lizzhasanopinion-blog

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

This is awful. Love Simon is such a good high school movie and teenagers should be able to see it in any country. smh

Something about Love, simon (no spoilers)

Love simon is releasing in my country (India) this friday, and it’s adult. That means people who are above the age of 18 can only watch that movie. I’m pissed. I’m really angry. I’ve waited for months for this movie to release and I didn’t want to stream it online because i thought movies like these deserve our money. A movie about lgbtq+ teenagers can only be watched by adults in my country. Fuck this bullshit. I’m still gonna go though they’re not really strict but it’s really annoying how lgbtq movies are treated in India idk I just felt like i should inform others. You guys have any suggestions, please feel free to message.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

“Omg Lizz you have to watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend you of all people would love this show.”

Are you sure? Because that title makes it sound awful.

“No trust me. You specifically will love it.”

I’ve seen almost all of the first season now and I have a serious question for the dozen of you who told me I need to watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: what about this show made you think “Lizz as a person would love this?” It’s not a bad show but like, why me? If I had to summarize the show using musical terms, I would say that Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is like watching a show about Anna if Anna had no Elsa. I know I’m a bit of an Anna apologist in that I know her character is the reason the story exists and I feel bad that no one wants to buy her merchandise, but I’m an Elsa. You all know I’m an Elsa, right? The one who locks herself in her room so she can brood alone and actively controls her emotional impulses when she’s around other people so no one gets hurt? I fully understand that Elsa would be nothing without Anna and I both love and need all the Annas in my life, but Elsa and I still don’t have time for any of Anna’s annoying vapid high-energy basic bitch bullshit.

First of all, the persons in charge of the b-roll on this show are hilarious and I want to kiss them on the face.

I really enjoy the structure of the show itself and I REALLY like the number of Asians in the cast, but I literally don’t even give a little bit of a fuck about this storyline. I don’t care about Rebecca and Josh at all. I might even go as far as to say that I don’t care about Rebecca at all. I liked her song about boobs because I, too, am confused about everyone’s obsession over what is literally just sacks of fat with nipples on them. But I cannot relate to her backstory in the least. She left New York, something you all know I will never do, to chase after a Californian dude bro. There is nothing in that that sounds like it would appeal to me. But I guess I like how culturally aware the show appears to be? I didn’t realize that Jewish American women were trying to reclaim the word “JAP” so I guess learned something?

What has become increasingly bothersome to me in this show is the recurring theme that average size women need to criticize skinny women. Example: there’s a scene where Paula is hacking into Valencia’s Instagram and she finds all these photos of high-fat foods and Paula says, “Oh I get it, she only likes to look at food.” That’s not okay. Eating disorders and body dysmorphia come in all shapes and sizes. Seeing a skinny woman and saying “oh they only look like that because they don’t eat” encourages women who desire to look that way to stop eating and makes women who do look like that feel bad for having the body that they were born with. Making fun of a woman’s weight, no matter how much there may be, is not ok. I get that having a little one-liner fat/skinny joke in a sitcom can be funny and harmless, but body dysmorphia is literally killing women all across America and I don’t think the answer to that is to repeatedly treat skinny women like they’re the villain just because they’re skinny. They don’t think they’re better than you so stop looking at them as if their metabolism is a threat.

But I guess overall Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is a good enough show for traditional sitcom standards.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Was exactly what a Star Wars movie directed by Ron Howard would turn out to be. I liked it. I didn’t love it, but I liked it. It failed the Bechdel test but like, that kind of makes sense for a movie about Han Solo? And it was so close to not failing the test. They just needed one scene where the women talked to each other about something besides a man.

I am obsessed with Lady Proxima and I would very much like to see another film about Han Solo as like a ten-year-old so we can see more of what her deal is. Plus, Han Solo is such a one-dimensional character that I feel like a kid version of him would make a cute movie.

Donald Glover is perfect in everything he does. Ron Howard’s choice to make him cry when Lando’s droid broke was a little.... I don’t know how I feel about that.

I appreciated the writing of the climax. It was like these two white dudes sat down in a room and said, “ok how are we going to resolve this? Why don’t we try making everyone switch sides as many times as possible and then we’ll see what we’re left with.” It was fun.

That surprise cameo at the end was hilariously fitting. It’s like who’s another one-dimensional character that everyone loves? Let’s throw them together in a movie so in future scripts the audience won’t have to feel challenged at all.

But yeah Solo was a movie. It was not bad. It was not life-changing either. It just was.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Fred Armisen: Standup for Drummers

Since at least one person a day has asked me if I’ve seen it, I decided to finally watch Fred Armisen’s Standup for Drummers.

Going into this: I love Fred Armisen. He was the first famous person I met when I moved to New York. He’s super nice and I’m a big fan of Portlandia and Documentary Now! I also fucking hate stand up comedy. I think it’s an incredibly narcissistic way to entertain people. If you want to write jokes, write jokes and then turn them into something. I don’t ever have the desire to watch someone stand on stage alone and say a bunch of unconnected sometimes funny thoughts. I want my stories to have a beginning, middle and end and I don’t want to watch you watching me as you try to gage my reaction to you while you’re still in the middle of presenting the thing I’m supposed to be reactive toward.

So I watched Standup for Drummers. I actually thought the first third of it was kind of cool. He curated his audience and then said of bunch of things that are directly relatable to the people sitting in the room. I thought that worked well. But then in the middle he spends like five whole minutes explaining different American dialects and then goes on to talk about things that have absolutely nothing to do with drummers? Omg that was so boring. Also good for you for being an actor who is good at recognizing dialects but it’s super narcissitic of you to think that people are just going to love hearing you do that. When comedians do shit like that I makes me feel like I’m being held hostage.

Basically my review is this: yep. He said a bunch of drummer things. And yep it was nice to hear someone else having experienced similar things as I have in regards to the music world. But it was still a stand-up show so it was overall kinda boring.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

I Feel Pretty

Was pretty disappointing.

The directing was bad and it felt like the cast had zero energy. I mean, the first 15 minutes of it were amazing. It was the perfect illustration of how an average woman’s self esteem gets deflated just by existing in the world. But then the rest of it was just so useless. The movie is about lack of confidence and they tell you that everyone feels that way, but then they spend barely any time showing you that. I really wanted this movie to end up teaching the audience something about self-esteem but instead it was just two hours of Amy Schumer’s character saying “look at me my feelings are the only true feelings anyone has ever had” while actually ignoring every other character in the film.

It’s sad because they had a chance to use humor to really say something but somehow they were able to take the most universal problem and make me give zero fucks about it.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Tomb Raider

was Tomb Raider. It was so exactly what I expected it to be that I forgot to write anything about it.

I like Alicia Vikander a lot. And uh … it was a movie? The world building in the first third of the movie was really fun. And the rest of it was also fun? I would say if you liked the old one then you’ll like this one. Both are movies that are not bad, but also not really that good. It’s just regular.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Truth or Dare

Yo this movie is hilarious.

3:00pm on a Wednesday with nothing else to do and not a single desire to challenge your mind? I highly recommend seeing Truth or Dare. It’s so funny. 

What was not so funny was the man who sat behind me with his two small children, took his shoes off, and put his feet up on the seat next to me. Like where do you think you are right now, dude?

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

A Quiet Place was really good.

I think they did an excellent job letting the audience empathize with the characters within the unique challenge of needing to remain quiet. There were a couple of visual exposition things that could have been a little more subtle, but they did their job in informing the audience about what the rules of this world are without taking up too much time so I can't be too picky.

I do kind of wish I could have seen this film without the soundtrack, though. Obviously this film relies heavily on the sound mixing and editing to tell the story and I wish I could have seen it without the music telling me how to feel. Not that the music was bad, I just think it would have been more interesting without it.

Also, real talk, if you're suffering from seasonal allergies like I am right now, you're going to want to bring some cough drops with you to the theater for this one. Trust me.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Lizz sees Isle of Dogs

On Isle of Dogs:

The visuals. Wow. Holy shit this film was well directed. Kept my eyeballs captivated in every moment. AND THE SOUNDTRACK?!?!?! Fire. Those two aspects of the film were beyond admirable.

Other than that, this movie is complete trash and it makes me want to burn everything to the ground. Of the 49 voice actors employed for this project, only 9 of them were women. And all of the female characters were there to serve as romantic counterparts to the male characters. There is literally a scene in the end where we see a montage of all the male heroes having a possessive moment with their female prizes. It's fucking disgusting.

On another way less serious but still annoying note, why do all dog people feel the need to express their love for dogs by showing how much they hate cats? I identify as a cat person. And I, much like most cat people I've ever met, also like dogs. If I go outside and play with your dog, I'm not going to feel threatened if you mistake me for a dog person. I feel completely secure in my identity as a cat-lover and feel no need to feign a hatred for dogs just to prove it to you. It's okay to love one thing and still respect the other. Why is your dog enthusiasm so fragile?

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Lizz sees Love, Simon; sponsored by One Day You’ll Actually Sponsor Me. Additional support provided by a handful of discount Starburst Jellybeans in a sandwich baggie. Because sometimes the teenagers at Williamsburg Cinemas don't feel like being around to look inside your bag or even rip your ticket at all.

The previews for this movie look basic as fuck and I honestly had very little interest in seeing it. But, thanks to my membership to a trademarked company and some glowing reviews recited to me by my peers and my lack of things to do after going to the gym today, I thought I might as well see it.

In case you didn't already know, Lizz Hudman the queer feminist couldn't even give half a shit about privileged pretty rich white men who think they're special just because they are gay. Thusly it should be noted that I was actively watching for things to hate in this movie. And I honestly couldn't find any. It was extraordinarily nostalgic. Like, the high school it takes place in even has the same initials and colors as my high school. None of the women characters were treated like potted plants, they were actual people with real people emotions and story lines and they weren't there to make the pretty boy feel better. And this movie even illustrates how not every gay man is the same kind of person.

Is it still basic as fuck? Yeah kinda. It's a high school movie. It's not on the same level as Mean Girls or Easy A, but I do think it's a good movie and they play with the formulaic high school movie genre in a very satisfying way.

Unfortunately, there was no crying woman in the audience for this experience, but there was one who knocked something over about halfway through the film and it very much sounded like an empty bottle of liquor.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Lizz Sees A Wrinkle In Time; sponsored by The Subscription That Must Not Be Named Without Compensation. Additional support provided by Coca-Cola: Coca-Cola, try our new and improved Cherry Coke formula for when you just feel too out of place watching a new film with an empty bladder in a freezing cold theater with people all around you.

Prefaces: 1. My initial prediction for this film was that it would be a great kids movie, but a boring movie movie, and almost certainly was invented just so the academy can sploosh all over themselves. 2. I did not read the book.

My prediction was not wrong, but it wasn't correct enough for me to not enjoy this movie. It's a good movie. I saw it in 2D because I hate 3D, but if all you migraine people actually enjoy 3D then I do recommend shelling out the extra couple of bucks for this one. The visuals were great (though I'm still confused about the purpose of the flying Reese Witherspoon lettuce wrap) and it's worth trying them on with a third dimension. My biggest complaint about this film is that I really really wish they had broken this story into multiple movies. It is a great story and there were so many parts to it that I think deserved more screen time (which is saying a lot since I very much had to pee during the entire film). I get that younger audiences require some things to be spoon fed to them since their brains aren't fully developed yet and the run time has to be cut short because their old ass parents have to go to bed or else they get cranky, but I think they should have spent more time with each moment in this story, stopped the narrative halfway through (or maybe a third of the way), and then release sequels. I honestly don't know why they didn't do it that way. They needed more time to land these moments and sequels are a super easy way for Disney to make a butt ton of money.

Go see A Wrinkle in Time. It probably won't be the best movie you see this year, but it's good enough to the point where you won't be upset when it inevitably wins a dozen Oscars. It's directed by a woman of color. It's got a mostly female cast. It has a very diverse cast. You want to support that. And if you know any seventh graders, I highly recommend you take them to see it because they would get the most out of the experience. Also, I really want to read the book now.

And yes, it is becoming a pattern for every one of my movie adventures to feature a woman sobbing in the audience. This time when it happened she was two rows behind me and was very loud about it. And I loved her. Because this is the kind of story to get loudly emotional about. Let it out, girl.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

They say that life's too short but they're wrong, it's so long. Sometimes the only way to go is to just go on

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Queer feminist opinion:

There are probably thousands of examples of men discovering they are queer in film and television, and almost all of those characters treat the women around them like shit and every time the women characters/the audience are supposed to be like , "awwww it's ok I understand this must be so hard for you I don't care that you actually ruined my life" which is complete bullshit. You can't treat women like shit just because you're not confident in being who you truly are (I'm looking at you Call Me by your Name, that trans character in AHS Hotel, and also all men queer or not). But the way Tina Fey treats Titus in season 2 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where it's like he has a wife he abandoned and she is an actual person with feelings and all she wants is an apology = awesome.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Lizz finally saw Call Me by Your Name and she has opinions on it.

Let's get one thing out of the way first: yes I was incredibly aroused throughout the entire film.

This movie is absolutely beautiful, and riddled with so many eye-rolling problems. The whole film is one long illustration of how rich white men can do whatever they want and the women will just clean up whatever mess they make. Every female character in this story is treated like a potted plant.

I was going to go into rant about why treating women that way in films about romantic relationships between men is so incredibly dangerous to the bisexual community, but I'm honestly just so tired of explaining it to you all and I don't want to spend more time thinking about this movie. Just know that if I hear any of you call this a "gay" movie I will rip your eyeballs out with my teeth.

Mudbound should have won.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

The End of the F***ing World. Did you watch The End of the F***cking World? Did you love it? Go watch Search Party. I promise you'll be obsessed

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Ok, fam, I'm not fucking around anymore.

Search Party is one of the best tv shows I have ever seen and TBS still hasn't officially renewed it for a third season so you need to watch it. If you don't watch it and they don't renew it this will all be your fault. Remember Firefly? You watched the whole season and then spent a whole week in a deep depression because you realized one of the best tv shows ever made was prematurely canceled years ago? You can prevent that from happening again but you have to watch the damn show before it's too late.

Watch Search Party right now.

[lizzhasanopinion-blog]

Yo. Annihilation is good.