ladygrey111

[ladygrey111]

[ladygrey111]

Narcissus wasn't in love with himself, he was cursed to be in love with a reflection of himself. And that reflection was likely distorted by the water. And that's exactly what narcissism is. You're not really in love with the true you. You're in love with an illusion of you. An idealized warped self that no matter how hard you pine for will never respond to you. The true self starves or drowns in the process of seeking the false self.

[ladygrey111]

I wholeheartedly believe that my mother decided I was her enemy when her doctor said, "It's a girl."

[ladygrey111]

when someone doesn’t wanna tell me what i did wrong and suddenly i’m 8 years old wondering what i did to make my mom mad again

[ladygrey111]

I find it so ironic how many stereotypes about narcissists aren't just inaccurate, but are actually the complete opposite of how the average narcissist thinks.

"narcissism is excessive self-love" when most narcissists feel shame more easily than non-narcs do.

"narcissists don't work hard" when most narcissists are prone to perfectionism.

"narcissists are abusers who only pretend to be victims" when most narcissists were abused in childhood and are often on the receiving end of abusive relationships in adulthood.

"narcissists don't try to fit in" when most narcissists are constantly watching for signs of respect or criticism, constantly adjusting our behavior so those around us will see us as competent and pleasant.

and then when you describe what narcissism is actually like, they insist that a narcissist would never act like that, that anyone who fits that description must just have post-traumatic stress or one of the "good" PDs (if they believe there are good ones, that is).

[ladygrey111]

Severe trauma makes you care a lot about what others think and here's why

I'll be using my personal experience as a list of examples. Be prepared for my life story. To start, my parents are still, to this day, abusive assholes. Any potential diagnosis either of them may have are irrelevant because literally anyone is capable of abuse, even neurotypicals. Of course, I was raised with the rhetoric that I was bad in every way and deserved any and all mistreatment they inflicted on me. And they worked really hard to slander me ever since I was a small child. In school, I exhibited behavioral issues due to my bad home life but my parents were able to convince just about every teacher I had that I was that way for no reason other than a desire to be disrespectful. Because of this, as early as elementary school, I was wrongfully punished instead of helped by these adults and a couple teachers I had even enabled my classmates to bully me. They said it was to "teach me a lesson." I learned very early on that even children are incredibly enthusiastic about mistreating someone when they're told they can.

My parents even did this with other family members, mainly the adults. As a teenager, I had frequent breakdowns due to their sadistic abuse and my parents would call other family members to tell them I was "acting up" for no reason and they'd hand me the phone to be lectured on how to "better respect" them. Both parents talked major shit about me to extended family constantly, so family gatherings often consisted of me being told I was the problem and I needed to act right. I was denied support for years because of this. The verbal, emotional, mental, and physical abuse was so much for me to handle at such a young age. The only family member who was on my side was my Aunt Becky (not her real name for privacy reasons) who I wasn't allowed to talk to until I became an adult. She told me all the heinous things my mother would say about me as far back as me being in diapers and how she'd tried to defend me. She said my mother would tell her to "shut the fuck up" if she tried to defend me at all.

In school, I settled for a shitty friend group because I just didn't fit in with most of my peers. By that point, my self esteem was already in the gutter so I didn't even feel worthy enough to interact with anyone else. Well, one of my so-called friends decided she wanted to spread rumors that I was bullying her. That I made her feel fat, ugly, and worthless. I know I didn't do this and supposed she was just making the decision to compare herself to me in her head. It didn't matter what the truth was, I still had people I didn't even know harassing and even physically harming me at school. Even teachers believed her and said I should "know how it feels." Needless to say, I have nothing to do with that bitch anymore. I became horribly cautious around others, tiptoeing around their sensitivities for my own self preservation. I now experience low empathy, as I was taught that good deeds are done to keep yourself safe instead of for the good of others.

In one workplace, I was reserved and to myself, only talking to a few coworkers I thought were cool. Apparently, this didn't sit well with the other employees and they somehow got the idea that I was stuck up and "popular in high school". (A common assumption about me when I became an adult) They decided I needed to be knocked down a peg and I was repeatedly harassed and assaulted once at work because of false assumptions. I stayed at that job for months because I was barely stable as it was, being thrown into the adult world with no self esteem or reason to live, and quitting meant taking a lower paying job that wouldn't pay my bills.

That's not all of it but I'll stop there. The only people who say "just don't care about what others think," are clearly lucky enough to have not experienced abuse or harassment due to others' opinions. I have curated multiple personas to blend in and avoid the hostility neurotypicals are capable of. The trauma responses are really debilitating because I always feel I'm in danger when I'm in a public space. And when I've opened up about my experiences, I was told I'm the problem and I needed to change somehow.

This is also why I hate the stigma around Cluster B personality disorders, especially NPD and ASPD. Because neurotypicals convince themselves that only "Psychos", "Narcissists," and "Sociopaths" are capable of abuse. I don't know if it's to perpetuate an illusion of safety amongst them or to tell themselves "I'm normal, I can't be abusive." It is my experience that neurotypicals are often the most heinous individuals I've ever met and have literally built a society that perpetuates and excuses abuse.

Rant over. Grey out.

[ladygrey111]

my abuser had brown hair im a victim of brunette abuse :(

[ladygrey111]

is a cishet guy who's into cnc automatically a red flag

I think probably determining what kinks people are allowed to be into based on their gender and sexuality is the bigger red flag here

[ladygrey111]

NPD culture is everyone is lying to me

[ladygrey111]

I hate when phrases like "not everyone has to like you" or "just don't care what people think!" In response to someone experiencing legitimate harassment, bullying or abuse. A lot of us want to be liked because we know damn well that being well liked makes you safer. I have seen people justify some of the most heinous abuse with the excuse of "I just don't like them."

And yet, I'm the monster for my disorder but so called "normal people" are acting like that. I've both experienced and witnessed that bullshit firsthand, how someone's life can be made into a living Hell over rumors or simply not being liked. Neurotypicals don't know how to just leave someone alone if they don't like them.

I've seen how just spreading a rumor that a girl is a slut will cause her to be harassed or straight up assaulted. I've been physically assaulted at work because my coworkers thought I was rude or standoffish. I've been in a women's shelter and seen a group of women try to get another woman kicked out on the streets with nowhere to go because they thought she was prettier and "got everything."

We live in a sick fucking society and narcissism is only on the rise because it's used as a survival mechanism against the atrocious ideas that you're not a person if you're not pleasing to others.

[ladygrey111]

Your parents are not "narcissists". They're typical authoritarian assholes who treat you like their property because society allows them to.

Your ex boyfriend is not a "narcissist". He's a typical misogynistic douchebag who treats women like shit because society allows him to.

Your boss is not a "narcissist". They're a typical classist dipshit who thinks workers' entire purpose in life is to generate profit because society allows them to.

And even if they happen to be a "narcissist", that's not what gave them the power to get away with abuse.

So stop blaming mental illness and start blaming society's normalization of abuse. Stop acting like someone has to have a mental illness in order to do something cruel when ordinary people have been doing atrocious things since forever.

[ladygrey111]

sanism is ableism

the fact that this has to be said is appalling but so many people seem to disregard ableism when it is presented in the form of sanism, especially when it comes to NPD and ASPD.

{this post does mostly reference NPD, however both NPD and ASPD are both heavily stigmatised disorders where ableism towards them is often overlooked, NPD is just the example used the most within this particular post}

i see a lot of people state that their statements contributing towards the stigma surrounding these disorders can’t be seen as ableist and that anyone who claims it as ableism are just ‘narcissists trying to be oppressed’, despite the fact that many people with personality disorders have been proven to experience oppression both within society as a whole and in medical fields so this point already fails to stand, even before discussing the blatant targeting of NPD.

for those of you who somehow are unaware, sanism (as you can clearly see defined below) is the act of discriminating against people solely based on a specific mental health disorder.

you believing that you’re only being called an ableist because narcissists ‘want to seem like the victims’ is absolutely insane for numerous reasons:

1. NPD is caused by repeated abuse so the idea that we want to be victims is incredibly flawed for the fact alone that we already are victims.

2. you are shifting blame off of yourself and attempting to manipulate others into believing that your prejudice against people with specific mental health issues is actually our problem and not a problem with your behaviour, which puts you in the wrong.

3. you being ableist towards people with NPD does in fact make people with NPD victims of ableism, crazy how that works.

sanism is a form of ableism, your hatred and discriminatory treatment of narcissists and sociopaths/psychopaths (or any other mental illness that you may attempt to stigmatise) IS ableism.

hope that helps.

[ladygrey111]

(said shakily, through tears) I'm so cool and nonchalant... i handle criticism so well... I don't need to strive to be the best because I'm already the best... I'm the genius of the century... everyone loves me...

[ladygrey111]

[ladygrey111]

It disgusts me how victims are blamed and not predators. It's always, "don't let yourself be a victim" and "you were just an easy target" but the perpetrators just get away with it. It's that kind of mindset that protects evil people. That's why I'm gonna become stronger so I can protect the vulnerable and stand up to monsters. I know what it's like to be victimized and be blamed for it and I'll be damned if I become just another cowardly bystander who lets that happen to somebody else. To anyone who has made someone feel EVEN WORSE after they've been preyed on, fuck you and everyone who's ever loved you.

[ladygrey111]

stop being so forgiving, people know exactly what the fuck they’re doing

[ladygrey111]