justthoughts03

[justthoughts03]

It’s done.

You’re gone and I’m here

And…

I’m ok.

I thought I wouldn’t be but I am.

That’s the power of a goodbye.

That’s

Closure.

-the museum of me-

[justthoughts03]

[justthoughts03]

This year I’ve prepared myself to lose a lot of people in my life

Because I finally have the courage to say out loud that

Even though I am loved I don’t like the way some people love me.

They may think they are doing a good job but I don’t feel that’s what I deserve.

I deserve to be loved better.

And if you can’t do that and commit to it… there’s the door

-this is what courage looks like-

[justthoughts03]

Pain shrinks time horizons; in extreme crises or stress thinking of the next hour is too much for the mind and body. We concentrate on the next minute going well.

[justthoughts03]

[justthoughts03]

I've been trying to find the reason for my sadness.

The person to blame, who I should seek vengeance against.

But today...

Today I have realised that I.

I

am the oppressor of my own soul.

[justthoughts03]

Nothing will feel the same as the first hit

and you've been wasting all this time trying to find that feeling again

when now you are starting to learn that nothing will compare to it.

And instead of walking away...

You seek

and you seek

and you seek

to the point of insanity.

Walk away.

You know there is nothing left here.

[justthoughts03]

You’ve gone away somewhere where even God can’t find you…

-where are you my love?-

-Dementia-

[justthoughts03]

And you dream of roses and daisies

and I dream of passion and fire like Hades.

Visions of love

[justthoughts03]

You shake my confidence

to a point where

I become a stranger to myself.

-am I me anymore?-

[justthoughts03]

You know everytime we speak we're just one step closer to goodbye...

[justthoughts03]

Today

For the first time in our relationship

I didn't say sorry for something that I didn't do just to keep the peace.

I pissed you off with my silence and stood my ground

I could see that my reaction made your blood boil

And do you know what?

I enjoyed every fucking second of it.

[justthoughts03]

'I'm always trying... Why is it you?' 💫

I leave a few pills on the table

to check on my heavy heart,

she’s doing just fine.

Terrible and beating on.

I try to write. I’m always

trying to write. I’m always

trying.

Why is it you?

If everyone who cared for me

left this world

I would be at your doorstep. Free

falling again

-(a.e.) // falling

[justthoughts03]

Loving you

Is like being on a lost boat

In the middle of the night

Tracking the moonlight

Hoping that I will find you.

On days that I miss you the most

I find that I cannot even do the most basic of things.

Hold conversations

Or eye contact

My mind loses track of the day to day mundane

because you are the one my soul is completely devoted to...

What shall I do my love?

What shall I do?

[justthoughts03]

Normality is a pained road

It is comfortable to walk on

But no flowers grow there.

[justthoughts03]

@sandarafreedompark / Sade Andria Zabala / Unknown / @danielederossi / Kiki Nicole / Giovanni Gasparro / Trista Mateer / Anne Sexton / The Coral

[justthoughts03]

♥️

On grief and loss

1. Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior/ 2. Andrew Garfield interview/ 3. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix/ 4. Jamie Anderson/ 5. Fleabag/ 6. Anne Carson, Glass, irony and god / 7. Brokeback Mountain/ 8. Jandy Nelson, The Sky Is Everywhere/ 9. John Banville, The Sea/ 10. Wandavision