rainlover29 - Tumblr blog

[rainlover29]

Reblog to open a rail line from your blog to the person you reblogged this from

[rainlover29]

I got into watching Oz Media last year, and I absolutely love the way he read out this and some of the notes on it. I’m glad I found this.

My Stephen is odd about being pet, but not quite in the same way. It depends on where we are.

In my room:

Me on the bed: Come on up!

Stephen (gets up): Hello!

Me: *starts petting him*

Stephen: Oh yeah, that’s the spot. Oh, that feels good. *starts licking my face* iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

Me: I love you, too. *keeps on petting until he’s done*

Outside:

Me: *coming up the driveway*

Stephen: Hey! I missed you! Come here! *meets me at the gate* I love you! Where have you been?

Me: Hi Steef! (if also there) Hi Gandalf! *pets cats before going back in house*

In the main part of the house, total change:

Me: *goes to pet Stephen*

Stephen: No, don’t pet me! I’m out of here!

Gandalf: *comes over and gets pet instead*

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

[rainlover29]

It’s been quite a while, and a lot has changed.

My labels:

Asexual: no changes there

Aromantic: I’m 36yo now, and my only bout of romantic attraction was for less than a year for one person in a demirecipromantic way when I was 17yo & 18yo.

Aroace: I’m not sure how my aromanticism and asexuality interact, but I know they are both intimately connected to the next 2 things.

Agender: I was agenderfluidflux (used the label agenderflux) with librafem and libramasc as the fluctuating and fluid genders, but my gender up and died about 4 or 5 years ago. It feels like part of the foundation that goes with me being aroace.

Autistic: I was diagnosed in Feb ‘23. I started suspecting I might be earlier in ‘21 or ‘22. The diagnosis led to my acceptance that I was autistic very quickly because it explained so many things throughout my life. I couldn’t list them here, but it made so much sense. I have a better sense of self and self-acceptance paired with autistic pride. It seems to be intimately connected to (and the foundation of) my AAA status. I’m AAAA.

Transmasc: I know it sounds weird, but I get a certain euphoria from suits and cool bow ties and neckties. I want to look like that and feel like that. I’ve also been dysphoric about my chest and reproductive system for at least 5 years and at least 20 years respectively.

Phoebian: See above.

Selenian: Most people see me as a woman, so I have the experience of being treated like one.

Demibialterous: I figured out in ‘23 that the vast majority of what I thought was romantic attraction was actually alterous. It’s only a thing with friends, and it feels different for different genders. With non-masc people, it feels like an equal relationship, but it feels like power dynamics come into play with masc people.

Demipanplatonic: Must be acquaintances first.

Aqueerplatonic: I just don’t feel it.

Alloaesthetic: I’m not sure whether to call it pan or omni because I see beautiful works of art all over the place.

Atheist: no changes there. Guess I’m AAAAA, which describes pretty well how I feel a lot of the time.

To sum: I’m an autistic pi-oriented aroace agender person who wants a masc presentation and happens to be atheist and is seen by society as a woman I’m not.

As a note, my Bipolar Disorder diagnosis was dropped when I was diagnosed as autistic, and I was taken off lithium. My thoughts can still overwhelm me by being on too many tracks at once.

I love hyperfocus but hate autistic inertia.

[rainlover29]

This thought I came up with over a year ago (maybe a couple) is probably as unoriginal as the other thoughts in my head.

The Marusian Hypothesis of Menstrual Intelligence: menstrual cramps can turn you into a bit of an idiot.  Maybe it’s the brain trying to cope with the pain when other coping methods fail.

[rainlover29]

Hi.  I don't know how much this will help because my situation may be different (including that I could cycle within a day before starting on medicine).  I get myself some water and do something that's otherwise comforting or fun.  That may involve watching videos or listening to music on YouTube or reading something (online or offline).  I may still feel like crap, but I know it could be worse, and it is sort of distracting.  My mother prefers to write or read, but I don't know how much the writing helps her.

To anyone with bipolar disorder.. I’m on a low. I’ve recently been diagnosed and I was wondering how you cope with lows? Like I can cope with a situation but the whole episode not so much.

[rainlover29]

[rainlover29]

The drive: 25 minutes

Opening up to a therapist and it turning out well: Priceless

There are some things you're comfortable sharing.  For everything else, there's a listening, knowing person you don't have to feel so guilty unloading on.  Thank goodness.

[rainlover29]

disneytasthic:

CLASSIC DISNEY 101 Dalmatians (1961) Alice in Wonderland (1951) Bambi (1942) Cinderella (1950) Dumbo (1941)  Fantasia (1940) Lady and the Tramp (1955) Mary Poppins (1964) Peter Pan (1953) Pinocchio (1940) Sleeping Beauty (1959) Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) Song of the South (1946)

DISNEY’S DARK AGE The Aristocats (1970) Bedknobs & Broomsticks (1971) The Black Cauldron (1985) The Fox and the Hound (1981) The Great Mouse Detective (1986) The Jungle Book (1967) The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977) Oliver and Company (1986) Pete’s Dragon (1977) The Rescuers (1977) Robin Hood (1973) The Sword In The Stone (1963)

THE DISNEY RENAISSANCE Aladdin (1992) Beauty and the Beast (1991) A Goofy Movie (1995) James and the Giant Peach (1996) Hercules (1997) The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) The Lion King (1994) The Little Mermaid (1989) Mulan (1998) Pocahontas (1995) The Rescuers Down Under (1990) Tarzan (1999)

DISNEY’S MODERN AGE Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001) Bolt (2008) Brother Bear (2003)  Chicken Little (2005) Dinosaur (2000) The Emperor’s New Groove (2000)  Enchanted (2007) Fantasia 2000 (2000) Home on the Range (2004) Lilo & Stitch (2002) Meet the Robinsons (2007) The Princess and the Frog (2009) Treasure Planet (2002) Tangled (2010) Wreck it Ralph (2012) Frozen (2013)

DISNEY SEQUELS 101 Dalmations 2: Patch’s London Adventure (2003) 102 Dalmatians Aladdin and the King of Thieves (1996) An Extremely Goofy Movie (2000) Atlantis - Milo’s Return (2003) Bambi II (2006) Beauty and the Beast - Belle’s Magical World (1998) Beauty and the Beast - The Enchanted Christmas (1997) Cinderella II - Dreams Come True (2002) Cinderella III - A Twist in Time (2007) Kronk’s New Groove (2005) Lady & the Tramp II - Scamp’s Adventure (2001) Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch (2005) Mulan 2 (2004) Pocahontas II - Journey to a New World (1998) Return to Never Land (2002) Tarzan & Jane (2002) Tarzan II (2005) The Hunchback of Notre Dame II (2002) The Jungle Book 2 (2003) The Lion King 1 1/2 (2004) The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride (1998) The Little Mermaid - Ariel’s Beginning (2008) The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea (2000) The Return of Jafar (1994)

PIXAR A Bug’s Life (1998) Cars (2006) Finding Nemo (2003)  The Incredibles (2004) Monsters Inc. (2001) Monsters University (2013) Ratatouille (2007) Toy Story (1995) Toy Story 2 (1999) Toy Story 3 (2010)  Wall-E (2008) Up (2009) Brave (2012)

Edited for what I've seen...and not seen.  xp

[rainlover29]

Classes start 21 Jan.  I haven't taken one since fall 2011.  That was the first time I wasn't a student, and this is my first time returning to it after a hiatus.  I didn't actually think I'd ever go back.  I'm only taking one class, and it's a class I've wanted to take since 2005.  I'm nervous.  I'm afraid I won't be as good a student as I used to be.  I'm afraid I've lost myself a bit in the last 2 years.  On the other hand, I opened to the middle of the textbook, and it's promising.  I don't know if this will be really fun, exhausting, or both.

Good luck to all you returning students.  Hope you all do well.

[rainlover29]

For years, I opened my 11th-grade U.S. history classes by asking students, “What’s the name of that guy they say discovered America?” A few students might object to the word “discover,” but they all knew the fellow I was talking about. “Christopher Columbus!” several called out in unison.“Right. So who did he find when he came here?” I asked. Usually, a few students would say, “Indians,” but I asked them to be specific: “Which nationality? What are their names?”Silence.In more than 30 years of teaching U.S. history and guest-teaching in others’ classes, I’ve never had a single student say, “Taínos.” How do we explain that? We all know the name of the man who came here from Europe, but none of us knows the name of the people who were here first—and there were hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of them. Why haven’t you heard of them?This ignorance is an artifact of historical silencing—rendering invisible the lives and stories of entire peoples.[…] In an interview with Barbara Miner, included in Rethinking Columbus, Suzan Shown Harjo of the Morning Star Institute, who is Creek and Cheyenne, said: “As Native American peoples in this red quarter of Mother Earth, we have no reason to celebrate an invasion that caused the demise of so many of our people, and is still causing destruction today.” After all, Columbus did not merely “discover,” he took over. He kidnapped Taínos, enslaved them—“Let us in the name of the Holy Trinity go on sending all the slaves that can be sold,” Columbus wrote—and “punished” them by ordering that their hands be cut off or that they be chased down by vicious attack dogs, if they failed to deliver the quota of gold that Columbus demanded. One eyewitness accompanying Columbus wrote that it “did them great damage, for a dog is the equal of 10 men against the Indians.”Corporate textbooks and children’s biographies of Columbus included none of this and were filled with misinformation and distortion. But the deeper problem was the subtext of the Columbus story: it’s OK for big nations to bully small nations, for white people to dominate people of color, to celebrate the colonialists with no attention paid to the perspectives of the colonized, to view history solely from the standpoint of the winners.

Bill Bigelow, Rethinking Columbus: Towards a True People’s History

Just your random reminder that this is a banned book.

In January of this year, district officials came into Tucson’s high schools, confiscated the offending books, put them in boxes, and carted them away. These books were taken while classes were in session, so that the teachers and students wouldn’t miss the point.

What’s even more terrifying is that their actions were in compliance with an Arizona state law.

HB 2281 has terminated Tucson’s Mexican American Studies program, a virtually one of a kind social studies and humanities high school program that seeks to close the “achievement gap” by encouraging Tucson students (of whom at least 60% are Latino) to look at American history critically in regards to race, gender, and ethnicity.

But Arizona Superintendent of Public Instruction John Huppenthal will have none of it, and threatened to withdraw 14 million dollars in state funding to the Tucson Unified School District if it failed to comply with the law, which criminalizes, among other things, “any courses or classes that…advocate ethnic solidarity…”

And so hundreds of students have had their curriculum literally snatched away from them at mid-year; their teachers are now required by law to assign them more “traditional” reading material that ignores the racial, gender, and class biases that have so tragically shaped our country.

Another gentle reminder that there are  *ahem* various places I could be arrested for teaching this to you in school.

(via medievalpoc)

[rainlover29]

I don't have many followers, and they have probably seen this already, but, just in case, here it is.

ladyatheist:

i-am-septima:

baddominicana:

poemsofthedead:

note-a-bear:

So there are groups that do this, they stay in highly policed areas on shifts and bring cameras and such, and record to make sure police brutality doesn’t escalate, and when it happens there’s evidence against it.

But that’s not the only way it can happen.

Every single person is entitled to watch an arrest go down as long as they are not obstructing or interfering. That means, if you see cops bumrush someone, even if that person is waving a gun, you are allowed, even legally permitted and encouraged to watch the events occur.

This is important white folks, because the cops work inyourservice. Oh sure, they’re supposedly in the service of “the common good” but we all know that means protecting white people.

-

-

And now a story, when I was in high school, and my mom was working under a horrific principal, she was late to work one day because there was something going on in our neighborhood. Cops were gathered near our pharmacy and a guy was on the roof (it’s a little over one story, so he wasn’t a jumper or anything) and she stayed as long as she could and watched the scenario go down for a while. Not because she’s trifling. not because she’s nosy. But because she saw a POC and cops gathered and said to herself “I want to make sure this goes by the book.”

And that’s all it takes to be a cop watcher.

You acknowledge that you, as a white person, are in a relative position of safety and you watch. You bear witness, because your voice, unfortunately, carries more weight than ours in the criminal justice system.

Justice is not blind, nor should you be.

If there are cops, and they outnumber an individual, shit, even if it’s 1:1, it is your responsibility to keep an eye on the scenario and take down whatever information you can. And if it looks like something shady is going on, you areobligatedto call in to your local precinct and say “Listen, I saw X happen on Y, and it looked questionable.” And if you get a negative response, well, y’know what? You find out if there’s a civilian oversight committee. In NYC we have one, but they’re underfunded and continually being legislated against (currently there’s a statute of 18 months from the time of the event within which you have to file charges).

-

-

If the prospect of keeping vigilant about cops scares you, imagine being a POC, and knowing that no matter what you do, you could be railroaded by a system that wants to not only disenfranchise you, but has no intentions of treating you as a human being.

Take your fears and shove ‘em down, because they’ll never be anything when compared to what we face on a daily basis.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT IS SO FUNNY??? THIS POST HAS SEVEN FUCKING NOTES. BECAUSE GIVING WHITE PEOPLE SOME INFORMATION AND TOOLS THAT THEY CAN ACTUALLY USE TO TAKE ACTION AS ALLIES IS NOT WORTH THEM LIKING OR REBLOGGING AND SHARING WITH EACH OTHER. IT’S NOT LIKE THEY ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO DO ANYTHING WITH IT! RIGHT? RIGHT? IT’S “FUNNY” CUZ IT’S JUST BLACK AND BROWN LIVES ON THE LINE ANYWAY.

word. we ALL have white followers. but they prefer to reblog jokes or pretty pictures or “universal” (read: non-racial shit) things. let it be a good, useful critique on them and their structures and their fucking bullshit. let it be a word of advice so they can stop being oppressive dicks and *crickets*

we all see you.

But seriously if y’all see some fishy arrests of PoC (or otherwise, for that matter) going down, it’d be great if you could help out as a witness.  ’Cause I can vouch personally for the fact that when PoC speak in each others’ favor, it is immediately disregarded as “helping a brother out”.

I have 2,433 followers. The very least you could do is stop and read this.

Watching the police has become such a habit, that I was sort of taken by surprise when my daughters asked me what I was doing the first time they were with me.  Why are we still, we should go?  They asked.  I said…sometimes the police need to know that people are watching them. 

We’d been walking down Sherbrooke, and what the hell, I’d forgotten it was May Day.  So there was a march, and the riot cops were out in all their insane scary bug-like armour.  And you could see them pushing the people in the march who were straggling.  My daughters asked why, and I couldn’t help it…the cops were already in earshot, but I said, “Some people feel good when they push other people around I guess.”

It made my daughters really nervous and when I thought about it, I was nervous too.  No, I don’t trust that the cops aren’t going to do something that is going to end up with me and my kids getting hurt.  I’ve been ‘rounded up’ before, and had the police driver of the van slam on the breaks every couple of seconds so those of us seated in the back would go flying all over the place. I got a nice bruise on the side of my face before they finally stopped and kicked us out because they needed the space for ‘worse rioters’.

But whatever.  Watching ‘regular’ police action is more important.  When a car screeches up, and two cops get out and they start getting physical with the three boys sitting on a bench, yes, you need to stop and stand there.  And yes, it’s scary.  Because the ability of police officers to use force and pretty much get away with whatever they want to do IS SCARY.  They have that power because it doesn’t get questioned enough.

I sincerely hope you personally have never experienced police brutality.  But you can watch it happen pretty much any hour of the day if you open your eyes. 

I can`t count the number of times I’ve heard of the police abusing their power, and you know what the number one deterrent is to ever holding them accountable?

Lack of witnesses.

The funny thing is…there are almost always witnesses.  Just not ones willing to give witness.

[rainlover29]

You know you're tired in the morning when you start making up silly things.

Mortal Yawn-bat is a fighting game: you fight to go to sleep.  There are sequels.  Apologies to Star Wars fans and Mortal Kombat fans.

Mortal Yawn-bat II: Midnight Oil (the throw-away title)

Mortal Yawn-bat III: Revenge of the Insomniacs

Mortal Yawn-bat IV: A New Sleep Aid

Mortal Yawn-bat V: The Drowsy Strike Back

Mortal Yawn-bat VI: The Return of Sleep

There is also a spin-off called Mortal Yawn-bat: Pillow Talk.  It's a two-player game where you try to soothe each other to sleep.

Hope someone finds this funny.

[rainlover29]

For years, my grandmother and I fought horribly.  Two things happened (well several happened, as a result of it or at the same time, really, but this is about those two) that sort of keep haunting me.  First, I felt like I needed to escape the situation.  Second, I wondered why she was that way only with me and decided there must be a problem with me.  For a while, I thought I was bad and should die.  Dying would also be one way to escape (for part of that time, I believed in an afterlife).  I wasn't sure how to do it, but I wanted to.

Sometimes - lately, often - those thoughts come back.  They aren't productive.  Several of the points in that negative self-talk are wrong.  I'm having to counter them with observations of and opinions about my self from myself and others.

I am grateful for the love and care others give me.  I often feel like I don't deserve it.  Seeing as they feel I do, I should probably just label that another negative thought.  Anyway, it's sweet that they do, and I don't want to hurt those who care and love.

I should work on becoming more confident in using words to express myself.  I feel like I have trouble saying everything I want to or have to say.

I should do what the therapist said.  When I recognize those thoughts, I should know them for what they are - negative thoughts - and watch them pass, picture them as clouds blowing by.

Everyone dies, and some die before they have a chance to make something of their lives or are interrupted mid-life.  Even if we want to die sometimes, that doesn't mean we always want to or that we should.

Thoughts change.  Feelings change.  In our lives, we change, though we are still ourselves.

The next time that thought comes by, I shouldn't answer it with agreement or dispute.  I should see it as a small bit of seaweed floating on a wave, coming in and being pulled back by the water.

[rainlover29]

Listening to Here and Now on Capital Public Radio.  They are talking with Sam Harris about lying.  It's interesting.  It's interesting what he's saying about lying to ourselves and how even small lies aren't a good thing.  He's written a book on lying.

Here and Now's site with an excerpt from his book.

Now, back to your regular dashboard, already in progress.

[rainlover29]

Hope you are all having a wonderful day, a wonderful season, a wonderful year, and a wonderful life.  I still think you deserve it.  Every last one of you.

[rainlover29]

Permission to squeak?  This is so fun!

all of tumblr needs this because we always forget what day it is

[rainlover29]

I'm not worth helping, and they help me anyway.  I'm not worth loving, and they love me anyway.  I am very lucky and don't deserve it.

Don't they have better things to do?

I'm not worthy of this.  I'm a useless coward.  Why am I still here?

I would be more useful dead than alive.

The worst part is knowing that other people out there feel like this.  That just seems so wrong.