mercwiththem0uth

[mercwiththem0uth]

#great HEAVENS #that's husband #wade wilson #deadpool

Santa tell me ⚔️

w/c:

pairing: wade wilson x f!reader

tags: 18+ smut. wade in a santa suit, barely roleplay, wade is a freaky frog, dry humping , grinding against him, yapping your ear off, dirty talk, praise

taglist: @reader-1290

smutmas masterlist | main masterlist

wade was never one to reject roleplaying in bed, it was one of his favorite things to do. so of fucking course, once the holidays rolled in he knew he had to put on the big fat man's red suit. 

there he was in all his glory with a santa suit and his deadpool suit just because he felt like it made sense to have both on. 

you were sat on his lap, in a tight red dress matching his santa suit because he couldn't be the only one dressed up. "so what do you want for christmas, gorgeous, beautiful girl i have never seen before?" 

you bit your lip, looking at him and trying not to laugh, "honestly a handful of things santa.."

"wow now we're getting greedy on good ole saint nick huh? alright, c'mon lay 'em on me, princess." he responds, his gloved hand snaking your waist and slowly going down to your ass.

"a new car would be nice… just so i don't have to hear my odyssey die on me every other day." you say while giving him a somewhat serious look only for him to break and scoff, "well who warned you about that piece of shit dumb excuse of a vehicle..."

"santa, i'm not sure i know what you're on about…" you joke, making him clear his throat. 

“what i meant to say was… what else?” he says through gritted teeth. 

“maybe one of those stuffed animals you can microwave, just for fun…” you respond with a smile making him chuckle. 

“kind of sadistic but okay.. santa doesn’t judge.” he mumbles and you cover your mouth to stifle a laugh back. 

“oh and one more thing…. i’d like for my boyfriend to stay home more often. it’s getting tiring to only be able to see him once a week at best and when he does come home, he’s always carrying a limb and staining our floors.” you say then slowly start going on a rant.

you took a deep breath for dramatic effect, then finally speak up after a few seconds, “so, santa tell me, can you give me these things?” 

he was quiet, too quiet for your liking until he nodded and took off the fake beard, throwing it behind him. you reached over for his own mask wanting him to take that one off as well. he grabbed his santa hat, handing it to you then taking his mask off. you put the santa hat back on his head and you get off his lap, only to climb back on, straddling him, "can definitely do a few of those for you princess."

"yeah? about fucking time baby." you murmur and bring your hands to his shoulders to help you. 

you make sure you're directly on his hard on, only barely swaying your hips back and forth, watching him let out a sigh as you feel his hands on your hips. "fuck.. just like that cupcake." 

you press yourself harder against him, now grinding on him properly as he lays back into the couch, “promise i’ll try to be here more, just tryna get all the money you deserve to live lavishly, sweet pea.” he coos making you shiver and bite your lip. 

his hands gripped your hips, guiding you while you brought one hand down to lift your dress over your ass. his hands immediately dropped down to grope you, not paying any attention to the santa themed thong you were wearing, “you should always be on santa’s lap with that ass, oh my fucking god.” 

you shake your head and laugh making him grin up at you, “think you can do that for me?” 

you nod and he lifts a hand up to smack your ass, “good girl, now don’t stop baby.” 

his pants were soft and since you were already soaking through your panties it was easier to grind against him. unfortunately for him, he had two layers of pants so he wouldn't be able to feel it like he usually does. but he was too busy moaning to notice and yet again, yapping his heart out while you moved faster, "fuck this is even better than that one time i was groping you in the victoria's secret changing room, god those fucking bras will always do it for me. no fucking wonder you love those and goddd the thongs- this one's real festive baby, glad i'm not the only one playing along."  

"baby that was two days ago.." you mutter and he shrugs, "still. i loved that day and you know how much i love playing with you in public." 

"oh i know." you chuckle and lean closer to his face, your movements not at all stopping.

"remember when we fucked on the balcony of the hotel we stayed at?" he asked and you hummed, "which one?"

he groans and you feel him twitch beneath you making you clench, prompting you both to moan, "fuck!"

"w-which one baby?" you ask and he gulps, all of a sudden losing his train of thought as his hands went back to your hips. 

the small fabric of the thong was drenched and it was getting harder to grind just because it was so slippery. you stopped for a singular second, quickly bringing a hand down to move it to the side then place yourself right on his leaking cock. you went back to the same pace and his moans filled your ears, "i didn't hear you respond, cupcake." you murmur inches away from his lips and he just twitches yet again. 

"mexico, definitely mexico. or paris." he quickly responds and you nod, "both were good, great views." 

"especially from my end." he mutters, making you whine. 

"yeah you remember me fucking you from behind princess? making sure we looked at the view to get our money's worth." he coos and you nod, feeling the sensation of your orgasm building up. 

"like thinking back to it baby? lord knows i do when I'm out working and jerking my cock at night thinking of you. im fucking always thinking of you." he rambles, hands roaming up and down your back while you lean you head against his.

"fuck baby- you really know what gets my gears going huh?" you joke and he eagerly nods. 

you felt his cock twitching and his breathing was becoming heavier meanwhile your legs were almost giving up on you but you had to fight the pain in your thighs. you kiss his nose then move to the right until you got to his ear, "think we need to do that again soon." you whisper and he groans.

“oh my god stop- you’re gonna make me come and this is a rental!!” he whines, making you smirk.

"you sure? i'm so close and you are too….." you tease, pulling back and slowing down just for the sake of seeing his reaction.

“fucking shit baby- never mind. keep going cowgirl, don't fucking stop.” he moaned and you did. 

you reached up and stole his santa hat before putting it on and then finally leaning in to kiss him. he kissed back immediately, greedy and sliding his tongue inside your mouth while you both quickly came at the same time, holding each other for comfort. you stopped and felt your legs shaking crazier than usual, while you were whining and whimpering into his mouth because the pleasure was just too good. 

he held you tightly, his hands running up and down your back to help soothe you while you buried your face to his chest and hands rubbing his chest and shoulders. you were both trying to catch your breath when his hand stayed on your head, gently stroking it then began to whisper, "promise i'll be here more often."

"with all your limbs intact?" you whispered back making him chuckle and nod, "yeah we'll have to see about that one sweet pea…" 

[mercwiththem0uth]

The Best Dead Man Alive

wade wilson x reader

a/n: a little Halloween treat!!! and my first fic with this man I love very much. this is fluff and I made him a bit more quiet than usual, don't know if we could say it's ooc, anyway enjoy!!!🎃🧡

TW: self-depreciation

Masterlist

---

Y/N leaned into the mirror, giving a final touch to the dark eyeshadow that completed her “murdered bride” look. Red and black accented her eyes, scars around her face and neck, and the faint shimmer over her cheeks gave her skin an ethereal glow. Her flowered veil framed her face dramatically, making her feel like she’d stepped out of a haunted painting. She was finally ready.

“Mrs. Undead!” Wade’s voice slid into the bathroom, accompanied by his reflection in the mirror, a mischievous grin already plastered across his face. He leaned against the doorframe, looking her over with a smirk. “Or wait, no… Bridezilla. Or, wait, I got it— Corpse Bride.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, grinning as she turned to face him. “Very funny, Wade. I just need a minute to—"

“—to finish up?” he interrupted, taking a few slow, dramatic steps towards her. “Sweetheart, you don’t need another second. You’re so beautiful, it’s a shame we’re going to a party. Or that I let you out of the house, for that matter.”

She bit her lip, stifling a laugh. “Flattery won’t stop me from going out tonight. I just need to get this last detail…”

But Wade stepped even closer, brushing his fingers against her shoulder as his face nuzzled in the crook of her neck. “C’mon, just a minute. I think you might be more interesting than any ghost story I’ve heard.”

“Wade,” she playfully swatted him away, laughing despite herself. “We’ve got people waiting on us!”

He rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Fine, fine. If you insist.” He folded his arms, giving her an exaggerated pout before she caught his expression. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Wait a minute… where’s your costume?”

Wade’s smirk widened. He gestured up and down at himself. “You’re looking at it.”

She raised a brow, unimpressed. “A t-shirt and jeans? Really?”

“Hey, it’s got to be somebody’s worst nightmare,” he joked, winking before gesturing to his face. “Besides, I don’t need a mask or makeup, babe. Already spooky as hell. You want a Halloween costume? Boom.”

Y/N’s smile faded as she looked at him. She stepped closer and reached up, gently placing a hand against his cheek. “Wade, come on. Stop saying that…making those jokes.”

Wade raised an eyebrow, looking at her with an air of feigned innocence. “Who, me? I don’t make jokes. Just stating the obvious here.”

But she gave him a look—a gentle, understanding look that he couldn’t quite brush off, even with all the usual banter. “You don’t have to talk about yourself like that, you know,” she said softly. “I wish you could see how I see you… There’s no one else I’d want to be with, scary or not.” Her fingers lightly traced over his cheek, and he closed his eyes, leaning into her touch with a sigh.

Wade stayed quiet for a beat, his eyes flickering up to meet hers. “You keep saying things like that,” he began, his voice low, “and we may as well call off the party, ‘cause I’d much rather just…” His voice trailed off as he gave her a look.

She smirked, tilting her head as she resisted the urge to indulge him. “And ruin my makeup? Nice try.”

Wade groaned, leaning back with a reluctant chuckle. “Fine, fine. But if I’m stuck going to this party, I’m going as the world’s most terrifying nightmare,” he insisted.

“Well, lucky for you, I have just the costume in mind.” She grabbed her makeup kit with a wink. “Sit down and let me work my magic. You’re going to be the most handsome skeleton this town’s ever seen.”

Wade raised an eyebrow but allowed himself to be guided to the edge of the tub, where he plopped down, his eyes gleaming with interest. “Skeleton Wade?” She smirked, standing in between his legs and leaning down at his face level to start painting around his eyes. 

Wade let himself relax under her touch, the brush tracing smooth lines over his skin. He watched her as she worked, catching the way she furrowed her brow slightly, biting her lip in that way he loved. A soft chuckle slipped from him, bringing her gaze up to meet his.

“How many people get this kind of VIP treatment, huh?” he murmured, smirking but feeling an ache of sincerity beneath it. He wasn’t sure why she chose him, of all people—why she’d come into his life, full of scars and scars-to-be, and somehow decided he was worth sticking around for.

She grinned, not missing a beat. “Only one person I know of.” She leaned back to darken the shadows around his eyes, hollowing his cheekbones with slow, steady strokes, her fingertips gentle but sure. As she drew fine details, she began connecting them with swirling lines, painting a story in delicate, skull-like patterns across his face.

Wade let himself sink into the moment, feeling an unexpected calm settle over him. His eyes kept wandering to her face, tracing the familiar curve of her lips, the little spark of concentration that softened her features. It was hard to wrap his head around it sometimes— the fact that someone as good, as warm, as whole as her was here, doing something as simple as painting his face. And he still couldn’t help but wonder what he’d done to deserve it.

God, she’s perfect, he thought, his chest tightening. She paused to load her brush with a fresh coat of paint, her eyes glancing up to meet his with a little smile before she went back to work. He’d never felt this way about anyone else; it was as terrifying as it was grounding, and it left him at a loss for words. For once.

After a while, Y/N stepped back, her face breaking into a grin as she admired her work. She’d transformed his face into a skeletal masterpiece.

“Look at you,” she whispered, eyes sparkling as she took him in. “You’re… beautiful.”

He laughed softly, a hint of disbelief coloring his tone. “Me? Come on, now. I’m starting to think you might need glasses, babe.”

She rolled her eyes, setting down the brush and crossing her arms with a playful glare. “You can think whatever you want, but to me, you’re one hot skeleton. And I’m the one with the final say here.”

Wade turned to the mirror, a smirk spreading as he took in his new look. “Alright, not gonna lie, I’d marry this guy. Hell, I’d get on my knees.” He waggled his brows, glancing back at her as she laughed. “You really do work magic, huh?”

She chuckled, brushing a stray bit of makeup off his nose. “Only with willing subjects. Now go grab that big sombrero and anything else that goes with it. You’re about to be the most handsome muerto at the party.”

He shot her a salute, practically beaming. “Yes, ma’am! But, y'know, it might take every ounce of willpower not to skip the party. You know, head back, Netflix, and a little chill— Halloween style.”

She rolled her eyes, giving him a little push toward the closet. Moments later, Wade returned with the wide-brimmed sombrero, a mismatched suit jacket, and a red sash cinched around his waist with enough flair for a dramatic novela.

Y/N gave him a nod of approval, one hand resting on her hip. “Now we’re ready.”

As they left the apartment, Wade reached over, grabbing her hand and giving it a quick squeeze. He softened, his usual mischief settling into something earnest as he looked at her. “Thanks, babe. Not just for the face paint, but for… y’know, everything else. Seriously.”

He leaned in, pressing a quick kiss on her cheek, careful not to smudge both of their makeup. Then he shot her a wink, his usual bravado sliding back into place. “Now, let’s go make them all drool, you gorgeous corpse bride.”

She laughed, linking her arm with his. “Ready when you are, my dashing skeleton.”

With that, they headed to the party, Wade’s heart racing in a way he’d only ever felt with her—ready to scare the world, one Halloween party at a time, as the luckiest dead man alive.

XXX

[mercwiththem0uth]

he has risen, baby girl

warnings/themes; deadpool/wade wilson x fem!reader, detailed smut (18+), established relationship, strong language, missionary sex, no use of condoms, use of sex toys, dirty talk, phone sex, pet-names (lol), lowercase intended

i started writing this monthsss ago and i finally finished and uploaded it (you're welcome). anyway i love wade wilson i need him in a way that is unhealthy.

the ending is poor as i didn't know how to finish it lol p.s this is not proof-read as it's past 2am sorryyyy

you laid spread out on the bed, completely in the nude, waiting for your boyfriend to come out of the bathroom. it was often that the two of you would have sex when he returned home from a mission, because all that fighting and anger always got him so riled up and turned on. however this evening was slightly different. he came limping through the front door, hands clasped over his crotch, because in his words, the "crown jewels have been destroyed". he had been shot. through the dick.

and naturally he was extremely pissed off about it, because sometimes "the only dignity a male has is in his manhood"... but mainly because his girl had to wait even longer before she "got a good pounding". again, his words...

he had been in the bathroom cleaning up, and waiting (praying) for his cock to heal and regenerate. you were growing impatient, and increasingly horny, listening to your boyfriend's muffled moaning and grunting from the ensuite. you felt bad because you knew his noises were purely from his pain, but he had made it abundantly clear that you were not allowed in there to help him. "some things are just not meant for you to see, princess". you also felt bad about being ready for sex when your partner has a literal bullet-hole through his shaft, but you had been craving him all day, and you knew that wade would still try and fuck you on his deathbed if he could. besides, he literally instructed you to be out here ready and waiting for him, so you could hardly say no.

the core between your legs ached, and your attempts at squeezing and rubbing your thighs together were not cutting it anymore. "wade? everything okay?" you called out, and only received a "mhmm" in return. you huffed and rolled over, reaching into your bedside drawer and retrieving your magic wand vibrator. going to turn it on, you sighed at the low battery light flashing at you. you would have ignored it and used up the last of its power, but wade was going away for a few days tomorrow, so, much to your dismay, you decided to plug it into charge, knowing that you'd be grateful for this sacrifice right now when you're due to have a lonely night.

you lowered your fingers to your clit, beginning to lightly trace it with your fingertips needing to release some pressure, when you suddenly heard many excited "yes" and "finally"s coming from the bathroom. you perked up in excitement, moving your fingers against yourself faster through the eagerness.

the bathroom door suddenly swung open, your boyfriend's naked, muscular figure appearing in the doorway, arms outwardly expanded, with an erection on full-display. "he has risen, baby girl" he called out, like he was determined for the world to know. you smiled, biting your lip as you watched him slowly walk towards you. he stood over you at the side of the bed and sighed with deep relief, proudly looking down at his penis that he rubbed gently in his hand. "thank the heavens for that, sweet cheeks. i thought i'd never get to fuck you again."

"well that's what it certainly feels like" you teased, a hint of seriousness in your voice as you looked at him, still horny out of your mind.

"ohh, giving me a bit of attitude are we?" he snarked, climbing slowly onto the bed and laying down to face you. "well i'm sorry baby doll, but i don't think you would've wanted me to take you to pound-town with a gaping crater in my cock." you tried to resist a smirk at his silly remark, as you reached down to take him into your hand, your thumb rubbing over the fresh area of skin. his eyes closed as he began to relax, before you spoke up. "i don't think so, mister. no handjobs tonight. i just need you to fuck me." he opened one eye and raised an eyebrow at you, watching as you let go of his cock and laid down on your back, waiting for him.

he rolled to hover over you, resting his weight on his elbows as he leaned down for a kiss. you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist in an attempt to bring him closer to you to finally have him where you needed him the most. you felt him try and add some tongue to the kiss, but you pulled back breathlessly. "just put it inside me already" you weren't in the mood for foreplay, you were already too far past that point.

"that wasn't very polite, princess" wade said, pulling back to sit on his knees as he straddled your lap. "i think you'll have to ask nicely first."

you huffed and threw your head back against the pillows, a frustrated groan escaping your throat. that's the thing about wade, he gets off on teasing you and making you beg, even when it's most inconvenient for you. "please" you said half-bluntly, watching as wade shrugged and shook his head. "oh darling, i think you can do better than that."

you scoffed as tears brimmed in your eyes, having been pushed past desperation. wade watching closely, "you're such a spoiled brat, you know that?" he cooed in a hushed tone, leaning forward to brush some fallen hair out of your eyes. "i'll let you off, just this once." you didn't have much time to process his words before his tip was slowly entering you. you gasped at the feeling, your body finally getting what it wants. "so wet," he whispered to himself, "absolutely soaked".

he sunk all the way in, the both of you moaning loudly as he reached full capacity. you gasped, gripping his shoulders as you attempted to grind and roll your hips against him. "ah, ah," he tutted, grasping your waist tightly to halt your movements "patience, kitten." he leaned forward to hover over you again, your legs naturally raising in the air, as he began to finally rock into you. you moaned loudly, running your hands over his head and neck, finally feeling so much relief. "so needy for deadpool" he whispered into your ear, giving the lobe a gentle nip with his teeth. "aren't you?" he continued, "getting yourself in such a mess for daddy."

all you could do was nod your head, wade's quickening movements completely knocking the words out of you. he fully sped up, your legs weakening as they dropped down against the bed lazily. the loud sound of skin slapping roughly together was almost completely drowned out by your moans and shouts of profanities. "fuck," wade grunted in your ear as he continued to plough into you. "your whining is so fucking hot." his dirty talk only made you whine louder, nails digging roughly into his back.

wade eventually slowed his movements and sat back up on his knees, dragging you slightly down the bed with him. you remained on your back, the back of your thighs resting over his, as his hands hooked underneath your legs to hold you in place before thrusting into you again. the new position added new waves of pleasure, causing you to throw your head back and choke on a moan. he gripped your legs tightly, thrusting steadily, his large cock filling you up so deeply with each movement of his hips. "wade-... feels so... good".

something to the side of the bed on the floor caught wade's attention, and you didn't notice his eyes narrow with his exciting plan. you groaned as he stopped his movements and pulled out, lifting your head to look at him in annoyance, but furrowing your brows in confusion when you saw him leaning over the side of the bed. "what are you d-" your question was cut off when he sat back up holding your retrieved vibrator. he looked at you wiggling his eyebrows, causing you to smile and roll your eyes. "been having some fun today, princess?"

"i wish," you said sarcastically, tilting your head to the side, "i was gonna use it when you were in the bathroom, but it was almost out of charge."

he nodded, muttering to himself "naughty girl, running it dry" before turning it on to see the battery level. "just over half-way. that'll do nicely." he held the base of his penis and ran it over your pussy, smothering himself in your juices before entering you again, rocking his hips slowly. you soon heard the buzzing noise of your toy and waited eagerly. he remained on his knees, bringing the toy down to your clit as he continued to pump into you. as it made contact, your mouth gaped open with a gasp and your head flung back, your back arching slightly. he relished at the sight and couldn't help but speed up, fucking you harder and causing you to cry out.

"fuck! wade!" you almost screamed, eyes screwed tightly closed.

"yeah," he grunted, "you like that, don't you baby?" his voice was strained and rough, struggling to focus on anything but the pleasure. you just moaned in response, unable to form any coherent words or thoughts.

wade's thick shaft was bottomed out inside of you, his hips rolling and grinding against your own. his head was cradled in your neck as he leaned over you, gently moaning in your ear. his thumb remained over the control settings of the vibrator, pressing random buttons to increase the speed and send you over the edge. your thighs shook rapidly as you climaxed, the tight coil in your stomach finally unravelling, letting you see and feel fireworks.

you'd never orgasmed so hard in your life.

wade let you ride out your high before pulling out and ejaculating all over your lower stomach, moaning loudly. his hand dropping the vibrator and swapped with his cock, pulling every last drop out of himself.

you laid completely breathless underneath him, chest heaving and legs still trembling. wade leaned down and pressed a few kisses to your chest and neck, before heading to the bathroom. he returned with a warm flannel cloth and gently cleaned you up, chuckling lightly to himself as you squirmed under his touch. "oh kitten, so sensitive" he whispered.

he laid beside you, pulling you into his arms. "you did a number on me, wade wilson" you mumbled tiredly into his chest, already feeling exhausted.

you felt him smile against your hair as he pressed kisses to the top of your head. "when i go away, you need to use that during phone sex. need to hear those pathetic moans."

"noted", you yawned, using the last of your energy to lightly kick the wand off the bed, telling yourself that you'll clean it and charge it in the morning.

it was a few days later, you laid on your bed with your phone pressed to your ear and your fingers down the front of your panties, listening to wade talking filth to you.

"come on then sweetheart, get that vibe out" he purred, staring down at the tight tent that was forming in his underwear. you rolled over and reached into your drawer, beginning to rummage frantically when you couldn't find it.

"shit..." you cursed under your breath, leaning your head over the side of the bed to peer underneath it.

"fuck!" you exclaimed angrily, spotting the wand laying under the bed, where you had discarded and forgotten about it just days ago.

"what's the matter, doll-face? out of charge?" wade asked, and you could practically hear the smirk stretching across his face.

"... you knew, didn't you?" your voice lowered as you sat flustered and frustrated on your bed.

"i don't know what you're talking about, baby cakes" your boyfriend teased.

"why didn't you remind me" you whined, squeezing your legs together to ease the aching, just like you had done a few nights prior.

"it's more fun this way" his laugh crackled down the phone, a frustrated groan erupting from your throat as you dramatically laid yourself down against the bed.

"you're such an arsehole!" you cursed at him, listening as he continued to laugh.

"i'll see you tomorrow, sweet cheeks", he said teasingly, "have a fun night." he made kissy noises as he hung up, leaving you horny, annoyed and alone.

he had no idea that when he returns, he'll be in for a long night of teasing and silent treatment.

[mercwiththem0uth]

another drabble because i have soft!wade literally living on my mind 24/7. not proof read!

x gn!reader showering with deadpool and caring for him when his skin has a bad flare-up.

you had been in a relationship with wade for a couple of years now. you knew him inside-out. you loved him so deeply and would do absolutely anything for him, and he was totally head-over-heels for you because of it.

unfortunately, sometimes his mutation causes the scars on his skin to flare up, becoming irritable and painful. he would say that his skin essentially hurt him all the time, and he was just very used to the pain. however when these rare moments happened where it hurt more than usual, you tried to do everything you could to make things more comfortable for him.

in the earlier stage of your relationship, when the first flare-up happened, you spent a long time stood in the kitchen surrounded by a huge amount jars, test tubes, liquids, essential oils, and syringes, trying to find the best combination for a special lotion that wade could use to moisturise his unique skin.

wade stood in the doorway, a small smile on his face as he watched your eyes narrow, tongue poking out of your mouth slightly, concentrating so hard on the task in front of you.

you were so engrossed in measuring out the ingredients and stirring your lotions into different labelled pots, that you hadn't noticed him observing you.

"what are you doing, doll?" wade's voice spoke gently as he stepped towards you in the kitchen. you jumped, heart almost skipping a beat as you hadn't suspected anyone to be home with you.

realising it was him, you relaxed. "you're back early" you smiled at him, tilting your head.

"no I'm not" he smiled widely, motioning his head towards the clock, which read 7:36pm.

oh...

you had been stood in the kitchen doing your little experiments for much longer than you had realised.

wade came behind you, wrapping his strong arms around your waist, dropping a kiss to your exposed shoulder, before whispering in your ear. "so... you never told me what you are doing." he stood back and leaned against the counter, inhaling a deep breath of the different smells that you had created. he was getting senses of ginger and honey... coconut and oatmeal.

"if i was to guess, you're starting up some sort of etsy home-business?"

you giggled at his silliness.

"i'm trying to create a lotion for you. to help... you know... your skin. i know it's been hurting recently." you blushed slightly, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed.

wade felt his heart swell at your words. he almost melted right there on the floor. you had only been together a couple of months, and wade was still very insecure about his appearance around you. but the fact that you were going out of your way to make something to help him, almost made him want to cry.

he knew in that moment that you were something extremely special. you were still in the early stage of your relationship, yet you were being so selfless and kind towards him.

"oh, baby" he whispered, a small smile on his face. "that is so kind. thank you."

the sincerity in his voice made your stomach flutter. you hadn't seen a very affectionate/grateful side of wade yet, but little did you know that this was only the beginning, and you are yet to meet the very clingy, loveable deadpool.

he came and wrapped you in a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

you spent the rest of that evening sat together round the kitchen table, testing the lotions and altering some of the recipes, before he settled on one that he really liked. he still uses it to this day, and you happily make him a new batch every month.

wade sat in the passenger seat of dopinder's taxi, staring out the window. his lips were curled until a soft smile as he thought about that memory. you had been his biggest supporter since day one.

he climbed out of the taxi and gave dopinder a high five, before slowly making his way up to your shared apartment. his footsteps were slow and heavy as his muscles ached and his skin screamed against his suit with every step that he took. he finally crashed through the door, immediately relaxing slightly as the familiar scent and warmth of home surrounded him.

"hey baby!" he heard you call from the bedroom, as he kicked his shoes off and made his way to find you. you were folding laundry as you looked up at him and smiled, having missed him all day. he managed to smile back, never once breaking eye contact as you approached him for a kiss. resting your hands on his shoulders you pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, a toothy grin on your face as you pulled away.

"are you okay?" you said gently, watching as your boyfriend began to take his suit off, his face screwing up and flinching in agony every once in a while. "does it hurt?" you whispered.

he just nodded his head, a small sigh and grunt escaping his mouth. you frowned, wishing you could take away his pain. "i'm sorry baby, anything i can do to help?"

"i'm gonna take a shower" he said, voice barely above a whisper, as he peeled the last piece of his suit from his body. you followed him into the bathroom, watching as he leaned to turn the shower on to a lukewarm/cool temperature, making you frown again. he couldn't even enjoy the feeling of hot water. "what's the frown for, kitten?" he said, pulling his underwear down and kicking them off his feet.

"i just feel bad for you", you sighed, hating to see the love of your life feel this way.

"don't be silly" he pulled you against him, holding you in a small hug, "i'm used to it."

"but still, you don't deserve it."

"hey now, if i wasn't a mutant, cancer would've got me a long time ago and I never would've met you." he squeezed your shoulders before pulling away, watching your face waiting to see you smile.

he climbed into the shower, before turning back to you. "you can join me if you like," wriggling his eyebrows, "i wouldn't recommend it though, your sweet cheeks will get cold."

you smiled and rolled your eyes. eventhough he was in pain, he was trying to be his usual-self that always cheers you up. you pulled off your clothes and joined him in the shower, letting him stand at the water end. his big eyes looked down at you, filled with love and adoration, but underlying sadness. he was just in pain, and needed some comfort. you noticed immediately, reaching round to grab his soap. it was an expensive one, formulated to be kind and gentle to his skin.

you poured some onto a soft sponge and used your hands to lather it up with some water, directing him to turn around. you placed the sponge ever so gently at the top of his shoulder blades, before slowly moving it down across his back. he tensed up, liking the feeling but hating it at the same time. his hand reached backwards and he used his fingers to brush against your thigh, indicating to you that he wanted to hold your hand. you reached down and locked fingers with him, giving it a small squeeze, whilst still using the other hand to slowly sweep the sponge across his backside. you squeezed the sponge in your hand, letting the soapy water trickle down his body, so you weren't putting any friction on his most sensitive and inflamed areas.

you brought his hand up to your mouth to kiss it, before tightly tugging him to face you again. he turned around to let you wash his chest and stomach.

you peeked up at wade, his head was dropped down to his chest with his eyes screwed shut. you put an arm around his waist, pulling him close and pressing a kiss to his forehead. he leaned into your touch, wanting more. you breathed a laugh against his skin, giving one more kiss, before passing him the sponge and letting him finish washing his more intimate areas. (although he definitely would not have minded if you'd done that for him)

once he was rinsed off, you helped him out of the shower and passed him the fluffiest towel you could find. you left him alone and ventured back into the bedroom, pulling out some clean pyjamas for the both of you, before going to the kitchen to order his favourite chimichangas.

wade eventually appeared, wearing nothing but some cotton underwear. you looked at him confused, "i got some clothes out for you, bub."

his eyes darted down to his hand, where he was holding a bottle of your home-made lotion. your eyes softened as you whispered an "okay", before quickly washing your hands.

you joined wade on the couch where he was turning on a movie, sitting next to him and rubbing some lotion between your hands. he leaned into your touch and began to finally relax against you, as you gave him the gentlest massage you possibly could.

you spent the rest of the evening cuddling your big baby of a boyfriend, using your fingers to moisturise every nook and cranny of his back, arms, chest, legs, hands and feet. your heart melted every time you heard him let out a sigh or a grunt of pleasure, knowing his pain was finally easing. even if it was only slightly.

after you'd eaten, wade laid across the couch with his head in your lap, your hand resting lightly on his head. you were both fighting sleep as you tried to make it to the end of the movie.

before drifting away, you felt wade tilt his head up to look at you. you met his eyes, softly blinking at him, trying to read his thoughts.

"i don't deserve you," he mumbled, reaching his fingertips up to caress your cheek. "thank you for everything"

you stared lovingly at him for a moment, before leaning down and pressing a long kiss to his lips. he meant every word. what did he do to deserve someone who loved and cared for him so deeply?

guys I'm so in love with this fictional man it's not even funny i just wanna kiss his face and give him the love he deserves :'(

[mercwiththem0uth]

small drabble because i can't stop thinking about wade letting his guard down and completely relaxing around you </3

like look at him he's just so soft 😭

he'd come home from a long day of fighting and collapse on the couch next to you. if it was a particularly long and difficult day he would barely have the energy to lift his head to rip his mask off, before throwing it carelessly to the floor. he'd reach over his arm to loosely grab on to you, just wanting to feel your touch but with moving as little as possible. you'd shuffle closer to him and wrap him in your arms, encouraging him to lay down against your lap. your hand would stroke over his head whilst the other rubbed against his suit-clad back. he'd eventually let out a big sigh as you felt his body relax, finally completely stress-free and in his safe place where he doesn't need to make a hundred jokes per second or speak any thought that entered his mind.

as much as he loved to talk to you and try to make you laugh, and would sometimes yap until you couldn't take it any more, he would also enjoy to just be in a comfortable silence with you, especially after a hard day. you'd been together for a couple of years now, you knew absolutely everything about him that there could be to know, just the same as he knew you. eventhough your relationship thrived off of quick-wit and long chats, you appreciated these gentle moments where he clearly just wanted to be wrapped in your arms and feel safe and loved.

he would ask a few questions about your day, voice hardly raised above a whisper. and as you spoke gently in response, he would gain the energy to let out "hmms" and sighs in agreement. showing that he was listening, even whilst being on the verge of sleep.

he doesn't like to admit it, but he can really struggle sometimes to constantly make jokes and talk all day whilst at work. he's more comfortable with you than he is with anyone, so he knows that he can just be quiet when he comes home and take a rest if he needs to, because he knows that you love him for HIM, even without the humour and self-depreciating jokes. it took him a long time to learn that, but when he finally realised he didn't need to talk down about himself all the time around you, or make a joke out of anything and everything, he knew you were the one.

he'd eventually sit up after a while, give you a soft kiss, and venture into the bedroom, before returning in his comfy clothes like hoodies and sweatpants. or some sort of hideous pair of unicorn pyjamas. he'd sit as close to you as possible and lean his head against your shoulder, his hand intertwining with yours as his thumb rubbed circles against your skin. your arm would be wrapped around his shoulder pulling him close, and occasionally dropping kisses to his head. when he felt like talking he'd tell you about his day, commentate on the movie you're watching, or just say random things about random stuff, and you'd just look down at him with pure admiration in your eyes. eventually he might drift off to sleep cuddled against you, but never before mumbling about how much he loves you.

he'll fall asleep whilst thinking about how he can't get over how much he appreciates and adores you. someone who loves him for any version of him. his talkative, loud, full-on, sexual self, or needy, clingy, quiet self... the side of him that only you get to see. someone who doesn't care what he looks like and makes him feel loved no matter what. someone who matches his crazy but also his calmness. someone who loves spending time with him and would do anything by his side but also allows him alone time if he needs it. you're just perfect to him. and he doesn't know what he'd do without you.

<3

a/n: [ have had a deadpool smut in the works for a while, will hopefully be uploaded soon ;) ]

[mercwiththem0uth]

me with preening slut's tits

[mercwiththem0uth]

two people who can't die but are willing to die for each other really does it for me

[mercwiththem0uth]

welcome to my account! here's a few things about me and my page <3

✩ ✼　｡ﾟ･ ☆° ｡ ༄ ‧₊˚ 「 」 ⇢ ๑ ◞♡° ⸙͎۪۫ ⊰ 「❀」

requests - this list changes/updates. however the main characters that i'd be happy to write for at the moment are:

deadpool

reece shearsmith characters from tlog and no.9 (however please be aware that there are a few old requests in my inbox about this, and i am still trying to slowly work my way through them... so i'm sorry if you're waiting!)

daryl dixon from twd

most ryan gosling characters

✩ ✼　｡ﾟ･ ☆° ｡ ༄ ‧₊˚ 「 」 ⇢ ๑ ◞♡° ⸙͎۪۫ ⊰ 「❀」

i usually write in the style of 'x reader' as this is what i am most used to. however feel free to request other styles, and i will see what i can do.

my works can explore themes of adult/nsfw content

any questions pls just let me know <3

[mercwiththem0uth]

domestic life with wade wilson -

headcanons x reader

[mentions of sex/nsfw content] [not proof read]

- starting out with the best parts of your relationship, wade is extremely affectionate and loves physical attention

- constant touches, kisses, hugs, tickles, cuddles, make-out sessions. you name it, he is all over you. always.

- the favourite part of your evenings is when you are both finished with work, and you get to snuggle up tight on the couch and watch crappy tv

- his arms will be wrapped tightly around you, thumbs rubbing lovingly against your skin

- eventually, especially if he's bored, he will try and get things more heated and start with sloppy kisses against your neck. which of course, usually turns into lazy sex

- or if he's feeling particularly riled up, he will storm through the door having finished a mission and will fuck you hard right there on the kitchen counter

- he sometimes will randomly bring home bunches of flowers, but a lot of the time they have been partially destroyed where he has been in some sort of fight or mishap whilst carrying them.

- sharing showers and cooking dinner together

- having random dance sessions in the kitchen/lounge whilst playing your favourite records. he always insists on playing his wham! record and slow dancing to careless whisper

- you bringing home his favourite takeaways and eating together whilst catching up about your days

- guaranteed, without a doubt, he gives you a hug and a kiss every day before he leaves for work, and as soon as he arrives home.

- even if you're still asleep or you're mad at eachother, he will give you a gentle peck

- it's not often that the two of you are mad at eachother, but there have been some significant arguments in the past

- like one time when he got severely injured and almost didn't regenerate properly, and you practically begged him to stop this crazy life and get a normal job

- but he called you controlling and said he could do as he pleases.

- it really, really, hurt you.

- but he was mentally in a bad place at the time, he did a lot of work to gain your forgiveness, and he still sometimes apologies for it to this day

- he HATES seeing you upset, especially if it's because of him.

- he never ever wants to hurt you or get you hurt, and as you can probably imagine, he is extremely protective.

- need something from the shops? he's going for you. walking home in the dark? you best believe he's meeting you at the train station and holding your hand the whole way back.

- if he's away working and not around, he calls dopinder to pick you up in his taxi. but you always insist on paying him, rather than just settling on a "crisp high five" like your boyfriend does.

- it's definitely hard on your relationship when he has to go away for longer periods of time, such as when he works internationally.

- you miss eachother severely, and you are sick with worry the whole time, but facetimes, love letters, and phone sex help keep things in order

- when he arrives home you have a lot of sex and naps in eachother's arms to make up for lost time and sleep

- he is a spooner. little or big, he doesn't care.

- as long as you're wrapped as tightly as possible to eachother in bed, he can sleep soundly.

- but he secretly prefers being the little spoon, and being cradled in your arms.

- your favourite cuddle position is when he rests his head on your chest, his arms resting over your stomach, legs intertwined.

- you've had many deep conversations about your life and future whilst laying like that together, your hands always running across his head and neck, feeling and tracing the bumps of his skin beneath your fingertips.

- sometimes he can get extremely self-conscious, and it breaks your heart.

- perhaps he's told one too many self-depreciating jokes, and you've snapped

- or you've caught him staring in the mirror, tears and judgement in his eyes.

- the most you can do is tell him you think he's gorgeous, and you wish he could see himself through your eyes

- but you can tell that he doesn't believe you, which only hurts you even more. you wish so strongly that you could take away his pain.

- he loves having date nights, but prefers to do them indoors, away from judgemental eyes and potential danger.

- but sometimes he'll take you out to a restaurant, or you'll go to the arcades together

- you can tell that he gets self conscious whilst in public without his mask and suit, but will happily do it for you

- he loves how you clearly do not care what people think, and will blatantly ignore anyone who is staring or whispering. you're always holding his hand or linking arms whilst walking, or have him pushed up against a wall with your tongue in his mouth, just to make a point

- sometimes you have people approach you and try to flirt with you whilst wade is literally right next to you. all they receive is a disgusted look from you, and a swift punch to the face from wade

- he's very trusting of you and doesn't necessarily get jealous too often, but he can be a right arsehole if he doesn't like the way someone is looking at you, or if he feels you didn't do enough to stop it

- you are always washing blood out of his suit or sewing up any rips and tears.

- you have to keep the first aid box filled to the brim at all times, for when he arrives home on a mission and needs patching up.

- you don't necessarily need to clean his gaping cuts and bullet holes, or wrap plasters around his fingers, but you feel better when you take care of him, and you know he secretly loves the attention.

- he can act like a massive baby if he feels you're not giving him enough attention.

- he will follow you around if you're on a work call or busy doing housework, with a big pout on his lips

- a few quick pecks and a squeeze/slap to his arse usually sorts him out for a while though

- he is a massive joker

- always commentating on something or saying random things out loud (you wish you knew who he was talking to), being extremely sarcastic, or mocking the things you say and do

- but it's all in good heart, it's just his type of humour.

- in the past, particularly at the start of your relationship, he's taken jokes too far and upset you. but he's learned, and knows now what lines he cannot cross.

- he has proposed. he was so nervous, but so excited when you said yes

- and he often mentions how he would love to be a father

- despite his dangerous job, sarcastic demeanour, and constant foul language, you know he'd be an amazing dad.

- besides, he's already an amazing daddy (he most definitely has a daddy kink)

- he's very dirty minded and will somehow make an innuendo out of anything

- he's always horny and would gladly fuck you any time of the day

- he's very open to trying practically anything, including any sex toys, restraints and pegging

- he's very vocal about his masturbating issues... essentially how he can't stop whenever he's away from you. but you don't mind, because that just gives you an excuse to touch yourself guilt-free.

- on all of your long distance phone calls, he will ask if you've "played with yourself whilst thinking of me fondly yet?"... usually the answer is yes.

- he's naturally a top, but would be a bottom if you wanted him to. all he asks is you're gentle and slow with him to begin with.

- he rarely calls you by your name. always using affectionate pet names and nicknames.

- literally any pet name under the sun that you can think of, he's probably called you it.

- he always carries a couple of polaroid photos of you in his suit pocket. he loves to show them to his friends or random people, to show you off and brag about how amazing you are.

- he's never told you, but the main reason he keeps a photo nearby is a reminder of why he needs to fight. you're the reason he cannot give up and the reason he comes home every day.

- you are everything to him and he is everything to you

[mercwiththem0uth]

HEY GANG 🔥🔥🔥 does the tlog fanbase even exist anymore? come say hi if you're still around please 🥲

[mercwiththem0uth]

okay apparently this was the biggest lie ever (i promise i will try my hardest to start again soon)

hello gang, i am BACK!! been away for a long time but i'm ready to finally start getting through my inbox requests 🫶🏻

[mercwiththem0uth]

[mercwiththem0uth]

who else on here tryna get dick from a fictional man

[mercwiththem0uth]

I am sorry to everyone who tagged me in some tag game and I never responded. I saw it and thought “aww they thought of me” and proceeded to forget about it right after

[mercwiththem0uth]

hellooo :) long time no post. just a little update to make everyone aware that i've got a new username. i used to be @/leagueofvasey and have been since i started this account but i've now changed it for reasons that some may be aware of.

on another note i promiseee that i will start uploading stories again. i have a good selection of things in my drafts and requests in my inbox, i just need to find some motivation and the time to start again! but i hope you're all doing well <3

[mercwiththem0uth]

every time i open tumblr i want to cry because my timeline is just filled with reece content and he always looks SO BEAUTIFUL

[mercwiththem0uth]

Hey, your fics are honestly so well-written, I don't usually read "x reader" but I do frequently branch out to genres I'm not familiar with and I really like your writing style

I saw on your pinned post that you take requests and I have an odd one. Recently, I've become lowkey obsessed with the idea of Ross Gaines x Joseph Lisgoe and was wondering if you'd ever be willing to write a fic about them? I'll be honest, I have no idea how specific you like requests to be, but I'm giving you free reign to take it in any direction you see fit. If you're up for it, then thank you so much! If not, then fair enough and I wish you good luck for your future stories 😄

thank you for your kind words!! i want to give this a go for you (so sorry for the delay in responding), but to be 100% honest, i'm not entirely sure i'll give your vision much justice! i'm very used to writing 'x reader' and i have never actually written 2 character ships before...

because of this, i've decided to do a short drabble style so that i don't have to delve into too much specific detail for a story line, and risk messing up lmao. i really hope this is okay, let me know what you think and hopefully i might be able to branch out into more similar subjects in the future :)

p.s. my blog is starting to look like a ross fan account at this point... and I'm not mad about it lolll.

---

Opposites Attract - Joseph Lisgoe x Ross Gaines

[not proof read]

his slicked back hair, narrowed eyes, and angry demeanor did nothing to intimidate ross. "i'm telling you, you've got the wrong house. i don't owe anybody anything." ross' tone remained calm and collected, which only seemed to agitate lisgoe even further.

"oh, yeah?" he drew closer to ross, forcing himself further into the doorway. "then how come your address is the one printed on the fucking paper slip?" lisgoe shoved the paper that he was holding to force it against ross' chest, encouraging him to hold it himself and read it. ross lifted the paper and glanced at it nonchalantly, before looking back at the angered man with a shrug of his shoulders.

"i really don't know. i'm sorry that i can't help you" ross said politely, stepping slightly backwards to close the front door between the pair of them.

"don't you dare even think about shutting this fucking door on me." joseph moved his foot into the door frame to act as a door stop, causing it to be left half-open.

with an excessive exhale of air, ross re-opened the door and stared questionably at the man before him. "what do you actually want from me?"

"I've only told you about fifty times, i want the money you owe me! i'm not leaving here until i get it."

ironically, he did end up leaving empty-handed, having realised that ross was perhaps just as stubborn as himself. joseph lay in bed that night, thoughts racing about the strange encounter he'd had that day. ross. why was he so... different? he had been so relaxed the whole time that lisgoe was shouting in his face. joseph's terrible anger and extreme persistence is the only thing he had to use in his power against people. it was the only strength he ever needed. so why was ross so unphased? it infuriated him...

the next day, lisgoe wandered the streets with barry and glen, ready to tackle the next set of debt-avoiders. joseph stood still in his tracks as a familiar face walked towards him down the street. "well if it isn't mr. gaines! we were gonna be paying you another visit later today" joseph spat, sarcasm lacing heavily in his voice.

"i'm not entirely sure why. you'd be wasting your time, to be honest." there it was. that calm voice that joseph hated so much. ross was supposed to be scared of him, what was he doing wrong?

"oh, you know exactly why." he gritted his teeth. "your name is on that paper, you owe us money and that is that!"

"have you perhaps taken this up with your little minions?" ross gestured towards the two cowardly men stood behind lisgoe, who were not helping the situation at all. "clearly somebody has made a mistake here. i've never even heard of you in my life, mr. lisgoe, i certainly don't owe you any money." ross' tone was more sarcastic this time, especially on the emphasis of joseph's name, which only caused chills to travel over his skin.

before he could even respond, ross had walked past them and continued down the street, swinging his briefcase happily as he went. shock and bewilderment momentarily lingered on joseph's face as he watched the man leave, before his eyes landed on his two useless workers, quickly resorting to his usual stern expression.

"he seems pretty certain he doesn't owe anyth-" barry began, before being silenced by lisgoe's rough hand that grabbed onto the back of his neck and forced him to walk forward, continuing their journey in silence.

---

it was late evening and lisgoe lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to relax with a mind racing yet again over his impenetrable client. before long, he gave in and jumped up, pulling on his jacket and rushing out of the door.

ross sat alone, reading a book contently on his couch, before a buzz from the intercom interrupted his quiet evening.

"hello?" he answered, waiting to find out who was at the door. "it's lisgoe. let me in."

ross chuckled slightly, "why would i do that?"

"because i fucking said so." he was stern. not in a mood to be messed around with. and ross seemed to realise that.

the main door buzzed open and joseph raced to ross' apartment number, suddenly coming to a halt as he came eye to eye with ross who stood leaning smugly against the doorframe. "are we still not done here?" he said slyly, watching lisgoe's face as it washed over with anger.

"what is the matter with you, gaines? why aren't you intimidated by me?" his brows were furrowed and his fists were balled so tightly that his knuckles turned a pale white.

"why would i be intimidated by you?" he seemed genuinely confused. "i know that i don't owe you any money, so there's nothing to be afraid of." he smiled slightly, which made joseph's blood boil.

"you listen here," he inched up to ross, backing him into the door and staring deep into his eyes, his voice now so low and close to a whisper. "i spoke with my idiot coworkers, they did make a mistake and it turns out you're not in my debt. you should consider yourself extremely luck-"

"you came all the way here to tell me that?" ross interrupted, maintaining deep eye contact with the man who stood so close to him that he could feel his breath on his face.

"no!" lisgoe spat, grabbing ross' shoulders and pushing them into the door he was leaning against, frustration flowing through his veins. "i came here to make you aware of who you could've been dealing with. and who you just might be dealing with one day if you're not careful. i am one of the most powerful people in vasey, and i don't think you're taking this seriously enough."

ross breathed yet another sarcastic chuckle, still completely unphased by the insecure debt-collector. "why are you so annoyed that i'm not scared of you?"

lisgoe's grip on his shoulders loosened, dropping his hands to his sides. he took a step back and swallowed deeply, trying to process his question.

"i- i'm not." he stuttered, lying through his teeth. of course he was annoyed. he just couldn't understand why his usual scary behaviour didn't have the same affect on ross as it did with everyone else. he was intrigued, more than anything. ross was uninterested, which made him... irresistible, in a way. lisgoe wanted to make him interested.

"something wrong, lisgoe?" ross questioned, tilting his head and looking at the man with raised eyebrows.

"wipe that smug look off your face before i cut it off" he grumbled, revealing his small pocket-knife that he held in his blazer.

"okay. i just have one question for you," gaines began. "if you know i don't owe you money, and you're not annoyed at me, why are you stood here after-dark pointing a knife at me?"

"you just don't get it... do ya?" lisgoe sniggered, tucking the blade back into his pocket. "i thought you were supposed to be smart."

"well, no. i don't get it!" ross' voice raised slightly. "however i'd still say i'm smarter than you..." he mumbled.

"watch ya fuckin' mouth" joseph grimaced through gritted teeth. his eyes trailed over ross, flicking up and down before landing back on his face, making eye contact.

a heavy silence fell over the two of them, the atmosphere tense. ross swallowed hard as they stared at one another. "what...?" he almost stuttered, unable to read lisgoe's expression. the first time he ever let his guard down in front of lisgoe.

joseph approached him once again, closing the gap between them, breath hot on his face.

"you're so hard to read, gaines. like a closed book." he whispered, his words so quiet for only ross to hear. "...can you open yourself up to me?"

---

a/n: welllll there it is. wasn't really sure how to end it so it's kinda weak and rushed. like i say i'm inexperienced with character ships, but i enjoyed writing that (eventhough it was only short.)

there might be a part 2? if i can come up with any ideas or if you want to suggest anything for me!