moonyswolfie

[moonyswolfie]

The Prophecy

This is the first time I write a James x reader fic and honestly, it might be my favourite piece so far. I also could not help including some fluffy Wolfstar.

TW: mentions of the prophecy announcing Jily's doom

Pairing: James Potter x Seer!reader

Masterlist

The gift of Prophecy is not for the faint of heart. While the idea of glimpsing the future may appeal to some, they often disregard the fact that said future may not be as happy as they expect it to be. Tragedy is inevitable, after all.

Some may argue that the future is never set in stone and it can change at any given moment. And it is true, but would the changes be for better or for worse?

Ever since you discovered your affinity for Divination in your third year at Hogwarts, it was like something unlocked in your mind. That’s when the visions started. It was slow at first, one every few months, but the number increased over time and here you were, three years later, seated at the breakfast table in the Great Hall, shuffling your Tarot cards in order to make sense of your latest vision. Your dream interpretation notes were scattered next to your half empty plate and a piece of parchment and quill had your undivided attention at the moment.

The Fool.

Merlin, could this deciphering process be any more frustrating?

You hated that card with your whole being. It was perhaps the most vague out of the whole deck and it never really told you anything, especially when it came alone.

You shuffled again.

Nine of Swords.

This time you couldn’t hold back the eye roll. Nightmares. Well, no shit. This particular piece of the future did indeed come to you in a nightmare, but it was very fragmented and it did not make a lot of sense on its own.

Hence why you were furiously trying to decipher it.

There were times when you could have sworn the deck was working against you and either stating the obvious or giving you the most useless information possible. You were a firm believer that Tarot cards, while an instrument, had a will of their own and the particular deck you decided to use today was your most stubborn one.

You should have gone with the Rune stones or even your pendulum. You would have had more answers by now.

Pendulum work was not the same as Tarot readings. The crystal was more precise, but the downside was that it took you a lot longer, seeing as it could only offer ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘maybe’ answers.

You made it a habit, over the years, to combine the two. When the vision was particularly odd or even a bit eerie, you tried to get a better idea with the cards, untangle the emotional part with the Rune stones and finish with the pendulum that would guide you towards a clearer image.

This morning, however, it felt as if you would need a whole entire miracle to work it out.

“Good morning, love” the gruff voice of your very tired best friend snapped you out of your mental rant.

“Good morning” you mumble back, not yet looking up from the levitating deck of cards that throws another one at you forcefully, as if out of spite.

Ten of Cups.

Family.

That was it, you were officially going to go crazy. You knew that there was a deeper meaning hidden beneath the order and combination, the fact that none came out reversed and, of course, the Numerology. But your brain was not cooperating at the moment and it felt like your intuition took an early vacation because the cards felt empty. For all you knew, they might not even be correct and Peeves was just fucking with you bright and early in the morning.

With a defeated sigh, you lift your head and give James a smile as he takes his seat next to you, a brow raised and a bemused smile playing on his lips.

“Don’t start” you warn, anticipating his awful jokes at the expense of your serious interpretations that he believes to be useless in the long run.

He raises his arms in surrender.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“But you want to.”

“I just don’t understand why you exhaust yourself trying to make sense of these. You know as well as I do that barely a few are ever about you personally. And it’s not like you could warn every single person you see visions of.”

He has a point, you know he does, but what would it say about you if you didn’t even try?

Probably that you would be better rested and less snarky, but that was besides the point.

“This one felt personal” you try to argue only to be met with a look that betrays exactly how many times he heard you say that.

You clear out your deck of cards and the notes and books still open around you, placing everything carefully back in your school bag as James takes his plate off the table and fills it with everything in sight. The rest of the Marauders joined you in the meantime, all of them appearing to be in different states of exhaustion.

“Well good morning to you too, sleeping beauties. Rough night?”

Your teasing was answered by Sirius who let out the most dramatic groan as he leaned his forehead against his boyfriend’s shoulder, as if his mere presence at the breakfast table instead of still being in his bed and snuggling Remus was the greatest pain he’s ever had to endure. Remus did not bat an eye at his dramatics, however, more than used to Sirius’ behaviour by now.

You turn to James, brow raised in a silent question, but he just shook his head.

“It’s too early, darling” he muttered and continued eating “what did you dream about?”

That catches the attention of the other two boys and they turn curious eyes on you. Listening to you talk about dreams and visions you’ve had was not uncommon and they were always very invested in what you saw versus the reading that came after, explaining everything. It was like their own little daily puzzle to piece together before you gave them the correct answer.

“It…I don’t know, exactly. I only saw pieces and it looked as if they were years from now and from each other. I think it has to do with a family being torn apart, if my reading is to be correct. And something about nightmares, but truthfully, that could be about a different thing. Maybe the pieces are not even related” you shrug and look down, blushing faintly under the boys’ gaze.

Remus frowns and puts his fork down.

“What did you see, exactly?”

“A flash of magic, there was a scream, someone running up some stairs, a Dementor…and I felt this inexplicable coldness when I woke up, as if the creature left its mark in the real world, somehow.”

You shake your head, hoping to also shake this confusion and the images away. You were used to tragedy and whatnot, but the Dementors were where you drew the line. Those nightmarish beasts belonged far away from this school. If it were up to you, a world apart would not be far enough.

Remus hums, considering your words.

“It seems like you have an idea about the premonition already.”

You sigh and throw the deck of cards a disapproving look.

“I would have a better idea if those spiteful motherfuckers didn’t thrive in times of torture. Next Saturday cannot come faster.”

Your reply causes Sirius to bark out a laugh and Remus to let out a wounded whine. You almost chuckle, realizing your mistake, but stop in time as to not upset your other best friend further.

“I’m sorry, Remus, it’s nothing personal. I just really need the full moon to cleanse my cards and crystals and…well everything, I guess.”

James frowns and extends a hand to pick up the cards, but you slap it away at the last moment. He knows better than to touch anything you use for Divination.

“Why not cleanse them in the sunlight? And why am I never allowed to touch anything?”

His childish whine caused you to roll your eyes so far back that you were sure you saw your brain.

“The sunlight is usually used for charging, whereas the moonlight is reserved for cleansing. Except these – you lift the cards – don’t like the sunlight and lose all their energy as if in protest. And for the millionth time, Jamie, you cannot touch them because you will leave your energetic fingerprint all over the objects that are programmed to answer to me and me alone. Your energy would confuse them and they would stop working properly. I’m struggling with them as it is, don’t make it any harder, please.”

“Why don’t you use the other deck?”

Lily’s voice catches you off guard because one, she never speaks before breakfast and two, you didn’t realize she was paying attention to the conversation happening around her.

You let out a sigh and throw James a pointed look.

“Because Prongs here decided that he was bored waiting for me one day after class and attempted a love reading. And not only did he mess up that deck, he also managed to lose a few cards.”

Lily laughed, soon joined by Sirius and Remus, who shook his head and returned to his now cold breakfast.

“And what did the cards have to say?”

Peter, the last of the Marauders who managed to remain unnoticed until now, inquired, genuinely absorbed by the exchange. You felt a little guilty for not noticing him sooner and promised yourself to be more aware of your surroundings from now on.

James answered him, a proud smile lifting the corners of his mouth.

“That I already found the love of my life, but the timing is not right, so I have to wait a little longer.”

To say that everyone is shocked would be an understatement. Remus stopped with the fork halfway to his mouth, Sirius regarded his best friend as if he suddenly grew an extra head and Lily cocked her head, awed but disbelieving at the same time.

You rolled your eyes and smacked his arm lightly.

“Stop lying to them. I had to step in and do the reading all over again with a different deck.”

“See, now that sounds more like the James we know” Lily mumbled between spoonfuls of porridge.

*

Fate had a way of taking everyone by surprise – even the ones who already had a glimpse of the tangled threads of future. One decision could lead to greatness, whilst another – no matter how similar – could be one’s downfall. One action can change the course of one’s life.

And such was the case of your relationship.

To say no one expected you and James to start dating in your seventh year at Hogwarts would be a lie. To say no one expected your relationship to actually last over the years would be closer to the truth.

Despite his years of infatuation with a certain redhead, Remus and Sirius had a bet going on regarding when he’ll finally realize that he’s been in love with you all this time and chasing Lily was a hopeless endeavour. The latter became obvious when her secret relationship with Mary was discovered, but the first part was still a work in progress.

It was the little things that gave his feelings away, but ironically, the two of you were completely blind to them, much to the bewilderment of your friends.

That is when they decided to meddle.

And thank Merlin they did, because your life could not be more perfect – married to the love of your life and waiting for your son’s first Hogwarts letter.

When James came downstairs this morning to prepare his coffee, he was met with the sight of you, seated at the dining table and shuffling a deck of Tarot cards. He smiled to himself as he took notice of the charmed steaming mug on the counter awaiting his arrival and moved silently to grab it and take a sip, careful as to not disturb your reading.

The levitating deck threw a card on the table and knocked the pot of ink next to your scattered parchment, managing to drench them in the black liquid.

Your groan of annoyance had James suppressing a chuckle, as he was fondly reminded of a similar scene that took place 15 years ago.  

You were aware of his presence behind you. Of course you were, you were working with unstable magic, so you always had to be on your guard. But this, his lingering presence and silent watching has become a ritual over the years, one neither of you could start the day without.

“Don’t start” you warn, but instead of severity, you tone was full of love and fondness.

He raises his arms in surrender, a playful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“But you want to.”

You finally turn around in your seat, taking in the amused expression on your husband’s face. He placed the mug back on the counter and came behind you, leaning down to place a sweet kiss on your temple.

“I know better than to say anything, my love.”

You laugh and shake your head, catching his hand and placing a kiss of your own on his knuckles.

“You sure do.”

It took a while to decipher the vision you had almost two decades ago, but you did. And you were right, it was personal, but you never shared it with your friends. There was no point in it, seeing as life (and your friends) had other plans for James and Lily.

Dumbledore called it a prophecy, but you were certain you only saw a possibility. The future is, after all, uncertain.

“I love you” you whisper, but he heard it loud and clear.

His smile was so wide and so full of love, you were not sure where he stored this much happiness.

As he took a seat next to you, his lips met yours in a soft kiss, interrupted only by his equally quiet, but powerful confession.

“I love you too.”

[moonyswolfie]

Wendy to his Peter

So I was not sure whether I should post this or not. Last year I took a Creative Writing class and one of our assignments was to write a fanfiction. I wrote a Remus x reader inspired by Taylor Swift's Cardigan and I am very proud of my work, but it is a hurt, no comfort piece - hence the back and forth regarding sharing it with you all.

In the end I decided to upload it. Please proceed with caution and read all the trigger warnings before the actual fic.

TW: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, angst, hurt/NO comfort (no graphic details, simply mentioning minimal details and the aftermath), emotional damage, grief

Pairing: Remus Lupin x reader

Masterlist

Your laugh was Remus’ favourite sound in the entire world. His second favourite was your soft, calming voice that slowly became his refuge during the worst of nights, when the pain was unbearable and his anger was taking over.

I knew you Hand under my sweatshirt Baby, kiss it better, I

You were his academic rival during the first few years at Hogwarts. At the end of your third, he decided to approach you and perhaps reach some sort of truce. The competition kept the both of you on your toes and your marks at the top of every Professor’s list, yet after a time it became tiresome. Remus didn’t come here to make enemies, after all. He came to learn and – hopefully – make some friends along the way.

The truce was rocky, to say the least. You were unwilling to back down and Remus was not yet wise enough to be the bigger person. You would jinx him every chance you got, while he retaliated with the messiest of pranks he could come up with. The tension between you only grew with time and after three years filled with arguments, silent competition and what seemed like obsession to your respective group of friends, it all culminated in a heated snog in the Library at the beginning of your 7th year of studies – until Madame Pince caught and interrupted you, of course.

Not a word was uttered regarding the event, not even to your best of friends. Remus’ ego could not take the imminent ‘I told you so’ from Sirius, or the embarrassment of reiterating the anticlimactic ending to the rest of the boys and you outright refused to give Lily the satisfaction of confirming your little crush on the Lupin boy. However, this awkward air between you did not go unnoticed. It got to a point where even the Professors could tell something was up, but if Madame Pince offered them any insight on the matter, it remained a mystery.

It only took about a month for the two of you to finally face each other and discuss the situation at hand. Neither could pinpoint when the repulsion turned into attraction, but after 7 years of being at each other’s throat, you were ready to bury the hatchet at last.

But I knew you Playing hide-and-seek and Giving me your weekends, I

*

Remus picked up a chocolate cupcake and held it so that you could bite into it. It was meant to be a romantic scene during a very sweet picnic date in the Astronomy Tower arranged by your nosy friends. They planned it so that it would fall on the night of the Winter Solstice, when the sky is littered with stars and all the constellations are on display for the longest time. It also happened to be your one month anniversary.

Unbeknownst to you and Remus however, a big and shaggy black dog was hiding in the shadows. James, Lily and Marlene wanted to come as well, but four people would be a dead giveaway of their intentions. James suggested that they use their animagi forms – hence Sirius’ current canine state – but he was reminded that a stag was the furthest thing from subtle, therefore all agreed upon Sirius carrying out this mission on his own and reporting back in the morning.

You accepted the sweet treat and played into Remus’ cheesy fantasy – only to get chocolate frosting all over your nose and upper lip. The boy couldn’t help himself. He burst out laughing and leaned in to wipe the mess away with his thumb before bringing it to his lips and ‘sharing’ the dessert in what he hoped to be a smooth tactic. You blushed and scrunching your nose, let out a chuckle of your own, shaking your head at the – was it your 9th ? – attempt at a romantic dinner. One day, you were going to have the perfect date. One day.

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan Under someone’s bed You put me on and said I was your favourite

*

It was not easy for Remus to open up about his ‘furry little problem’, as James liked to call it. He was practically caught red-handed and forced by the circumstances to tell his friends the truth. Safe to say, he was terrified of telling you about it.

“What if she sees me as a monster and breaks up with me?”

“Nonsense, Moony. That girl is practically in love with you. Nothing could scare her away.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at James’ argument.

“You’re such a sap sometimes” he groaned and lit up his third cigarette of the night “but I agree. She does love you AND she is educated enough on the subject of werewolves that she will not run away like any other brainwashed girl. I’d say give it a shot. It might bring you closer together.”

Lily was quietly playing with James’ hair, running her slim fingers through his unruly curls. She didn’t seem to be paying much attention to the conversation, so it was quite a surprise when her voice interrupted Sirius.

“You really think she doesn’t know already? Or at least suspects it?”

Remus frowned.

“What do you mean?”

Lily rolled her eyes and stopped all movements, in turn causing a sleepy James to whine.

“Remus, you disappear once a month – on the night of the full moon, no less! You show up the next morning looking like you just lost the duel of your life with the Whomping Willow, spend the next few days in the Hospital Wing and then go back to classes like nothing happened, except you are covered in cuts and bruises and sometimes even actual, serious injuries. Not to mention that occasionally you are in need of a cane. You get moody around the time of your transformations and almost bite the head off anyone who accidentally eats your chocolate. Need I continue?”

“Huh” Sirius intervened “if you put it like that, it sounds like dear Moons here…”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

Remus’ tone was enough to shut down any jokes on the matter. Lily resumed her previous activity, Sirius finished his cigarette and James fell asleep with his head in Lily’s lap. Everyone was content with the silence, which allowed Remus to clear his mind and weigh his options. He knew Lily had a valid point – if you didn’t already know, you were surely going to figure it out sooner rather than later and he didn’t want you feeling lied to. However, if you reacted poorly and Merlin knows, revealed his secret to the entire school?

He shook his head, banishing all negative thoughts on the matter. Despite the way you two met and how you took pleasure in each other’s misfortune in the beginning, you would never do anything to hurt him, not really. Bruise his ego and score higher than him on your O.W.L.s? Sure. But put him in harm’s way because of something completely out of his control? Never.

 “I’m going to tell her tomorrow.”

You drew stars around my scars But now I’m bleedin’

*

The previous night was a blur in his mind, the way it always was on the night of the full moon. However, this time around there was an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach that brought about dread and something else he couldn’t quite explain.

Remus has been awake for quite some time now, yet he chose to keep his eyes shut and hide from the inevitable chaos of the Hospital Wing. He knew at least two of his best friends would be by his bedside and he was scared the third was badly hurt. He knew he hurt something…someone…the previous night during his transformation. He just couldn’t remember who.

He remembers the blood in flashes, the screams piercing his ears, and two strong antlers pushing him back – but nothing after that.

“Should we break the news to him directly? Or let Dumbledore do it?”

Dumbledore? What does the Headmaster have to do with anything?

“Shut up, Wormtail, he can hear you!”

“He’s asleep!”

“But not deaf!”

The last line was accompanied by what sounded like a smack across the head. The feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach intensified and he knew something really bad happened. Did he…did he kill someone?

*

Everything hurt and he couldn’t tell if the pain was physical or not. He couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe.

The only thing on his mind were you.

He couldn’t accept what Headmaster Dumbledore told him that day in the Hospital Wing. He tried to argue, tell him that he was wrong – he had to be wrong – you were alive and well and would be arriving to check up on him any moment.

Except you didn’t come.

Not that morning, nor in the afternoon. Dumbledore waited with him that first day, as his heart hurt for the boy and he didn’t want him to face yet another loss alone. Remus waited for you again the next day and the day after, his eyes glued to the door and every movement sparked a glimmer of hope within him. But it wasn’t you.

It was never you.

After Madame Pomfrey gave him the all clear, he headed towards Gryffindor Tower and straight to the girls’ dormitories. The stairs were enchanted to allow no boy to reach that far, but it seemed the rules had been suspended that day. Or perhaps it only applied to him. He knew it was most likely Dumbledore’s doing, yet he could not bring himself to care. All he knew was that he had to find your dorm and there he would find you, books scattered all around you, quills and parchment within your reach no matter what spot on the bed you decided to occupy. He had to find you and then he would prove the Headmaster that he was wrong.

But when he opened the door, his heart stopped. All was gone, as if you never existed in the first place.

I knew you Tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy, I

*

A fortnight passed since the full moon. A fortnight since Remus refused to leave his bed, to talk or even acknowledge the presence of his dorm mates aside from allowing Sirius to force a few bites of food down his throat so he wouldn’t pass out or wither away. It didn’t matter to him though, not anymore. He felt trapped, the all-consuming pain paralyzing his body and forcing his mind to replay Dumbledore’s words over and over again. Nightmares plagued his sleep, while memories haunted his waking hours.

He did this to you. He was to blame for this tragedy. He hurt you, the one he vowed to protect, to cherish, to love…

But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs

*

May brought along the N.E.W.T.s examinations and by then, 3 months had passed. Remus became a shell of the person he once was, but the Headmaster convinced him to study and pass his exams. If not for himself, then for you, as you would have wanted him to succeed and fulfill his dreams.

And so he did. He studied hard, caught up on assignments and passed his exams with Outstandings. He was relieved and thrilled for a moment, until he turned around to share the news with you – and reality hit him like a bludger.

You were not there.

The smell of smoke would hang around this long

*

Graduation was a bittersweet moment for everyone. After 7 years together – learning, partying, cheering during Quidditch games – it all came to an end. It was time for the boat ride that would take the graduates back to the train station – and back to King’s Cross. The boats filled out quick, seven spots each for seven years spent at Hogwarts.

But their boat took off with 6. James, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Marlene and Remus. The seventh spot remained empty, as it should have been yours.

*

“Hello, my love. I apologize for the delay.”

Remus stood before your grave, a beautiful bouquet of flowers in hand. He made it a habit to come visit you every other day, but the new teaching position he accepted at Hogwarts caused him to change his schedule a bit.

“Dumbledore offered me the Defence Against the Dark Arts position and I decided to take it. I think it will help create some stability in my life, help keep me occupied..”

He crouched and replaced the old flowers in the vase with the ones freshly picked today. Pink roses, your favourites. When he looked back up and read your name on the stone, beautifully engraved by your grieving family, his eyes welled up with tears.

“I miss you, darling, and I am so, so sorry for what I did to you. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think about you, dream of you, wonder what could have been…my greatest love and the loss of my life.”

[moonyswolfie]

The Golden Snitch

A/N: This is the first time I write for Regulus so I'm still experimenting with his character, but I hope you enjoy this fic!

TW: heights, falling off the broom (if the second can be considered a trigger)

Pairing: Regulus Black x Gryffindor!reader

Masterlist

“AND JAMES POTTER SCORED YET ANOTHER GOAL FOR GRYFFINDOR! TAKE THAT, YOU-”

“MR. LUPIN! ONE MORE WORD –“

“Sorry, Professor!”

Remus Lupin filled in for the usual commentator on today’s match and to say that you were beyond entertained would be a gross understatement. The guy was clearly rooting for your House and kept making snide remarks regarding the Slytherin team, thus receiving constant glares and threats from Professor McGonagall that she would never let him out of detention again if he wasn’t going to take his role seriously.

But you knew that it was all bark, no bite. She was enjoying her House’s advantage just as much.

You shook your head and turned your attention back towards the Pitch, looking for the golden specks amongst your flying team mates and opponents. It was a tight match and everyone was on edge, constantly flying around, therefore making your job all the more complicated. And now that the cheeky ball flew lower, amongst the rest of the students…

There! Wait, how did it get…nevermind. The second you noticed the flickering, you went hot on its trail…

…but the Slytherin Seeker saw it as well and now you were flying shoulder to shoulder between the house stands and under the wooden structures, nearly avoiding getting impaled once or twice. The stubborn Snitch didn’t care to make your mission any easier. You stretched your hand, nearly touching its wings, but had to retract it a moment later due to a poorly aimed bludger.

“Oi! What the hell?! I’m on your side!”

You cursed Sirius under your breath, and he gave you a sheepish look and an apologetic smile. Of course you knew it wasn’t intentional, but the force of the ball could have cost you an arm and as you remembered from last time, mending bones takes a bit of time.

You shook your head and put your game face back on, but sadly, the Snitch was gone. You groaned in frustration and flew a few feet higher in order to get a better view of the Pitch. The score was tight, a 10 point advantage for the Gryffindors, but instead of comforting you, it only intensified the pressure you were already feeling all the way to your bones. 10 points meant that catching the Snitch was crucial and would determine not only the winner of today’s match, but also who would take home the Quidditch Cup.

Easy as pie, huh.

On the bright side though, Regulus Black, the Slytherin Seeker, was also distracted by his older brother’s terrible aim, thus losing sight of the golden ball. You took comfort in knowing you would not be on the receiving end of James’ anger tonight. Not yet, at least.

James Potter was a great captain, very determined and passionate, but he also had a very short fuse. And Quidditch has been a very sensitive topic over the past few weeks. The Cup meant a lot to him and you all knew that, hence why the entire team gave their very best today. No one wanted to disappoint him…or be yelled at for the foreseeable future.

“Careful, Y/L/N, or you might spend the night in the Hospital Wing.”

Regulus’ lazy drawl made your jaw clench and your heart beat faster, but your attention remained on the game. You knew what he was attempting to do and you were not going to fall for it, no matter how much your body was betraying you.

“Why, do you need company after Malfoy’s done with you for losing the game?”

He rolled his eyes and flew past you, heading in the direction of the Hufflepuff stands. You were just about to follow after him when a small glimmer caught the corner of your eye. It wasn’t very obvious and it wasn’t in a place you’d ever spotted the Snitch before, but you had nothing to lose by chasing it. Besides, you could not be sure whether he saw anything real or if he was simply trying to mess with your head.

It was not uncommon for the Seekers to play mind games with each other during the games. Distracting attention and sometimes directing it towards a false target was a technique each one of you learned on your first day of training. Of course, it was all within the limits and rules of the game and neither of you crossed any lines in order for it to be considered cheating or foul play. But you had to have your little fun every now and then.

It didn’t help that over the past three years since you’ve been playing against each other, you developed a little bit of a crush on the boy. You never told anyone, but James and Sirius caught on one day after practice when the Slytherin team entered the Pitch to practice right after you vacated it and your eyes lingered on their Seeker for a little too long. The teasing that followed since was enough to have you sit at the other end of the Gryffindor table at meal times just so you would avoid the two boys’ jokes and kissy noises.

Careful not to catch Regulus’ attention, you headed towards the Gryffindor stands, rushing past the Professors’ box and up the length of the gallery until the tip of the flag tickled your midsection. It was high, a lot higher than you were used to, especially when it involved strategy, however you were sure you could pull it off. You had to. Your whole team depended on you. Hell, your whole House was counting on you. Looking up, you caught the same glimmer from earlier, this time a lot closer, yet not as easy to reach without the other Seeker noticing you.

It was now or never.

You darted for the top of the Slytherin stands, but you weren’t as lucky as you hoped. Regulus was hot on your trail, zooming past startled students seated in the margins. He caught up to you easily, but you knew you could lose him. You took a very sharp corner to avoid accidentally kissing the flagpole, before turning the handle of your broom up. Looking back over your shoulder you watched the younger Black very narrowly avoiding the previously mentioned flagpole, yet stopping right next to it. He saw the Snitch, you had no doubt, but confusion took over your face when he didn’t follow further up. Did he not want to win the game? Did the Snitch move in the meantime?

And was that on his face..concern?

A glance up told you that the ball remained in the same spot as when you last saw it. Then why did he stop?

 You decided not to dwell on it for too long. You had a game to win after all.

Ten feet and you’d have it. Just a little bit higher…

“Where is she going?”

You faintly heard Remus’ voice over the wind and your now plugged ears from the extreme altitude.

Five feet…three…

There!

Your hand wrapped around the Golden Snitch as you came to an abrupt stop, panting but smiling wide. You did it, you actually did it. You stood there for a moment, frozen, taking in the little ball wrapped tightly between your fingers, the cold enveloping your body and making your teeth clatter violently. You were alone up here. It was quieter than below, on the Pitch, but that didn’t erase the sinking feeling in your stomach.

You knew you shouldn’t, everyone told you this on your first day of training. Hell, James made you repeat this one particular rule every single day before practice and twice before each match.

Do not go over the limit. And if you do, for the love of Merlin, do not look down!

But you did.

And you immediately regretted your action.

Judging by the clouds blocking your view of the Quidditch Pitch and the screams that turned to faint murmurs before they reached you, the limit was a distant memory. You had to be at least twenty feet over.

You gulped, briefly registering the bile rising in your throat. What were you supposed to do in these situations?

Right. Slowly make your way back, no speed, holding onto the broom tightly, and no looking down.

Unfortunately, you were terrible at following the rules.

Gripping the handle of your broom tightly, you slowly commanded it to descend. You made it past the clouds after what felt like an eternity, trembling, yet you could not tell whether it was from the cold or the dread enveloping you. You never had issues flying with only one hand on the broom, but then again, you didn’t usually fly high enough to see the stars from your Astronomy charts up close and personal.

The Pitch came back into view and your heart started beating again at an almost normal pace. Almost. There was still quite a distance between you and the top of the stands. If you could just…

The Snitch started flapping its wings inside your fist, trying to escape your iron grip and your focus evaporated. It managed to free itself, before you caught it again, but it was too late. The sudden movement jolted the broom and you lost your balance.

And now you were free falling.

Your could not tell whether your breathing turned erratic or stopped altogether. The wind was whipping at your face, people were screaming from below you, your broom remained airborne for some reason you could not think of right now and all you could do was close your eyes and hope against hope that you will survive this very likely fatal fall. You left your wand back in the changing rooms, a decision that you now regretted dearly as you could have at least attempted to cushion your landing if not slow or stop it from crushing you like a tomato.

You were starting to lose consciousness when you felt two strong arms catching and holding on to you tight, crushing you to a strong chest. Upon opening your eyes, you looked up only to be met with a pair of beautiful grey eyes.

“You didn’t let me die.”

Regulus laughed out loud at your sudden words, the rich sound wrapping around you and calming a portion of your already exhausted nerves.

“If you died, who would I gloat to about winning with my excellent Quidditch skills?”

Your body finally caught up with your mind, processing the fact that you were still alive, and not only that, but also safe and not at all hurt. Your heartbeat slowed to a normal rhythm and your trembling subsided a little bit.

You raised a brow, a bemused smile stretching over your face at Regulus’ words.

“Oh?” you raised the hand that was still clutching the Snitch “sorry to break it to you, Black, but you lost. I caught the Snitch, so I won.”

It was his turn to cock a brow, the rest of his expression neutral save for a small, almost imperceptible twitch of his mouth.

“And I caught you. So I think I won.”

He leaned in and placed the gentlest of kisses on your forehead, before flying down towards the entrance to the Pitch where Madame Pomfrey awaited to check on you and make sure the altitude or the fall did not affect your brain or your body.

This was going to be an interesting rest of the year.

[moonyswolfie]

the warning was all the convincing i needed to read this 😂 it did not disappoint

Overnight Guest | Azriel x reader

Summary: Cassian barges into Azriel's room.

A/N: Writers, please feel free to view this lil drabble as a writing prompt and expand on it!! That would be so fun! I've been meaning to spin this into a whole fic myself but who has the time. If you do, please make sure to tag me so that I can read what you've come up with! <3

Word count: 300

Warnings: Cassian

-

Cassian rarely ever bothered with knocks when he entered a room—it was part of his brand, his boyish charm. It was also the reason most of his friends had begun to lock their doors, so a pleasantly surprised smile tugged up the corners of his lips as he turned the doorknob to Azriel’s bedroom and the door gave way easily. His brother must have been awaiting him.

“Az,” Cassian barked as he entered the dimly lit room, spotting his brother’s bare back at once with his wings spread wide, and his bed a mess of cushy white comforters.

Cassian snorted. “I can’t believe you’re still asleep. There was a time when you were the first one in the training ring.”

Azriel gave a grunt without opening his eyes, and Cassian grinned as he leaned sideways against the doorframe.

“You should really open a window. It smells like a brothel in here.”

When Azriel remained quiet, Cassian grew impatient. “Do I really have to drag your ass out of that bed?”

The blankets moved, and for a second, Cassian thought that it was Azriel moving his legs.

It was only when nimble fingers appeared at the top of Azriel’s right wing to push it away gently for a pair of eyes to peek over the rim that Cassian’s brows shot high.

At the touch of his wing, Azriel gave a low groan Cassian could have gone very well without.

As a familiar face emerged and Azriel’s wing was lowered to rest just beneath a pair of delicate collarbones, Cassian blinked.

Y/N gave him an innocent smile. “Good morning, Cassian,” she said. “I think Azriel’s gonna need a minute if you don’t mind waiting outside.”

[moonyswolfie]

Anxiety

A/N: So I wrote this ages ago and completely forgot about it until now. For those struggling with anxiety, especially around exams or other important moments in your life, I think Remus may be able to offer you a slight moment of comfort.

TW: anxiety, almost panic attack if you squint

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader

Masterlist

The second you opened your eyes that morning, you wanted nothing more than to shut them back and let the world disappear, if only just for one day. Sink back into Remus’ chest and never get up, never having to deal with classes, homework or any preparations for the upcoming N.E.W.T.s exams.

You just want your mind to shut up and let you be. Merlin knows you need a break.

You snuggle back into the covers just to discover that Remus wasn’t there anymore. That didn’t help with your already high level of anxiety too much. You’d been quite on edge the last couple of days and today seems like everything is at its peak.

He didn’t wait for you to wake up so you could have your usual morning snuggles before class. Why didn’t he? Maybe he was late for class? After all, you start a tad later today than he does.

You look over to the clock on the wall. 7 AM. So he wasn’t running late then.. .is he maybe upset with you? You didn’t do anything wrong as far as you could recall…except…

 You bury your face in your pillow and groan. You’ve been a tad clingy lately, maybe that could be..? Maybe he felt suffocated and needed a break from you? What if he realized that you weren’t worth the time and just…left? Did you really screw this up?

No.

Stop.

He’d talk to you about this, he’d tell you straight to your face…right? He would, of course he would.

Or…would he?

What if he wouldn’t? I-if…if he wouldn’t…maybe he’s had enough of you? Maybe your constant need for reassurance lately got on his nerves? Maybe…

Tears welled up in your eyes and you let out a broken sob.

“Stop…please”

By now, you couldn’t control the tears anymore, so you let them fall and soak your pillow, hugging the blankets tightly to your chest. You’ve been like a ticking time bomb lately, every little thing making you tear up and want to explode in a storm of tears, and it seems that something has finally lit the fuse.

And Merlin, did it feel good to let it all out.

*

Half an hour later you are shuffling your feet towards the Great Hall, eyes swollen from crying and no appetite whatsoever, your anxiety took care of that, but you want to find Remus. His presence, his touch, him, they always manage to quiet down your racing mind.

And there he is, laughing loudly at one of Sirius’ jokes. The sight made you smile. He is so handsome when he smiles, but when he laughs it’s like the whole room lights up.

You slowly make your way to the Gryffindor table, keeping your eyes on the ground, and sit down next to your boyfriend who simply places an arm around your shoulders.

“Good morning, princess” he says cheery and kisses your forehead

You smile small, but it dies almost immediately.

Well, it was technically a kiss, but…

You close your eyes and bite down on your lip.

‘Stop overthinking everything! This is why he’s acting like this towards you in the first place. You’re pushing him away like this!’

The pressure in your chest grows by the second and you feel the tears stinging your eyes again.

No, you won’t cry again. Not here and not now.

Instead you take a deep breath, put on a smile and look up towards the others. You could put on a happy face for now and when you’re alone again, let yourself cry. But your mind is getting louder and louder and you raise your hand gently, with the intention of lacing your fingers with Remus’…

But you place it back down in your lap. Better not, leave him some space, it may help get him back to you sooner. If you show him you’re done being clingy, then maybe he won’t be annoyed with you anymore.

Yes, that sounds like a good strategy. The only downfall is how antsy you are. You can’t seem to know what to do with yourself so you occupy your hands by picking at your nails. You just can’t stand still.

Something that Remus did, in fact, notice. And how could he not? He could tell that you haven’t been feeling your best lately so he woke up earlier today and slipped out of bed before you woke to prepare a little surprise for you, in hopes it would help you win your inner battle.

He’s been watching your self care routines lately, so he knew what to bring and what to leave out and gathered everything in the Prefects’ Bathroom, the perfect place to relax.

Yet now, his worry for you only grows and he wonders if his little self care session will be enough. He noticed how you didn’t eat a single bite of food since arriving, or how you didn’t speak a word, how you tentatively reached for his hand, only to draw it back and how your eyes betray the fact that you’ve been crying.

And he decided that he can’t just sit and watch you, he wants to help you, be there for you through all this and do his best to get you out of this state of mind.

He kept the arm he previously draped around you in place while his other hand found yours in your lap and he gently took one in his, lacing your fingers together.

You blush and look up surprised, you didn’t expect this, but a small smile is now tugging at the corners of your lips.

Maybe you aren’t annoying him after all?

He returns your smile with a sweet one, and hope blossoms in your chest.

Yet your mind won’t allow you that sweet relief, so your worries don’t really go away. After all, you didn’t get to talk to him yet, not even a single word.

Lost in thoughts, you nearly jump out of your skin when you hear his gentle whisper near your ear.

“My love, you haven’t eaten anything yet and you need your strength. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day” he says soft and his thumb traces small circles on the back of your hand.

“I’m not hungry” you say low, offering a small smile at his gesture.

He frowns, which makes the knot in your stomach grow tighter and the smile vanish off your face.

Did you sound picky? You didn’t mean to. Maybe your tone was the issue…oh, Merlin, you’ve done it again, you’re pushing him away.

Furthermore, your heart sinks when his hand leaves yours and the arm around your shoulders disappears and you can’t hold it in any longer. You get up and hurry out of the Hall, rushing towards your common room.

Remus is hot on your heels though, seriously worried, and catches up with you in seconds. His fingers close around your wrist and he turns you to him gently, hugging your now crying form tightly to his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” you say quick and hold him tight in return, your voice slightly muffled by his shirt “m’sorry, I didn’t mean to sound picky or mean, I’m sorry, my love” you cry harder, voice breaking, and hold onto him for dear life.

Remus is stunned for a second too long, before he comes to his senses and shakes his head, rubbing your back soothing.

“My sweet, sweet girl, what happened? Why are you apologizing?” he coos

“I…I said I wasn’t hungry and…and I sounded picky and annoying again and I’m so so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you” you say between sobs, burying yourself more into his arms.

He rubs your back and kisses the top of your head multiple times, slowly calming down your crying until all that is left is a soft hiccup. His fingers tangle in your hair and he plays with it gently while he lets his words engulf you in a protective shield.

“My sweet baby, I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay? Take a deep breath in for me, yes, baby, just like that. I assure you, sweetness, you could never be annoying or picky, never. You are my sweetest love, always, all day every day, and the farthest possible from any bad name your mind comes up with” he gently cups your cheeks and lifts your face so he can meet your eyes and smiles soft “there are those beautiful eyes I fall in love with every day.”

His last comment got a little smile out of you and he grins at the small victory.

“My love, do you want to tell me what happened? What triggered this?”

You gulp and nod a few seconds later.

“I uh…my anxiety hasn’t been the best lately. It’s been acting up for some days now and it makes me overthink everything I say, or do, and everything that happens around me. I have countless questions in my mind right now, each one worse than the other and they won’t stop. My thoughts keep getting louder and louder and it’s overwhelming and I-I don’t know how to stop it” you finish in a whisper.

Remus listened to your every word carefully and his heart broke to hear that you’ve been struggling with this all on your own. But now is not the time for more questions. What you need now is help quieting down your mind. What you need now is to know that he is there for you, always, no matter what. Because he is, and he is not planning on ever leaving.

He smiles soft now, and takes both your hands in his, bringing them up to his lips and placing sweet kisses on each knuckle.

���My love, how about we take this day off and do some self care and anything we can to get you out of this mind set?”

You look at him surprised “b-but we have classes, and exams coming up…”

He shakes his head, a determined look on his handsome face.

“Nothing, and I mean nothing, is more important than you, my love” he says soft and brings you in a sweet kiss.

[moonyswolfie]

Study Session

A/N: So I just finished a torturously long exam session and this fic is a result of all the stress and mental breakdowns I've accumulated like Pokemons during this time. I actually wrote this piece between two of my biggest and most difficult exams, hence the N.E.W.T.s coming in to play. I hope you enjoy and if you relate, I'm so sorry! Remember that you are strong and no amount of academic stress can bring you down!

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Potter!reader

Masterlist

The table you were sat at in the Library was so crowded with textbooks and parchments that you could not see the wood any longer. Notes and cheat sheets, explanatory scrolls of parchments, quills and bottles of ink covered the entire surface. Hell, Lily even brought a dictionary. Merlin knew what use would a muggle dictionary have when it came to magical terms, but you learned a long time ago to never question her genius.

It was N.E.W.T.s season and to say that all 5 of you were stressed would be an understatement. James thought that once you passed your O.W.L.s, the N.E.W.T.s would not be as scary as everyone made them out to be. It was an exam session, a very long and tiresome and perhaps crucial exam session, but it wasn't Voldemort, right?

Wrong. The stress was growing by the hour and despite having two more weeks at your disposal to revise and memorise all you needed to, it didn't feel like enough.

But then again, was it ever enough? 

You've been preparing for the N.E.W.T.s since the beginning of the school year, forcing yourself to attend every class and take a ginormous amount of notes that you knew would probably end up useless or lost somewhere at the bottom of your book bag. Still, you couldn't bring yourself to pause. Failure was not an option.

So far you tackled Charms, Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts, all of them easy and rather entertaining subjects, if you were to say so yourself. Right now however, you were stuck on the same Potions chapter for the past four hours and were just about ready to scream, cry, Avada Kedavra yourself or better yet, all of the above.

"Hey, Sirius?" 

He hums and looks up, noticing your twitching eye and the exasperation rolling off you in waves. 

"Y/N, are you okay?" 

The concern was palpable and it caught the attention of your boyfriend in an instant, yet Remus knew better than to pester you with questions right now. He was adamant about rest and health being your first priority, but considering his own overcrowded study schedule, he would be a hypocrite to point it out at the moment. He did, however, push a goblet of water in your direction, which you eagerly accepted and gulped down in seconds. You weren't exactly allowed food or beverages in the Library, but what Pince didn't know would not hurt her.

You thanked Remus and handed the goblet back, before turning to Sirius and taking a deep breath to regain your composure. 

"I have been rereading this chapter for the majority of our time here and I still don't understand the origins or the side effects of Amortentia when used for a longer period of time. No one really bothered to detail on them in any of our textbooks and I am not sure anyone ever subjected themselves to testing it out and then writing a memoir about it. However, Slughorn oh so graciously announced us that it might be included in the advanced exam topics. Do you happen to have anything on this? I know he mentioned some in class, but I didn't catch all of them."

"I think I do..."

He shuffles some parchments and knocks down some books, thus earning himself a stern look from Madame Pince, but ultimately finds the notes and hands them over.

"There you go, love."

You smile and thank him, humming while you scan the information. For such a chaotic human being, he had the neatest handwriting you've ever seen.

It doesn't take long for you to find the part about side effects, however there was nothing you didn't already write down yourself. Thankfully though, Sirius was the type of person to absently write down everything he heard so you found other helpful pieces of information. This was why you asked him for the notes in the first place, instead of Remus or James. Remus, much like yourself, only wrote the parts he was less certain of, whereas James didn't write anything at all. And Lily, Merlin bless her, she was a growing disaster when it came to writing information down. There was, contrary to her claims, no method to her madness.

You rolled up the parchment once you were done writing, yet kept it close, just in case you needed it again later. Sirius was studying for Transfiguration, so he wouldn't miss the notes anytime soon. Lily turned to you, ready to ask a question regarding a Charms lesson she was too sick to attend, but stopped and frowned, browsing the page spread out on the table in front of you.

"Y/N, why are your notes bilingual?" 

You turned and followed her gaze to the margins, specifically to the terminology you borrowed from Sirius...

You unscrolled his notes again and placed them next to yours, looking from one to the other with a bemused smile. Next to the name of the potion, you drew a little arrow and wrote amour et obsession, which would have been inconspicuous, had you not added une potion délicate and l'amour impossible devient possible.

There were a few more next to the ingredients list and some corrections made regarding the mode of preparation. As you scanned the two sets of notes, you noticed that his were entirely in French, while you half translated, half copied your added bits.

You didn't know what was funnier, that you mindlessly wrote the information in Frenchglish, or that you didn't notice it was in another language to begin with. 

English was your mother tongue, yet like every other pureblooded offspring, you were forced to attend a variety of language lessons to determine which ones you would be more skilled in. Romantic languages proved to be your forte, so you stuck with French, Italian and Latin. It wasn't easy in the beginning, seeing as they are all mere variations of the latter, therefore making them ridiculously easy to mix up and combine in the oddest of sentences, but you persevered and were now fluent in all four. 

Regardless, slip ups like the one you were tiredly staring at now were not unheard of. You were certain it was a testament to how tired you truly were. Perhaps Remus was right, you should rest more.

But then again, this was not a simple exam session. It was the one that would determine your entire future. You could sleep when you're dead.

"You write your notes in French?"

Sirius' head shot up immediatey, confusion written all over his face.

"Yes?"

By now everyone's attention was on your exchange, which deepened his frown. James looked like he missed everything until that very moment, Remus was watching his best friend with a raised brow and Lily was silently shaking her head, smiling. She didn't know how she ended up with the lot of you, but she knew she loved you dearly.

"French is my first language" Sirius added, as if that was all the explanation you needed.

Sadly, it did nothing to clear up the confusion. When neither of you said anything, he added "doesn't everyone take notes in their first language?"

Despite Remus being the only other person in your group who wasn't a native English speaker, therefore making him the best candidate to answer his friend, you all shook your heads, your faces betraying different levels of amusement and fondness. It was a rather endearing situation.

"I don't take notes in Welsh, if that's what you're asking. I don't think I can even translate half the things correctly. Besides, the spells are in Latin, so imagine how that would look on a piece of parchment."

You chuckled at the mental image of magical notes looking more like pages taken from that muggle author's book, Tolkien. Lily followed and you both received a glare and a pointed "shhh" from Madame Pince. Honestly, it was a wonder she wasn't kicking you out at this point.

"Wait a second" James turned towards his best friend "ALL of your notes are in French?"

Sirius nods. Poor baby looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"But don't you..." you frown, unsure how to formulate your question "I see you writing constantly. If the Professor speaks, you write. How..." you groan, burying your face in your hands and shaking your head "my brain hurts. You look as if you write down everything that is said in class, so I assumed that you do?”

You peek an eye up only to be met with Sirius chuckling silently.

“I do write mostly everything that is said in class, but first I summarize it and I guess it’s easier to summarize it in French. I find it easier if I reformulate the information because it shows I understood the concept, but to avoid learning something mechanically and forgetting it when I flip the page, I use my own words. The only issue is that sometimes I forget the word I need in English or there isn’t even a word in English for said thing to begin with. Thus French. And no one really asked me for my notes before you so I didn’t see any reason to put any effort in translating them. And you didn’t seem to have a problem with it anyway.” he adds with an amused smirk, remembering Lily’s previous comment about your notes

You mask your chuckle with a cough and glance at your notes again.

“That is actually a great idea, Pads, I might have to start doing it myself.”

“NO!”

The lot of you was startled by James’ whisper-shout. You gave him a bewildered look, raising an eyebrow in question.

“Are you alright, big brother?”

“Don’t you dare. I know you and your disturbingly brilliant mind. If you start implementing this method, you’re going to write your notes in Latin” he squints, an accusatory look in his eyes “and where am I going to get my last minute notes from then?”

That was it, you couldn’t hold it in any longer if you tried. You burst out laughing, prompting an exaggerated “SHHH” to be directed your way.

“This is your last warning, if you cannot keep quiet, I suggest you move your little study session to your Common Room.”

Madame Pince was stern, yet you couldn’t fault her this time. You were loud and you certainly disturbed a few of your peers seated at nearby tables.

“Sorry” you whisper with a sheepish look.

You returned your attention to the table just in time to catch Lily placing a sweet kiss on James’ cheek, mumbling “don’t worry, my love, I won’t leave you noteless” which seemed to lift his spirits immediately. As grossed out as you were by their affection sometimes (what are sisters for after all?), you couldn’t help but smile at the scene. You were really happy he found his better half, even if it happened to be one of your best friends.

But after all, you did return the favour, did you not?

Remus’ hand found yours under the table and he squeezed it affectionately. You squeezed right back and smiled up at him, mouthing “I love you” and delighting in the beautiful smile that took over his face for the rest of the day.

[moonyswolfie]

"first draft second draft" no i write a paragraph or two then painstakingly edit it in freakish increments then come back a year later to write like 10k and then rinse and repeat

[moonyswolfie]

this is art and i will reread this every day from now on

It's Nice To Have A Friend

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader

Synopsis: Remus' childhood best friend is the only person he is comfortable showing unrestrained affection towards – until he one day gets in his own head about it.

Words: 14.4k

Warnings/tags: there are some suggestive remarks, brief references to "shagging" and implied underage drinking, but i would classify it as safe for minors! fem!reader, use of y/n, childhood best friends to lovers (thus you grew up in wales and use welsh terms, but you aren't said to be welsh), you are in ravenclaw (only for one plot point, not personality), platonic physical affection, romantic physical affection, kissing, "it was revealed to me in a dream" trope, some miscommunication trope, deep yearning, remus' pov (meaning loads of self-loathing and overthinking), panic attack-ish, remus cursing like a sailor and joking about jumping, kind of shy/reserved!remus, some angst, happy ending ofc, background jilypad

Note: phew this was intense but sosososo much fun to write. it is very much a fluffy fic tho, don't be worried<3 i fucking love this story/dynamic so much

It is an ill-kept secret that Remus John Lupin struggles with romantic public displays of affection.

It was something his best friends had teased him relentlessly for since the first time he was given a Valentine Day’s card in year two by a boy that he didn’t even have a crush on mind you, and became a stuttering, spluttering mess. He could still hear James and Sirius’ barks of laughter the second that Hufflepuff was out of view and could still feel the bench shake from when Peter fell off it, clutching his stomach. Remus had been sure his cheeks would be permanently dyed red from the shame.

His one friend who did not betray him in such a manner was his oldest, namely you. Remus’ sweetheart, as Sirius called you, his childhood best friend from back home who he broke the statute of secrecy for when he was too young to realise what that meant, but who thankfully turned out to be a witch too. Something you both wept tears of joy for, as you did not have to be separated when he went off to Hogwarts.

On that horrid day, you only pinched his darkening cheeks and laughed quietly – still teasing, but in a way that felt more like admiring and less like humiliating. He faintly remembers scrunching his nose at you in response, a look you immediately mirrored before you went to hide him in the crook of your neck and gave the others a faux scolding for “embarrassing poor Rem when he is wholly capable of doing so himself”. 

His makeshift pack of friends kept that routine up for the rest of his school years, consisting of James and Sirius poking constant fun, Peter enjoying it all a tad bit too much, and you “protecting” him while laughing all the same. His affliction only worsened throughout his time at Hogwarts, but if one of his afflictions were to be the butt of a joke, he supposed he was grateful it was this one.

In moments like these, it was a tad bit difficult to keep that sentiment up, though.

“You should have seen the look on his face, doll!” Sirius made out through a laugh as the group made their way back from Hogsmeade. 

He was recounting Remus’ dance on the Three Broomsticks dancefloor with one slightly-more-rowdy-than-normal Emmeline Vance who all but dragged him out there despite his quiet sputters. You had been off on some endless errands that Remus had passionately attempted to join you for before Sirius all but bolted him to the bench because “you owe me a round, you mangy wolf”.

“I believe I have seen it many a time, Siri,” you laughed out, yelping slightly when Remus pinched your side from where he had his arm around you. “Hey!” you scolded him half-heartedly, point diminished by your grin.

“Cheeky minx, don’t side with the devil!” Remus conspired with you through a stage-whisper while glaring at Sirius, whose laughter only doubled in intensity.

“You can’t ask me to lie for you, del,” you replied in the same tone of voice, leaning up to kiss his cheek as if to apologise for your treachery. An apology that was wholly accepted as Remus tugged you closer into his side and allowed for the laughter around him to continue with a sigh.

Because therein lies the one exception – Remus Lupin was pathetically incapable of public displays of affection, unless they were with you.

His problem with these displayals was the insinuation behind them and the attention that was brought to him because of it. If Emmeline dances with him, leaving a scandalously little amount of room between them, he knows what she wants from him and everyone else does, too. If his current romantic partner kisses him in the hallway, it is a glimpse into something that otherwise occurs behind closed doors, a reveal of his private life that he does not enjoy. He wants that part hidden, and embarrassment flares through him like a rocket at the thought that others bear witness to it – and then the flames are stoked when they notice that he knows and has enough dignity to be embarrassed, which just fuels an eternal evil cycle.

You, however – your wonderful self he has known all his life, you who refused to ever leave his side despite his lycanthropy and subsequent grumpy, isolationist persona, you who are his absolute better half and light of his life – there was no reason that affection should be hidden. There was nothing secretive nor fragile in your relationship, it was the purest thing he had ever had the pleasure of having.

There was nothing insinuative or blasphemous about it, there was nothing to be held against him. He would hold you, hug you, even kiss your shoulder, cheek and forehead, because he and all else around knew that it meant nothing more. It was nothing out of the norm, nothing for others to point out and bring attention to. There was no glance into something hidden away, there was no line being overstepped. It was just two best friends, aware and proud of how much they meant to one another.

So Remus never had any hesitations about leaning into your touch, about seeking yours out, about lips identifying exposed skin and staying there for a moment or two. It was something he began doing before he truly knew what embarrassment entailed, it was muscle memory as much as instinct these days.

And if others did not understand it fully, that was an issue Remus for once felt no confinement to public opinion on. If people made assumptions or threw glances, it held no importance to him. Even his Marauders, Sirius especially, raised their eyebrows at your proximity when you all first met, but they understood the routine of it all quickly. That these two first years before them were a package deal in every form of the word. It was quickly accepted within your little pack, albeit fondly commented on every now and again. James had Sirius in that same unrestrained way, bodies strewn across each other at any given opportunity, so why couldn’t Remus have you? Why wouldn’t he?

Never mind that Sirius was officially brought into James and Lily's relationship at the end of last term.

“Well, James would hug anything that moved and seemed like it might need it.” Sirius had argued one night many years ago, not needing to add the and I need it.

“And isn’t that lovely for Prongs,” Remus had drawled in return. “But I need a few years to get there, and Y/N happened to be more strategic than you lot.”

“By knowing you first?”

“Precisely. Also, she’s lovelier than you.” 

It had earned him a snort and a pillow to the face, but it was accepted without further questioning. With the exceptions only occurring in a drunken babble here and there from Sirius, alone in their dorm after a party. Remus is quite certain he couldn’t string together a coherent sentence if his life depended on it in those states, and so he never took it to heart.

Remus revelled in having something of his own, someone only he understood on that level, and his heart always warmed when he thought about how lucky he was that that someone was you.

He subconsciously pulled you even closer at that thought, content and comfortable to do so whether that be around his marauders or in front of the whole Great Hall; there was nothing more to it to be embarrassed of. It was just you; just Y/N and Remus. Like always.

“You occluding yourself away from your menace of a dorm mate?” you whispered to him then, and he angled his chin down slightly with a smile to find you looking at him curiously.

“Oh, yeah,” Remus agreed with a solemn nod. “Must prepare for being locked up in a room with him all night. It’s tedious work, you know?”

“Most certainly.” You attempted to match his faux severity, but a giggle escaped you nonetheless – a beautiful one that Remus decided to mentally save for the night, should Sirius become unbearable.

Speaking of; “I take great offence to that,” Sirius proclaimed from the few strides ahead he was, pointing his finger in Remus’ direction without turning around. “Dog-like hearing, Moony, don’t think you can get away with badmouthing me here!”

“Dog-like he says,” Remus whispered to you, earning him an indignant “oi!” as Sirius finally turned around.

“Gorgeous, would you tell your worse half to knock it off?”

“I sure will,” you declared, turning your body more towards Sirius in Remus’ grasp. “Siri, sweetheart, would you knock it off?”

Within the second, Sirius’ offended expression transformed into one of giddiness. “Awe, princess, you think of me as your other half?”

“Worse half, Pads,” James interjected, looking over his shoulder bemusedly.

“Do keep up,” Remus added with a half-hearted glare.

“Irrelevant!” Sirius threw his hands up and spun around in celebration. “I have won the title of her other half, you can get lost Moons.”

Remus used his arm around your shoulders to angle you back away from Sirius. “I think not. I’ve been keeping this friendship for so long, she’ll need a lawyer to get rid of me,” he stated matter-of-factly, looking down at you at the last bit. “Capiche?” He tilted his head at you.

You hummed through a poorly-withheld smile, as if you were considering it. “Sure thing, cariad. Meet with our lawyers tomorrow after lunch?”

Remus gasped as you ripped out of his grasp and stuck your tongue out at him. Flashbacks of your younger days chasing each other down dirt roads came to his mind and widened his grin as he saw you back away from him, eyes trained on his expression. 

“Minx,” he breathed out through a laugh just before you sat off running away from him; Remus hot on your heels, laughter escaping him freely. Sirius began running with you, though he was slowed as he twirled around and hollered, surely waking the entirety of the mountaintops surrounding the castle.

James had been minding his own business for once as he engaged in quiet conversation with Lily and Pandora, but his eyes twinkled as he eyed his three running friends, exchanging a knowing look with the redhead.

“Young love,” Pandora sighed dreamily, though James could never be certain if she was looking at the loud, carefree forms before them or at something entirely different.

Remus saw you stopped running while still some dozens of metres away from the castle, still facing away from him, but arms opening to accommodate for the impending crash of his body against yours. It does something funny to his heart to think about, but he just lets it widen his smile as he did exactly as expected – let his arms loop around your waist and twirl you around as he caught up to you. 

Your out-of-breath giggles permeated into his ears as his face was tucked in between your neck and shoulder as he slowed down, laughter calming in his own chest.

“Caught you,” he whispered through his own breathlessness. “Happy now?”

You turned in his grasp, squeezing at his shoulders both to show affection and seemingly to steady yourself as your chest still heaved; Remus held you tighter to help you in the latter endeavour. “Shook off Sirius for a bit, so yeah, I am. As should you be.”

He dropped his head laughing at that, glancing behind him through his hair to see Sirius bent over, hands on his knees as James had already caught up to him and was patting his back in sympathy. Any other time of the month, Remus would likely have been right there with him, but this was a good week and you always seemed to be able to find some semblance of energy within him, even if he thought he had none.

“I take back my calling you minx, then.” He looked at you with a smile. “That was strategic.”

“Are you saying minxes can’t be strategic, Loopy?” You raised your eyebrows at him teasingly, pulling slightly out of his grasp to breathe better.

“I’m saying– don’t call me Loopy.”

Your smile became almost taunting at that, and Remus knew his comment likely only worsened the likelihood of you using that nickname now. “I just remembered how I used to call you that the other day actually,” you mused, putting on an innocent smile. “I don’t remember why I stopped, I just forgot about it. I think it might be time for a renaissance.” 

“I think I’m too out of breath for you to say things like that. I can’t chase you any further, but that deserves to be chased.”

You shoved lightly at his shoulder at that. “You’re getting too old, you’re no fun.”

“I’m super fun. Textbook definition,” Remus harrumphed, gleaning when you rolled your eyes through a burst of laughter.

“No one who references textbook definitions is fun, Moons!” James called from where the group was catching up to you two, finally within earshot. 

Sirius was practically draped across James’ shoulder, breath still coming heavy. He pointed yet another accusatory finger, this time at you. “You’ll be the death of me, dollface. Merlin’s tits.”

“Don’t blame me for your own inadequacy, gorgeous,” you quipped back. It made Remus rather proud, especially when Sirius groaned dramatically in response.

“Time to get some beauty sleep then, yeah?” James coaxed, giving Sirius’ cheek a peck as he continued effortlessly dragging him in through the entrance of the castle.

Lily hummed in agreement, poking one of her boyfriends in the side. “Yeah, Sirius seems to need it.”

“You think I’m so sexy, Red, don’t lie to yourself,” Sirius mumbled, petulantly remaining worn out over James’ shoulders.

Remus smiled at his friends, hand reaching out behind him blindly, knowing you’d find it. Surely enough, your fingers intertwined with his own and gave him a little tug to hasten his gait down the hallways.

Moving up the staircases with surprisingly little trouble, the group finally found themselves outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, ready to split up with you and Pandora heading to Ravenclaw and the rest clambering inside. 

You made your goodbyes, quick hugs and kisses on cheeks with Lily and James and a kiss to the hand from Sirius who had decided to lay down dramatically on the floor. When you turned to Remus at last, just a tad bit away from the others, he enveloped you in a warm hug, breathing you in as he settled his chin on your shoulder.

“Let me walk you?” he asked, already knowing you would say no.

“Nice try Loopy, but I’d rather you go inside to the warmth and head to bed,” you murmured into his neck. “Thank you, though.”

You always said no. He always asked, anyway. Sometimes, if he was feeling particularly protective or otherwise missed you too much, he’d go with you anyway. Today he decided to respect your wishes.

“Tell me again why you had to be an independent person and get sorted into your own house?” he grumbled against you, smiling when he felt your chest rumbling beneath him. That same smile softened when your grip on him grew just the slightest bit tighter.

“Something tells me you’ll survive.” 

He tightened his hold on you in turn, one arm around your waist and the other stabilising your neck, before he spun your body around twice, twirling along the hallway. He relished in the laughter that escaped you and ensured to stamp a proper kiss to your hair before he released you back down to the floor.

“Sleep well, dove.”

“Goodnight, cariad,” you said through a soft smile, giving him and the others a small wave before turning around to where Pandora was waiting, grabbing her hand as you two all but skipped down the hallway together.

With his eyes still glued on your disappearing form, Remus nearly yelped as James’ hands came up to settle roughly on his shoulders – albeit somewhat careful of his joints – steering him through the now-opened portrait, who was rambling on with complaints about students taking up the space in front of her for too long.

“Funny that,” James started. 

Remus gave him a puzzled look. “What, Prongs?”

“Just that you danced with one Ravenclaw at the Three Broomsticks for two minutes and gained the colour and conversational skills of a tomato; but when you twirl and kiss this Ravenclaw, all you’re left with is that goofy grin of yours.” James’ comment seemed off-handed, said over his shoulder as they walked through the empty common room.

“First of all, it’s Y/N we’re talking about and not some Ravenclaw,” he started, confusion laced in his voice. In the meantime, James and Sirius kissed Lily goodbye, the latter giving her bum a light tap as she moved up the stairs to the girls’ dorms. “Secondly, it’s Y/N. She’s my best friend, and one of yours, mind you. What’s there to go all tomato for?”

“Some would argue, there is never any reason to go all tomato,” Sirius taunted, ducking the smack Remus aimed towards him.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” James laughed, literally waving it off. “Just pointing out the parallel. Ironic, innit?”

“Don’t see why it would be,” Remus grumbled petulantly in return. Sirius reached up to ruffle his hair somewhat roughly before entering their dorm, where Peter was already waiting for them, tucked into bed.

“What’re we laughing about tonight, fellas?” he questioned without looking up from the magazine he was reading through. Remus was fairly certain he had seen Mary reading through that very same magazine last week.

“Oh just at Remus’ peculiarities with birds.” Sirius felt emboldened with his comment from where he was crouched behind his bed – ample distance to protect him from Remus, he surely gathered.

“So, nothing new? Nice.” Peter returned his attention to the magazine it never really left.

“Yeah, don’t worry Pete – your friends are just as big arseholes as on any other day.” Remus bent down to pat the boy on the shoulder before moving over to his own bed, between Peter and Sirius’. 

“Hey, I don’t mean to be an arsehole,” James complained with almost a full pout across his lips within a second of Remus’ comment. “We’re just having a bit of fun psychoanalysing you, s’all.”

“Which, of course, is a generally accepted polite thing to do.” Remus nodded as if he was gravely understanding, only flipping James off when the other boy didn’t catch his sarcasm.

“No, Remmy, what would be rude is to point out how you are desperately–” Sirius began with taunting mirth plastered all over his face, but he was cut off as James all but jumped on him to cover his mouth. 

The black haired boy looked up at his boyfriend first with some offence and then a look Remus didn’t want to witness.

“How about we leave poor Moony alone for the night, huh baby?” James questioned, moving his hand away from Sirius’ mouth as the other boy nodded almost dumbly, still staring up at him.

“Who’s turning red now?” Remus whispered to himself as he looked through his trunk for his pyjamas. He barely had the reflexes to catch the pillow Sirius hurled at him, tossing it back with a loud laugh that was quickly reciprocated by his best mates.

As if a miracle had been awarded them by some forgiving gods, the boys’ dorm room quieted down fairly quickly after that. Sirius and James settled in Sirius’ bed for the night, barely fitting themselves onto the mattress that was almost too small for one boy, let alone two. Once in each other’s arms, however, it was an easy thing to drift off. Peter was asleep before the other three had even brushed their teeth.

Remus was the only one tossing. Not unusual, but he couldn’t really understand why that was tonight. 

His sleep cycle often closely followed the moon’s, and he was almost two weeks away from the full moon, a perfectly decent time for falling and staying asleep. Tonight, though, his body was once more fighting him. He kept replaying the night, the conversations, the interactions, trying to pin his unrest on something. He supposed that dance with Vance had been unexpected and the adrenaline spike of all the attention following it might still linger and make sleep evade him. 

Despite what his dismay for public romantic displays might indicate, Remus was no prude. As a matter of fact, just as Sirius had before he was locked down, Remus was no stranger to making his rounds at the occasional common room party. Rarer was it that he shagged anyone back home, as he spent most of his time with you, but it had happened here and there too. Vance and him had even spent a night together once at a quidditch afterparty, but he had no significant interest in her apart from a mutually understood night of fun. He never really did, even when his partners were great in all capacities. It just didn’t seem that romance was an object for Remus – and good riddance, if the struggles of dealing with it so far was any sign.

Perhaps that was it then, dancing with Vance had rehashed something for him. Though the idea didn’t settle well in his bones, Remus also knew that he would never settle if he didn’t give his mind an excuse for his sudden restlessness.

After checking the time with a hefty sigh, he decided to throw in the towel and took a small sip of a sleeping draught potion he had at the ready in his bedside table at all times. If sleep would not come to him, he would hunt it down damn it. His friends’ playful mockery and a dance he didn’t even want to partake in would not cause him any more torment.

As Remus slipped into the land of dreams, he may come to regret that sentiment, if but a bit.

There are warm bodies pressed uncomfortably close to him – the warmest of which has her arms around his neck, one hand scraping through his hair. It should feel good, Remus enjoys when his hair is played with, but this feels sharp enough to draw blood. Emmeline’s laugh is all he can make out over the chatter and stomping around him, but it feels wrong, scratchy like a record player. Her fingers on him are cold, unlike anything else in the room.

It is spinning. The room, that is. Remus is unfocused, as if he had been shooting vodka and not butterbeer earlier. He can’t quite make out any of his friends, or anyone really, Emmeline’s features bleeding out into the background.

For some reason his heart is pounding the way it does before his transformation. Everything feels painfully wrong and he is aware of every inch of his body where Emmeline is touching him.

She is still laughing and Remus is sure it would make his ears bleed, which only confuses him further because Emmeline is truly a nice girl. Just not one he wants to feel flush against himself at the moment.

He reaches a hand up to touch his ear – realising only now that his arms are hanging limply by his sides, the only static thing in the otherwise spinning room – and when he retracts his hand to look at it, his fingers are coated with blood.

His breathing grows ragged as he feels the blood running down the side of his neck. He has half a mind to tell Emmeline, to shout for help. He doesn’t. Nothing comes out when he tries to open his mouth, all control of his body ripped from his grasp.

With no warning he realises the wetness on his neck is not blood, but someone’s open mouth smearing kisses down it with reckless abandon. His stomach ties in knots and he wants to push Emmeline off of him, still to no avail.

Her grip on him tightens painfully, and Remus swears he feels a bone break. He would know.

The flurry behind her has just become a swirl of colours and sounds to him and Remus feels himself drowning in a moment he desperately wants away from. He shuts his eyes hard, taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

He feels a warmth in his chest, starkly different from the heat around him, that slowly, like thawing ice, begins to spread throughout him. He hums the melody you sang to him during his first ever panic attack, the sweet one that always lulls him to sleep, and the warmth spreads faster.

With his eyes still screwed shut, Remus begins to regain the feeling in his legs first, noticing them swaying back and forth to some calmer, unknown rhythm.

The feeling in his hand returns too, and it’s clasped around someone else's. Theirs is also warm, light and fits much better in his, though he’s not quite sure what he’s comparing it to.

The front of his body is warmer than the back as he’s pressed up against someone, swaying with them in a slow dance that would never have worked in the middle of Three Broomsticks. It flows with his soul.

At last, Remus can hear again, as if coming up from water. He hears that it was not him humming, but rather a soft figure tucked under his chin, humming the vibrations of the melody against the side of his neck.

When he tightens his arms instinctively, he does not need to open his eyes to know it is you.

He does anyway, looking down at you, standing in his arms, swaying together in an empty Gryffindor common room. There is a lazy smile on your lips as you look up at him, cheek against his chest, eyes twinkling like the starlight.

Remus feels right. Remus feels good. His thoughts are honey, sweet but slow, coating over any coherent reactions he might have to standing here with you like this. He escaped and he is with you and all is right once more.

Have you danced like this before? Did it feel like this then?

You seem unpuzzled, relaxed. The warmth settles in Remus for good.

“Hey handsome,” you whispered, as if you were sharing a secret with him before angling your face more up towards his.

Remus is not in charge of his body when his neck dips down and lets his lips meet yours halfway, casual and expectantly, a habit as much as a wish. You taste like yourself. You smell like yourself. Remus is surrounded by you, cornered by your smile against his lips.

You pull back all too quickly, furrowing your brows at him. Dream-Remus has no hesitation of removing the hand from around your back to thumb at the furrow, brushing away any negative thoughts from you. He kisses the spot between your eyebrows.

Everything is right.

When his eyes meet yours again, the concerned look in them has not changed. You reach a tentative hand up to his cheek, thumb swiping over his cheekbone as you hold him with what he irrevocably knows to be love. 

“It’s time to wake up, cariad,” you said with a small sad smile.

The last thing Remus remembers is the feeling of the floor disappearing beneath him.

Remus sat up with a gasp, and for a rare moment in time he was speechless.

He was not a stranger to invasive, questionable or downright spiritual dreams, a side effect of both his connection with the moon and the tons of potions he has taken over the years. Usually, he is present in his dreams and acts as his own little commentator during and after them, narrating what happens and what he thinks of it.

It was not uncommon for him to think “I think I will remember this one” as the final thought in a dream. Or when he wakes up in tears, his first thought was often “that was a bit dramatic of you, calm down”.

Now, he had nothing. Now, he was speechless.

Worse yet, usually when he wakes up with a jolt, it is in the middle of the night – but now, as his senses began to trickle back in, he could hear the commotion around him that only could mean the boys are at various stages in the process of getting ready.

Remus Lupin had just had a life-altering, earth-shattering dream, and James Fleamont Potter was repeatedly knocking his knee into his nightstand as he jumped around while tying his shoes on, instead of sitting down to do it like a normal person would.

He thought James was saying something, and maybe even to Remus specifically, but he could still hear the blood rushing through his head. Beneath that again, he could hear your humming. 

With a groan, Remus let himself topple over from his sitting position to land face-first into his duvet.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What the fuck?

“Oi!” Remus finally heard, as what felt like a rolled up pair of socks hit his head. “What in Godrick’s name has gotten into you, mate? You good?” It was Sirius voice calling, seemingly from across the room.

Remus just groaned in reply. His eyes were wide open as he stared directly into his sheets, feeling both freezing cold and like his brain was slowed by a fever.

“You okay, Moons?” Peter’s voice came gentler from beside him. Remus thought his hand might be hovering near him, as if he was considering consolingly patting him but was unsure if he should.

Another groan.

“Okay, what about this: groan once if this is Moony mooning over something and twice if you’re in actual crisis,” James suggested, not unkindly.

A singular groan, though it sure did feel like two.

“Groan once if you’re a prick and twice if you’re insufferable,” Sirius felt the need to comment.

Instead of making any further sounds, Remus wrangled his arm from beneath the blanket to show Sirius how he felt about him in the moment with a gesture.

“Fantastic!” James exclaimed. “You have class in 35 minutes, Moons, and breakfast now, so best get a move on.” Remus heard the telltale sound of James leaving – as in, James’ heavy footsteps moving across the floor and Sirius scrambling like a dog to follow after him. At the complete lack of sounds in the rooms after that, he assumed Peter moused after them as well.

At last Remus sat up with a sigh and stared emptily in front of him, mind moving too fast for him to catch a thought but too slow for him to properly process anything.

What does this mean? 

Except Remus could no longer deny that he knew what it meant. That the instant your humming caressed his ears, he knew what it meant. That his subconsciousness wanted to replace a girl who saw him as a romantic prospect in a place Remus felt queasy in with you in a place he considered home. That is no coincidence.

And that when you kissed him–

Except you did not kiss him. Remus shook his head at that, as if the thoughts could just tumble out of his ears. You did not kiss him and he did not kiss you. Because this was a dream, it was not real and Remus must just be really, really unwell.

He felt unwell, but not in the way he was trying to convince himself.

Taking one deep breath, Remus looked to the awning of their little dormitory and shot out a silent prayer for any higher power to listen.

Put me back together, I cannot fall apart like this.

Bury this back down deep, I cannot feel like this.

It was going to be a long day.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

By the time Remus had made it to the entryway to the Great Hall, feeling frazzled and less put together than he had an excuse to, he saw his group of friends making their way out.

“Rem!” It was you who caught sight of him first, and immediately beelined towards him, the others following closely behind, wearing varying degrees of concern and confusion as they looked him up and down.

Your face was by far the most concerned, as you immediately brought your left hand up to cup his cheek. “Are you alright, cariad?”

For the first time in your almost two decades of friendship, Remus was painfully aware of your physical proximity.

He always knew, of course, but it never really registered with him – it was completely natural. Right now, nothing about him felt natural. You stood flush with him and he felt you against him like a fire, skin singeing beneath his clothes. Your eyes seemed so big looking into his that he could get lost in them, his only internal monologue being a dreamy sigh and a long string of curse words at the absolute madhouse chaos that his mind was becoming. As he looked at you, it was like he could see his version of you from his dream as well, how you looked at him with so much love and admiration, how your lips inched closer to his.

“Mate?” Remus realised then, that he had been staring at you for far too long, not answering your question, to the point where James had to try to catch his attention.

“I– uh,” Remus sputtered, eyes flickering wildly all over your face, panic rising in his chest as he realised he could not think clearly with you so close.

He took a step back without thinking, just barely out of your grasp but still close, and shook his head. “Sorry, yeah, no, yes, I just feel a bit… off today.”

The furrow between your brows deepend, and once more his mind flashed back to his dream. His hand twitched. It seemed like you weren’t even aware of it when you took a step closer, to be back by his side, reaching your wrist up to place it on his forehead to feel his temperature. “You’re feeling poorly?” you whispered so quietly and so lovingly Remus thought he might faint.

Was it always like this? It was always like this. Why was he freaking out about it then? He was freaking out. What the fuck was wrong with him?

With horror, Remus realised that a slight blush was creeping up his neck, and he fought hell to keep it down as he cleared his throat. “Just a little, uh, dove, it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Do you want to go lay down?” You began what he knew would be a string of suggestions for things to do to make him feel better, and he could not stand watching you be so concerned when he was lying to you.

Almost like a flinch, he pulled back out of your arms – properly this time, taking several strides backwards away from the group. It barely registered with him that James and Sirius were looking at him with some confused amusement while Lily looked sympathetic.

“I, erm, will be fine, yeah? Nothing to worry about.” Without properly looking, he reached an arm out to grab Peter by the shoulder and all but manhandled him to his side. “Peter and I have Herbology now, but uh, I’ll catch you later?”

Remus hated how everything he said sounded like a question, like he was running a lie by you for you to confirm if it was believable. Remus hated that he couldn’t tear his gaze away from your face for more than a few seconds and most of all he hated that he was spiraling under the weight of your gaze in turn. A horrible combination.

“Take care, Rem,” you whispered as he all but ran away from you, hauling Peter along.

You stood looking after him for a moment, only turning your head when you felt Lily’s reassuring hand on your shoulder to find a small smile on her face.

“What in the buggering hell was that?” Sirius questioned, looking mostly at you for an answer.

“I don’t know,” you said, honestly. Had you known, you might still not have told him, though, if you thought Remus wouldn’t want you to. “I usually always know about his moods before they come, but this has me stumped,” you murmured, mostly to yourself.

“He woke up weirdly,” James mused, rubbing his hand across his chin. “I guess we’ll just see where the day goes, yeah?”

The four of you nodded at each other, but you still gnawed on your lip in concern, glancing over your shoulder to where he disappeared. 

Whatever it was, you hoped he would come talk with you about it when he was ready.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Remus only had one hour to compose himself during Herbology before he had Charms with you. Sharing most of his classes with you was something he had always considered a blessing, and while that sentiment would likely never fade, it was also causing him some distress as he almost toppled the work desk with his jittering.

Peter didn’t question him, but Remus’ obvious nerves were apparently contagious for the anxious boy who jittered right along with him, casting him the occasional glance.

Letting his elbows fall heavily on the desk, Remus put his head in his hands and ignored the instructions Professor Sprout was walking them through – he would let Peter pick up the slack for once and then subsequently accept the lower marks. Right now, Remus had to think and get his shit together.

He breathed his way through some panic exercises and pictured you in his mind. It almost brought a smile to his lips in an instant and for the first time, he let the realisation of how irrevocably wrecked for you he was.

Has it always been like this? Why have I never put this into words before? How can I revert back?

In that moment, Remus decided two things. Firstly, there was no possibility of you returning his feelings nor would he ever expect you to. It was true that you accepted and loved him in a way he never could quite believe himself deserving of, but that in itself is testament that it couldn’t be any more. What you gave him was already too much, it would be unthinkable for you to harbour even deeper feelings for him.

Second, and most importantly, he could not lose you. Remus has made many mistakes in his time, but he could not live with himself if he lost you. It would be too much. Because regardless of the fact that he now knew he was– that he now knew what he knew, the friendship between you was the most important thing. It was Remus and Y/N, right?

He could not be weird and sputtering, he could not make you uncomfortable. Meaning, he could not withdraw from you despite his instinct to run and hide. Shame burned within him at the thought that even if he could withdraw he didn’t know if he could fight his want not to. You were muscle memory.

Remus opened his eyes and slowly dragged his palms down his face in resolution. He would have to act as if nothing was wrong, and he would have to lie through his bloody teeth to explain away whatever bodily reactions he has.

If he starts stammering, he will have to shut up and lie that he is tired. If he becomes an embarrassing shade of auburn, he will have to cough and lie that he might be coming down with a fever. If he shakes, it is because of lack of sleep. If he, Merlin forbids, cries, he will have to claim he must be coming down with some odd moonsickness. You will surely follow him to Madam Pomfrey and maybe it will be easier when you’re alone.

Or maybe it will be worse.

No matter which it was, Remus would have to soldier it, for your sake. You did not deserve his imposing infatuation, but you also did not deserve to lose what you thought to be a loyal friend.

When him and Peter packed up the barely-used desk and mumbled a goodbye to a disapproving Sprout in the door, Remus made it his mission to focus on his breathing again as he almost ran down the hallways to where your friend group always met up outside the Charms classroom.

Be normal, be normal, be normal.

Your eyes found him the second he rounded the final corner, almost as if you had been watching it, waiting for him. A beautiful smile lit up on your face as soon as you saw him, albeit a bit dampened by the worry in your eyes – he simultaneously wanted desperately to soothe you while also berating himself for it being there. His fault.

“Hey dovey.” He forced his words to be casual, his smile to be measured as he strode up beside you. 

This is where he is supposed to drag you into a sideways hug, squeezing your hips while dropping a kiss on the top of your head, causing Sirius to make some quip about “you were literally just gone an hour. He stood beside you perhaps a beat too long before he began to do so with shaking hands, and he felt your burning look as you studied him. Remus made it all the way up to where he would kiss your head before he chickened out due to the tornado screaming in his stomach.

“Hi, Rem,” you all but whispered, your words just for him. You opened your mouth to say more, but he was afraid of what it would be.

“Waited long?” he asked to distract you from it.

“Nah,” you said and leaned further into his side. “But I’m glad you’re here now. How’re you feeling?”

At that, he saw Peter, Sirius, James and Lily – who had been stuck in their own little world – look up and try to hear what he has to say. Remus crumbled under their watchful gazes, knowing they knew him well enough to pick apart his every little reaction. He cleared his throat.

“I don’t really know,” he settled for. “My head’s murky, didn’t sleep well.”

You made a soft cooing sound and started rubbing circles on the side of his hip from where your arms were circled around him. It knocked a wave of dizziness into him that made him want to take a step back to lean against the cold stone wall behind you. In replacement he settled for holding onto you tighter; it only made it worse.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go lay down? Merlin knows we won’t be missing out on anything with the way Flitwick rambles away any sense he might have.”

This is where Remus would laugh heartily at your obvious disdain for the professor that he never truly understood. Instead, his mind zeroed in on one word you said.

We. We, we, we, we.

Circe’s tits, did he want to take you up on that.

He swallowed, acutely aware that you must have heard the sound when stood so close to him, though you didn’t give away any reaction. To buy himself a moment to collect his thoughts, Remus finally dared tilt his chin downwards to kiss the top of your head. It might have been too slow, too tentative, but his heart was beating so fast the rest of his body felt too slowed down in comparison. He hoped you thought the kiss was a thank you for caring and not the nervous stall it was. He hoped he wouldn’t be eternally damned for breathing in the scent of you.

“I’m quite alright, dove,” he murmured instead, furiously avoiding the surely questioning gazes of his other friends. “Thank you, though.”

You grumbled some but didn’t push him on it. He silently thanked you for that, too.

His throat was too parched to partake in the silent banter amongst his friends as you walked into Charms, too focused on where your bodies brushed as you walked, too deafened by the sound of your laughter.

You sat down in your regular spots, you and Remus side by side in the front, with Sirius and James behind you and Lily and Mary to your right. This was normal, this was alright. Flitwick droned on about the theoretics and debates around the charms you learned last lesson, it went in one ear and out the other.

Absentmindedly, you had grabbed Remus’ hand lightly between yours and were tracing soothing circles along his wrist and palm. You meant so well, and this would have cured likely any other ailment Remus struggled with, but right now there were fireworks going off in his head.

Taking advantage of the notice Dumbledore had given all of his professors to not call Remus out on sleeping in class, he folded his arms and laid his head down on them, carefully not to take his hand away from you. If he could shield his face, he could probably talk himself down before class ended.

In the solitude of his arms, he could picture it was just the two of you, sitting in the treehouse you built between your houses as children. If he focused enough, he could smell the apples that grew around him and feel the rough wood beneath his stomach. There, your hand would still be in his, maybe even your cheek on his chest, and it would be alright. It would all be alright because it was just you, and Remus could play dumb and he would never have to realise his feelings and fuck himself over.

It almost worked. Until he was interrupted.

“Psst! L/N?” The whisper was laced with a laughter Remus knew too well and did not care for.

You clearly ignored it – Remus could practically see the eye roll you surely threw his way – but that wasn’t enough to stop his theatrics.

“L/N!” Barty called once more from a couple seats behind you to your right, voice threatening to alert Flitwick to your inattention. “What’s wrong with your dog?”

“What?” you whispered back in equal parts confusion and irritation.

“Your puppy, Lupin,” Barty said, as if it was obvious. Unfortunately, Remus could picture his eye roll too, though his stomach was turning for a wholly different reason. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Remus is quite alright, Junior,” you hissed back, hand tightening on Remus’ at the same time as he loosened it. “And don’t call him a dog.”

Remus slowly lifted his head from his arms and took back his hands to wipe harshly at his face, still not looking towards Junior who barked a low laugh.

“Follows you around like one. Wouldn’t surprise me if you had some invisible leash going on–” Barty quipped, cutting himself off before you could respond and turning to Evan Rosier sitting beside him. “Oooooh, an invisible leash is a marvellous idea, Rosie.”

It was clear you had lost his attention, but Remus’ face still burned painfully as he shifted in his seat. With a harrumphing sound, you turned to look at him. He didn’t meet your eye, couldn’t.

“Ignore him.” Remus always marvelled at how you manage to convey your frustration and care at the same time.

He just hummed in the affirmative, still wiping a bit harshly at his face. If he treated it harshly enough, could he blame his violent flush on it?

“Cariad,” you mumbled, gently taking his hands away from his face, clearly spotting his efforts.

He saw your furrowed eyebrows looking at him, and that was the end of what he could take for the lesson. As you opened your mouth, surely to inquire about how he is, like the beautifully kind person he knows you to be, he pushed his chair backwards.

“I think I should probably listen to you and go lay down, dove,” he murmured, avoiding your gaze. Before you could shoot in and say you would come with him, he continued. “Can you please take notes for me in Transfiguration after this?” 

An indirect rejection, a plea for isolation. He didn’t look at your face as he gathered his things, waiting for you to respond instead.

“Sure, if that’s what you want,” you said carefully.

What I want is you.

“Yes, please.” Taking a deep breath, he leaned forward and pressed a parting goodbye kiss to your cheek, tradition. “Thank you, love.”

Then he was sneaking his way out around the desks, barely catching a murmured voice he knew to be Sirius’, likely leaning forward to ask you about him. His lips singed.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Remus hid away in his room for two hours, actually being truthful and trying to get a nap in. The dorm room felt serendipitous, being swept up in rare silence and a grace of darkness as he trickled in and out of consciousness. If he dreamed more of you, he would not admit it.

Any semblance of reprieve he might have chased down was ripped away from him by the creaking of the door and the wall of sound that followed his three favourite boys who always got on his last three nerves.

“Oi, Moons!” Sirius exclaimed, far too cheerily. “You know the rules!”

Remus propped his head up on his elbow from where he was sprawled on his stomach, looking blearily at the three figures as they situated themselves within the dorm. “The rule to not wake a sleeping sod? Yes, I’m the only one who knows that rule it seems.”

Sirius took off his sweater as he discarded his uniform and used it to swat at Remus. “Nope! No wallowing on your own. Sharing is caring.”

“‘M not wallowing,” Remus grumbled as he let his head fall back into his pillow.

Letting his guard down was undoubtedly a mistake because the second Sirius was out of sight, he had the audacity to jump into Remus’ bed, nearly flinging him off from the impact. Both Sirius and James were laughing boisterously as Sirius collapsed on top of Remus and ruffled his hair when he tried to shove him off. “Not anymore, no, we won’t let you.” 

Remus hated that he loved them.

“Precisely,” James added as he pointed at Remus from where he was changing into his non-uniform clothes as well. “So either speak your mind or perk up, buttercup.”

Remus groaned but let Sirius drag him up into a sitting position. “Can a poor lycanthrope not have one off day without you lot getting your knickers in a twist?” Despite his best efforts, there was no ire in his voice.

“Nope!” James said, popping the p. “Not on our watch.”

“Life is simply miserable without our Moony,” Sirius said, clutching his chest as if he was ailing. “And do you have any idea how weird it is to see your sweetheart without you by her side? It’s like watching a cut up picture.”

All humour that had been creeping into Remus’ expression was washed away in and instant as he swallowed harshly, suddenly averting his gaze from Sirius. Instead, James caught it, who looked at him with big eyes behind his glasses, cocking his head to the side. He looked far too much like the stag he is, before his mouth opened in a small gasp. “Oh,” he whispered softly.

Remus’ heart was beating painfully hard at the look of realisation that crossed his face, turning back to Sirius who had a similar knowing, almost pitying look in his eyes. No, no, no, no.

“I’ll be fine, you, erm, won’t have to live without me much longer,” Remus tried to volley back, just a few seconds too late, tongue feeling heavy at being found out.

If his best mates could see through him that quickly, then you probably already had. He had half a mind to take you up to the Astronomy Tower like old times, so he could apologise and then jump off as an act of redemption.

Sirius gave his shoulder a rough squeeze, shaking him a little as if he knew what was going through his mind. “Fantastic. Then you’ll join us for our free periods, yeah? And the party later tonight?”

Still somewhat sputtering, Remus’ eyes widened to an extent he was sure was comedic. “The pa– the party?”

James smiled at him. “Yeah, Moons. Gryffindor half-term party? That we have talked about all week?”

“Merlin, maybe Pomfrey needs to go easy on the potions she gives you,” Sirius teased, getting up to finish changing.

“Or she could give me more,” Remus whispered hopefully, earning him a round of chuckles. 

“You’ll be fine, Rem,” James said, with an undertone Remus did not care for. “If you’re still feeling… off throughout the day and night, you can always snuggle up with a book and ignore us hooligans.” Then, almost as if he was testing the waters. “I’m sure Y/N would love to join you.”

Remus didn’t deign any of that with a response, but he suddenly thought he should get out of his bed so his face didn’t seem so red in contrast with the white sheets.

“I have some essays to knock out, so yeah, I’ll join you to study,” Remus relented. He opened his own trunk to get changed, but decided to half-ass it and just take off his tie and replace his uniform wool with one of his own patterned jumpers.

“And for the party later!” Sirius corrected, ensuring Remus didn’t think he could back out.

“Sure, sure.” He ruffled his own hair so it was Remus-messy and not Sirius-messed-up-my-hair-messy. “Let’s just go.”

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Considering the extent to which he could fuck this up for himself, Remus reckoned he had been doing fairly good keeping his shit together throughout the day.

If he mentally cursed more than normal, contemplated the murder of each one of his friends including himself and generally couldn’t breathe, well, that was merely part of it.

The whole lot had shacked up in the library for the triple free periods you had back to back on Fridays. While you doted concernedly over him for the first thirty minutes, you eased up once you seemed to decide that this wasn’t Remus shoving down some lycanthropy-struggles and avoiding support and help. 

As always, the two of you sat in the love seat, your legs sprawled over his lap as you read through your textbooks in the oddest positions. This was usually something he might chide you for – “your neck will hurt if you hang over the edge like that, love” – but today he buried his face into his textbooks with all his might to not seem like he was aware of your body. He was, of course, you burned over his skin and lit up his heart, and Circe’s tits was he the stupidest sod in the whole castle.

Nonetheless, he made it through all three hours, engaging in comforting banter and low laughs with his best mates. When you teamed up with him to mess with Sirius, he at least knew that you weren’t upset with him in any way, even though he was being a lunatic today, even though he most definitely would have deserved it.

What Remus knew would be his breaking point was the Gryffindor party.

It was a laid back event, a party thrown for all of Gryffindor, though it was mostly the upper years who were encouraged to attend. They arranged it halfway through every term to celebrate making it through and engaging with each other. Meaning, most people didn’t get shitfaced but there was some good bubbling energy maintained throughout the whole night.

You and Remus had a tradition for how you dealt with parties – just as you had a tradition for pretty much everything, he had come to notice. Gods, he lov– Stop it.

Neither one of you were necessarily fond of large crowds, but you both were incredibly loyal and fond of your friends and wanted to spend time with them. Thus, you attended the parties, but you always did so together. The more uncomfortable you got, the closer you would get to each other, and if one ever needed a break, they would tap the other three times and they would make up an excuse to usher them out of there.

It had never felt so unnerving to be so known.

Throughout the whole party he had been jittery, head rushing with thoughts. He desperately tried not to take in your outfit and then he desperately tried not to read into it when you seemed disappointed he didn’t compliment you for it like he usually did. Why did he have to be such a sweet best friend normally? Remus can’t keep up with himself.

It did not help him in the slightest that others around the party seemed to focus on your outfit much more openly than he could dare. It made him gravitate even closer to you, tighten his hand on his hip, momentarily rest his chin on the top of your head – and then his actions made him want to kick himself. Possessiveness was the last thing he could be engaging with when he was already betraying you in such a manner. 

Leave it to Remus to fuck up something beautiful.

To say you didn’t seem to notice that he was troubled would be taking it too far, but at least you didn’t seem to notice why. You kept him close to your side and would at random points stroke his back soothingly. He wondered if you just thought he was uncomfortable with the party.

You were chatting with Pandora by the drinks table when Barty and Evan strolled up to you both with cheshire cat grins.

“There he is, back on his leash,” Junior said through a menacing laugh, ignoring Evan’s slight elbow to his side. “Feeling better, darling?”

“What brings you to the lions' den, Junior?” Remus asked carefully to divert the topic.

“Well. Y/N’s going so Pandora’s going so Evan’s going, and thus–” he did a small flourishing spin “– I’m going.”

“You’re impossible,” Evan murmured, while Pandora just smiled happily. 

“Is he feeling better, then?” Barty asked once more, this time looking at you.

“No, actually,” you said with a small smile Remus knew not to be genuine. “He is absolutely devastated you’re not in the Slytherin common room right now. He had big plans for you there, you know.”

Remus tried to choke down his laugh as Barty looked torn between glee and irritation. Somehow he made both work. “Sorry to soil your plans then, Lupin. Better luck next time.”

Then he stalked off in almost a hurry and Remus couldn’t help but hope he was going to Slytherin to check if you were telling the truth. 

He looked down at where you were standing beside him and squeezed your shoulder lightly. “You really are a minx,” he whispered conspiratorially.

That turned out to be his undoing. You turned your head to the side to look up at him with mirth playing around in your enamouring eyes, a soft tilt to the corner of your mouth. And your face was oh so painfully close to his.

Remus became acutely aware that he could easily lean in and catch your smile with his. That the air he was breathing had been close to you in some of the only ways he had not yet. That he must look like your boyfriend when you’re standing essentially pressed up against each other like this.

That he most certainly has been looking at your lips for far too long.

When he flicks his gaze back up, he sees a slight furrow between your brows again as you seem to take in his reaction, and suddenly he goes from having butterflies in his stomach to needing to throw them all up. He took a sudden staggering step backwards, almost crashing into James who was engaging in some animated discussion with Marlene.

“I, uh,” Remus said and dear Godrick he was stammering. “I’ll get us some drinks and we can sit down, yeah?” He didn’t wait for you to respond, instead spinning his back to you and hoping you pick up conversation with Pandora again.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Don’t be a bloody arse.

He hoped he had steadied himself enough by the time he plopped down in his favourite grandfather chair near the fire. He placed both of your drinks on the table in front of him, vowing to touch his as minimally as possible to make sure he keeps whatever wits he has left with him.

A dumb smile takes over his face as his breathing quickens when he sees you make your way over to the seating area, after having listened to his desperate silent plea and finished your conversation with Pandora. Pushing his luck, he shoots another silent prayer that it will be smooth sailing from here, which is apparently promptly ignored as you happily sit down in his lap.

Fuck.

This, he reminds himself, is also normal for the two of you. Especially at parties, especially if you have reason to believe he is unsteady in any sense of the word, which he most certainly has given you plenty of reason to believe. 

You give him some form of greeting he can’t quite catch and isn’t sure if he reciprocated as you settle down, putting majority of your weight on his right thigh as you lean your body sideways against his. One of your arms snuck around his shoulders, fingers winding up playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, while the other is stabilising yourself on his knee. Majority of your close friends had followed your lead by sitting down in the small gathering, chattering amongst themselves. He was half-aware that you were rambling on about something to him, something he probably really wanted to listen to, but it felt like his head was underwater.

Unsure of what else to do, he lowered his face into your shoulder and took deep breaths there.

You seemed wholly unbothered, fingers continuing in his hair as your soothing voice carried him through what he feared might become a panic attack. He was almost there, when the cocoon you two had in your chair was burst by the presence of your other friends.

“You alright there, Moons? You’re not going to go all vampire on poor Y/N?” Sirius’ tone was lighthearted and teasing, but Remus felt as if he might actually die.

“Oh, he’s quite alright,” you answered for him with a smile before he could embarrass himself, immediately switching over to engage in conversation with the friends sitting closest to you. Your hand on his knee squeezed reassuringly.

Fuck, how could he not love you?

He loved you.

Remus almost had to fight crying as he hid in the crook of his neck, overwhelmed by his own emotions and the surely watchful gazes of those around him – the latter of which was why he couldn’t. 

With a deep breath he let his desire win for just one second and pressed a soft kiss to your shoulder before emerging from his hiding place. He shifted you carefully to be more comfortable, so that your back was against him and he could rest his head on the shoulder he just kissed.

He did fairly good, partaking in conversation, engaging with the others, albeit more quietly and less than usual. He laughed and he smiled and you were so soft against him, as if you had melted. Remus was in heaven while being tortured.

Marlene wolf whistled quietly from where she was sat on the floor, eyeing Remus with mirth. Though he still did not know why, he was already turning red, the tips of his ears burning.

“Hi, Remmy.” He heard the soft voice say beside him and he turned his head to see Emmeline giving him a somewhat sly smile. “The dance floor’s picking up. Want to go for another round?”

Remus’ stomach churned. Emmeline was such a sweet girl and he never could say no to her, the only thing that felt worse than the embarrassment from his friends’ teasing was the thought of embarrassing her – though Remus was sure even thinking like that made him into an even bigger arse.

Sirius and James had told him multiple times that he could say no. As had you, reminding him how important it was to have boundaries, even while you were sitting practically on top of him at the time. He just could never bring himself to.

Yet his mouth seemed to move on its own accord before he could think, arms tightening around you. “No, not tonight Emmeline, sorry. Knock yourself out, though.” He tried to give her a warm smile, but his movements seemed to be outside of his control at the moment, breath sucked from his lungs.

He realised with a sting that he should have given her more credit all along when she beams back at him. “No worries, enjoy your night!” she cheered before twirling towards the dance floor herself.

Remus let out a shaky breath and turned to his friends who were almost staring him down. James’ mouth was even open in shock, which he thought was a bit dramatic.

“Hold on, what just happened?” Sirius guffawed. “Has our little Moony learned to say no?”

Remus flushed even further. “Shut up, Pads.”

“Don’t think I will,” his mate replied with a wolfish grin turning to look to the others for support. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

“What’s inspired this change in you?” Mary asked thoughtfully, propping her head into her hands as if she was settling in for a lengthy response.

All eyes were back on Remus and he felt like the mask he had been clinging to all day was crumbling. The nerves that shot through him like lightning now was not his usual humiliation from being in a charged spotlight – no, this was fear. Genuine fear that if he didn’t get his head screwed back on within two seconds, he might say something too revealing, or his face would do it without him having to open his mouth. That his fiery ears would somehow spell out I am in love with my very best friend and I realised it too late and am making it everybody else’s problem. He had no idea what to do.

In his time of despair, with Mary’s big eyes staring up at him, Marlene and Lily already snickering between them and Sirius raising an expecting brow, his instincts knew of only one way out.

His finger on your hip lifted. Tap, tap, tap.

Almost as if a switch had gone off, you made a soft gasp and turned to look at him in his lap. “Gods, Rem, speaking of Emmeline, I totally forgot our gift for Sirius in my dorm room in Ravenclaw!” you exclaimed, putting your all into the act. Your excuse seemed to be a good one as Sirius’ head immediately picked up, not unlike that of a dog’s if you said the word ‘treat’ around them. “We have to go get it before the party’s over.”

You elegantly hopped up and out of his lap, dragging him behind him with a grip on his elbow. Remus stumbled and scrambled behind you, tossing a sorry don’t know what that’s about look to the others over his shoulder. He barely caught sight of what he could only classify as a knowing exchange of smiles between James and Lily.

Before he could truly process your rescue mission, he was standing outside in the cool hallway breathing heavily, portrait closed behind him. 

Before him, you stood with your hands on your hips, scanning his face thoroughly, making him almost cower beneath your gaze. You seemed to make up your mind about something as you took his hand once more and walked with him down the hall in silence, rounding the corners until you reached one of the deep windowsills, the kind the two of you would always sit in and read. 

You jumped to lift yourself into it and once you were sat with one hand on each side of your body, you levelled him with a look.

“Okay, spill,” you said, directly but not unkindly. “What is going on with you?”

Remus did not think this through. He needed help and so he called upon you for it like he always does, not thinking to consider that that might very well make this worse for him.

“It’s…” he began, picking at straws in his mind for an excuse. “It’s nothing, dove. Really.” 

“When’s my birthday?” you asked then, to his surprise. He furrowed his brows at you and told you the date. You smiled a bit smugly. “Exactly. So you know I wasn’t born yesterday.”

He genuinely laughed at that, even if it was at his expense. He let his body do as it wished and took a small step closer to you. Not enough for your bodies to touch, but enough to feel like he was in your space. Safe, even in his panic.

“Remus,” you said softly, painfully gently. You rarely used his first name, and now when you did, it was laced with an undertone he couldn’t stomach. It was beginning to sound a bit like hurt. “What is going on with you? Why… why are you acting this way towards me?”

Because you are the one thing I have never had to question and now I’m questioning everything. Because I’m a bloody prick who has one dream and ruins his life over it. Because my mind is running a mile a minute and your lips feel like magnets and I swear I am losing control in a way I only do during full moons.

“I don’t know what to do,” he ended up whimpering quietly, cowardly.

You looked around the hallway as if the answer would be written on any of the walls and moved your arms slightly to gesture around you. “About what? I can’t help you unless I know what it is, cariad.”

He scrunched his face for a moment, looking away from you. “Can we not do this? It’s nothing you can fix, dove.”

You seemed to grow even more confused at that, almost frustrated. “Why not?” He realised then that the two of you had always helped each other through everything. Being locked out must hurt. He wanted to kick himself, but he didn't know what else to do. “What’s wrong, Remus, please I just–”

Remus is besieged by the power of someone much more reckless, driven by desire to alleviate you of your confusion and him of his pain.

He cut you off with a kiss.

He took a large stride forward to slot himself in between your thighs, eliminating the space between you within a second, bringing both hands up to cup the sides of your face and bring it towards him. His eyes were shut tightly, furrow in his brows as his lips all but smashed against yours in a kiss that felt sacrificially sacred. Your lips are just as soft as in his dream, as is the small gasp that escapes you as you tense in his grasp.

Remus has never felt better and he has never felt worse.

The kiss lasts for about 10 seconds before he pulls away in even more of a flurry. His hands lost their grip on you first, hovering over your cheeks briefly, as if considering going back in before thinking better of it. He still had you captured in the kiss, hanging on to it for as long as he could deign himself, knowing it was his last opportunity to do so, all the while kicking himself over it.

Backing away, he put double the distance between you. He felt drunk, stumbling slightly as he all but scrambled away, a stinging sensation behind his eyes.

“I’m so sorry, I don't know why I did that. I didn’t mean to,” he breathed out, reeling at his own impulsivity. “That,” he said through a shaking voice as he looked anywhere but your face, “is my problem, and Y/N, I am so, so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

For the shortest second, he lets his eyes flicker quickly over your face before rushing back to stare at a statue on the wall beside you. Your face was blank, eyes wide. Your fingers were barely touching the lips he had just enclosed in his own.

You must be disgusted. You must be horrified. You must feel violated and Remus wanted nothing more than to disappear from the face of the earth and rid you of this undying problem.

He was every bit the beast you had tried to convince him he wasn’t.

“Why…” you began, voice but a whisper, before you trailed off.

Remus had to shut his eyes at that, tilting his head slightly to the side. If he breathed through his nose, he might not cry. He was sitting before the highest court he knew, and you were about to ask him to explain himself.

“Why are you sorry?”

The words floored him a little, enough to make his eyes snap open and land back on your face. You looked deeply concerned, brows tilted upwards as you seemed to take his face in. “Remus,” you whispered now that you finally had his eyes on you. “Why are you sorry?”

He shook his head in confusion, feeling every bit like the boy he was. “I shouldn’t have done that.” It was all he could get out through his hoarse voice. He also had no idea how to answer that question in a satisfactory way.

You took in a short sharp breath and then lowered yourself onto the ground to stand before him. With your hands held out in front of you, almost as if you were ready to lunge out and catch him if he was to run – an idea that was becoming increasingly enticing to him – you took a small step towards him. “Why?” There was a growing spark in your eye, dimmed only by your worried frown.

“Y/N.” He didn’t know what else to say, eyes trained on you.

“Cariad,” you replied in the same tone, and a tear slipped down his left cheek. You took another measured step towards him, enough to reach out for him if you wanted to – but of course, you wouldn’t want to, not anymore. “It’s alright.”

He felt dizzy at the lack of the scolding or disgust he had braced himself for, realising how stupid he was for even fearing that from you. No, you would reject him sweetly and kindly, and his heart would never be mended from it. That felt worse, somehow.

“It’s not,” he whispered. “Please don’t say it is.”

You smiled ruefully and took another small step towards him. He could feel the warmth eminating from you. Tentatively, you reached up a hand to wipe at the tear still sitting on his left cheek. He held his breath and fought the urge to lean into your touch, but when you pressed your palm more firmly against his cheek, he couldn’t anymore. A soft sigh escaped him and he let his eyes fall shut as your touch supported him. “It is, my sweet boy,” you whispered with an urgency that almost convinced him. “Remus, can you answer me honestly?”

His body tensed once more as his eyes fluttered open to find yours, reverent. Most parts of him were still screaming at him to run away, to shut up, to do anything but this. His heart seemed to be in charge for the moment, though, and he nodded slowly. Trusting you with his world even as he felt like a traitor in yours.

“All this, today… has it been because you have realised you’re… in love with me?” You seemed to be piecing it together as you said the words out loud, eyes carefully searching his face for his reaction.

Another tear slipped down his cheek, and you quickly caught it with your other thumb, both hands now cradling his face. “I’m so sorry,” he said once more.

“You’re not allowed to be,” you whispered, giving him a half-smile, almost as if you were indulging him in a secret of yours. “Please answer the question?”

It was now or never. “Yes.”

To his utter surprise and deep-seated confusion, the smile on your face grew genuine, settling into the one he always searched for. He almost opened his mouth to question it before he was cut off.

No words can describe the sensations that bloomed in his chest, the butterflies that flitted in his stomach, when you used your hands on his face as leverage to pull him towards you for another kiss.

You kissed him. You kissed him. You were kissing.

His mind was threatening to take off like a rocket and captiulate, but his hands had never been more steady as they circled around your waist, splaying out over the small of your back as he dragged you closer. You sighed against him, smile still evident over your lips, and Remus dared – like the bastard he was – to mirror it. 

You were warm against him, but wholly different than you had been in his dream. This felt distinctly real. And just as right.

When you pulled away, your hands had migrated to the back of his neck and you kept your forehead leaned against his. “Good,” you murmured with your eyes still closed. “Because the feeling is mutual.”

He almost reared his head away from you, but managed to only pull back a few centimetres to stare at you in awe. Remus opened his mouth, but no words came out; he could find none intelligent enough to verbalise how utterly gobsmacked he felt.

You seemed to understand him just as well, going by your breathy laugh. There was still that spark in your eye, now shining brightly in the absence of your worry. Had the worry been for him?

“I know I don’t say this enough, but you really are quite an idiot, aren’t you?” you laughed and he slowly felt his heart start beating again.

“Spent too much time with Sirius and James, clearly,” he muttered, half expecting the joke to land flat and you to remember how disgusting he was. Instead, your laugh intensified and you leaned your body further against his. It emboldened him to ask, “What do you mean the feeling is mutual, dove?”

You let your arms glide further up, crossing behind his neck and over his shoulder, bringing him impossibly closer. “Remus John Lupin,” you whispered sincerely. “I am madly in love with you. Romantically. Genuinely. Any thoughts you have that explain that away are false and you mustn't listen to them. I thought you knew by now that I’m always right.”

Even as the grin involuntarily established itself on his face, his eyes were shining with unshed tears. He looked at your face, truly studied it, and he could feel his mind ever so slowly calm down. “You are.”

“What am I?” You were testing him, and he allowed it wholeheartedly.

“Right,” he confirmed. Albeit a bit more hesitantly, he knew better than not to add, “and… in love with me?”

“Two points to Gryffindor.” You reached up to give his lips a soft peck. It felt so natural, like it was already habit for you. He desperately wanted it to be.

“I’m sorry, I’m still reeling from this, dovey,” he confessed, trying to process everything.

There had never been any judgement to be found in your face. “Which parts are you struggling with the most?” 

Your eyes were full of understanding, your face scrunched up in concentration. Remus indulged himself in an old habit by reaching up with one hand to thumb the furrows away. It made you smile just like he wanted it to, and gave him a minute to think. “I don’t understand how I didn’t get it before now. I don’t understand how or why you put up with me. I don’t understand how to keep all these feelings inside such a small heart.”

Your hands were stroking his back carefully as you considered his words. “Well, firstly I would argue your heart isn’t small at all, though I get what you mean. You’re not meant to keep all the feelings inside, you know? That’s when you get all sputtery and jittery and start avoiding your best friends.” You gave him a pointed look and he almost shied under your glance. “Sharing them before you bubble over is always a good thing. We’ll work on it together. As for why I put up with you; I don’t. There’s nothing to put up with, I just enjoy you like we always have.”

Your eyes had trailed off into the distance as you thought, but you brought them back to him with a small smile as you added the final part. “I don’t know what did make you realise, so I can’t help you much there. All I can say is, sometimes we don’t see what is right in front of us.”

Remus nodded along to your words, feeling peace spreading within in that manner only you could inspire in him. He truly was an idiot, wasn’t he? “How long have you known?” he asked then, curiously.

“About you or me?”

“Both?” His smile was becoming closer to his standard sheepish one, and you seemed to preen at the sight.

You bobbed your head side to side as you considered. “It’s hard to pinpoint an exact date – it wasn’t an overnight discovery you know?” Remus did in fact not know nor relate. “But I realised we were in love, not either one’s feelings. It just sat calmly within me.”

“You mean you didn’t freak out to the extent where all students and professors alike were worried about you?”

He grinned at the small giggle that drew from you as you decidedly said, “No. Definitely not.” You studied him for a minute more. “I think I realised about five months ago, but I didn’t feel any real need to rush anything. It felt less like being given a to-do list and more like being revealed the plot twist in a movie before it happens, if you understand? The two best friends get together in the end, don’t tell anyone.”

He ducked his head at that. While he could not relate, your explanation and experience was so wholeheartedly you that it endeared him to no end. “Does that mean we should just ignore it for five more months or…?” His grin turned cheeky as you lightly swatted his shoulder.

“Nah,” you chuckled. “I reckon we’ve waited long enough, yeah?”

He sighed with a smile. “Yeah.”

You both leaned forward at the same time, as if to seal the deal with a kiss. Remus could feel it like electricity in the tips of his fingers, and he understood what you meant about knowing. Now that he was no longer in a constant state of panic, he felt incredibly calm about the whole ordeal.

Or maybe that’s just how he feels around you.

“Should I ask you formally to be my girlfriend, or are we just skipping straight to marriage?” he whispered against your lips.

Remus felt almost wolfish when you barked a loud laugh, throwing your head back and tightening your hold on him instinctively. “I think girlfriend’s enough for now, yeah cariad?”

“If you insist.” He kissed you through his grin, realising that this was all he wanted to do now.

Like he had so many times before, he tightened his arms around your waist and twirled you around in a few circles, legs flying out behind you. Except this time, your giggles were not hidden in his neck but pressed against his lips, and he tried to capture as many kisses as possible while he spun you.

When you landed with a breathless giggle, he kept one arm firmly around your waist as the two of you slowly made your way back to the Gryffindor common room. He wondered if maybe he could grab some blankets and bring you up to the Astronomy Tower so you could be alone without his friends’ meddling. Yet, he wanted to see them as well, ready to volley back any quips about “took you long enough” and “I fucking called it”. Plus, you argued that you should prove that he was in fact alive and sane.

When he walked the halls back to the Gryffindor common room with your body against his, everything felt right. When you entered together, and everyone read what had happened written clearly across your faces, resorting to their usual hoots and hollers, arguably louder than ever before, it never stopped feeling right. 

Remus being Remus, flushed deeply and averted his gaze, as he would continue doing under any uncalled for attention – but your arms squeezing him around the middle brought him right back down and your kiss to his shoulder soothed the burn of their gazes.

“What’s my gift then?” Sirius later asked salaciously as he eyed you two up and down where you cuddled together right back in the same chair, as if nothing changed. Maybe nothing really did.

You grinned widely and cleared your throat. “I honourably present to you,” you said and opened your arms towards Remus with a flourish. “A Moony who is no longer mooning.”

The little group erupted in even more cheers, celebrating the massive feat of taming their brooding boy. Remus couldn’t help but laugh along, even at his own expense. His cheeks were red but it was equally due to the exertion of laughing as it was a tinge of embarrassment. When he hid his face into the crook of your neck again, he didn’t feel nearly as guilty when he pressed a few kisses to the bare skin he found there – even less so when you melted against him with a sigh.

It felt as if a permanent smile had been sown onto his face where he sat, more content than he believed he had been while inside this castle.

Despite Remus Lupin’s disdain for public displays of affection, he had held you publicly many times before this. They all paled in comparison to the feeling of you in his arms now. 

It had always been significant to him in its casualty, just as you have always been significant to him long before he had the mind to put the feeling into words. He will always treasure every moment of your existence in his orbit. Yet the way you melted into his skin now, growing roots in each one of his aching bones – no, nothing could compare to it.

Yes, Remus Lupin ailed from public displays of affection. But you were his cure.

[moonyswolfie]

Life sucks knowing you’ll never find that one fic u lost

[moonyswolfie]

Being a girl is: wanting to go to bed early but deciding to just get on tumblr/wattpad/Ao3 for a little bit and then end up finding a fic series that you really like and read until well past your usual bedtime then keeping on because it’s already past your bedtime. Then being mad when you wake up in the morning because you overslept your timer.

[moonyswolfie]

“not all men”

you’re right, my favorite fictional character would never.

[moonyswolfie]

the bond between a girl and their favorite fictional man is both an unstoppable force and an immovable object

[moonyswolfie]

“not all men”

you’re right, my favorite fictional character would never.

[moonyswolfie]

This is so sweet I melted

Hii! I am so glad you are back!! May I requests headcanon about sirius or james (you pick which one you want to do) falling in love with someone who has never dated someone and has trust and intimacy issues and how they would try to get the reader to be more comfortable and how they’d convince the reader to give it a chance? Thanks im advance

hi babe!! i picked james because i feel like he is such golden retriever energy and this is giving me black cat energy reader if you get me lol :D also bc i am a james hoe. i also have never dated anyone so this is very close to my heart hahaha

james with reader who's never dated anyone hcs (golden retriever x black cat vibes)

i feel like when james first starts to be interested in you you are very oblivious. like have no clue whatsoever

you literally are like new friend :D great :)

then after some time passes, and he is very... involved, lets say, you're a bit suspicious?? why is this man talking to you so much?? he has been obsessed with miss evans for multiple years now??? is this just a tactic to make her jealous?? hmmmmmm

and you sort of pull away from james a little

not completely cut him off,, but just a little, to get some headspace you know, to figure out the situation

because this is all new to you

however if there is one thing mr james potter has not learnt from years of chasing after lily is how to give girls space

james sees you pulling away and LATCHES ON

like a leech

like whatever attention he was still giving to lily he like beams it all onto you

however you get a bit frazzled by this? its so much at once and you really don't want to be discarded in a couple weeks once lily misses the attention yk

so you pull away even further ! and james is sad :( this man is definition of golden retriever energy and he just has so much love to give and you're just so cool and and and

very hyper boy

so he gives you space. jamie understands he has to approach the situation differently.

this gives you time to think through things! and so after a week you approach him and sort of quietly talk things through

because as much as you were overwhelmed with all his attention focused on you, you do enjoy some of it. just in small doses :)

once jamie understands it was all a bit much but you do like him and you just want some reassurance he is THERE

'i like you a lot,, but i understand why you might be a bit nervous because of the whole lily situation? it is definitely over between me and her but i'm happy to take things slow ,, whatever you need i'm here :)'

soft jamie makes my heart go brrrrr

so you've been dating for a couple weeks, just doing low key dates in library and around the castle

you and jamie are hanging out in the gryffindor common room with his friends

the girls have come over as well

you and jamie are on the sofa, and he slides his hand into yours

normally you'd be fine, but you freeze up a bit, and drop his hand- you feel like there are so many eyes on you and its suffocating

he looks at you questioningly, but you ignore him and keep listening to everyone else speak

after everyone's cleared off to go to bed, james nudges you

'you okay?'

'yeah.. i just wasn't really comfortable with it around other people yet? i'm sorry .'

he nudges you again to get you to look at him

'don't apologise, sweetheart. i won't do it if you're not comfortable,, i just want to make you happy .'

you smile at him, and squeeze his hand

sweetest boy

a couple more weeks go by, and you guys are just taking it easy

one day at a time

james holds off on affection when you're in public

you notice him going to take your hand, and then catching himself and moving back

then, gryffindor wins against ravenclaw, and there's a big party in the common room

you've had a couple drinks, and are just a little bit more confident than usual

you see james in the corner talking to frank and marlene, sipping his drink, red and gold splashed over his cheeks mixing with the flush from the firewhiskey

literally ethereal

you finish your vodka/juice monster mix, take a deep breath, and walk over, hugging him from behind

he startles a bit, then sees you, and just softens

his eyes sparkle, and he tugs you closer, pressing a kiss to your hair, as he nods along to frank gesturing enthusiastically about the game

at least you think that's what frank is talking about

you couldn't really care at the moment

you're a bit too distracted with your golden boy :)

requests are open ! :)

[moonyswolfie]

Revenge

And I am back with an oldie, another smut piece I too down last year. I started reading A Court of Silver Flames yesterday as well so it seemed only fitting to post a Cassian piece.

Hopefully there will be more to come soon.

Please do not read if you are under the age of 18.

Pairing: Cassian x reader

Masterlist

“Again.”

You gritted your teeth at the command. It was ridiculous. You should have been able to take him down in the last sparring, especially that he held back. Instead, you were on your back in the mud, cheeks flushed as the circle around you erupted in fits of laughter and giggles. 

“It’s pointless, Cassian. I’m done for today.”

“I do not recall your dismissal.”

The Illyrians around you silenced at his tone. The General’s tone. 

You stopped dead in the tracks, your back facing him and a little smirk curled the corners of your pink full lips.

“Nor I taking orders from you. I am your lover, not one of those pricks.” you said gesturing towards the Illyrian males surrounding you. “And that was my dismissal.”

You heard a low snarl that made everyone still, yet continued your way towards your cabin, still not facing him, while the warriors cleared a path for you. They knew better than to provoke you, much because that mostly led to facing their General’s wrath. And sometimes they couldn’t decide which was worse: yours or Cassian’s.

It wasn’t fair what you just did, undermining his authority in front of his soldiers, but he really got on your nerves.

You entered and shut the door behind you, leaning against it with your eyes closed. You let out a sigh of frustration as you ran a hand through your hair, messing it up a little. 

This was supposed to end differently. You trained with Rhys and Az in secret to surprise Cassian, to show him you can be better than him for once, at least during one single fight. Yet you got yourself a lost battle with a moody bat, all thanks to his insubordinate warriors. 

You kicked your foot into the door and swore slightly as the sparring played into your mind on repeat, embarrassment now heating up your face. You were so confident and look where that got you.

A growl from outside broke the deadly silence you didn’t even acknowledge as your mind worked at full speed and short whispers here and there entered through the window. You rolled your eyes as you stepped away from the door, knowing his temper will very well cost Rhys a new one if you kept up your attitude. 

“Bored of those fools already, Commander?” you made sure he felt the sarcasm coating your words.

“Do you find this amusing?” he kept his tone low and steady though his anger was definitely on edge. “You tell me you want to train and learn from my soldiers all they know about Illyrian training yet give up when a stronger male challenges you. And I heard you wanted to impress me today. Well I’m impressed. I didn’t know you were such a coward.”

Your mouth was agape as your eyes scanned his figure - his face, looking for any sign that he might take his words back. 

None.

“And tell me Commander” you begun with an even voice “does a coward usually stand up to you? Undermine your authority in front of your inferiors like I just did? Or does a coward have the balls to fulfill all your wicked desires? Go down on you like I do? Make you roar in pleasure or beg?”

It was his turn to stare at you a bit surprised, but recovered soon. A glint in his eyes told you he was not even near letting you win this. Oh, no. And he knew exactly how to get advantage.

“My, my. You talk about my desires being wicked yet I’m thinking the only wicked thing here is your pretty little mouth. Maybe I shall teach you how to obey?”

He looked you up and down, Siphons gleaming for a second revealing the lust he was losing the leash on.

Cassian approached you with slow and steady steps and you started to feel exposed under his sight. One large hand rested on your hip while the other caressed your cheek gently - then he scooped you up and carried you to your shared bedroom, dropping you not so gracefully on the huge bed.

“I’ll make sure this entire war-camp knows how well you will behave from now on. Especially to me.” he growled while unbuckling the straps on his fighting leathers and discarding his top on the ground.  

You watched him climb on the bed beside you, feeling the warmth of his body from the training. He had a devilish grin on his face as he pulled your shirt up and threw it away in the corner of the room, exposing your bare breasts to him. Cassian licked his lips, his expression hardening a bit.

“You went out there with no bra?”

“Bra or not, I was fully clothed, so what difference does it make?”

His lips formed a straight line and his eyes were telling you not to challenge him - so that’s exactly what you did.

“Cassian when will you stop being a jealous little bat?” you purred, a smug smile plastered on your lips. 

His expression changed immediately, a smirk making its way on his beautiful face and determination clear in his eyes.

“I will show you exactly how little I am.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his tone and a shiver went through your body in anticipation. 

His lips attacked yours roughly as his fingers roamed your figure, one hand settling on the small of your back, pushing you towards him even more. You sunk into the kiss, his scent and his taste driving your mind to different lands. You gripped his shoulders tight and he pulled you into his lap, grinding slightly against your clothed core. You gasped and he let out a low growl, nipping at your bottom lip for you to grant him permission to deepen the kiss. 

But you decided to play a little more as you felt the growing bulge in his pants. After all, you were never one to obey the rules, so you pulled away, leaving a puzzled look on his face.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice raspy and a small frown already forming.

“Well maybe we shouldn’t do this. I mean, you are so certain I am a coward. Does a coward do such things?” you asked innocently, batting your eyelashes at him, knowing the effects your words will have on him.

The snarl deep in his throat just proved your point.

“You know” he purred, gripping your wrist and pulling you back on top of him, straddling his lap “this would have fooled me if it weren’t for the growing arousal I scent.”

He dipped his hand past the waistband of your pants and the band of your panties, stroking your clit lightly and teasing your entrance with his index finger.

You let out a whimper at the touch, moving your hips ever so slightly to get more friction on his sinful fingers until he gripped your middle with his other hand to keep you still. He pushed a finger inside you, a feline smile spreading across his lips as you clenched around it.

“Ah, all wet and ready for me, Sweetheart.”

You moaned at the sensation, trying to grind down on his hand but he was determined to keep you in place. He pushed a second finger in, curling them inside right against your sweet spot with every pump and you closed your eyes, throwing your head back, enjoying the way his fingers were caressing your inner walls. 

He suddenly retracted them and returned the innocent smile you gave him earlier.

“Too bad you cannot put up with that. With me.”

You opened your eyes and stared right into his playful hazel ones.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Oh but I am, Sweetheart.”

Normally, you would have resisted the temptation and left him there, just to make sure he won’t get the satisfaction he’s seeking. But he turned you on bad enough for you to let out a whimper you didn’t even recognized as yours.

“Cassian please.”

“Please what, love?”

“Please, just fuck me already.”

His devil like grin widened at your words and he wasted no time in obeying your demand.

He pulled the pants down your legs, admiring your choice of underwear. A lacy pair of red panties to match his Siphons. 

He hummed as he gently rubbed your core once again, this time through the thin material of your panties. You unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down mid thigh, freeing his generous length and started to slowly pump it, spreading the precum all over his head. Your lips met his again in a sloppy open-mouthed kiss while he ripped off your underwear and tossed it away on the floor. His fingers played with your folds once more, this time with no intention to stop as he broke the kiss and lowered himself between your legs, his eyes watching you carefully.

Your back arched in anticipation as Cassian’s hands held your thighs steady, his lips leaving a trail of wet kisses behind. When you felt his breath on your dripping core, your mind shattered, incoherent pleas leaving your now swollen lips. As he licked a stripe up to your clit, your hands shot to his hair, pulling at the long dark strands.

Cassian grunted as he savoured your taste, stroking your folds with his tongue and making slow, lazy moves with his thumb on your clit. You groaned and brought one of your hands over your mouth, biting on your fingers to keep from being too loud.

“Don’t hold it, Sweetheart, I want to hear you screaming my name.”

He removed your hand and kissed the back of it, then interlacing your fingers with his. He positioned himself and entered you in one deep thrust, careful not to hurt you. You laced your arms around his neck and moaned loudly into his mouth, well aware that the Illyrians outside could hear you but not caring. All you could focus on right now was the feeling of Cassian’s cock parting your walls, overwhelming you. Cassian stopped, letting you adjust to his size before thrusting into you at a fast pace. With every thrust, the knot in the pit of your stomach grew, getting you closer and closer to your orgasm. You gripped his shoulders and flipped over so you were now on top, moving your hips in sync with his.

Cassian growled and licked your bottom lip, moving lower, kissing your jaw and nipping at your earlobe. The Illyrian nuzzled his face in the junction between your neck and shoulder and biting hard to keep himself from roaring.  

You felt your release closer as he fastened his pace from under you and cried out when his teeth grazed your sensitive nipple. You took your revenge though, stroking the membrane of his mighty wings until you found that special spot.

“You’re wicked.” his words were strained from the delicious pleasure taking over him.

You moaned his name like a prayer as the pleasure of your release overcame you in massive waves, making your head spin and Cassian followed shortly after with a roar, spilling himself inside you with a few more sloppy thrusts, then laying exhausted beside you on the bed. 

He pulled you against his chest, your legs intertwined and his fingers combing through your hair.

“I’m sorry for undermining your authority in front of those pricks.”

He smiled against your hair as he kissed the top of your head.

“I’m actually glad you did it. They might start taking more serious the idea of fearing you.”

You chuckled and felt your eyes growing heavy.

“Sleep, my love.”

You felt his wings moving to cocoon the both of you as his heartbeat lulled you to sleep. But before you could winnow into a beautiful dream, your lips curled in a small smile.

“Cassian?”

“Mm?”

“Remind me to piss you off more often.”

He chuckled and stroked his hand on your back until you finally fell asleep in your lover’s arms.

[moonyswolfie]

NSFW Alphabet - James Potter

Since the Tumblr regulations have changed, I have decided to bring back my NSFW content. I am quite proud if what I have written and I love to share it with y’all. 

So for the next few days, I will be posting daily.

I am starting this little NSFW series with my take on the Alphabet for James. I hope you’ll like it and let me know what other characters you’d like to see fics for on my page.

Requests are always open!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

James is a very sweet man and that goes into the bedroom as well. He gets very sleepy after sex, cuddling closer to your sweat covered body and holding you close to his chest. He plays with your hair until you fall asleep to the sound of his steady heartbeat and allows himself a few seconds to take in the sight of you safe in his arms before falling into a deep slumber.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite part of your body would be your neck. He loves to nuzzle into it when you’re cuddling, inhaling your sweet scent, but his favorite activity is kissing down your neck and biting it, delighted by the shivers he sent down your entire body. James also likes to mark you up during heated make-out sessions or sweet and passionate love-making, taking pride in showing you off as his.

His favorite body part of his is his abs. Yes, you read that correctly. Sweet as he is, James Potter is cocky as hell, and we know that he has a very good opinion about himself. Sometimes, when he is all alone in the Marauders’ dorm or in the Quidditch changing rooms he’ll just take his time in front of the mirror, admiring his own reflection.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

James doesn’t really have a problem with making a mess so he has no problem cumming on your chest, belly or even on your ass, but he prefers doing so inside you. You can see the lust in his eyes as he watches your core glisten with both your juices after you’re finished.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He loves it when you pull his hair during sex, though he will not admit this to your face. However, the moans and groans that would escape his mouth when you pull his hair as he goes down on you would give it away.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

James Potter is a well-known name at Hogwarts for both his talent at Quidditch and the pranks he pulls. But he is very known for his endless flirting and brief relationships and hook-ups. So it does not come as a surprise that he has quite some experience in the bedroom, but he sure knows how to put it to good use ;)

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

His favorite position is having you on top of him, riding him while he watches your face contort in pleasure and your breasts bounce with every move. He’ll thrust up into you from time to time, just to hear your little gasps of surprise.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Hell yes. James is a prankster and absolutely loves jokes. While he will take your love-making and your relationship seriously, because he loves you more than anything, he will still crack some jokes to try and take your mind off the nerves that are clouding your mind. Of course, he will be very sweet about it and make sure you feel just as good as he does, if not better.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He is very well groomed. As I mentioned above, he is very proud of his looks so he makes sure that every part of him looks good.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Under all the layers of pranks and jokes and stupid deeds that he has, James is a sweet and romantic man who will shower you in affection at any given moment, be it snogging in a darkened alcove or holding hands under the table in the Great Hall. The boys will often tease him for being wrapped around your finger but he doesn’t care. He loves you very much and is not afraid to show it, especially in the bedroom.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Not gonna lie, he does it, but only when he doesn’t want to bother you (as he does not wish to appear as incredibly needy) or as part of a teasing game the both of you play in the bedroom. More often than not, he’s the one losing the game, wanting to devour you as soon as his eyes land on your dripping core.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Surprisingly, he is not that kinky. He might be into some light bondage (especially after you teased him all day, all he wants is to tie your hands with his school tie and fuck you into the mattress) and would probably enjoy some dom/sub play. The roles wouldn’t be set in stone though, James is for sure a switch.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Bed would always be his number one choice, he does like the intimacy after all. However, there are times (quite a few if I’m being honest) when he’ll take you in the Quidditch changing rooms after a match.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

There’s a certain way that you’d act when you wish to tease him, swaying your hips more seductively when you walk in front of him, biting your lower lip while looking into his eyes and whispering into his ear how needy you are for him already. That for sure will get him hard immediately.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

While he’d be open to new ideas on what to try in the bedroom and what not, he’ll exclude anything that might, even on accident, hurt you in any way. Even when he might go a little rougher than usual, pull your hair harder as he takes you from behind or pounding into you with a little more force, you are still his precious doe, so he will make sure that you are okay with everything that he does.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

James is addicted to the taste of you, so if he could spend the whole day in between your legs, he definitely would, but I think he much rather prefers it when you suck him off. You are a complete tease when you do it which he thoroughly enjoys.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He’s both. There are times when he’s slow and sensual but his favorites are a tad faster and very passionate.

Now if he happened to lose a match, there’s no doubt that he’ll be a little rough that night and he’ll make sure you’re enjoying it as much as he is.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Absolutely. All. The. Time. It’s not like you guys have the time for proper love-making all the time, so you resume to quickies. His favorites? The quickies before class early in the morning.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Yes but not too risky. He’d definitely try some of the ‘tame’ kinks, such as light bondage, spanking, light choking but that’s about it.  

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Oh, he’s got stamina, alright. He can go for 2 or 3 rounds before he’s completely spent. All those hours that he spends on the Quidditch Pitch are not for nothing after all ;)

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

I honestly think that the only ‘toy’ he’d use on you would be his wand which he’d spell to vibrate and tease the hell out of you until you’d cum at least twice from it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh, he’s the king of teasing. Doesn’t matter when or where, the moment the opportunity arrives, you’d literally end up begging him to stop, especially if you are in public.

However, payback is a bitch so when you finally get him alone, you make sure to give him a taste of his own medicine.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

James is not one to hold back emotions (or sounds) so he would be very loud.

Very loud.

So loud that sometimes the other Marauders would complain about it. But you don’t care and neither does he ;)

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Let me tell you the story of how that kink of his with the Quidditch changing rooms sex started.

So they had a match, Gryffindor against Slytherin, which ended with the former’s victory. After the rest of the team left the changing rooms there was only him left so you made your way towards the showers where you knew you’d find him.

He was there, clouded by steam, humming to himself. You smiled when he noticed you standing there and a smirk made its way onto his lips.

“Are you going to just stay there and watch, darling, or celebrate with me?” he asked as he extended his hand towards you.

“Hmm, I don’t know, I quite like the view.” It was your time to smirk, checking him out from head to toe, cocking your head to the side. “But I think congratulations are in order, right captain?”

“That’s my girl.”

You undressed slowly, making sure he had a great view of your ass and core before you joined him under the hot stream of water. Your lips met his and you let out a small moan as he nibbled on your bottom lip, seeking access to your tongue. You gladly obliged when your back hit the wall and your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling on his hair lightly.

“Now, were you saying something about congratulating me, little minx?” his voice was an octave lower and you felt your core dripping.

Safe to say it was not the last time you ‘celebrated’ in there.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He’s bigger than average and thick and he definitely knows how to use it.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Very high. You can expect him to jump you literally any time of day but you never really mind because you absolutely love this dork.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He falls asleep almost immediately, as he gets very sleepy after sex. He does manage to fall asleep after you do on multiple occasions but there are times when he just can’t stay awake that long. Those are the nights when you’d cuddle him close to your chest, his ear right against your steadying heartbeat that lulls him into a deep sleep.

[moonyswolfie]

I should write fanfics at 4 in the morning more often, I seem to be most inspired then