picklebunbun

[picklebunbun]

"Beauty and the Beast"

══ Series..

ᯓᡣ Beast! Chuuya x GN! Reader

SUMMARY|| Just the beauty and the beast plotline, but I changed a few things.

From the moment of his birth, The Young Prince was given everything.

Respect was graciously given by him the minute he was born into royalty. His people wrapped around his delicate gold finger. And without a care in the world.

He would throw them away at any chance.

…

Once upon a time in the hidden heart of France.

An eloquent brush gathers splotches of red.

A handsome young prince lived in a beautiful castle.

Vibrant colors stain his cheeks and eyes.

Accentuating his sharp features.

Chuuya’s parties were enamored by the people of France–Civilians would rip their fingernails off to even attend. To keep up with its reputation, it was as splendid as people made them out to be. Women with their extravagant dresses dance and sing as they cling onto their husbands’ arms. All with over-the-top wigs stuck onto their heads–It was a wonder how their heads didn’t tilt over by the excessive amount of hairspray they stick on their mounds of hair. The needless accessories could come out as pounds.

Although his events were attended by the wealthiest in France, and he never had to lift his pretty little finger. Chuuya was unkind and extremely selfish. His room may be made of gold, but his heart was not. Indirectly stealing from the impoverished victims in France. Spending everything on his self-centered desires. Relishing in the anguish his people bled. The childish lord was distant, his judgemental eyes glaring down at the mutts who fell at his feet.

Fiery locks were curled into a high up-do, accentuating the heavy makeup that lays on his face. Resembling that of a young woman. But it suited him quite well–despite him being a man. The feminine appearance emphasized his sharp eyes and his malicious expression. An expression that terrifies everyone to their core–which Chuuya has always used to his advantage.

“Master, it's time.”

His butler, a lanky man with dirty blonde hair shaped into a thin ponytail, and glasses pulled out a pocket watch–intricate cherub designs were engraved on the outside, you could tell how delicately the watchmaker carved the ornament. Slender fingers hidden behind his ivory, silk gloves--the clock opens to show the time. The prince had to make his appearance soon.

Chuuya looks over, dead eyes glancing at the roman numerals. He nods and gestures to his makeup artist to hand over his brass candle holder, drops of fire glide over the air as Chuuya brings the candle over himself. His manicured hand takes it with an iron grip. He raises his hand-held mirror to see a beautiful face looking back at him. Red rosy lips curl up in a cruel smile, the warm light filtering over his features.

That will be the only time where he’ll seem human.

“You look exquisite, Sir Chuuya.”

“Don’t I? The colors blend together with my face, making it one beautiful painting.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

Chuuya chuckles, reeling in his own egotistical delusions–he was truly the most perfect man in the world. His hand grazes his cheek, white face paint not even staining his tanned fingers.

He stands up. His lifts bring him up to an extra 2-inches. It’s not like his height was anything to be ashamed of, he just wanted to feel taller. Not much of a difference anyways, he was still smaller than everyone else.

Of course Chuuya always had to have the most expensive and gorgeous things. His chandeliers would well be over his servant’s salary. Not like he paid them fair wages in the first place.

Oh well.

He doesn’t have to fuss about that. They were only stupid pests. All at the heel of his foot.

...

“Oh how divine!”

A melodic voice chimes in. The singing was that of an opera singer, absolutely flawless. Not grating in the slightest, and perfect for the occasion. But it didn’t seem to lift the redhead’s spirits. If anything, he seemed bored out of his mind.

Though, the party was his idea in the first place.

“Glamour, music, and magic combine!”

Women and men were swaying just like flowers blooming in the spring, they were all passionate yet elegant. You can consider them as peacocks from the way they were trying to tempt Chuuya. Despite their gracefulness, The Lord was unimpressed. He recalled how his eldest brother threw events like this, until he moved away with his husband. A man with long black hair and a charming smile. Verlaine never seemed to visit either–far too occupied with his ill lover to care about his family anymore.

“See the maidens so anxious to shine!”

Chuuya could vaguely see the worried expressions of his suitors. All of their makeup would’ve been ruined by the sweat if it wasn’t for the great amount of setting spray and powder. It was amusing how everyone wanted to be by his side all the time.

“Look for a sign that enhances chances!”

The tempo of the song turns faster and so does the dancing.

“They’ll be his special one!”

Tails of men’s tailored suits and the skirts of women’s dresses hover over the air as they try to keep up the racing music.

“Let us sing with passion, busto, fit to bust, oh!

not a care in the world!”

Her voice echoes over the ballroom as the maidens waltz in a circle.

They all begin trying to rapidly move with the song, and a few of them would trip if it wasn’t for…

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

They all stopped.

The pianist still rested his fingers on the keys but did not push them down. He was entranced by the sudden noise. The singer brought her arms down, instead, her claws were out. She was not a woman that backed down so easily.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

Murmurs were heard. Ladies grab onto their husbands just in case a disaster strikes–but what would they do? A few backed away to prepare themselves.

The pianist looked at the singer,

and she looked back at him.

The suitors looked around,

and they all looked back.

Until they all looked back at Chuuya.

And while he was about to take the first step…

BANG.

“AAAAAAHHHHHHH!”

Screams were heard, but mainly from the women as they held each other for safety.

The door swung open!

No amount of will-power would ram the doors open!

They stand at a frightening 20 feet!

Chuuya quickly retreated. Like a startled cat.

“Kunikida! The candle!”

His butler rose his head up, adhering to his master’s command. Kunikida searches for the brass candle that was by his side. The light reflected on his glasses and he picked the object up. Those glasses were gifted by Chuuya. Kunikida was a klutz before he received them–until that point, he didn’t know he needed spectacles. The prince was frustrated and annoyed by how careless he was and was about to fire him ‘til he figured out what was wrong.

Kunikida immediately made his way to his boss.

“Here, Young Sir..”

Chuuya took it forcefully from his hand. His fingers grazed Kunikida's clothed ones. Even though his behaviour is expected, Kunikida felt a twinge in his heart. He thought since he knew the young master the longest.. Maybe he would be exempt from his unpleasantries. But that didn’t happen anytime soon.

The freckled man stepped over to the intruder.

“Who dares disturb my party.”

His voice was stern, fit to send shivers down anyone’s spine.

Though.. The figure did not speak.

“Are you mute? Deaf? Or just plain stupid?”

The hooded one did not lift his head either.

Chuuya scoffed.

“Hello?! Can you hear me?”

“My apologies, Lord Chuuya.”

Everyone was slightly taken aback. Not by the man speaking, but from his thick Russian accent. It was clear the man was a foreigner.

“So he does speak.. Tell me intruder, what do you seek?”

The pale individual stays silent for a moment, taking something from out of his pocket.

“I wish to stay here for shelter..”

Before Chuuya could protest, the hooded figure went on.

“..In exchange.. I offer you this singular red rose..”

And there it was.

Blood red petals were the main highlight of the plant. It was exquisite, the mere sight of it could make someone gasp in awe. The rose exuded beauty, untouched by the sinful pests of the world. Prickly thorns stick out from the sides of the stem–if you grab it tight enough, blood would come out, and it would be the same color as the petals.

The rose was precious, one of a kind.

No other rose would be as perfect as the one Chuuya was looking at right now.

But the sight of it made him laugh.

How foolish the stranger was to even offer up the stupid plant in the first place. For all the indecencies the intruder has committed, how could he think a simple rose would fix it? The obtuseness of this man was astounding.

Chuuya’s hand smacked the rose away.

And he laughed right in the stranger’s face.

“Hah! Hahahaha!”

Everyone else chuckled with him.

And when Chuuya stopped laughing, everyone else stopped.

Chuuya scowled at the intruder. Disgusted by the sight of him. Eyebrows knit together from his burning anger. Everything was bubbling up inside of him, and his guests were prepared for him to unleash hell.

“You’re joking right? How stupid do you have to be to break in here, risk breaking my fine doors, and try to fix everything by offering up a pathetic plant? How disgusting. EIther I have your head, or you leave this town altogether.”

The redhead rolled his eyes, stomping the rose with his shoe–disposing of the thing until it was a red mush on the ground.

…

The stranger stayed silent.

Chuuya was getting enraged.

“Well?! Are you going to spe.. W.. Wh..”

He was cut off from a light emerging out of the Russian man’s hood.

The prince looked back, and everyone looked back at him. They were all scooting away, all of their eyes were back at the stranger.

And they gasped.

The women were terrified.

The men were shaking.

Chuuya turned around to see him again.

But it wasn’t the same man anymore.

It was a gorgeous angel, it seemed like gold surrounded him. His pale skin was that of the snow, like he was made for the winter. Red lips were the same color as the rose, plump and kissable. The angel’s hair was flowing with the wind, ebony black and stunning. And his eyes… His eyes were a deep, royal purple. You could be entranced and hypnotized by his irises. In fact, you could be hypnotized by his beauty.

There were few people that the freckled man would consider magnificent. And the Russian man was the most magnificent person Chuuya has ever seen.

Were those angel wings?

Was he so beautiful that he actually grew wings?

Am I imagining it?

At that moment, Chuuya didn’t have the mind to be scared.

“DIsgraceful. You dare frighten me with empty threats? You are a cold and cynical man.”

Chuuya dropped to his knees and begged for another chance. Blabbing about how precious he was.

“Please, My Angel! Forgive me! I can’t afford to be punished! Please!”

The angel scoffed.

“You’re too late, Sinner. From now on, Everyone in this god forsaken castle will be stripped of their humanity. As for you..”

Chuuya peeked his head up, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes.”

“You.. will be converted to a hideous beast… Until you learn to love before your 22nd birthday.. You will forever be a monster”

CRACKLE CRACKLE.

The converting beast’s back breaks as he morphs into an aggressive creature. Instead of screaming, he growls in pain. Howling at the servants to do something.. Anything! But everyone was trying to rush out of the castle as fast as they could. Screams of horror reverberated behind Chuuya.

Everything was so painful, he couldn’t handle it. He gasps for air as he claws his paintings.

Clawing the especially dear painting of him and his brother together.

When they were just children.

[picklebunbun]

it sucks btw

new story coming soon sorry it took so long but i’ve been busy bullying kids on roblox and painting a new chuuya figure i got

[picklebunbun]

Not a request, but wondering if Rin attempting is going to have a part 2? (Again, not a request, more like curiosity because I kind of felt related to it)

I'm not sure, it was kind of a spur-of-the-moment vent fic. I might do a part 2 since everyone seems to like it.

[picklebunbun]

"The FIxture of His Blood."

── .✦ DRABBLE

RIn x GN Reader

Originally with NB OC in mind. It's gender neutral reader now.

Author projects on Rin.

summary:

You save Rin from attempted suicide.

"Do you want to come to my house today?"

RIn looked back at you, though he still had the same cold expression. It softens when he’s around you.

Though subtle, you learned each and every one of his quirks.

"No, I can’t. I have to practice soccer today.."

You let out a defeated grumble.

"You always have soccer practice though."

"So why do you keep asking?"

…

".. Because maybe there’s a chance you’ll change your mind."

Rin stands there with his white button-up and his black slacks. The heat of Hakone calls for the summer uniforms your school mandates. 

You can see how his persistent training had an effect on his arms. 

"Why don’t you come over if you want to hang out that badly then?"

A big smile spreads across your face

"Stop smiling like that, you look scary."

Then it quickly goes away.

"Hah... mean.."

…

RIn didn’t show up to school.

:L/N-San, do you know where Itoshi-Kun is?"

Sensei asked you, knowing that out of everyone, you were the closest to him

You shook your head, having no idea where he’s went

Even in the rare times where he stayed home due to illness, he always told you.

Always..

Now that you really think about it. Rin acted weirdly yesterday

More softer to you than usual.

It’s better to visit him after school.

…

You asked his parents where he was.

You asked his older brother who was visiting for the week.

He ignored you.

Guess Rin got it from him

"Is he not at school?"

His parents admitted.

The hell do you mean, do you have no idea?

"I’m sorry Itoshi-San.. Is he not with you?"

"No, we saw him drive off with his bicycle. We assumed he went to school."

"Ah.."

"[L/N]-San did you not see him at school?"

"No, I didn’t.."

"Maybe he’s just skipping."

His brother decided to chime in

"Ah, you may be right. Rin-Chan was always reserved. He probably didn’t want to go."

"But that doesn’t make sense. Rin goes to school even if he is sick."

Do you guys seriously not notice?

"Well, this might be an exception, he might’ve had an exam."

"No. That just doesn’t…"

Are you kidding me?

Can you have a little more sense of urgency? Your son is missing.

Wait

...

Rin is missing..

RIn is missing.

The gravity of the situation dawned on you.

Fuck..

"Ah, shit.."

You cursed under your breath.

No one knew where he was.

And no one cared..

Do they expect someone to find him eventually?

That 'someone' should’ve been his parents.

Damn why is everyone so useless?

Do they think it’s just a teenage thing?

Without thinking.

You move.

"Ah! [F/N]!"

Do they think it’s fun for him to run away with nowhere to go?

Would anyone care if they found him?

Would anyone care if they found him bruised?

Would anyone care if they found him dead?

Your legs ached, they were begging for you to stop running

But your mind tells you to never stop running

Not until you found Rin.

Until you find him..

You will never get to rest.

…

You searched for a while..

Or has it been a while..?

You look up from the ground. Never once taking your eyes off it, even for a split second.

The sky was falling asleep.

Sunset hues decorating your neighborhood.

Or at least you thought it was your neighborhood.

You look around.

Nothing was familiar.

You look back.

Your house was far from here.

It was nowhere in sight.

Oh god

Rin

Please stay alive.

Please don’t go.

Please stay where you are.

Don’t leave.

Don’t leave me, Rin.

…

Rin!

You cry out.

From relief? From sadness? Who knows really..

You found him!

You saw his familiar black hair.

It was always neat even with his ‘bad’ hair days.

He was sitting on a ledge. Unable to hear you screaming out his name.

"RIn?"

You yell out again.

"RIn!"

And again.

"RIn?"

It was so quiet it could be counted as a whisper.

Rin shifted a bit, getting more dangerously closer to the river that laid beneath his body.

"RIn."

More sternly this time.

"RIn?"

Closer. Almost there.

"RIn? RIn."

...

"RIN!"

Then he leapt off..

Oh god!

You were so close to pull him back.

What do you do?

Fuck.

Fuck.

FUCK.

Standing here won’t do anything.

Do you call the ambulance?

That would take too much time.

Damn it! Make up your mind!

Rin is drowning.

SHIT!

RIn is drowning!

You jumped off as well.

Not caring about the consequences

It wouldn't matter if you died with him

It wouldn’t matter if you died and he didn’t.

Just stay alive

Please.

You splashed into the cold, dark water with him.

You saw him sinking deeper.

And deeper.

As he takes his last breath.

An air bubble travels to the surface.

You push as hard as you can.

Your limbs hurt.

They cry for a break.

But no.

No.

No.

No.

You grab Rin’s limp arm.

You reach your hand out to the surface.

You feel the thick air touching your hand.

With all your might, you bring him up.

You can’t tell if you're crying because the water from the river was staining your face.

"H…Help! Someone! Help!"

You cry out for someone

Anyone. To hear you.

You swim over to where there’s land.

Your legs were threatening to collapse.

You feel your fingertips graze over the blades of grass.

"God he’s so fucking heavy, Why does he have to work up so damn much..."

WIth all the strength in your left arm, you throw RIn over to the surface.

And finally, you can hoist yourself to shore.

You crawl over to the boy.

His lips were turning pale and blue.

His once warm skin turned cold.

You immediately got to work.

You desperately try to save him with CPR.

Pressing and pressing on his chest to get the water out. 

You sob out.

Your tears add the moisture of his already wet clothes.

You get carried away and push harder and harder.

Please stay alive.

Please Rin.

You can’t do this to me

Please..

...

You heard a sharp gasp.

You unconsciously gasp with him.

"Rin!"

He sits up.

His hand grips your wrist to stop you from injuring his ribs.

His eyes were wide.

His breathing quickened.

"Rin.."

You whisper out.

But RIn never looked at you.

That’s okay.

He doesn’t have to.

"Rin?"

..

He stays silent.

You hug him.

"Wai-"

"I know.. I just want to hold you for a bit.."

...

"..Okay"

...

[picklebunbun]

i don't want to sound rude but i wanted to ask if there's gonna be a part 2 of the dr.ratio fic cause it's made me sob a little, so i wanted to know if there will be a part 2.

good day/night!

yes!! there will, I'm just trying to take time for myself and posting spanish translations. I will immediately work on the Dr. Ratio fic after I'm finished taking the break.

Thank you for asking, anon :D

[picklebunbun]

look at how stupid they are, why is ice so short and wide. They really need to go on ozempic if they even think they'd be able to chase hispanic people down. Get some hair plugs before you come terrorizing us lmfaoo

ice came to our fucking apartments i need someone to b0mb them

[picklebunbun]

lista.maestra ...

{ en español }

B.S.D

nikolai x lector masculino // suposiciones propias

[picklebunbun]

Nikolai Gogol x Lector Masculino

Suposiciones de NIkolai con su amante

Aviso ; Nikolai está loco (nada nuevo)

menciones a la muerte y creencias filosóficas

El lector tiene pronombres masculinos

[Notas de Pickle: primera historia traducida al español. Necesitamos más Nikolai x Lector Masculino]

ᴇꜱᴄᴇɴᴀʀɪᴏ

Nikolai te habría mantenido secuestrado, esperaba que gritaras y suplicaras por tu vida.

las personas desesperadas por salvar sus vidas y llorando para que sus asesinos las salvaran siempre fueron muy agradables a sus oídos

sin embargo, eras diferente. Quizás no eras tan inteligente como Fiodor ni tan encantador como Dazai, pero lo tienes envuelto en tus manos como una serpiente

le sorprendió lo bien que estabas. Entendiste lo vacía que es la vida y lo inútil que es. En corto, después de esa conversación, pensaba que eras demasiado precioso para matar

también tomó una increíble cantidad de tiempo convencer a Fiodor de que te mantuviera con vida

ᴛᴇᴏʀÍᴀꜱ ᴘʀᴏᴘɪᴀꜱ

Significas MUCHO para él. Siempre a tu alrededor, queriendo estar en tu presencia Honestamente, no importa si eres un hombre, a él no le importa si la gente te mira mal (¡les cortará las piernas más tarde!) Definitivamente te interroga por diversión, incluso si te equivocas en la respuesta, te dará un beso en los labios Empuja de tus piernas a través de su portal para asustar y luego se pone muy feliz cuando te ve

-¡hola, моя любимая!

-¿¡NIKOLAI, QUÉ DIABLOS?!

Probablemente molesta a sus víctimas por hablar de ti, y de lo afortunado que es de tenerte como novio si vives con él, pone una ALARMA RUIDOSA a las 4am solo para despertarte le gusta bañarse contigo, no tiene que ser algo sensual, simplemente es bueno para tener un momento solos no lo dejes que cocine para ti, podría quemar el lugar, no es una broma. te regala un corazón de humano para el Día de San Valentín, el olor era repulsivo, al final tú decides si lo tiras o lo guardas. trae 1000 animales a tu lugar, algunos de ellos eran jirafas, ¿CÓMO LO HIZO? si estás en el DOA, él sería tu compañero todo el tiempo si no trabajas con él, estaría feliz a introducirte a Sigma y Fiodor, pero también preferiría que te mantuvieras alejado de esa organización. te hace trenzarle el pelo todos los días, no importa si eres muy malo, porque seguiría peinándose contigo PROBABLEMENTE DUERME EN SU DISFRAZ DE PAYASO TAMBIÉN, CON SUS ZAPATOS RIDÍCULOS Y TODO AMA el contacto físico y dar regalos; son sus lenguajes del amor Hablando de contacto físico, le encanta darte los abrazos de oso, tomarte de la mano y acariciarte además, tus regalos consisten mayormente en partes del cuerpo o cadáveres (qué romántico)

[picklebunbun]

I'm going to translate my stories to spanish

voy a traducir mis historias al español

[picklebunbun]

- DIFFERENT PEOPLE

˚. �� ۫ ﹏ ۪ drabble ’’ ˒ ˓ ᵎᵎ

୨୧⌢ Dazai Osamu + TRANSGENDER! SIBLING! READER

reader in late teens to young adulthood || NEUTRAL PRONOUNS || reader can be binary trans or nb

🕊️ ┆ summary ; Reader was with Dazai throughout his PM life. It was until Dazai and his sibling decided to stay was when he realized he missed so much of their life

"Too bad.. I want to stay here."

"..Here?! [DeadName] you can't be serious."

"I'm not going with you, Dazai."

"... Fine. Starve and die here. You're not my problem anymore,"

That's all that you remember of him anyways.

It's not like you cared anymore.

He said it himself. If you died here all alone, cold and helpless with nowhere to go, it wouldn't have mattered to him.

You take a sip of your bitter coffee, it contrasted with your past brother's sugary milk coffee. It was always revolting looking at it.

"Excuse me, Mx. Would you like more coffee?"

You look up at the tooth-rottingly sweet maid. She has a coffee pot ready at the go.

Your mouth forms a kind smile as you give her a reassuring answer

"No, but thank you, Miss. I'll take the check instead"

She gives a slight bow

"Of course! I will have that ready for you right away!"

You nod your head in conformation, as you watch her leave, your hand reaches for your wallet before she returns.

Suddenly, the door chimes indicating that more customers have arrived.

Well "more" is an exaggeration.

You were the only person there.

An obnoxious, grating voice cut in, releasing you out of your serenity.

Two other masculine voices interrupted the unpleasantly, raspy one.

"C'mon, Kunikida! Pay for us"

"There wouldn't be any universe where I would pay for a bottom-dwelling pig-nosed ape like YOU. You I AM NOT PAYING FOR YOU"

Geez.. I think he gets it...

Damn them, they just had to ruin the moment and come in and yell like they're drunkards at a bar. Screaming obscenities at each other like it was a contest.

You sigh.

"Mr. Kunikida, I think you should stop screaming at Dazai, we're in public.."

What?

What..?

Dazai?

Dazai..?

Are you hearing that right?

No

No..

There's no way..

Dazai is a common last name... in Yokohama.. you assume..

Fuck.. you didn't expect to see him here.

You always swore that if you saw him again, you would punch in square in the face.

Now you're not so sure..

"Oh.. right, my apologies.."

The so-called 'Kunikida' cleared his throat and sat down. Clearly embarrassed.

You didn't even realize your shoulders were tensed up until you relaxed them in relief.

The waitress came back with the check.

"Here you go Mx. Da- Oh wait! I just realized! You and this man have the same last name!"

Shit..

"Could you two be related?"

...

Could it be any more quiet?

"Ehm... Alright then, I'll just.."

The waitress ran as fast as she could to avoid the potential confrontation.

Oh god..

You fully turn your head around to look at your brother.

There he was.

In the flesh..

This shocked expression remained on his face, he knew it was you, he would always know it was you..

"You're... Is it..?"

"Dazai? Who are they-"

Dazai rose his hand up to stop the white-haired boy from talking.

"Dazai.."

"How.. When..? You look so.."

"Different? I'm aware"

Dazai rushed over to sit in front of you.

There you were.

The snot-nosed kid by his side was gone.

You changed everything about yourself.

He couldn't believe it.

He knew why you did it.

I mean, he's your brother, he's still the cold man you've always known.

He missed out on such a pivotal part of your life.

"[Deadna- or.. erm.."

"[Name]. My name is [Name]"

"Yes.. Yes yes yes.. [Name].. Of course.. I just.. can't believe it.. I never knew you were trans"

"I know.. I know.. I only just transitioned recently.... After you left.. I just don't know.. Maybe it was the fact that I still wanted to be the little sibling you always knew, maybe that pulled me back from my true identity"

Dazai stayed silent.

"Ah.. well.. I'm sorry.. I would've accepted you no matter what, even after I said all those things.. it wouldn't have changed anything"

"I know 'samu, I was just blinded by my own delusions. No one reacted as vile as I thought they would"

"Well, they're criminals, I don't think they'd care that much"

You both chuckle.

This was nice..

"Osamu, I-"

Your phone rung.

You groaned.

"That must be work.."

You started to get up.

"'Samu?"

"Yes?"

"Let's get coffee soon"

"Sure, [Name]"

[picklebunbun]

taking a mental health break, I'll let you know when I can post again

[picklebunbun]

I'm gonna be honest, if you're waiting for part two of the ratio story, it will take a while before I get to writing SO BE PATIENT PLEASE!!!

[picklebunbun]

guys my stupid ass phone is broken so updates will be slow :(

[picklebunbun]

Angst Dazai Osamu, Drabble

TW; attempted suicide, author heavily projects on Dazai (but I'm okay), implied Kunizai (even though kunikida deserves someone that actually smells good), Dazai goes into the hospital for intensive care.

"When I die, I hope I go out just as beautifully"

"I'd really prefer if you didn't go at all"

...

Self destruction.

That's all Dazai does.

He destroys his mind.

his heart.

his body.

his loved ones.

his own self.

until there's nothing left.

All he can really think about is how aggravating his voice is.

The sun is too bright.

There are too many people.

I don't feel like myself.

My skin is too uncomfortable.

My hair is disgusting.

My skin feels tight.

I can feel my sweat, why does my face have to be so oily?

At first, I felt this way, temporarily. But only for a bit. I knew it was silly. It's only inner-tantrums that I have, I'm an adult, I get over them and begin a new day.

So why is it insufferable.

It's difficult to deal with.

And maybe because it's the same thing,

over and

over and

over again.

Everyday, it's tiring to get through, it's tiring to hear my thoughts, it's tiring to annoy everyone just to feel some type of thrill

It's tiring being here in general.

There's no point in enjoying anything.

There's no point in feeling sad.

There's no point feeling anything.

It's unbearable keeping up the act for years and years to come.

This self-loathing has to stop.

Dazai thinks to himself.

Don't pity yourself, you look like a damn fool.

He gets up, his back immediately cracking itself from the uncomfortable sleeping position he puts himself through. His bandages come loose as he was careless from his tossing and turning, the other object being affected were the empty beer bottles. Glasses clasping with eachother and they tumble down. Just how he inevitably will.

The blanket droops down his body, showcasing the random bruises littered on his body. They could've only been done by Dazai. And Dazai alone.

And the scars.

The unforgettable scars.

The ones that he inflicted, chiping away skin and ripping flesh apart for his own selfish gain.

It's something so shameful, that he can't bring himself to even look at it.

Everyone knows what the bandages meant.

And they feel worried for him.

Dazai can see the concerned glances from his co-workers,

from Kunikida.

Damn him.

Damn him for feeling sorry for himself, he doesn't deserve the care,

the affection that everyone gives him.

He's a disgusting man who should suffer the consequences of being so idiotic and senseless.

He's just a big moron.

A moron who has nothing to live for.

He doesn't come into work that day,

his stomach churns, an imoending feeling of doom looms over him.

Kunikida stopped by his room, knocking at the door but never coming in. His voice muffled by the partition from door to room, he'd asking if Dazai's okay.

The greasy man let's out a hoarse 'yes'

His pathetic body shivering under the sheets.

He lays there, like a log. Nothing to do and nothing going through his mind.

He looks at the clock.

The stained, cracked clock.

You've run out of time.

There he is,

loverboy holding his bloodied hand

undergone an intensive surgery, Dazai wakes up.

The first thing he sees,

is Kunikida clasping his hands together with Dazai's sandwiched in the middle. He was praying

Do you know what giving up truly means?

it's not only focusing your attention on something else because you've 'given up' on your task.

But that giving up was always an option.

Something you were willing to do from the start.

If you always had it as a choice, you should've saved yourself some time

because you're always going to choose to give up

Dazai's shaking hand strokes the individual strands on Kunikida's head.

"Please.."

Dazai perks up.

"Please what?"

"Please.. don't do this again"

Are you joking at a time like this.

Dazai giggles.

"I can't promise-"

"-Just please.."

He cuts him off.

"Don't end up as another number, I can't lose you too"

...

I'd really prefer if you didn't go at all.

[picklebunbun]

I LOVE THEM SMSMSM

Girl dad Nanami

A/N: This is just a little drabble that I've been thinking of for a while! I'm working on a longer Arlecchino fic but for now I’ve been NEEDING girl dad Nanami.

Tags Christmas and Santa, soft Nanami

Girl dad Nanami who gently wakes his daughters up for the first day of school, brushing out their tangled hair and putting it into pigtails. He reassures them that it'll be okay. There's nothing to worry about, daddy is just a call away if anything goes wrong.

Girl dad Nanami who packs their lunches and helps them with their difficult addition homework every night, patiently showing them how to work through it.

Girl dad Nanami who pries his pocket-sized daughters off each other when they fight. Tiny fists curled tight, swinging at each other and pulling at their hair. All over a simple game of house. Reluctantly, he joins in, monitoring how they behave, and begrudgingly accepting his role as the baby.

Girl dad Nanami who is glad to have his daughters at home for Christmas break. The constant crying in the mornings was starting to wear on his poor heart. Listening to their soft sobbing as they were forced to leave their dad once again is too much to bear forever. He can finally take his time, cooking a big breakfast for them and finally getting them to cooperate enough to decorate the house.

Girl dad Nanami who makes sure to stay in the living room until midnight, until his girls could not possibly be awake. They're mischievous little girls who have tried more than once to open their presents ahead of time. He found them weeks before Christmas, trying to be discreet, giggling behind their small stubby hands. And when he's sure they're asleep, he goes into their shared room, which is decorated with a million stuffed animals, and presses a soft kiss onto their tiny foreheads. Then, he goes to bed, relaxing after a long day of dealing with his daughters.

Girl dad Nanami who helps his girls bake cookies for breakfast. Unfortunately, as children they have no sense of self-preservation and attempt to eat the raw dough. Multiple times. No matter how many times the man says no. Eventually he has to pry the bowl out of their hands and do it himself. When the cookies are done, they immediately try to grab them, burning their chubby fingers. Nanami sighs and runs their hands under cold water, soothing their little cries and wiping their tears away. You girls need to be more careful, don't act without thinking next time.

Girl dad Nanami who, despite their injuries, lets them decorate the cookies with as much icing as they'd like. It gets all over the table and their clothing, sticking to their cheeks- evidence of them sneaking mini tastes of it. The cookies look terrible. They have no fins motor function. But to Nanami it's the best art he could ever see. Because it's theirs.

Girl dad Nanami who finds comfort in venting to Geto when he gets to their house at noon. The girls had begged him for a play date with Mimiko and Nanako, and he finally agreed. The four of them ate all the sugary cookies they could. Even after telling them to pace themselves, they didn't listen and instead stuffed their faces with as much candy as they could. Once they got too out of hand, Geto cuts the playdate short. The whining doesn't deter him, as he scolds them for making a mess of someone else's house, besides, he has to take them to a family party.

Girl dad Nanami who sits them down in front of the chimney at midnight on Christmas eve. It took all day to style their hair and clothes, he was exhausted. But as he saw their excited smiles, he couldn't help the feeling welling up in his chest. Their hot chocolate is ignored, as their attention is turned toward the presents in front of them. Like rabid dogs, they rip apart boxes and wrapping paper, yearning for the presents Santa brought them this year.

Girl dad Nanami who finally puts his daughters to sleep at 1 A.M. They could hardly handle staying up so late, yawning in his face, but still swearing they can stay up more. When they eventually fall asleep on each other, Nanami carries their little bodies upstairs. They're tucked into his bed this time, under their new blankets and in their brand-new pajamas that they couldn't wait to put on. Drawn towards the heat radiating from him, they cling onto his arms. It's like he has two mega heaters surrounding him. He can't even move into a comfortable position. But despite that, he doesn't move. He doesn't want to wake them up. His daughters are more important than his comfort.

[picklebunbun]

can I just say something, this is off topic from my usual text posts. But my pet peeve of fanfics is when they describe you with pale skin or describe you with a bright red/pale pink blush. I'm hispanic, I don't blush cause I'm not white and I used to have really tan skin when I was younger. It always made me feel bad when fanfics I used to read described the reader as a white person. I didn't have "silky, untangled hair" because my hair was curly and it took forever to brush just to make it run through my fingers. The constant praise that my more "whiter" peers got was something I wanted, I wanted to straighten my hair and become american. They always described male reader with longish hair, I had short hair. Even in nb reader, it still has the same problem. I especially hated it when it said it was "for everyone" but it clearly wasn't meant for people like me

[picklebunbun]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FEDYA, YOU ARE THE MOST PERFECT PERSON EVER, I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH. YOU ARE THE BEST, YOU DESERVE THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER

💝💝💝