mrdownpour

[mrdownpour]

𝓣𝓱𝓸𝓾 𝓼𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓽 𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓪𝓲𝓵

[mrdownpour]

If I ever apologise, it will be to my heart.

[mrdownpour]

Quarks

"I want you for me;

and for my soul,

to share. "

Quantum mechanics, a word that you might get scared upon hearing; but to put it in the simplest of words, we find ourselves needing the simplest of things, love. So, in order to explain such a concept - Quantum mechanics – might as well start with defining what I mean by “love”:

You might argue that love isn't simple nor it should be, just know that I'm talking about the feeling not the accompanying commandments, not about the care, the effort, dates, cookouts, dinners or anniversaries, that eventually go to waste for there is no salvation. I am mentioning the so called “chemical reaction”; Yeah, an old scientifical explanatory attempt to define it, which was a cute try. For love, at the end, has an urging tendency to burn your heart to ashes; and here you go, a chemical reaction of the best kind.

Yet we always find people refusing to believe in such a vague materialisation for a feeling so euphoric, with counter means of dematerialising such a sensation and giving it a divine label, a thing of the souls they say; which might be partially true, except for the divinity part.

Let's take a step out of the whole love fiasco; Imagine a pair of up and down quarks, one in our galaxy, and the other is in ‘Cygnus A’, which is a galaxy approximately 500 million light years away from ours. If one spins downward then the other, no matter how far away it could be, will spin in the opposite direction. An irrational link was discovered between those two subatomic particles with no possible medium of contact whatsoever, yet such a link was proven to exist, a surreal mix of fact and fantasy called reality.

And just like quarks; Souls, and the irrational connections we have been laughed at for believing to exist between them, our labialisation of divinity, the love we had, wasn’t a chemical reaction, nor was it an ignorant belief helping us to cope with misery. What we had might have been irrational, might've seemed impossible; But here I am, proving to you that my heart is connected to yours, here I am with my heart filled with tears, proving to you that I love you, beyond the measures of what is possible, for no matter how far, my soul will always be linked to yours.

[mrdownpour]

How are you so godly omg

I'm not 😂 but I'm glad that you liked my writing , thank you for the compliment.

[mrdownpour]

Entanglement

 Finally,

      Here I am longing not for you  

      But for the me that once was

      Before you.  

I guess the time came where I stop writing poems, I can't keep on romanticizing my pain; nor do I have the energy to care about whether a reader would or would not like my writing. Frankly, its insignificant to me, what you think.

I never wrote to please or impress, fuck, I never cared enough anyways. I think writing, or at least my love for it, is a way for my subconscious mind to rationalise the overflow of unexplained feelings that spike once in a while within me; a way for me to make sense of this fucked up reality. No, I am not a child of hardships, actually I'm not a child. Fuck me time flies. Anyways, yeah, my life is pretty blunt, just what you expect from a 20-year-old college kid I guess , by no ways had I faced any real misfortune, I have my family, my apartment, friends and people who love me and genuinely care about me, even some that believe in me for a reason or two; so basically, you're asking I suppose, why would someone like me -living such a good life- would resort to writing, rationalising pain? What kind of pain did I even face in my life to write about? See I ask myself that whenever I write, if you have an answer please do tell me too.  

Though If I were to make a wild guess, it's probably because I don’t feel as much as I used to before. No, I am not going through the ‘I am numb‘ phase, that was long ago. Think of me as a used knife, a worn blade. You can still till that it’s a blade, you can still cut things with it yet it's not efficient, that’s the way I feel. Cold, smothered, a hint of what once was just like the colours of an old picture, dull, washed out, vague.

I loved her and I didn’t at the same time. Wanted her to stay but waited for her to leave. Contradiction.  

Chaos? Maybe  

I like it.

Do I?  

Come back but keep distance, I might not want you but I long for you, how about one last dance?

Yeah, I'm bad at dancing but it's my heart that’ll do all the moves, I'll make you smile I promise, even if it meant my misery, come back. Come back so I send you away again.

Unbreak me so I can break you, love me so I can hate you, think of me so I can forget you, be with me so I can leave you.

And those are, my friends, the spikes I was talking about.

Confused?  

Fuck off

Good night.

[mrdownpour]

Minimalist Infinities

Coming to the subject of infinities, what comes to mind are numbers, very big ones, ironically infinitely big, yet we forget about the infinitely small ones as we think of them as insignificant; but as we know - or should know - significance may very well be relative, nonetheless subjectivity should also be considered. Conveniently, our story today is one of numbers.

9H:30M:45S

As I was taking my first  sip of my daily morning cup of coffee, I saw her coming into the coffee shop,

9H:30M:46S

Why? How? my mind raced; She doesn’t live in the Blv. avenue street nor is the bookstore that she works in - and always complains about - anywhere near here. Wait, that jacket-

9H:30M:47S

Its the one I gave to her in our second anniversary, the look in her eyes, the joy she had will always be engraved in my mind, She thought I forgot about the anniversary, what a fool! how can I possibly forget when she meant everything to me?

9H:30M:48S

Our good times, laughs, jokes, night outs, movies, all raced into my mind. We once were happy, or at least I thought we were. She seemed happy too, she was always sweet, always smiled, and I more than often melted when she did. 

9H:40M:49S

A sudden sharp pain took place in my heart, breathing became hard, and a feeling of lingering nausea came to be. In front of me was my only reason of happiness, actually, my happiness itself. Which Ieft me. And i wonder, what have I done, for my happiness to abandon me? I just realized a guy I do not recognize was standing next to her, what is happening?

9H:30M:50S

“good morning love” to her the guy said, here my heart stopped beating, yet I smiled. A tear was running down my cheek which I quickly brushed off. I laughed at myself, at how naive I am, at the irony of how so much can be simply forgotten, all whats felt, memories, emotion and all the time spent, I even fell in love with her worst, even when she shouted, cursed, ignored, broke and stepped on my heart. yet now i’m watching my so-called very happiness, be someone else’s. At that moment a revelation came to be, someone's happiness should come from within and stem from, and only from his own soul. For people come and go, and no matter how much you try, you can not love them to stay.

relatively 5 seconds is a very short span of time. Although, Between those 5 seconds there was an infinity of decimals fraction and integers.

On the other hand, subjectively, in those 5 seconds, an infinity of emotions was felt too, a minimalist infinity.

[mrdownpour]

I'm an open book, look into my eyes and you'll understand the tragedy.

[mrdownpour]

"I love you was said and to it I responded

Why? For I wonder the reason to love ashes

Burned is my heart, it's pieces ruptured

Yet I doubt it healing even with passion

Away from me your happiness attained

The stubbornes of you, will go in vain

Away from me for you do not know the pain

Of a deceased soul, a burnt flame." -Someday

[mrdownpour]

The exact moment in life where you realise that you truly love yourself with all your flaws, mistakes, and quirks; is the moment where you start to be able to love others.

[mrdownpour]

Unknown

Needs,

Wants,

Vodka and gin.

Romance,

Fake,

Girls and beds.

Tears,

Words,

Pages and pens.

Fears,

Thoughts,

Demons and grins.

Empty,

Lost,

Bathrooms and pills.

Dizzy,

Sick,

In need of help.

[mrdownpour]

destructive couplets III

Burn to she whom ye ignited 

Her flames were devilish for the heart of thy.

[mrdownpour]

Inhale my ashes, let me burn your lungs with what's left of my heart.

Dying.

[mrdownpour]

Today was my last appointment with the psychiatrist that helped me to get convinced that you were an illusion, while he was saying goodbye to me by the door he said "what will you do now?". I answered saying "I don't know doc, but I have to go and tell her she's just an illusion. Im used to telling her everything".

Help me.

[mrdownpour]

It's okay, break my heart. It's such a beautiful thought... to be broken by hands like yours.

DSDVFGE

[mrdownpour]

Voice of the lost

I am the voice of the lost I speak

I with a clouded mind yet sincere

I with a happy soul and an ill beat

I with an ill soul and a happy beat

Happy I am with a sadness appear

Sad I am with a happiness reveal

Lost I am in a void to flee

Here I am in a ground to be

Writings of I with no reason to be

Rage I have or so to speak

Out with it for I am at ease

With my heart who always has been

Bleeding  with a glass scar in between

I am sorry for what I have done

I am sorry for what I would do

I am sorry I existed and have done

I am sorry for being an obstacle to overcome

I am happy to be to you what I have been

I am happy to be the warmth your heart should get

I am happy I am the one you met

I'm happy I am being your rest

Thank you for being a haven I dreamt

Thank you for being a country to belong

Thank you for being who you have been

Thank you for loving a lost scent

.

[mrdownpour]

Shah Of Roses

Night's sky, city lights, parched hands, glowing eyes.

 Talk less, a little pissed, reasonless but it's okay.

 Stay away, time's prey, for you I stray yet pointless.

 Mental break, heartache, for your sake a beat I skip.

 Your name a rose, your scent I lost, the sound of you I miss.

Too late to say, too late to do, sorry for the nothing I did.

[mrdownpour]

How wonderful is the pain, upon my heart laid, for my heart's aid is there no one?. With time it fades, they all said, yet in my heartbreak I find solace. Here again, I feel in vain but in my writings, my homeland. my pieces derailed, my throat parched, here I am now sitting in silence. Writing my words, versing my lines, for no one. Prove to me that love is here, there or anywhere. for my soul is lost and can't be found anyways.

I don’t know