madeofcigarettes

[madeofcigarettes]

I wanna share this cause i dont seem people talking about pretty much fully recovering and then relapsing again

So when i was in full deep into my eating disorder as much of you are which you know what it looks like i was obviously looking back at it really miserable just thinking about food 24/7, having nightmares about food, insomnia, loosing friendships and things like that, that are always the hardest part about having an ed, but then i just started recovering not even because i waned to, but because i just couldn’t keep doing it anymore, which makes me feel kinda invalidated abt my eating disorder, but almost every day of those 6 months where i had this extreme hunger that made me feel like a pig then getting to a point where i could eat anything without looking at the calories, or tracking my daily intake and when i had something that showed the calories in the package just turning it around and avoiding it, not weighting myself, when i was feeling kinda better, there wasnt a day i didn’t miss ana, seeing how much weight i gained (went from 108 to 135 in the span of abt 3 month) i was so miserable too and i hate looking at myself, i hate not being able to wear cute outfits, i hate feeling like i have no purpose, no reason to get out of bed, didnt even wanna go out cause of how much i hate my body, and in those moments is when i missed ana the most. I really feel like i either need to pick being miserable but loving how i look, or being free and hating how i look and thats the hardest part because now i dont feel like i can get myself to loose weight in a healthy way cause i know whats the quicker route and i feel like theres never gonna be any recovering.

Also i just started going to the gym again and i eat what i like and what i crave but i only eat once a day and i dont eat like really big portions, and i feel like this could be a better route for me, im liking it so far but ik its gonna get progressively worse even tho i wanna loose the weight in maybe a healthier way this time, i just know i dont wanna be fat anymore and you guys always give me the motivation that i need but idk well see how it goes.

[madeofcigarettes]

Last motivation quotes hope these helped <3

[madeofcigarettes]

Some more motivation <3

[madeofcigarettes]

Hope these help out always keep them on mind

[madeofcigarettes]

Some inspo frases that help me out as a reminder <3

[madeofcigarettes]

[madeofcigarettes]

Lets bring back the Red bracelets !!! 🪽

I’ve seen a couple people here and there mentioning them, so I thought I’d spread the word.

It’s a way for us angels to find each other in public; it can be so isolating feeling alone with an 3d. A way for us to communicate, like a secret code nobody else understands.

It seems like the bracelets were more or less forgotten a while ago, but I’m hoping we can bring them back. For those who haven’t heard of it: if you’re with Ana, you wear a red beaded bracelet, and if you’re closer to Mia, you wear a blue one. (If you’re somewhere in between, you could do alternating red and blue beads)

The original poster was t worded so I thought I'd spread the word no matter the consequences.

[madeofcigarettes]

"If you ⭐ve yourself youll stop having p3riods and you might lose the ability to bare children!!1!1!!11!"

[madeofcigarettes]

December 2021: 138lb /October 2023: 108lb

December was when i didn’t care abt my weigh and i looked like a cow, after that my ed was on and off until abt july 2023 (122 lb) was when i started taking it way more serious and started consuming my life and in 4 months, October 24 i got to my lw 108 which was only 5 lbs away from my gw, what id give to go back to that era to just be able to loose those 5 fucking lbs and so close to being double digits :(

[madeofcigarettes]

i want to look how i look when i suck in

[madeofcigarettes]

You ready to lose weight in August !! 🕯️🕯️🕯️

[madeofcigarettes]

[madeofcigarettes]

Hi ed tumblr im back :)

Ive been recovering for abt 6 months now, my lowest weight was 108 and my initial gw was 103 and my cw is now 135. There wasnt a moment i didn’t think abt @na, i missed her a lot weirdly is like having a best friend at all times who’s also your worst enemy and hates you but i love it, i gained a lot of weight because i had extreme hunger and i let it consume me, on top of that i got zoloft prescribed which gives this little chemical to your brain that makes you more hungry, when i got this prescribed i cried to my psychiatrist because i already was hating myself for binging and gaining some weight but the medicine just made it worse, i stopped taking it and my bf broke up with me like 3 days ago because im too emotionally stable and insecure, which is why i decided im going back to my old ways for sure, that way i can stop thinking if all the girls that he sleep before or dated were skinnier or prettier then me because im wanna be the most perfect and im gonna achieve no matter how hard it is.

(please be mean to me or say anything to help me go back i really need it so bad and id appreciate it a lot <3)

I looked almost perfect at my lw :(