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**** “He’s never written you in Kerch,” he said, handing the letter back to Nikolai.

“No,” Nikolai agreed. He did not clarify that this particular letter hadn’t been from Privyet. He took the letter carefully, holding it like it was something precious. “He hasn’t.” ****

up till this point I wanted to know how well Kaz remembered/spoke Ravkan or if he just talked to himself in it so he wouldn’t forget it because I can imagine communicating in a language you spoke in when you were 5 at most would be hard. I know he can understand it just fine. But I wonder if it’s a bit shakey? Or if he has no problem? It’s cute they talk to each other in Ravkan tho!

Nikolai being jealous of privyet is also really funny like he just up and ripped the entire letter??? He’s so obvious 😭😭

can’t wait for the plot to starting plotting fr

Okay so, languages!

Kaz's understanding of Ravkan is a bit funny because, well, he left the country before he knew how to read/write properly. No doubt, Sasha would begin teaching him to read and write way before most children should start learning, so Kaz's Ravkan reading/writing was shaky, ah best.

Kaz, as we know him, is someone who has buried every part of himself for the world, while, at the same time, made himself unable to forget everything he's gone through. So, when he realized that he was beginning to forget Ravkan (be it speak it, read it, and, yes, write it, he couldn't stand for it)

Kaz's Kerch is impeccable, better than his Ravkan. For the most part, he speaks Ravkan like a native, but, at times, the Kerch accent slips into the way he speaks. Writing and reading it, though, occasionally he practices by copying Ravkan writings —and immediately burning the evidence.

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wait I’m an idiot Nikolai is needed for the meeting 💀

-wHEEZE-

I mean, yeah

He pretty much got dragged back into this mess via the plot 💀💀💀

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the jumpscare I felt when I saw an update bro (positive) 😭😭 the idea of Privyet falling for the Kaz propaganda is hilarious. It’s so funny to also see him NOT act like Nikolai at all but probably the Nikolai the royal family wants. I can only imagine how insufferable they’ll be.

this chapter does make me wonder what Nikolai and Kaz talked about and told each other after the whole reveal. And did they get their date. I know we’ll find out but I need to SHAKE YOU !!

I wonder what Nikolai would do when he hears about this (when or if he comes back) because that letter is either Kaz losing his mind or the most vague cry for help. I can’t wait to see!

Omg yeah! I imagine lmfaooo

I did jumpscare myself too with how fast I finished it!

And you are right (about Kaz's letter) it is the vaguest shit ever, yet also pretty specific, and, also real urgent in the matter.

Privyet falling for the Kaz Brekker Propaganda was a complete accident. I swear! I hadn't realized how tense the moment was until the gun was literally over Kaz's chest. If this were a completely different fic with two very different characters, I would 100% be like "okay, now kiss and make out or whatever" because HELLO????? MISTER BREKKER???? KAZ SIR???? MAN, WHERE DID ALL THIS RIZZ COME FROM??? THE FUCK???? LIKE?????

I genuinely believe Kaz had 0 clue he was being effortlessly hot, meanwhile, Privyet was all like "Man, this guy is such a prick, and kinda hot, but mainly a prick, but a kinda hot prick, and yet a real asshole— yep, a real good looking hot piece of ass... Hole. Yes. An asshole that looks really good... I should take a walk. I hope this encounter doesn't awaken anything on me."

Also, yes! Privyet was definitely acting like what anyone else expects Nikolai to behave as! Nikolai, we know him, he's charming and mischievous and a bit morally gray. Privyet definitely leans more into the 'Unreachable Prince Charming' aspect. He's friendly, sure, but how friendly? Besides, one thing is interacting with normal people at the University, another very different thing is going back to his dorm and finding a notorious gangster waiting for him. Like, no, what the fuck? Get out, man. I don't want your drugs!

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HEY! GUESS WHAT?

"I hear you're alive" Chapter 23: "Kaz wants to throttle himself" IS OUT!

Summary:

Kaz, very begrudgingly, gets involved in the mess he, himself, created.

I ALSO LEAVE A TEASER MEME FOR Y'ALL BC I SURE FUCKING LOVE TO MAKE JOKES!

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And is there any character you’re excited for everyone to see. (Because they haven’t appeared yet)

is there a character struggle with writing and vise versa is there a character that is easier to write?

your writing style is very fun! You’re incredibly talented as a writer!! I hope I’m not asking wayyy too many questions here?

Omg thank you!!!

I am someone very much starved for positive feedback/reinforcement, so you thinking that I'm talented is great! I do try to make my writing style funny, as I'm a very funny person ofc, but also, because, well, I do want people to enjoy my writing and have fun!

Okay, the best way to say it is as in. My writing style reflects why I love my favorite musical. My favorite musical of all time is actually Twisted: The Untold Story Of A Royal Vizier, by Starkid! Twisted is my direct inspiration for my writing style. It's the duality of it all. To be both capable of such funny moments, like 'Orphaned at 33', 'Take off your clothes', and the jokes that are not in the songs like 'This is all your fault, Ja'far!' or 'I noticed you weren't at dinner, but I saw you tried to poisoned my wine! Usually, when you do that it means that you want to talk, what's up? Are you mad at me??? / Alright, I guess that I'll go find the antidote right now' '... where are you going!?' 'there she is! So what's wrong?' '-crying- everythiiiiiiing!!', and the absolute banger that 'No one remembers Achmed is' (TIGER FUCKER, TIGER FUCKER, TIGER FUCKER— / I DID NOT FUCK A TIGER!) And, at the same time, being capable of such moments of pure and raw emotion like 'A thousand and one nights with you', 'The power inside', 'Twisted', Aladdin's plot twist! AND, last but not least, my absolute favorite song in the entire musical, 'If I believe'.

Fun fact! I added a very obvious reference to Twisted in Nikolai's monologue in chapter 18! It was a fragment from 'If I believe', actually. The verses "[Science says you're dead and gone forever] / Reason says I'm talking to the air / But something in my heart / Some secret hidden part / Illogically insists that you are there, somewhere". I was not being subtle at all.

About who I struggle writing the most, I'd say it's the twins. I actually don't know them that well, since I never read the Grisha Trilogy and they weren't that much present in the Nikolai Duology (at least it felt a little like that), but I do remember them from the show, which kinda affected a little how I was first writing them. I had to correct their writing A LOT the first few chapters. My bestie did read the trilogy, so she was the one guiding me as to how they acted and who they were.

The easiest to write are actually Kaz and Nikolai LMFAOOO. Like, fr, it's so easy for me to write them. Between the two, Nikolai is the easiest, by far, to get narration from. He just flows so well to me. Must be the ADHD /hj

Now, about the one character I am most excited to introduce!!!! Because we're getting closer and closer to their introduction...

I will not say who it is, BUT, I will leave you a meme as to what you could expect from their introduction.

Now, what could this mean? Who knows. I can only say that we just have to wait and see 😉

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another thing I don’t want to ask you straight away bc I know there’s stuff you can’t obviously reveal. But I’m intrigued on how Kaz and Baghra are going to meet again and if they’re going to recognize each other. I can only imagine the Darkling sending him off to train with her and they both just stare at each other like “🙁😕”

“So how was Kerch?”

“My adopted dad died. my brother died, never had a mother (yet again), made an enemy out of a gang leader, joined a gang, jumped off a roof and broke my leg, attempted to scam my childhood best friend lover (WHO SAID THAT??) who is also the second prince of ravka which didn’t end up working so he hired me for another job and I dragged my gang into that one too and then I saw Ivan and Fedyor who are still not together btw which lead to me being here. hello grandma how was your evening? 😁”

“I-“

“At least nobody knows like we promised! :D”

Okay so

Yes, you are right. I cannot go into detail about the reveal because, well, it's a surprise! It's a plot beta I'm so excited about!!!

The short answer is: What is there to recognize? Baghra knew instantly it was her boy. Her little Kazimir was back. What other Sun Summoner could there be? She was the only other person who knew about Kazik being the Sun Summoner. It wasn't hard for her to put two and two together

About their meeting, I joked with my bestie one time —by "joked" I mean that I was showering, got struck with The Thought™, and because I was very dripping water and glasses-less, I sent her an audio rambling, screaming, crying and singing. Why singing?, you may wonder.

And the answer: I got the idea of an edit/animatic of the start of "Would you fall in love with me again?" From Epic, but it's about Baghra seeing Kaz again after 15 years.

I had changed the lyrics very little, and instead of the end being 'Is it really you, my love?', changing it for 'Is it really you, my boy?' and I was SOBBINGGGG

Imma say. The emotions Baghra felt when she saw Kaz again. She was relieved, full of regret, afraid, worried, angry, happy. She went through everything all at once and showed NOTHING —we see where Kaz gets it from LMFAOO

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are there any little fun headcanons or facts you’d be willing to share about I hear you're alive? (Characters, Your writing process anything!!)

Omg YES

There is so much I want to share and say, but also so much stuff I cannot share because I haven't gotten to those parts yet!

Mainly, a lot of the things I'm more excited about are things that are yet to happen in the fic, but worry not! I've been sprinkling the foreshadowing over the chapters. One of the things I've been foreshadowing is the revela about Kaz being created with Merzost!

Most people who have read "I hear you're alive" are somewhat aware that Kaz was not "born", but, rather, was created. Regardless of the reader's awareness, Kaz and company are completely unaware of this! So, the reveal gotta be hilarious. In the fic, I specifically mention a few times, mainly in Nikolai's POV, that Kaz's eyes have something "demonic" or unnaturally freaky. This! Is! Fore! Shadowing!!! Kaz's eyes are the main clue as to how the reveal will come to fruition!!!

I fr cannot stress enough how fucking MUCH I love foreshadowing. Kaz's eyes are so fucking important to the plot!!! And, also, Nikolai's necklace. I know I have ignored it's existence for a while, BUT, TRUST ME, when I first said that the necklace is important I MEANT IT. I have a PLAN for it!!! Kaz, eventually, WILL find out why the necklace was so important to Nikolai! From there, a butterfly effect will occur which will lead to more plot events and more plot events and more mischief!!!! I literally want to fucking spoil it so bad, but I want to keep the surprise too!!!! It's a struggle fr

As for my writing process, there isn't much to say, honestly. Well, it's a bit funny. I am someone who cannot write out of order. I need to know EXACTLY what happened right before so I can write what happens after. This is half of the reason as to WHY the Date™ Chapter took so long to get done! Shit just kept happening, which meant that I could not write the date yet. I could have written the date, but, alas, I would have needed to rewrite it anyways because things might have changed while on the road to the date! And then something in my date chapter contradicted something that happened before and we couldn't have that, could we? Absolutely not. I want to limit my plot holes, thank you very much!

BUT, back to writing process. Most of my ideas start as silly thoughts or shit posts. I share them immediately with my bestie and, from there, we bounce the idea around until it takes shape or until we realize it's not working so we have to set it aside.

Because this already happened, on my first draft of chapter 20 "The winner takes it all" I had made it so that Nikolai HAD kissed Kaz —in the mouth. Alas, I was not 100% happy with that direction because, since November 2023, I'VE HAD THEIR VERY FIRST KISS PLANNED. My bestie and I were sold in THAT PARTICULAR MOMENT to be their first kiss!! So, we spit balled a little as to HOW we could salvage the moment between Kaz and Nikolai in "Winner takes it all" after Kaz turned his head so Nikolai couldn't kiss him. After an hour and something of chatting, we had a solution and, so, I rewrote half of the chapter!

Oh! Also, the Sausage Boy joke! It was a completely different thing, but then my bestie pointed out that it reflected some stuff and that it didn't have to be that thing specifically, but something else. And she was right. So, I changed it to Sausage Boy. It was funnier that way. I fucking LOVE my bestie, she's awesome ♥️

[kriz-smthn]

I'VE FINALLY FINISHED "I HEAR YOU'RE ALIVE" NEXT UPDATE

Chapter 22: "Nina wants to throttle Kaz" is out!!

Summary:

Kaz's actions have very unforeseen consequences Nina is very upset about.

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Guilt tripped myself into finishing the chapter tonight 😭😭😭

Now just waiting for beta feedback and to send it to my laptop for deeper editing

WAS SOMEONE GONNA TELL ME THAT I LAST UPDATED MY FIC ON MARCH OR WAS I SUPPOSED TO JUST GET SELF-AWARE ENOUGH TO CHECK AFTER BELIEVING IT HAD JUST BEEN LIKE TWO OR THREE MONTHS SINCE???

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WAS SOMEONE GONNA TELL ME THAT I LAST UPDATED MY FIC ON MARCH OR WAS I SUPPOSED TO JUST GET SELF-AWARE ENOUGH TO CHECK AFTER BELIEVING IT HAD JUST BEEN LIKE TWO OR THREE MONTHS SINCE???

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Pido perdón

I got distracted by the Dark Urge™ (that once-a-year phenomenon where I want to write about two gay fuckos having say gex 😔)

[kriz-smthn]

Guys GUYS

I knew James Gunn's Superman movie was good

bUT WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME IT WAS THIS GOOD???

Screaming crying normal I'm so normal about it

It's not like I spent 3/4 of the movie crying my little heart out

Screaming crying

It was so good

James Gunn's Superman my beloved 😭❤️‍🩹

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I just fucking LOVE that we all collectively know that 'walking in circles around each other trying to find anything that will give them the upper hand' is how Kaz and Nikolai foreplay flirt

'i know this hurts, it was meant to' is a pretty neat fic, btw. I'm having a blast reading it

[kriz-smthn]

Omg yes please do

There's never enough Kazolai Back & Fort Interrogation/Flirting

I just fucking LOVE that we all collectively know that 'walking in circles around each other trying to find anything that will give them the upper hand' is how Kaz and Nikolai foreplay flirt

'i know this hurts, it was meant to' is a pretty neat fic, btw. I'm having a blast reading it

[kriz-smthn]

I AM OUT OF SCHOOL (but not out of my intership) SO I HAVE A BIT MORE FREE TIME AND I'VE BEEN WANTING TO MAKE THIS FOR MONTHS