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[lenny-black]

Imagination

Imagination is like watching a night sky. When you’re staring directly at some spot, you see only the brightest stars, impossible to miss. But those are rare; every spot has just a few of such, and then you can fall for an impression there’s nothing more. Oh, how easily you can underestimate your imagination for being too sparsely more than an endless void.

But when you look sideways or on the horizon, there are millions of tiny, shy stars of what-ifs. Not that bright, but enough to make hundreds of constellations, thousands of stories you would miss if you just stayed focused so directly on your creativity. Start sideways with a silly thought you had in a tram, and tune to unremarkable ideas you’re full of. They will lead you further into outer space, elsewhere than most minds wander.

Magic is hidden in your peripheral vision; I would say if you sat next to me under such a beautiful night sky.

[lenny-black]

It happened. I prayed. For the first time in my entire life for real. All of what had happened pushed me over the edge. At that moment, when I was chanting grandma’s evening prayer, I knew there should be something else, something other than Darkness.

If there was, though, it did not answer. Still, I prayed, for I did not know what else to do, shivering in my own cold bed. First, I tried every prayer in every language I knew; then, in those, I knew how to pronounce even if not understand. Then tried every prayer from distant lands I’d never set foot on, guessing how to read them aloud. Vigorously, trying harder than anything in my life. I continued praying while Darkness whispered sweet promises. I also prayed while shadows swirled around my bed. I prayed even harder when they let disappear everything around me. I continued praying when I found myself in the void. Finally, I stopped praying when there was no light to pray to.

Silence stretched over the void. Even my ragged breathing didn’t make any sound. I thought of Nina, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead. I thought of her body curled to mine. I thought of moments when we’d shared madness. Darkness inside my chest was growing; I felt it. Consuming my soul. I would pray more, but all words left me. A silent scream rippled through me.

Then, all the pain left me. Every sensation except crippling fear dissolved in the void. This was somehow even worse. I knew Darkness was the only thing out there, curling around me. Inner blackness squeezed my heart. A single terrified tear went down my cheek, disappearing into the void. I closed my eyes and watched how my heart flickered and gradually dulled to a single spark. Finally, fear left me.

I reached for the spark, then stopped and just observed. Listened. Thump-thump. Single sound. Thump-thump. Almost too silent to hear. Nonetheless, the sound was there. A single spark was illuminating the heart from inside. And I, one and only witness of the miracle. I didn’t even blink, too afraid it would disappear, too. The faintest warmth radiated from the spark.

I thought I had lost all of it, long time ago. But it was there, for the whole time. Hidden by layers of many pains, fears, and memories. This was the reason why Darkness had never caught me. Tears of relief this time erupted from my eyes as I watched single sparkle of hope still in my beating heart.

[lenny-black]

These are back until December 22nd, 2021!

Tees | hoodies | sweatshirts | mugs

https://nutrition-facts-merch.creator-spring.com

[lenny-black]

Things you want to change, but can't….but actually you can!

Knowing that something is inevitably ending. Like a jar of the best marmalade, you've bought on a holiday trip. In a country, you're not planning to visit soon. And all your summer memories will be only in your head after the last spoon. End of a chapter. Forever.

I can't reverse this for you, I'm sorry. But.

Make from remnants an occasion. Enjoy the last spoon on a hiking trip at the most beautiful place. In bed with your lover during the kinky half-sex, half-lick-cleaning occasion. Enjoy it to the fullest, with a mindful presence. Make it count.

Because if you don't, you'll find a hard crust at best, but more likely mould in the jar, spoiling the last bites quite a bit.

[lenny-black]

❄️Northern winds❄️

There're northern winds howling within my soul. Every time I stop and take a deep breath, I can feel its chill, deep within my bones. Howling through my vastness. Between peaks of my inner snowy mountains. Sometimes, the winds carries songs they sing for themselves, sometimes I almost understand their tales. The things they have seen, creatures they've met, ages they've witnessed, bones they've exposed.

Sometimes, I get lost in their howls. Alone in echoes, a single flicker rooted against wild force. Only then I feel alive.

[lenny-black]

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CXZZ8nIoXVW/?utm_medium=share_sheet

Thanks guys for the evening, standup is alive thanks to all of you ❤️

My part about 44mins from the beginning

[lenny-black]

I found myself for the first time drooling over a younger guy. It felt…uhgg! Creepy. But the hell went loose when he liked me back. I wanted to slap his hands, scolding “go get a girl who doesn’t have a favorite stove-spot!” But then my responsibility kicked in, and I let a thing to happen. God it felt wrong! All awkward. I turned from a confident woman to a walking anxiety, shitting my pants every date.

My brain exploded with insecurities.

Am I still able to hike for a whole weekend?! It was easy when I was twenty and guy was thirty, but in reverse? Am I fit enough? Do I look acceptable in leggings? Are leggings even acceptable to wear these days?!

I had to make a fake instagram account, fill a young bio to find current trends! What would he expect me to look like down there? What kind of trim is worn these years - should I be shaven or not? Is a tattoo or piercing expected?

Every evening I continued in my research, googling ‘trendy music’ or ‘who the fuck Billie eilish is’, and ‘tik tok - not the candy’.

Once again in my life, I appeared in an old car, hoping it would not fall apart. I have to clean my apartment because there’s no way I would fuck next to his mom’s room!

If I’m the older one, should I ask for consent? Let him sign a contract before he sees my cellulitis or should I provide #nofilter evidence ahead?

#shortstory #writing #older #olderwomen #young #millenials #relationshipgoals #relationships #consent #consentissexy #fitnessgirl #leggings #oc #standup #comedy #creepy #billieeilish #tiktok #trend #authentic #younglove #love #writingprompts #creative #creativewriting #datenight #date #wombo

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[lenny-black]

What a writer do to procrastinate 🤷

[lenny-black]

Have you ever wordered what would happen if you said people in your dream that it is a dream?

Nothing. That’s what would happen. Just a quick absent stare after which they resume their script like it didn’t happened.

It haunted me as a child. That blank stare, absent episode when it is possible to see how the brain or whatever is in charge erases blatant evidence of something profoundly contradicting one’s script. It happened to me when I was only twelve, but after that night, nothing remained the same.

As if the dream was just a key, suddenly all around me I could see people performing the same glitch. Shivers went down my spine every time I witnessed this. To which extent was the person able to erase uncomfortable parts of reality? Quite a lot, I soon found out, when my whole existence was erased from people whom my curious mind threatened. What felt worse though, was the fact that sometimes the glitch felt eagerly welcomed. Especially when I needed to know the answer for an important question. From someone I naively assumed as a close one.

With some I had the same conversation over and over, only ending in the absent stare - snap! - nothing.

[lenny-black]

It happened. Well, more like it’s happening. And if constellations and spilled blood during first snowy day allow, it’s going to happen.

[lenny-black]

I wish you were here. Not just your mark, the momentum you set in motion. You gave me a part of myself I haven't known I have; maybe I haven't, but without you, I'm desolate. Alfa without a pack. And when there was a justifiable reason for me to put down my weapons, I simply didn't. Couldn't.

Why can't I break? I want. Trust me; I really want to sag to the ground, to give up, to lose hope. I wish I could say no, pout, feel hurt, and be mean, at least for a while. To yell and roar, to growl when someone crosses my path. I want to feel bitterness, not this bittersweet tint in my soul.

You took it all away from me. I can't. I fucking can't break. There's a mighty river within me, and no will of mine is strong enough to hold the current, to make it still.

So I stand here, in front of you. Unbent. Not because I want to be strong, but because I am forged like this. Whoever will stand in front of me, it will not matter because this heart is steel.

[lenny-black]

They are harmless, I told myself, just a harmless thoughts. A bit of grey now and then, only when days went blue. Harmless little fluffs of whispers, nothing to worry about. Sometimes they surprised me during the good days, too, but not often enough to raise a suspicion. They were harmless after all, right?

Although I have to admit when they once ripped apart my facade, they stood up like a burglar caught with a precious vase in his hands. Harmless, aren’t they? Not so much, really, not anymore. While fiery sparks flickered on my skin and my nostrils flared, they howled in joy, knowing Peace was finally broken. Corrupted heat turned my skin bright and hell went loose as soon as the words of dead were spoken aloud.

…not a native speaker so sorry for mistakes.

“You can’t truly call yourself “peaceful” unless you are capable of great violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful, you’re harmless. A very important distinction. ” Our first contacts were harmless, those met later couldn’t tell the difference.