kenkurogue
kenkurogue
Ray
22 posts
Random poetry
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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TIFU by trying to go vegan
Obligatory not today, but a while ago, I tried to go vegan. I needed to make a healthy change in my life, including losing some weight. I was a little chubbier so it didn't hurt to eat more vegetables. I wanted to look better too. It was rough at first. I had to get used to the taste of different things I've never had before like tofu and seitan.
At first it was going really well. I was losing a few inches all around and clothes were getting baggy. I was looking good. Then the craving for meat set in. I knew it was coming. It seemed a little too easy to go cold turkey (pun intended) from eating meat. I was getting tired of tofu and textured vegetable protein mixes. It was all tasting the same. I wanted a steak. I wanted pork chops.
I began searching the health food stores for good meat alternatives, I wasn't going to give up going vegan, I had a good thing going. Every store had huge varieties of meat substitutes, but none of them hit the same.
A friend of mine suggested looking online for health food webstores that deliver straight to your house. It was a little more expensive but I was getting desperate. I found one that looked legit and promised the best vegan meat on the market. It was promised to be just like the real deal. I ordered a few pounds of ground vegan beef to try and make burgers with. I missed burgers the most and the thought of one made me drool as I clicked the place order button.
It was next day delivery. It came in a freezer box and looked just like those Impossible burgers in the stores. Already I was impressed. I had already bought the rest of my ingredients to make the best vegan burger I've had in my life. I took some out of the package and began shaping a patty, it felt just like beef but a little different. Crumbles of soy were scattered throughout the "protein" to look like fat. It was an impressive substitute.
It sizzled and browned just like a real burger too. The aroma of it cooking sent me back to memories of family cookouts before I went vegan. I assembled my burger and without hesitation ravenously took a bite. It was the best thing I've ever had in the entire world. I was hooked. It tasted better than the real deal.
The rest of the ground was used in dishes like spaghetti bolognese and lasagna. Within a week, it was gone and I was ready to order more. I figured why not try some other products by them to see if they were any good.
I bought chiken nuggets, more ground vegan beef, and even some bone in wings. The chicken nuggets were juicy and flavorful. I think they were seitan but whatever they marinated them in made them taste and feel just like meat. Then came the wings. The texture wasn't like the nuggets or the ground beef. It felt like biting into the real muscles of meat and the bone looked so real. They were a little chewy but tasted great.
I was addicted to ordering off this site. I had to become their top customer. It became such an addiction my weight loss became weight gain. I had to cut back. I didn't want to but I had to. The mirror wasn't agreeing with all I've been eating. The withdrawals sucked at first. It was like going vegan all over again, but the weight started to come off again.
Then the withdrawals never went away. Instead they got worse. The cravings got worse. I felt like I was going to need methadone. I was dizzy, irritable, and fiending. I couldn't give in.
I tried to live life as normal until my friend asked to go out to eat with me. It was a vegan place of course. They got the cauliflower steak and I got the bang bang soyrizo tacos. While she was cutting into her steak, her knife slipped and cut deep into her arm.
I don't know what came over me. The sight of her exposed wound drove me insane. The hunger I felt was like no other. I don't know if it was because of the withdrawals or what but I wanted to sink my teeth into her arm right then and there.
I shook off the impulse and took her to urgent care. While waiting for her to get stitches, I gave in. I had to buy one last thing. I saw they had a new product. It was like a pork roast apparently. I decided to splurge the extra money to try it out, it was one last hurrah after all.
Again, the package arrived the next morning. I opened the box and saw it. A slab of faux pork roast. I wondered again how they could make it look so real. I don't know why I didn't do this before, but I decided to check the ingredients list to see if it was soy or mycelium. There wasn't one. I thought it was weird since it was required to have one where I lived.
I decided to pull up the website again and navigated their page to try and find ingredient lists. I wish I didn't. The only ingredient listed was: vegan meat (100% human).
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Uninspired
I'm at a loss for words
I'm losing the war
Maybe my brain is right
I'm not good enough
Always placing second
Or always placing last
No matter what I do
No matter how hard I fight
I'm miserable now
It's hard to find a way
To make myself feel different
There's no way to stay motivated
In a world with endless possibilities
I could do everything
But what's the point
I feel so uninspired
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Stuck
All of these words
Running through my head
All of these ideas
I want to explore
I think about anything
I want to everything
I want to express myself
But it's not that easy
One side of me fights the other
One wants to do this
One wants to do that
Nobody wins in the end
I'm overwhelmed
I'm frozen
I don't know what to do
I'm stuck
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Creative
Maybe what they said was right
You're able to do it all
Everybody compliments you
They love everything you do
What they don't see
Is the struggle you endure
Giving them what they want
It's a daily struggle
Their expectations are high
Your expectations are higher
Everything needs to be perfect
It's an eternal battle
Everything you've done
You stare at it now
Maybe what they said was right
Maybe you're not creative
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Breathe
You gasp
You gulp
You claw at your throat
Nothing helps
Your chest feels tight
Your heart feels on fire
Your vision blurs
Your head feels fuzzy
You're not choking
You don't know why
But it feels you might die
You need to inhale
Your air restricted
You don't know
If you'll pull through
You can't breathe
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Empty
You want to write
You want to be creative
You get out your pen
You get out your paper
You put ink to the page
You can't think of anything
The blinding white of the paper
It mocks you
You should have that page filled
You have so many ideas
You have so many words inside
You can't get them out
You don't know where to start
You don't know where to end
The paper lays there under your pen
Empty
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Soulmate
The weekly call comes in
Officers dispatched
Red and blue flash
Sirens roll
They're on the lawn this time
The porch is trashed
Front door open wide
Inside is wrecked
Screams and cusses
Bruises and cuts
Blood and spit
Spewing hatred
Tell them to leave each other alone
They don't listen
They never do
They always go back
They're soulmates
They're meant for each other
They're complete together
They'll never leave each other
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Addicted
I'm addicted to be addicted
I trade one for another
I've been through them all
Almost all
If I don't stop it will be all
It I don't stop that will be all
There's only one way
This addiction can be stopped
There's only one way
To make one final swap
The addictions aren't good for me
But that doesn't make me quit
I can't get over them
Once I quit one I'm on to another
I've relapsed so many times
I'm addicted
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Worm
Worm
It burrows deep
It whispers lies
It deceives
It breaks you down
The worm won't die
It feeds off of you
A parasitic relationship
You are the host
It is your parasite
You wish for symbiosis
You try to quell the voices
It squelches in your ear
Speaking of harm
The worm controls you
It won't release you
Not even after you're dead
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Candy
This one makes you happy
This one stops migraines
This one knocks you out
This one is for your back
This one is to help you eat
This one is to keep you from eating too much
This one is to soothe your joints
This one is for blood pressure
This one is for regulation
This one is for fatigue
This one is for your surgery scar
This one is for the lingering pain in your knee
This one is for all your daily vitamins
This one is for your kidneys
This one is for that rash
This one numbs everything
Just like candy
There's one for everyone
Lucky for you
You get to take them all
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Hellfire
Your skin is burning
Your chest is red
Your muscles are screaming
You try to breathe but there's no air
Nobody around you is reacting
You are on fire
Nobody else can see the flames
You are engulfed
Air comes to you
You take too much
You begin to hyperventilate
Oxygen deprivation becomes an overdose
You want to scream
Your throat is tight
Nobody can hear you
You don't understand why they can't
Nobody sees the hellfire
Cremating you in front of them
Nobody will help you
They just say it's all in your head
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Windfall
The broken glass
The shattered plates
You relive the night before
You remember the love you lost
Was it love?
Or were you a pawn it controls
Love wouldn't hurt you when you try to pick up the pieces
Yet it hurts like the cut now on your hand
The wind has died
Your house in ruins
There was no peace before
No calm before the storm
Only after
Love wouldn't leave holes in the wall
Love doesn't destroy what you treasure
You don't deserve what they called love
It wasn't love
The wind shows to you
The bullet you dodged
Though it feels you were struck
It's easier to heal this way
You were left stunned
Years of work left crumbled
All in a night
A storm showed its true colors
It left you with destruction
It destroyed everything in its path
Except for you
It was your windfall
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Grim
Grim
Winter ran late this year
You carried her for months
You look down
The snow is fresh with the miracle of life
Your fawn doesn't move
You nudge her, encouraging her to stand
Predators are near
They smell your struggle to bring life into the world
You stare into her half-lidded eyes
The abyss within reflects no soul
A clouded void replaces the light you expected
She lays there motionless
You stare for what seems like days
Frost forms around the body of your fawn
You try again desperately to move your babe
You refuse to accept the outcome of your tribulations to bring her into existence
Your effort was for nothing, at least that's what you think
She is your grim reminder there is more than life
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kenkurogue · 2 years ago
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Why can't you mind your own business?
What's that person doing?
It doesn't matter, it's not your business.
They're at a funeral, why aren't they crying?
People don't cope the same, it's not your business.
Why aren't they working, they're just sitting there.
They're on break, its not your business.
Why don't they have friends? That's not normal.
Some people are introverts, it's not your business.
Why aren't they...?
It's not your business.
Why can't they...?
It's not your business.
How could they...?
Why can't you mind your own business.
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