o-vigilant-yaksha-o - Tumblr blog

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

i just found the greatest anime for people on ed tumblr. its so triggering its motivating.

i dont recomend if you have s3xual trauma or are simply bothered by it etc, but it has triggers for:

-dieting

-high res diet(and being tired bc of it and getting compliments on results)

-bulemia

there may be more but im only on ep 5

if you're interested its called "Kageki Shojo!!"

i watch on "zoro.to", but the website redirects a lot so beware of viruses if you dont have protection on whatever device you use. I will look for more ed related shows in different categories and share what i can

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

Happy new year

i hope everyone reaches their gw and more this year!

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

this is probably a waste of your time (its a vent so if thats not what youre looking for im sorry)

-

i have not been feeling good these past few days. i have been eating between 600-1000 calories a day and its killing me that im staying at the same weight and i dont know what to do. I feel a complex urge to cry, purge sh, starve, etc all at the same time and i feel like im going insane. im not going to kill myself so dont report this, but i know i can not lie about the fact that i think it would be better for me and everyone else if i did. ive always wanted so desperately to grow up and live a comfortable quiet life with my future love but now ive made the realization that i will never find love and even if it so happens that i do, i will never feel comfortable fully because i dont know if im being annoying or too clingy or if im just a useless piece of trash thats preventing the person from finding someone better and i know i need a hug but i feel so badly like i dont deserve one. my wrist stings rn from something im not supposed to do and its too late to purge and i want so badly to fast forever but i fel that if i try to commit to a fast ill fail and my parents will know what im doing but i need so badly to lose weight before i lose my mind in all this fat. i was reading xiao x anorexic reader headcannons and i couldnt help but cry and i still wanna cry. i love xiao so much but hes not real and its making me want to 'not be real' with him but ik that wont fix anything but i dont know anything else to do.i cant live like this anymore.

i need a real comfort character. a real person to hold instead of pillows i imagine are xiao. im pathetic and useless.

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

UPDATE

i've been inactive for a while and during that time there have been some ups and downs, but i'm back and im using this as accountability to fast for 3 days starting tomorrow

im tired of screwig up and saying i failed in updates. i feel so gross with myself so i can and will do this right.

im not screwing up again.

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

keeping this as refrence for when i remake my safe foods list <3

My favorite low-cal substitutes and options! All under 50 calories.

Feel free to add to this! I didn’t include everything out there :)

Drinks 🧋

0 cal - herbal tea 🫖

0 cal - green tea 🍵

0 cal - water flavoring like Mio

0 cal - Diet Coke 🥤

0 cal - pretty much any diet soda

2 cal - Black Coffee ☕️

2 cal - black tea

10 cal - monster ultra (I like paradise and fiesta especially)

20 cal - other sugar free energy drinks

39 cal - shot of sake 🍶

Breakfast (snacks, smoothies, etc)

25 cal - 1 large egg white 🍳

32 cal - 100g Strawberries (~50 cal per cup) 🍓

40 cal - 1/4 c low fat cottage cheese 🦴

42 cal - 1 kiwi 🥝

42 cal - 84 g (1 thick slice) pineapple 🍍

47 cal - 154g (1 c) watermelon 🍉

50 cal - 1/2 grapefruit 🍊

50 cal - 3 oz plain Greek yoghurt

50 cal - 2 tbsp serving powdered peanut butter 🥜

50 cal - 4 oz (120ml) low fat milk 🥛

Meals (mix and match this shit!) 🍴

0-10 cal - serving shirataki noodles 🍜

0-20cal - Broth 🐥

5 cal - 1 c lettuce 🥬

6 cal - 28g (1 oz) pickled onion (do this yourself! So easy! So good on everything) 🧅

7 cal - 1 c spinach 🥗

16 cal - 70g (1 c sliced) mushrooms

17 cal - 1/2 c kale

20 cal - 1 c zucchini 🥒

20 cal - 82g (1 c. cubed) eggplant 🍆

21 cal - 1 tbsp parmesan cheese 🧀

25 cal - whole tomato 🍅

25 - 148g (1 med) bell Pepper 🫑

30 cal - 78g (1 med) Carrot 🥕

30 cal - 116g (1 c) pumpkin

30-40 cal - 1/2 pack or can tuna 🐟

35 cal - 1/2 serving (1.5 oz) cod 🐠

36 cal - 1 c miso soup 🍲

37 cal - 40g shelled edamame

38 cal - 1 c Brussels sprouts

39 cal - 1/2 hard or soft boiled egg 🥚

39 cal - 1/2 serving (42g) halibut (white fish) 🐟

40 cal - 1 c arugula 🥗

40 cal - 186g (10 spears) asparagus

45 cal - 148g (1 med) broccoli 🥦

45 cal - 6 med raw oysters 🦪

45 cal - 3 oz/85g lite tofu

50 cal - 100g (1/2 small-med) sweet potato 🍠

50 cal - 1/2 corn cob 🌽

50 cal - 50g shrimp 🍤

Snacks 🍬

0-8 cal - pickles 🥒

5-10 cal - 1 tbsp salsa

17 cal - 1 passion fruit (18g)

23 cal - 1 tbsp hummus

25 - serving seaweed snack

25 - 1 med bell Pepper 🫑

30 cal - 22 Organic Yogis (okay technically this is baby food but it’s just freeze dried Greek yoghurt and fruit so shut up it’s good) 🍓🍌

30 cal - 300g/1 Cucumber 🥒

35 cal - 1 cutie (small orange/tangerine) 🍊

40 cal - 1 light babybel 🧀

47 cal - 1.5 c Air popped popcorn 🍿

50 cal - 6 oven-baked parm crisps 🧀

50 cal - >1/2 c unsweetened apple sauce 🍎

50 cal - 3 dried apricots 🍑

50 cal - 15 pistachios 🌰🥜

Dessert 🎂

0 cal - Diet Root Beer (I don’t care that it’s a drink! It’s so insanely sweet and it kicks the ass of my cravings. Also, my list my rules. Sue me) 🍺

5 cal - serving Sugar Free Jello 🍮

5 cal - 1 tbsp Hershey’s Sugar Free Syrup 🍫

~14 cal - WHOLE BOTTLE Too Tarts sweet sour spray candy (so a few sprays is just 0-3 cal)

20 cal - 2 tbsp Frozen Cool Whip Lite (seriously, eat this frozen) 🍨

20-50 cal - baked fruit (bake some peaches, apples, etc. and mix with Splenda, cinnamon, etc.) 🍑🍎

23 cal - fun size sweet tart pack

25 cal - no sugar added small outshine popsicles 🍧

25 cal - 1 pack smarties (American) 🍬

35 cal - swiss miss reduced calorie hot chocolate ☕️🍫

40 cal - small Outshine Popsicles 

40 cal - 5 sugar free hard candies 🍬

42 cal - 1 Hershey assorted mini 🍫

43 cal - fat free green yoghurt with sugar-free jam 🍧

46 cal - 2 regular marshmallows

48 - 8 mini Cinnamon Sugar skinny pop Rice Cakes

50 cal - 1-2 squares dark chocolate 🍫

50 cal - 2 Dum dum suckers 🍭

50 cal - ~25 sugar free jelly beans

50 cal - halo top pops (lots of flavors) 🍦

Miscellaneous

0-2 cal - any herb/spice 🌿

4 cal - 1 clove garlic 🧄

5 cal - 1 stick sugar free gum

50 cal - 1/4 container White cheddar seasoning (2 cal per 1/4 tsp) 🧀🧂

50 cal - 10 sugar free mints 🌱

Disclaimer: actual calorie counts may vary depending on serving, brand, food tracker, etc.

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

that saves me the explanation.

People think Ana is about food.

But they don’t understand that it’s so much more than that. Yes, it’s about hating your body and yourself and wanting to feel OK with how you look for once in your life.

But it’s also about control. About trying to dull the pain through self destructive behavior. It’s about wanting to prove you can control something in your life when everything else is out of control: no matter what, at least you can control what you eat and how small you. At least you can prove that you have control over your behavior.

It’s about wanting to be so small you disappear. So small that no one can hurt you anymore.

Ana is about so much more than food.

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

Mealspo

Mealspo for when i get back on tract tomorrow and for those who need it :)

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

I dont even know why im mad. I hav enothing to be mad about rn but im just angry at food in general. i feel disgusted by it and i wish i could vomit all ive ever eaten in my life and more. i wassa kms so bad its not even funny. (i wont though im just venting) i feel like having a panic attack and crying i dunno what to do anymore. I just wanted to be skinny, not to have everything in my life ruined. I have so much to do and no motivation.

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

Tw - ED VENT

Im done.

im done 'trying out things'

im done saying 'maybe this doesnt count'

im done trying to find an easy way to ana.

theres no easy way. Ive lost 30ibs and it's time my mind did tooso i dont stay the ugly and fat person i am.

i hate looking down at the scale to see numbers rising every single day. Its making me sick and i want to cry. I want to be skinny so bad and there are so many people who don't even know who when where or what ana is and they are literal thinspo right in front of me.

Im done with everything. Im gonna fast for 3 days and then go back to a range of 0-450cals per day and work from there, wish me luck.

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

EVERYONE DRINK WATER RIGHT NOW AND REBLOG TO KEEP THE HYDRATION GANG CHAIN GOING

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

PLS READ IF YOU WANT ME TO RECOVER

I wanted to bring up the topic of block and report.

I know things like this seen like a no brainer to report, but reporting does not help AT ALL. This is my 3rd acc and I am not happy with that nor am i any closer to wanting to recover. If you are concerned for me, theres sadly nothing that can be done abt that. You can try to put in in the comments or smth but it wont work, nothing will accept me deciding to on my own. Don't report people for this kind of stuff because they will not oly be pushed back towards their recovery, but they will make a new acc that you may not see. I know you are probably trying to help or have gone through this yourself, but if you really want to help people like me, leave us be. i used to have a custom name, but now because people keep reporting my acc and others, i have to put that there as a warning that if you do not follow that just know youre making the problem worse

"old acc is @noiwantstosleepforever-tw" if you want to see it. For some reason it is still viewable, but I cannot sign into it.

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

Wtf, I was doing a body check this morning and i looked thinner but when i stepped on the scale i gained another 2 pounds even though i skipped breakfast and lunch and purged family dinner??

There's something wrong with my body, but I'm doing a fast until i reach 159ibs

[o-vigilant-yaksha-o]

Im losing it rn

Recently, i havent been gaining or losing weight much no matter how hard i try, but for the last 3 weeks, ive gained 2 pouds and im getting anxious and impatient. I know i can't do aything right, but If i cant do this right then theres nothing left to do at all. Can someone pls send me tips? healthy or unhealthy, I just need anything that will make the numbers on the scale smaller. (Ik sometimes its hard to put a comment on a post like this, so you can dm me if you want to make it so only i can see it)