kismet-felixculpa - Tumblr blog

[kismet-felixculpa]

Sacrificed a part of my passion to make the voices shut up.

Now, the emptiness of the void and its silence are suffocating me.

[kismet-felixculpa]

My mind is getting louder than usual.

I hear the voices in my head scream in agony, soo loud it was quiet. Soo loud.

[kismet-felixculpa]

I want to send letters of devotion to my non existing lover through deep eye contact. I want them to notice me through the crowd. I want to distinguish their thoughts from the pupils of their eyes. I want to be in love with them in the silenced voice.

[kismet-felixculpa]

When I give it my all, I lose it all.

[kismet-felixculpa]

Girlhood is believing that dying must be the purest form of living.

[kismet-felixculpa]

Scarred my sacred heart to be able to stand with wounded legs.

[kismet-felixculpa]

[kismet-felixculpa]

I am a melodramatic euphorique being. My mind describes my life in poetry as what is suffering other than a source of inspiration and motivation? I see me living in a story despite feeling the real world moving around me. I see symbolism and foreshadowing in the usual air. I love to pretend that my decisions are for a divine repair.

I love to feel seen by the audience, me. I am acting, and I am watching.

[kismet-felixculpa]

It feels like I have been in my twenties since being thirteen.

(Time to listen to mitski)

[kismet-felixculpa]

How many pieces of me should I give up to satisfy the growing hunger for perfection?

How many lies should I gather in my book of life to justify the truth?

How many puzzles should I solve, and how many books should I read to help my confused mind discover clarity?

[kismet-felixculpa]

Sadly, I don't know. I am someone whose identity is interlinked with what they do. As much of a concept I want to be more than a body, the only concept I achieve is trying to find purpose.

Trying, trying, and trying, because, what do I live for then?

[kismet-felixculpa]

I say I want to be hard to swallow, but the moment someone declares the presence of bitterness, I cover myself with sugar.

[kismet-felixculpa]

Doing makeup to cope with stuff is just something I wouldn't have thought of doing when I was 10.

[kismet-felixculpa]

Boredom feels so much like emptiness

[kismet-felixculpa]

Mutter me words I don't want to hear.

[kismet-felixculpa]

The absence of something makes up the notion of that thing.

[kismet-felixculpa]

I bit my own skin.

I wanted to know what I tasted like in bloody mouths, between sharp canines and dirty hands. I wanted to know if it was worth the struggle and the pain. I bit my own skin, trying to find me within my bones.