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No fap series: Day 28

Hi guys sorry I've not been posting as there hasn't been much discuss over the past two weeks. As you know I'm a poet , rapper and I do bits with theatre too. So I've performing, facilitating job hunting and sorting out stuff for my birthday which is two weeks tomorrow!!

In all that time I have been keeping tra

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I've hit the 3 week mark

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No fap series day 15 16 !!!

Hello guys no intro needed welcome back to the no fap series, where I have given up porn and masterbation for positive, self-bettering reasons

Were gonna skip day 15 because nothing really happened but I will share the horrors of day 16 !!!

So day 16 wasn't great again not as bad as three or 10 but it was highly libido fueled. I vid sexual dreams including both women and men alike

That girl I used to see came in my mind I dreamt she gave me oral and then we hopped straight to intercourse , without her receiving oral I was upset when I woke because that patriarchal sexual narrative is still logged in my mind. That age old narrative of women being masterbation tools that womens sexual experiences don't matter because in the bedroom they are part if the furniture and that made me upset.

I feel glad I didn't wank I feel better that I'm getting closer to the 3 week mark and freeing myself from this awful curse.

Namaste

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No fap series: the two week mark !!!

So guys I am pleased to announce that I have reached the two week mark, and I feel fucking unstoppable right now!

Day 13 much like day 14 and the dreaded day three, started as a horny nightmare, the highly intense sexual fantasies came back as I dreamt on both nights. I think that's gonna be a recurring theme now, but unlike day 10 the last two days I haven't felt these feelings throughout the day, I feel very proud of myself for getting at this stage. I feel invincible!!!! But is it the calm before the storm?

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No fap series: Day 12

Hi guys so I've braved todays heatwave to give y'all another block buster now let's

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No fap: series day 11

Well there is nothing much to say in this edition guys I'm just glad to say that my friends have all been supportive one mate actually called me a hero today which was nice. I have had no urges today which was a relief everyone is amazed I made it to this point and so am i. This experience has made me appreciate the people around me even more than I already do.

So cheers to you all

Namaste "let's get to the 2 week mark"

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No fap series; day 10

Hi guys welcome to the no fap series of my blog where I have quit pornography and masterbation in a stance against it and its toxicities as well as to better themselves.

So lets talk about day 10 shall we .....

Well first off, aaaaaargh!!! So yesterdays urges were so intense not in comparison to day 3 but it was still quite bad.

Unlike day 3 I did not wake up aroused and I was fine until the afternoon, as I went to chill in the nearby park.

So as I left my house I started randomly thinking about a girl I used to see. So as I walked to the park I've had the most mortifying erection, I had to waddle my way there.

So when I get to Alexandra Park there is nice sun good vibes and lots of sexy ladies, which became problematic, so there i was writing poems and every girl that walked past I had toxic arousal. Rape culture is really and truly an issue if i am feeling the way I am I wonder how other no fappers deal with their issues.

I was exposed to the toxic from a young age I started masterbating at 14. My dad caught me once when I was 15 and said son don't watch that (porn) only sick people watch that. He wasn't wrong . I wish I had never stumbled of porn I'm glad it hasn't affected me forming Platonic relationships with women but sexual relationships are difficult and the older I get the less desirable I become as people don't want to bear the pressure of being your first time. (As I've mentioned in the first blog I'm a virgin. )

Namaste

Feel free to share experiences and tips of no fap and how pornography has affected you.

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No Fap Series:7 8 9

Hi peeps!!!

I've been away over the weekend in a family trip in wales that's why I've been missing

So whilst I've been in the land of giggsy here is what ive been up to. Day 7 me and the family (cousins and aunts included) set off for the scenic island of Anglesey in North Wales. All the beautiful scenery felt rewarding as I had reached the one week landmark of no fap !!

I couldn't toss away anyway due to some difficult circumstances, I lost a battle that led me sharing a double bed with my brother :( I felt a little lethargic all weekend , and I kept going to bed early I had no urges whatsoever.

Day 8 was a fun day we went to visit the old castle ruins, and we went on the cruise tour to puffin island we saw, wild seals and my aunt had the fright of her life. Later that day I daydreamt that I had sex with that old friend of mine I spoke of earlier in the series, I also daydreamt I fucked another friend who I originally tried to pursue. Luckily masterbation didn't cross my mind and I carried on as normal.

Day nine spent half that day packing to go home sad to leave Anglesey (which I highly recommend) I miss the scenery, the sea, and the smell of unpolluted air and the nice air bnb.. So back to city life we went back to my messy bedroom with my broken bed :( damn I had it good in wales. Day 9 had its difficulties I saw a saucy pic of this cosplayer I follow called Kay bear (who shall soon be unfollowed) during this experience I have learnt that most of the women I follow on social media whether they are activists, poets, cosplayers, IG models I follow them for toxic reasons to objectify them.

I am thankful for no fap because it has given me more of an insightful reality check, and the opportunity to reassess myself.

Namaste

Listen to "4 commandments" on all streaming platforms.

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No fap series: day 6

Hi guys welcome to my new blog series documenting my experience doing the no fap challenge

So I have entered day six and I'm less than 3 hours away from proudly saying I have not masterbated for a week. This milestone has come on a brilliant day as I watched my younger sister graduate from university, after gaining an upper 2:1 in her business management degree. There was a lot of formal ceremonial proceedings a bit more formal than I imagined. There was a lot of fine dressed people and of course attractive people too!! like a repeat of day 5; day 6 has been quite calm. I have had no sense of libido, I was not erect at any point of the day (thank god!!!!) And I did not lose my sanity.

Now I'm thinking is no fap really that bad or it this the calm before the storm. I'm keeping my guard up as I am quite worried of what could occur over time. So far I am impressed with how things are going I got to see my sister graduate she's the first in my immediate family to do so it feels like a victory for us all.

P.S I would appreciate if you had any no fap tips for me and feel free to share no fap tips for each other in the notes below.

Namaste

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No Fap series Days 4 and 5

Hi everyone I'm back again documenting myself releasing the shackles of my, toxic masculine ways by quitting porn forever!!!!! If you haven't been following the series from day one, just to summarise since seeing a friends post on IG stories she sparked the debate what if porn wasn't aimed at minors. I had to think about it for a second and I was like "yeah she's right" as most people who have had sex are adults they know that sex isn't what porn portrays it to be. Minors grow up think its male dominance, its just to please the man and the rape connotations that come with it so boys grow up thinking women want that.

So let's get into peeps day 4!!!

So day 4 was weird after having vivid sexual dreams with girls I've met in the past. I was erect pretty much all day to make matters worse, I am very very relived that I didn't leave the house that day. To master bate was tempting, it felt like I was in a comedy sketch but this was real very real! very very real! Every sensation I got was a sexual one whether it was the slightest touch on the arm! It was ridiculous. I some how managed to sleep on it, to find that day five was quite the opposite I had absolutely no sensations whatsoever, I was not aroused in any way, I event went to the skepta gig and there were a lotta fine women there but even then I wasn't aroused maybe it because I was so engrossed in my dancing that I didn't care day 5 has been the most liberating day so far I really hope I have more days like this

Namste

BTW check out my EP its on all streaming platform's and stores and SoundCloud

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Day 3 : Fighting urges

Hi peeps, here's the lowdon on day 3 of no fap.

So my hand has made contact with my man parts today but mainly to scratch. But the tines that weren't to do that were testing. Instagram search page is not helpful. Just before I wrote this, I saw a suggestive picture of a young caramel model which I immediately flicked over so I could share today with you all. Even now as I am scratching my pubes there is that sexual urge to masterbate. To make matters worse I daydreamt sleeping with an ex friend.

I always knew sex was everywhere but not like this í

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No Fap series: day 2

So in yesterdays blog I had announced that I am no longer watching porn, and I am quitting Masterbation for good. I'm feeling that similar sense of resolve when I first went Vegan last September. Of course I'm only in Day 2 of No Fap. From my Vegan experience coming in handy I've learnt that once the reason you quit come thing is very vivid in your mind it makes it easier to quit that horrid habit you once had. Humans are very powerful beings I mean we are destroying the earth for Christ sake!! So surely we can hove power over ourselves individually to accomplish anything :)

Namaste guys till tomorrow

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PSA!!!!

So yesterday I saw an Instagram story my friend and a fellow poet posted the other day on how the porn industry would struggle to survive if it wasn't aimed at children. YES YES I've said it children.

As porn is mainly aimed at those who haven't had sex yet , giving virgins "such as myself" a false idea of what sex is like and bearing in mind that most virgins are children it is pretty obvious who the niche is and who's keeping the industry alive

Porn is terrible, from its violent rape connotations, to its fetishising of POC women, transgender women Queer people(lesbian women in particular). I can't forget some of the grotesque story lines the borderline incest type I.e step brother, step sister, step mom or whether is be two twins female pornstars sharing one man (yes I have seen vile shit on these sites) but none can quite compare to the black schoolgirl video I used to watch constantly where she gets into an older mans car she is then accidentally knocked out after an argument. The man then drives her home where he unconsentially has sex with her unconscious body. We need more people boycotting porn as this is what I other men and current young boys have learnt about consent learning about how its okay for us to be satisfied but leaving women unsatisfied, not communicating with then during the act of sex.

I feel that porn as well as other negative factors that I carry has affected my way of forming relationships, that horrible hyper masculine feeling of ownership and entitlement comes into play when I get rejected no where near as much as I used to when I was younger but I still need working on. How I toxically get latched onto the first woman who gives me the first small bit of romantic attention and then speak of them as if we had been together for 3 years before even the first date. "But that's another story !!!

So I am taking my stance against pornography by doing the "no gap challenge" today is the end of day one and I hope this is the first step towards bettering my life for good. I'm going to try to document each day on this blog so you can follow my progress and one day I will look triumphantly as I have declared it into the universe and all thought you put into it will come bk to you in results

Namaste see you all tomorrow

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So guys sorry I have been absent i have been working on my most ambitious project to date

I give you 4 commandments !!!

My debut EP is a highly lyrical, melodic rollercoaster containing spoken word, rap and some rnb elements. This conceptual piece of art has no features and has open discussion on racial experience, colorism and mental wellbeing. Its a product of my recent life lessons

So I hope you all enjoy and

Namaste

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Why does the UK not have a Goat conversation conversation

We like people across the world for decades have become so accustomed, to the big questions tupac or biggie?

Does big L or Big Pun get a look in as they died before they could reach their full potential?

Does Nas Eminem or Jay Z get a look in too. Yes these are conversations about phenomenonal MCs and they deserve to spoken of so highly but why does the UK not have a goat conversation?

For those of you who don't know GOAT is an abbreviation commonly used in hip hop standing for "greatest of all time" as someone growing up in the UK listening to the native sound I often wondered why we never had these conversations about dizzie Wiley or wretch 32 so I came up with three theories.

Firstly when we talk about UK mc's we have to be very specific as unlike the US scene which is just hip hop the UK scene is versatile and many MCs fall into different Genre's e. g for every grime mc there's a UK hip hop/rap mc and for every UK hip hop mc there's a Jungle MC. Comparing Kano to Giggs is like comparing Elvis to Bob Marley comparing Skepta to MC neat is like comparing the Beatles to the A tribe called quest yes there a lot of multi-genre MC's in the UK but there are many who have found a home in one genre and excel in it.

Secondly is the UK missing out some notable mentions? When we talk of legendary female mc's we often hear of no lay ms dynamite maybe even Mz bratt but with all those phenomenons being mentioned we never hear MC Monie Love's name in the same conversations. Monie Love was a highly rated MC in the 90s who was part of the Native Tongues collective which include the likes of Queen Latifah, the aforementioned A Tribe Called Quest and de la soul. I wondered why the UK doesn't speak enough of her, whether it be because she spat in a Yankee accent? Was it because she was a she and the UK couldn't handle that a woman rapper was one of the UKs pioneering international breakthroughs in rap ? I guess we will never know. Also does the UK give the GOAT title to what some may consider the wrong candidates? I.e Slick Rick, MF Doom. Slick Rick and MF Doom were both born in London and both moved to New York quite young neither rep nor repped the UK, so why are so many UK hardcore hip hop fans (like a friend of mine) so hellbent on calling them the UK'S GOATs. Is it due to some of thier fanbase having preference to their sound rather than the more hardcore britcentric sounds of Grime Jungle and Afroswing?

Will we speak of 21 savage like this in 20 years time?

Thirdly in comparison to US hip hop a lot of UK Genres Such as grime and UK rap itself is still in its infancy. Grime has only been around the last two decades or so. Plus there seems to be a new genre appearing every 5mins in the UK such as Afroswing and the Chicago inspired Drill which is becoming increasingly popular since the 90s we have seen jungle Drum n bass grime garage and other genres form and bring and more MC's to the GOAT conversation table. If we were to have this conversation would we be foolish enough in 5 years to pit Jhus and loski against Craig David and Skepta in a comparison talk ? If so how would we get to the bottom of it ?

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A good deed

Hello everyone, I know I said I wasn't supposed to leave my posting times so far apart from each other, but I'm always being cockblocked by life. Anyways let's get down to the nitty gritty.

So last night I was out at in Manchester with my best friend and her cousin. We had just got out the UBER and waited a while as we were having a laugh and we wanted to buy more drinks.

Suddenly a young lady who looked in so much distress was hyper ventilating near us and collapsed as if she was having a heart attack.

We saw she was in a state she was in tears. We had asked her if anything had happened to her, she had replied "no, I've been feeling like this for a while I want to end it all"

We started to reassure her and tried to phone one of her friends, we eventually reached one of mate's but he was at work and couldn't rush to her aid .

We got her to take deep breaths as her panic attack was quite severe. She trying to tell us that world was better off without her and she didn't want to be here, it took me bk to a time when I was low and felt like a burden to everyone.

We asked her if she wanted to walk to the spar round the corner, she agreed and we we're relieved to see her on her feet. I decided to have a chat with her and try to relate to her pain talking about my experiences with mental health problems.

She kept apologizing to us and telling us to go enjoy your night but we couldn't leave her in such vulnerable state so we stayed with her we got our drinks. Some of her other friends called to say they'd meet us round the corner where we found her.

She said she didn't want them to see her like that which was understandable. As we had walked back and turned the corner she had collapsed again after doing so well and being so calm whilst with us.

And when actually met her mate's she collapsed again in a real panic now reunited with her mates we could continue our night

If there is anything we learned is that we can never complain as other people always have it worse.

We had accomplished our good deed for 2019

Namaste

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Conflict: given lives and chosen lives

Hey guys I'm posting regular again, well did I ever ?lol😂 I just wanted to know as anyone else ever come to a point in their lives, where they want to pursue a career but fear takes over and they stay in the job/course they're on to ensure their safety?

Well I'm sure most of us have. The old phrase of "leading a life rather than a life you chose" has been passed around me quite a lot.🤔

It's one of those philosophical questions that make you think in 40 or 50 years time will you be wondering what could have been because you chose safety in a degree you don't want to be in or a job that makes you feel unfulfilled and you stop chasing the career you want. 😣

There are cleaners perusing to release poetry collections, builders that are building record labels doctors that are shelling stages night after night becoming the next stand up comedian or rapper.

Many souls chase dream only few attain it and, most of the cases it's not the great competition or the lack of opportunity. Sometimes it can be that internal conflict of chosen lives vs given lives that can be the difference.

Resorting to the safety and the security of your given lives can mean:

You will never know what could have been as you didn't take the risk.

You will lead a life you don't want. (Mainly the case)

You will feel unfulfilled and this all could lead to depression if you're an overthinker like me.

This subject is touched on in Steven Pressfields book, War of Art it refers to the "fear" of a chosen life as "the resistance".

It teaches you how to fight that fear or resistance and how to overcome it. Writer's, singers, businessmen have all gone through this and the very best of them have learned to overcome this.

I myself am suffering from this internal battle there is a voice in my head that tells me to "return to university" and It always preceded by a slightly bigger voice saying "What the fuck for". What the actual fuck for though😊

Let us know your experiences of the internal battle of given and chosen lives and what are your strategies for fighting the resistance or fear? 😊

Namaste