportance guided me through all my life, in my friendships, family, love. Remarkable the power unimportance can play on ones life. Trust is not there, support is not felt, and unintentional acts impartiality wreak havoc on the mind.

I had a party again at the age 26 and that is when I discovered the power of unimportance and it’s role in my life and having pitty parties.

#pitty #sadness #hurt #unimportant #poetry

[jklawlcatz]

Your Life.

Get over being jealous of other people. Their lives, their relationships, their success’, what they have in life. Jealous? Work for it. Don’t take anything less than what you want, but stay humble about it. 

Some people are given things you may want=, so? Don’t let that impact you negatively. We get so worked up about having this and that, but would we even want those things if there weren’t messages around us telling us what we wanted?

 Life isn’t only about what you have, but the journey you take. Set goals, work for them and love the journey while doing it! And when you finally have all those things you were so jealous about, smile back on the memories you made on the way and relax into what you’ve made for yourself. 

So next time that voice in your head is saying something negative or rude to you, that your life should be this way or that, stop and think, are you working for it? Or are you going home everyday and sitting on your ass complaining about what you wish you had instead of working for what you deserve.

For the love of earth.

[jklawlcatz]

A Wise Tale

I was called wise the other day by a women whom I have just met. She seems to be a compassionate, kind, friendly and very open minded individual. I was flattered to be considered ‘wise’, who is ever called wise these days? What does wise even mean in this era? 

She called me wise for the things I do, not for the things I say. She calls me wise for the actions I displayed as opposed to the plans I made. I met her again a few days later and she proceeded in telling me she shared my story with a friend “she’s so young and wise” she shared. But am I?

I wonder if we, the first-world, have fallen far away from natural instincts that by simply living slower, more sufficiently is the precondition to wisdom. If you don’t falter to fast-meals, mass-media information and the likes you must indeed be wise; if you don’t thirst for money, power and material goods you must be wise; if the internet, television and fictitious worlds does not fill that which feels good, you must be wise. I’m disheartened if a breed of this sort, un-reliant on the purchase of goods and ones own self-sufficiently, is that of a dying kind. I’m sadden if community involvement, the sharing of information, a thirst for knowledge in books and in conversation, the love for nature and living things  and the capacity to move oneself from A to B sufficiently, with their FEET even I might add, is as uncommon as its beginning to feel.

I shall always unconditionally except human beings but I am cautious to depend on them. How can one try so hard to preserve their life, the life of animals and the life of out mother, mother earth, knowing that the likely-hood their supported in this fight is less than 1%. What needs to change? Where did we start to go wrong? How do we fix this?

For the love of human kind and mother earth, I will continue my mission in leaving this earth better than how I am beginning to find it.

[jklawlcatz]

I could never be vegan.

I remember as a young teen saying to myself “I could be a vegetarian but I could NEVER be a vegan”. 8 years later, here I am, proudly and happily living out a vegan diet. I reflect often on how this has dramatically improved my daily life, it has been this never domino effect of goodness. Since then, I’ve become so very aware about the world around me and the power I hold to change it, and I’ve done so through diet. I am unable to purchase from major food chains like McDonalds or Wendy’s. I have to make a lot of my food and cannot easily find sweets, chips and other treats that match my dietary restrictions, if you wish to call it that. As a result, I’ve gone without heavy carbohydrates, loads of sugars, and irregular amounts of fats and have saved so much money without the head throbbing pull of wanting something as opposed to needing something. In turn, with that money, I’ve spent it in more meaningful ways like supporting locals at farmers markets, local cafes, as well as workout classes, art classes, hiking and camping trips and so much more. To me veganism has drastically shifted how healthy I am in terms of spending money, lifestyle and the food I consume. Another domino effect of my dietary change is this: most products made for vegans have some sort of additional purchase appeal, such as contributions going to the rainforest, tree planting, fighting for equal rights, helping a hungry family etc. I feel like this is so accurate to the cognitive changes I saw in myself. I sought out facts and truth about humanitarian rights, farming conditions, pollution yields from oil and coal, governmental involvement in our food pyramid, environmental sustainability and business sustainability. I became a strong, educated, advocate for positive change and was not afraid to be heard that life over death, sustainable futures over profit, are what’s important. I began to happily sacrifice old luxuries I enjoyed, food I ate, the way I lived my life, in order to make a positive difference. I found newer, simpler joys. I slowed down and connected more with people, my passions, and food. I’m more in tune with myself and what makes me happy. I blame others less and understand anger and frustration better than ever before. If I maintained ignorance as my crutch, with respect to my diet, I don’t think I’d be as happy with the life I live or as thirsty for knowledge and positive change as I am now.

[jklawlcatz]

Cooperation or Singularity.

I was thinking the other day about what kind of species humans are, are they beings whom thrive upon cooperation or are they lusturust of doing things alone? I think we, as humans, have become dependant on both cooperation and doing things alone. This thought came about when I was watching baseball. At the game, individuals not too familiar with one another came together and there was a lot of conflict. Not excessive, not violent, but skin boiled because of the differing ideas or mannerisms. In a city, there are many differing breads of humans, many differing lifestyles as well as values. I think if we were able to find a commonality in one another, these tensions would be abolished; however, finding those connections is timely and hidden beneath the surface, which is why I believe hostility can easily be created between people who have limited knowledge of one another. Anger and frustration is a very heavy weight to carry, so how should we confront this dilemma? Perhaps being intelligent enough to show kindness in every instance is the solution. Although difficult at times, these strangers do what they do out of love. Love for themselves, love for their friends, love for you. Never mistake these daunting vibrations as something negative, always positive, and reciprocate with love and kindness. 

For the love of earth,

      Alexis Troup

[jklawlcatz]

Utterly Alive

In this moment, I am me. In this moment, I am free. In moment, I am happy. No. Not happy. Alive. Life is pulsing through my heart, mind, viens, skin, eyes and ears. This euphoria is seeping into my future, my past, my present. It’s embedding itself into my aura and is rooting itself into my persona. It’s ecstatic moments like this you live for. The sober ones, where life is all it needs to be just as it is  and its just absolutely perfect. There is no event or reward which has allowed me to feel this way. No forward or backward thinking that has formulated this feeling. This moment I am in, this moment of pulsating life, is because of humans. It isn’t because of how people treat me or what they have to offer me. It’s how they’ve helped me achieve what I’ve wanted and I the same for them. They’ve come along my journey, and I’ve come along theirs, and we’ve pursued our deepest desires together. And isn’t that beautiful? When you are, in essence, alone in the world but never truly venturing without a helping hand. Man, I love humans. I did not get here alone and where I’m going, I will most certainly be helped by others. So be the good you wish to see in others and the world and the cycle will reward you with with feeling of being absolutely and undeniably, alive. For the love of earth, accept life as it is.

[jklawlcatz]

Unconventional

I don’t think anyone really lives a conventional life. People get pretty fucking close, but it still isn’t conventional. Why? Is convention bad? Or is it that convention just is not natural and can never be completely attainable? I’m fucking hurt by what convention has taught me to want. Perfect parents, perfect life, perfect academics, the works. But it isn’t real, not to me. You have these people given to you in life who are supposed to kick you in the ass and tell you keep moving, to keep breathing, to keep becoming the best you can be. At the lowest level of conventional, I think having these people is consistent across boarders. Whether it be parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters; any of whom aren’t scared to tell you that you fucked up and it’s time to smarten up the choices you’ve made. These people don’t even have to always be present, they just need to be there, somewhere in the vast oasis of moving flesh. These people teach you, they make you better. But man, when one of those people just leaves and refuses to tell you what an idiot you are, it dims the light. Not because there isn’t someone there making you become the best you can be but because you are missing someone from the breadth of people who told you they loved you. If one of them is taken away, it’s like theres a gapping hole in your chest. Holes like these are usually letting all the air our but, instead, the hole inhibits you to breath. There’s a road block in what you feel, what you can control. You go some what insane. What did I do? Why did they get taken away? We were doing so good considering the circumstance. Ya, I often said I hated you and told myself that if you were to leave it wouldn’t matter. But that was a fucking lie. It always was. I knew it was but it kept me intact. It helped me to avoid the pains of unconventionality, I said it didn’t matter. But it does.

[jklawlcatz]

Love is the answer.

; A gentleman by the name of Douglas Roche, who is a former Canadian Senator and former Canadian ambassor for Disarmament, and I believe apart of the UN, came to MacEwan today to talk about Militarism, the environment, human rights, and equality. He said that Canada was renowned around the world for it's peacekeeping abilities, and acceptance was grass root in our values. Today, I'm not so sure. I see so much dislike for those who do not resemble us. We call ourselves things like ‘feminist’ or ‘environmentalist’ and, in turn, create so much dislike and detestment for groups that are the opposite. In the end, the good we were striving for in the beginning vanishes. We should label ourselves as people who ‘do not care’ if,what our initial intent, was truly, ‘the good’ and become indifferent to the values and beliefs of those around us. Discouraging any kind of differentiation and detestment for those around us. We are all one. Created of, in essence, the same materials. And, thus, we should treat each as that. We are no different. He also said that, in order for our children to see then end of the 21st century, we need to change two things: Climate Change and Nuclear Weapon use. I want to touch on Nuclear weapons. As canadiens, wouldn't there be no need for nuclear weapons if we advance in peace making? The UN was created because of the awful events of world war one and two due to the overwhelming amount of poverty, fear, depression and, above all, deaths. Mass chaos and destruction is not an answer to conflict, peace is. There are numerous laws against other kinds of weaponry, with the exception of the worst of all, nuclear. We need to show our government, and the governments around the world, that this is not okay. We need to be persistent in order to create any kind of reform in nuclear weapons and in climate change. As a Canadian, as a human being, I accept all living and non-living life forms. I will respect and defend the protection of their being to as much of an extent as I may. I will not differentiate myself from those around me because I know that we are all one being. I will not pass judgment, I will not allow ignorance to be a crutch, and I will fight for peace and acceptance so that our generation, and the one after us, will have a place to safely call home. For the love of earth, for the love man kind, love is the answer.

[jklawlcatz]

GUYS GUYS GUYS

Pleeeaase start using this website, https://www.ecosia.org, it’s basically a search engine that plants trees every time you use it, how beautiful is that? It’s pretty much the same as google only like a million times more ethical- 80% of their income goes toward tree planting programs in Brazil. It’s totally free and there’s an app available for IOS too, so you really don’t have an excuse… Now go and help the environment my darlings!

[jklawlcatz]

You don’t deserve my feelings, you don’t deserve my thoughts. What you have chosen is your own, not mine. I am glass, see through. You know, I know you do because I told you. Goodbye, because you to never told me.

[jklawlcatz]

Woodstock - 1960’s

[jklawlcatz]

Hey all your beautiful souls! I made it to 10k (!!!!!!!!!!!) so i wanted to give you all a big big big thank you with this giveaway! I know this sounds sappy but i honestly wouldn’t be who i am today if it wasn’t for tumblr and all you beautiful souls, i highly doubt i would be this in love with life, so into yoga, be a vegan or even close to self love if it wasn’t for all of you, so thank you all so much for that, whether you have been with me from the start or just recently found my blog! (plus a big shoutout to scatteredlikelostwords for being my 10,000 follower)

Okay so now on to what the winner will get:

1 beautiful wooden carved box to fill will goodies

1 moon and stars incense holder

100 incense 

musk (25 count)

pine (25 count)

rose (25 count)

frangipani (25 count)

3 pendants from my shop (found here) 

Rose quartz with copper and gold wire

Beach Agate with copper wire

White sea glass with silver wire

4 stones

Clear Quartz

Banded Amethyst

Green Aventurine

Moonstone

1 Om pouch, blue and orange with zipper

6 stickers

‘Protect Our Environment’

Peace Sign

‘Peach on Earth’

‘Save The Bees’

‘Unite For Peace’

‘Recycle’

The Rules

This giveaway is to thank my follower, so you must be following me

Reblogs count as 1 entry, you may like it to bookmark it but it will not enter your name

You may reblog as many times as you would like to increase your changes, but no giveaway blogs

This giveaway will end on Nov 1

Do not tag this as a giveaway

The winner will have 48 hours to reply with their address or it will be given to someone else

The winner will be chosen with a random number generator, each reblog will be assigned a number.

I will ship anywhere

Feel free to ask any other questions here

Stay lovely cuties and have a beautiful rest of your day!!

[jklawlcatz]

This is one slice of an incredible high resolution, enhanced color image of Pluto, recently released by NASA. You can see the full, larger version here. 

Credit: NASA/JHUAPL/SwRI

[jklawlcatz]

Reflection

I think blogging is one of the more precious things in life I have done from a personal perspective. I see where I was and how far I’ve come. The excitement written my past words take me to those old emotions, and its marvellous to be taken back to any kind of an emotion you know was powerful. When I read my blogs its as if I go back in time, hover above myself, and relive that exact moment and those exact feelings. At times, the most amazing thoughts race through my brain. Although I may not be as poetic as some, the words I write have great significance to me, and I love reflecting on that.

[jklawlcatz]

Fuck

It has been a year and a half since I lost someone. I am still not over it. Honestly, lately, I’d rather be breathless than continue on this journey that has left me with an open hole in my chest. Sometime, my life is like ecstasy. I look to nature, the mountains, the trees and I feel better. I actually feel high on happiness. But every other second it just doesn’t seem worth it. Especially with so many unanswered questions. Thats the worst I think, the uncertainty. Fuck.