onewaytickettodeath - Tumblr blog

[onewaytickettodeath]

UPDATE:

I get kissed now <3

[onewaytickettodeath]

“Uhh, Houston. We have a problem.”

“Yes? What is it, Davis?”

“Major Whiskers needs more cat food.”

This is not what I signed up for. I dropped my head onto my desk. That cat had been nothing but an embarrassment since it was found seven years ago on the ISS. The media storm when the story had been leaked had cost the space program in every country millions, what with lawsuits from animal rights organizations accusing them of intentional animal abuse and whatnot, and the doubts spread through their donors as to the efficacy of their personnel. I mean, if a cat could breach security, who couldn’t? 

“Yes, Davis, we’ll get it sent up on the next supply shuttle.”

“Thanks, Mac, and throw in some more of those mouse toys, he’s ripped up the last couple you sent up. Besides that, all’s good here.”

“Alright,” I sighed, “Thanks for the update. ‘Night, Davis.”

“’Night!”

Nasa discovers there has been a cat living on the ISS for many years. Each astronaut they talk to about it gives them a weirder story for how it got smuggled there. All refuse to send it back down. It is known to ground control only as ‘Major Whiskers’.

[onewaytickettodeath]

I WANT TO BE KISSED BY SOMEONE WHO GIVES A DAMN. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

[onewaytickettodeath]

Two of my friends who have been together for two years just broke up. I am not sure what to do now. He had said he needed time to think on Monday last week, so they didn’t talk for a week and then I got a text from her last night. I have felt that this was a long time coming, but now that it has happened I don’t know what it means for the friend group. I don’t know yet how it happened, so I’m not sure if there are a lot of bad feelings, or if this is a trial thing and then they’ll get back together. I guess only time will tell.

[onewaytickettodeath]

Hoping.

How do you talk to someone who is depressed? Someone who is constantly hurting inside? I don’t know. I’ve experienced some of those same feelings before, but I still have no idea. 

First of all, I have a friend, actually, I’ve had several friends, who have all been in some kind of emotional turmoil: depression, anxiety, etc. I myself have been in these situations, and am currently in situations related to these kinds of emotional turmoil (for lack of a more specific descriptor that would accurately represent each situation. 

Secondly, I am not good at comforting people. I grew up in a family of introverts and fairly un-touchy people, not for any fault of their own. This put me in a situation that made me good at self-comfort in most situations and on the other hand terrible at asking for comfort and terrible at giving comfort to others in a productive way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m great at listening and discussing issues and hypotheticals and even just helping out with a good vent and yelling session. When it comes to serious emotional situations when I’m expected to give a response, or even worse, when I can’t respond and I have to think of some other way to help in some way... 

Basically, I’m crap at these things. Then I get this crap feeling piled onto all these horrible feelings that I already have about being a horrible person and about how all these people I call friends will turn out to hate me if I do one thing wrong (like I always seem to do)...

And then I stew in that feeling. I stew in it until I feel worthless and would rather shut myself away from the world and never speak to another person than risk hurting or disappointing anyone. 

Anyway, it’s quite a pair we make: him needing company and comfort that I can’t give. I guess it’s a life lesson we’ll have to learn about together. Everyone has their own things to deal with in life, hopefully we find those that make the struggles worthwhile and bring a little hope and happiness to our existence. 

[onewaytickettodeath]

Money

I hate finances. I keep screwing up left and right and ending up paying things that I shouldn’t have to. It sucks cause I have hardly any money to start with anyway and I just don’t know how I keep messing everything up!

Adulting is so hard. 

Honesty, I dislike money. I dislike the way money makes people act. I dislike having so much of my life being controlled by something that isn’t even real. And that’s the truth, money isn’t real, it’s all a concept of perceived value and the symbolic representation of that value. 

[onewaytickettodeath]

Sooooooooo, I’m looking in to how to be a witch. I think it’s a really interesting form of spirituality that I’d like to explore. Any helpful hints?

[onewaytickettodeath]

I bought a Lamy Logo and ink online yesterday and I am just so excited to get it. It's completely the fault of my friends who are obsessed with fountain pens.

[onewaytickettodeath]

So here’s how my morning went down

It was all pretty great. I was just talking with my roommate and her almost boyfriend and I had a delicious breakfast and a cup of tea. I put away some of my laundry and did some other random cleaning to pass the time until I have to go to class at noon. I then realized that it was time to register for my classes for this spring. I was excited. It is going to be my last semester at school (or it should be if I have any say in the matter and if the fates are kind). I had some schedule conflicts that I had worked out with my adviser, and all was good. Until this one class decided to add a lab that conflicted with everything. To clarify, all of the classes that I will be taking are REQUIRED for me to graduate with my degree from my University. I was half an idiot for not taking some of these sooner, but my adviser was also not doing her job by not telling me that I did need to take these classes earlier or letting me know how important they were. I just wrote an email to the program office and my adviser about it and I really hope they get back to me today so that I still get priority registration.  I’m just pissed off that everything I need seems to be scheduled at the same time. I would think that within one department they could figure this shit out. I will just have to wait and see what happens now., which I hate doing. I like to keep the few things that I actually put effort into planning on schedule.

On the note of more positive updates, for the choir Korea trip, my parents decided to pay for me to go as my graduation present. I’m super excited. One of my best friends and another friend are both going as well, so that will be really cool. 

Also, I’m getting along really well with my roommate in my apartment. I was worried earlier in the summer after having the apartment to myself for so long. But it’s turned out pretty great. She’s actually not in the apartment a lot, because she’s busy with things for her sorority and classwork, which gives me quite a bit of the freedom that I’d been worried about loosing. 

I’ve also made a new close friend, which is awesome :). 

Tomorrow I’m going to radio track Sage Grouse as a make-up field trip for one that I slept through earlier in the semester. It should be a pretty cool experience. 

[onewaytickettodeath]

I am concerned tonight.

[onewaytickettodeath]

I tell my friends that I care and it makes me so embarrassed, because no one really cares it seems. No one expresses that they actually give a damn about what happens

[onewaytickettodeath]

It’s Okay to Be Green

So, what I wrote about last time has been dealt with. I think in part I overreacted, and my friend and I are apart for now (cause he’s on a cruise with his family for a week) and his girlfriend is back, so it’ll all be okay. 

I am really excited because tomorrow I leave to go home! I will be home for a day and a part and then we leave to go to stay in a hotel since my cousin is getting married! Also we are going to go see Wicked! I am super excited about all of it. I have hardly seen my family this summer since it is my first summer living apart from them and now I’ll get to see most of my family at the same time :). I am also super excited because I really love musicals and seeing them live, especially, is a really great experience. I’ve seen a few professional musicals and some student musicals live and it is always an experience. I used to not really like the concept of Wicked, but I’ve heard most of the music through my Pandora musical theater station and it’s really grown on me the last few years, so it’ll be cool to hear it live and have the whole context of the show to match it with. We’re also going to be eating in the restaurant at the theater before the show, which is apparently really fancy, so we’ll get all dressed up. My mom even got a new dress and she hardly ever wears them, so that means it’s really fancy. 

Before I leave tomorrow I have several things to do. Firstly, I need to move the stuff I’ve been storing in my roommates room into my room or the closet, since she’ll be moving back when I’m gone. I also need to make sure the bathroom and kitchen are clean since my roommate will probably be really peeved if I leave anything dirty or just have my stuff spread out like it has been for most of the summer. Next, I have to write a paper for the end of my internship (which is what I intended to do when I first sat down with the computer), and finish the data entry I was given for my internship. I also need to get the mail cause my internet bill hasn’t come yet and I need to pay that before I go. And then there’s ordering my books for class this semester... I might have to wait until I know how much money my parents can give me for tuition. We’ll see about that then. So, yeah, mostly just cleaning and computer stuff to do before, then I have to actually pack and find my nice clothes that I was planning on wearing for the show and the wedding as well as do some laundry to bring my shit clothes for while I’m at home (since I live on a farm there are plenty of ways to get dirty, such as walking my dog in the creek or petting my cow Rebecca, it’s always super fun though). 

I’m pretty nervous about money this year. I finally found a job that will fit with my schedule and I’ll be making some money there, but not enough to pay for tuition myself. My job money might barely pay my rent and maybe utilities, so we’ll see. It really depends how many hours they are going to give me. I really just want as many as possible, since it’s the kind of job where I can do homework when there’s no one that needs me. Possibly with still babysitting this winter I might be able to get some pocket money there. It’s not just tuition and rent that I need to worry about. I want to save for a trip that my choir director planned to take. The trip would be to South Korea, which would be SUPER cool to be able to do with the choir, cause they are fun people and it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. They were able to bump the cost down to $2,500 per student,  which is still a lot for any college student. So I’ll have to see if I can save enough to get me there. I love traveling so much. If I could be paid to just travel places I would do it in a heartbeat. Anyway, fingers crossed that I’ll be able to get enough money.

I better get to my tasks. 

TTFN

[onewaytickettodeath]

I feel overwhelmingly useless for my inability to confront people as well as talk about meaningful things. I feel like a piece of shit and that I’m a horrible friend.

[onewaytickettodeath]

I just heard thunder, and I’m so excited :D

[onewaytickettodeath]

I can't sleep.

[onewaytickettodeath]

Hot as Hades

It’s starting to get to the part of the summer  that I don’t like. The part where is hot enough to melt your face and present the risk of extreme sunburn each time you step into the light. The worst part about heat is that there is only so many layers of clothing you can take off in public, and even being naked doesn’t dissipate the heat the way you would like it to. I don’t have air conditioning in my apartment, so I have to do my best to catch any breeze I can with the windows and doors thrown open and my one fan going full blast all the time. I also started making very large batches of iced tea, and I’ve been drinking a great deal of that. 

I went down to the river on Sunday with two of my friends and it was amazing. There is this little part where we go on the river and it’s a little offshoot where the water doesn’t move, so that’s perfect for swimming and just chilling in. We also brought picnic food and it was amazing. Just a good way to beat the heat since it was 104 degrees Fahrenheit, bleh. 

So, I also have an interesting question to pose. I am going to dinner tonight with one of my male friends. He has a girlfriend and I am single, but we’ve been friends for a few years. His girlfriend isn’t spending the summer here, but she is a good friend of mine. We are going to a fairly nice restaurant, but it’s somewhere we’d talked about going to before. My other friend, thinks it’s weird that we are going out on what would constitute as a date for most people. And I agree it’s pretty date like, except for the fact we aren’t romantically involved. I just don’t agree with my other friend that it’s a weird thing to do. I mean his girlfriend knows we go and eat together and we do other things together like watch movies and go to the grocery store and just generally hang out with just us fairly often. Also my other friend and other people who we would want to invite don’t really want to come with although we’ve invited a few people. Generally, I just don’t understand why my other friend finds it so weird, especially when I’ve been out to eat with this other friend a couple times when it’s just us, which from the outside would also look like a date to other people. Anyway, if you wanted to chime in on this that’s fine. I’m sure other people have experienced much more drama than this in their friend group. Other than that, I’m really excited to go out to the restaurant cause it’s supposed to be really good and good food is my specialty.

Change of subject.

I’ve been listening to my Pandora station this morning, it’s on my Opera/Musical Theater station, which is fabulous cause it’s like one big sing-along for me. I started the station with Dracula the Musical music, which is really intense and awesome. The man who sings Dracula’s part (I think it’s Jams Barbour) has such an amazing voice that sometimes I just have to stop whatever and listen. Also just the scoring is so rock opera and I love it. Other musicals that pop up that I like listening to are Jekyll and Hyde, Phantom of the Opera, Love Never Dies, Repo: The Genetic Opera, Into the Woods, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, Wicked, and Les Miserables among others. But it’s pretty cool. I like musical theater quite a lot. The Jekyll and Hyde one is especially interesting to listen to because it seems like it’s the same person singing both the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde parts due to the flow of the songs, but his voice changes so dramatically that you can immediately distinguish the two different characters being portrayed. Quite an excellent example of a talented actor and musician. 

That’s what’s happening with me today! 

Over and out.

[onewaytickettodeath]

Melody (3)

The doorbell suddenly rang. Mel went to the door expecting something a little more routine than the darkly dressed woman she had seen across the street sitting on her doorstep looking faint. She attempted to say something which came out jumbled. Mel could just make out “Excuse me” and then she collapsed against the doorframe. Mel stooped down quickly to check the woman. A pulse was there and she had steady breathing; nothing seemed to be wrong with her except for the loss of consciousness. Against her better judgment Mel decided not to call the police or ambulance, the woman seemed to be alright, and there was always time to call later if she worsened. She proceeded to move the woman into the house, perhaps she would benefit from being in the cool air and a small rest? Mel looped an arm around the woman’s back and legs lifting her up and walking into the living room and setting her on the couch. She was surprised that she could lift her, but the woman was of a smaller build and Mel wasn’t one who could be called small herself. Mel’s uneaten sandwich and book were sitting on the coffee table where she had left them as she got up to get the door. She decided to grab a glass of water to go with the sandwich so if the woman woke hungry or thirsty there would be something to offer her close at hand.