menace-behaviour

[menace-behaviour]

*Station 118 Shift Swap Group Chat*

B-Shift Paramedic: I need to swap out on Saturday. Someone HMU please.

Bobby: Wait, so HMU isn't "hold my umbrella"?

Chimney: No. It’s actually "hummer med underkläder", which means "I love you" in Swedish and I think that's beautiful.

Eddie: "Hummer med underkläder" means "Lobster with panties".

Hen: How do you even know that?

Eddie: My Mother wanted at least one child that could speak to her parents when they called so she wouldn’t have to.

Chimney: You know what, Diaz. Your childhood trauma and resulting multilingualism is really getting in the way of my best work.

Eddie: Your best work? Tricking Bobby into thinking hook-up slang means something innocent?

Bobby: HOOK-UP SLANG!!?!? I texted the Commissioner “HMU” during that hurricane last week??

Chimney: *Ignoring Bobby* That’s “Gaslighting the Elderly” to you, Rosetta Stone.

[menace-behaviour]

Buck: *Having 'Sad Hoodie Hours™️' at Maddie's house*

Maddie: *Handing him a mug of hot chocolate* Okay, spill. Why do you have that "My goldfish ran away from home" face on?

Buck: Me and Tommy have been on opposite shifts for like 3 weeks now. I just miss him and I'm trying to not act out about it. I actually considered driving to the LAFD Air Base and starting a trashcan fire in the parking lot. It's either that or sending him notes made with letters cut out of old magazines.

Maddie: You know, I’ve got a whole box of old positive pregnancy tests in my bathroom cabinet. If we hurry, we could get to FedEx before closing and have him in a panic by noon tomorrow.

Buck: You’re a national treasure and I love you.

[menace-behaviour]

*During a Diaz Family catch-up session in Texas*

Ramon: And then the company I worked for went bankrupt after I retired. But, hey. I guess they just don't make them like me no more. I was the last of my kind.

Eddie: Thank god. I mean, I just don't think there's enough mental illness in the world.

Ramon: For what?

Eddie: For more than one of you to be going around fucking up the population.

Ramon:

Eddie: Honestly, being singular in existence is probably the most helpful thing you've ever done.

[menace-behaviour]

*During a School Group Firehouse Tour*

Buck: *Holding a Fire Grenade* This here is my favourite piece of firefighting equipment. It's cal-

School Child: You've said that about every single thing you've shown us so far.

Buck: Said what?

School Child: That the thing is your favourite. You can only have one favourite thing. That's, like, the definition of "Favourite".

Buck: Says who? I can have more than one favourite thing. Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. This is called a Fire Grenade. Despite its name, it actually stops fires when it explodes rather than starting them...

[menace-behaviour]

*In their home at the end of the day*

Jee-Yun: There was a motor close to my school today.

Maddie: A motor- a motorcycle? Did you see a motorcycle at school?

Jee-Yun: Ah sorry, no. It was a murder.

Maddie: Howie, get my purse. The blue one.

Chimney: Or, first, we could confirm this with someone that doesn't get their news updates from Paw Patrol?

Maddie: Are you suggesting that our daughter is a liar?

Chimney: No, I am suggesting that she's 6.

[menace-behaviour]

Tommy: Hey Eddie, I think we should talk. I feel like you’ve been keeping your distance since Buck and I started dating and I’m worried that I’ve overstepped without realising it.

Eddie: Oh, no, I’ve just been busy with work and adjusting to raising a teenage Christopher and also with dating my dead wife that wasn’t dead anymore.

Tommy: Okay, what? That’s a lot to unpack. What do you mean your undead dead wife?

Eddie: Don’t worry about it, okay? Buck is so perfect for you and I'm so happy for you! You both deserve a win in this department.

Tommy: Do you actually mean that?

Eddie: Yes! Well, except for the part where I'm secretly in love with him, but you know, I'm happy for you! That’s what matters!

[menace-behaviour]

*Gearing up to save Bobby and Athena from the Cruise Ship*

Buck: *Loudly* Woah! What is that?!

Eddie: This is an aircraft hanger, Buck. You know that’s a helicopter.

Buck: *Regular Volume* I saw an Instagram Reel that said if you look confused enough in a cool place, hot and nerdy dudes will just flock to you like flies.

Eddie:

Buck: And I’m trying to land a hot pilot husband. I can’t keep being the only smoke show in the relationship!

Eddie: Is that really your priority, right now?

Buck: I’m multi-tasking!

[menace-behaviour]

*Trying to log on for an Online Therapy Session*

Zoom Connection Page: “Your internet connection is unstable.”

Buck: Pfft, you should see my life. My internet connection is as good as Graphene, compared to whatever shit I got going on.

[menace-behaviour]

*At the beginning of their honeymoon cruise*

Athena: That sounds perfect! Doesn’t that sound perfect, Bobby?

Bobby: No.

Athena: I think I speak for Bobby when I say it sounds just perfect.

[menace-behaviour]

Maddie: *Covers Chimney’s eyes*

Maddie: Guess who? She’s gorgeous and so smart <3

Maddie: And she’s gonna be very mad if you get it wrong <3

Chimney: *shaking with fear* How are you saying “<3” out loud?

[menace-behaviour]

Buck: I think I’ve really started to fall in love with Tommy and I want to plan something special so he knows how I feel about him.

Eddie: You’re not planning another Hot Air Balloon joy-ride disaster, are you?

Buck: God no, but since you and Tommy get along so well, can you help me figure out a nice date for him?

Eddie: I mean the two of you could maybe just like take turns stabbing me… right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. ‘Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.

[menace-behaviour]

I mean it was nice to know that they brought joy while I was gone, but it definitely was a shock.

You’ll be seeing me around these parts for a while, I hope.

[menace-behaviour]

[menace-behaviour]

the sniper's real motivation

[menace-behaviour]

[menace-behaviour]

[menace-behaviour]

Eddie: *Yelling in Spanish angrily at Chimney*

Chimney: *Over his shoulder* Buck, I’m gonna need your help in here! I can tell he’s mad at me but I don’t speak Taco Bell.

Buck: It’s cool, I got this. I speak Portuguese, its basically Spanish.

Eddie: *Spanish gets louder but is now angrier and in Buck’s direction*