shenspeaker

[shenspeaker]

Circle of Sports Homebrew

Have been wanting to whip this up since last week's episode. I love the circle of sports. Used the circle of stars as a base, even though circle of spores is the more obvious typo lol. Enjoy!

 Druid: Circle of Sports

Since the first being aspired to test their might, hone their skill, and chase the thrill of victory, the power of sports has shaped the planes.

None understand this better than the druids of the Circle of Sports, students of the Plane of Sports. These druids have balled since time immemorial, dunking with primordials and discovering lost secrets in the ancient temples of gains. By honoring sportsmanship, competition, and the purity of the big man taking the rock all the way to the points hole, the Circle of Sports pursue teamwork, self-betterment, and a dynamic universe full of excitement and challenge.

Many druids of this circle keep records of the Great Games of the world, feats of strength and sportsmanship that ring forever in the legendary Hall of Fame at the heart of the Plane of Sports. They contend these records hold the spirits of those who came before, and can serve as markers, clues, and guides to what is possible. Shrines, gyms, trophies, trading cards, or artifacts signed by heroes long passed are both defended and sought after by these sages, scoundrels, and adventurers alike. Other druids seek to place their own names in the Hall of Fame and pave the way for heroes yet to come.

Sports Trance

When you join this circle at 2nd level you form a link to the Plane of Sports that grants you proficiency in Athletics and doubles your proficiency bonus for any check made using Athletics. If you already have proficiency in Athletics you may gain proficiency in a different skill of your choice.

Additionally, you learn to ascend your consciousness to the sequestered Plane of Sports and enter a sports trance. While in this trance your body becomes a Tiny sports-related object of your choice, with resistance to all damage, that can be used as a simple melee weapon that deals 1d8 bludgeoning damage and has the finesse, light, and thrown properties (range 20/60).

While in this state you are unconscious, but can be roused as if from sleep, ending the trance. You can complete a long rest in 4 hours, if you spend those hours in this trance.

Circle Spells

The pure energy from the Plane of Sports grants you access to some spells when you reach certain levels in this class, as shown on the Circle of Sports Spells table.

Once you gain access to one of these spells, you always have it prepared, and it doesn't count against the number of spells you can prepare each day. If you gain access to a spell that doesn't appear on the Druid Spell List, the spell is nonetheless a druid spell for you.

Druid Level - Spells

2nd - Compelled Duel, Catapult

3rd - Kinetic Jaunt, Spiritual Weapon

5th - Motivational Speech, Haste

7th - Freedom of Movement, Staggering Smite

9th - Conjure Volley, Greater Restoration

Sports Form

At 2nd level, you gain the ability to harness the power of sports to alter your form. As a bonus action, you can expend a use of your Wild Shape feature to take on a sports form, rather than transforming into a beast. Changing into a sports form ends any other active Wild Shapes.

While in your sports form, your clothes take on the appearance of appropriate sports attire, and appropriate sports-themed music plays. The form lasts for 10 minutes. It ends early if you dismiss it (no action required), are incapacitated, die, or use this feature again.

Whenever you assume your sports form, choose which of the following styles you embody; your choice gives you certain benefits while in the form:

Fastball. A series of sports-themed balls and projectiles appear in orbit around you. When you activate this style, and as a bonus action on your subsequent turns while it lasts, you can make a ranged spell attack, hurling a ball or other projectile that targets one creature within 60 feet of you. On a hit, the attack deals bludgeoning damage equal to 1d8 + your Wisdom modifier.

Nike. An incredible set of appropriate sports footwear appears on your feet. While in this style your walking speed increases by 15 feet. You gain a swimming and climbing speed of 30 feet. If you already have a swim and climb speed, you can instead increase that speed by 15 feet. When you jump, you may add twice your proficiency bonus in feet to the distance in any direction.

Roughhouse. Your muscles bulge and glisten as if oiled. In this style you can add your Wisdom bonus to Strength checks, Strength saving throws, and Constitution saving throws to maintain concentration. In this form you can make a grapple or shove attack as a bonus action.

Rally the Team

When you reach 6th level, you learn to channel the power of sports to your allies. As a bonus action, all creatures you choose within 30 feet may either gain 1d8 temporary hit points or immediately roll a save to end any continuous negative effect that could normally be negated with a successful saving throw. They must be able to hear or see you to gain this benefit.

You cannot use this ability again until you finish a short rest.

Welcome to the Jam

At 10th level, the styles of your Sports Form improve. The 1d8 of Fastball becomes 2d8. While Nike is active all opportunity attacks have disadvantage against you. While Roughhouse is active you can grapple or push creatures of any size without penalty.

Moreover, at the start of each of your turns while in your Sports Form, you can change which style you embody.

Hall of Fame

At 14th level, your connection to the plane of sports has become something of legend. While in your Sports Form, this legacy grants you a kind of immortality, giving you resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage.

[shenspeaker]

Honestly I think this could really work - it goes with the themes they're starting to lay down about how Betty always picked up her whole life to be with Simon, but Simon (at least in the "normal human" phase of their relationship) never did that for Betty.

It's hinted at when Fionna suggests "Oh so you went to the Outback with her?" and Simon seems to respond with surprise, like the idea is preposterous or at least never occurred to him.

This would be a good way for him to balance the scales, make the same sacrifices for her she was ready to make for him, and resolve his crisis about whether or not he wants to live a magical life in one fell swoop.

It also would steer clear of the "too neat" version of events where he saves Betty and they live a nice human life together.

The real question is though - if he did this, what would happen to Fionna and Cake's universe? I guess they'd have the power to make their universe fully real (and that's probably what I'd do as a writer - give Fionna and Cake the power to determine their own genre) - but it's funny to think about the other possibility of wishmaster brain Fionna lol.

My Fionna and Cake game theory is that Simon Petrikov becomes Wishmaster so he can be a God of the Cosmos with the love of his life

[shenspeaker]

Intrepid Heroes by How Powerful they are in Dnd Combat/10

Siobhan Thompson 7/10 - Plays it by the book, wants to win. The most prepared to kill Brennan in real life.

Ally Beardsley 9/10 - Renowned dice deity. Impossible to see coming. Impossible to track tactically. Big swings and big rolls to back it up. A force of nature.

Lou Wilson 5/10 - Will die for the bit. Always plays the character and the story first, even at the cost of his life. That said, sometimes playing the story will unlock a game changer that playing it tactically never could have.

Zac Oyama 6/10 - Just there to have a good time. Will kill if it’s convenient to him. One liners so devastating they have a mechanical effect.

Brian “Murph” Murphy 6/10 - Robust technical knowledge and possibly the most tactics-forward PC. Knows how to minmax but doesn’t go out of his way to do so. Pretty by the book. Famously despised by dice gods everywhere.

Emily Axford 10/10 - A maniac’s stewpot of technical skill, combat optimization, creative chaos, and killer instinct. Sees opportunities, weaponizes them, and obliterates the opposition.

[shenspeaker]

Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness Review (Spoilers)

SPOILER WARNING! 

Just got out of the theater and boy do I have thoughts on this movie and what it could have been.

First, I have to say this one really disappointed. 

Let’s put aside the blatant McGuffin-ing of the various “magic books.”

Let’s put aside how underdeveloped the America Chavez’s plotline was, to the point where she’s basically just there to be a plot device and check the box for “people seem to like the spunky daughter meets grumpy dad plot”, without really understanding what makes that plot fun. 

Let’s put aside the way the movie expects us to care about Strange and Christine’s profoundly underdeveloped and underwhelming relationship.

Let’s put aside the way this movie introduces a complicated new multiverse theory that does the exact same thing as Loki’s time-based multiverse theory, but for some reason seems to be different? (So now we can track infinite multiverses on both the x and y axis, I guess, where x is time and y is idk dreams or something. Are spiders z? or another y? Anyways, if you’re not on the x axis the TVA doesn’t give a fuck).

Let’s even put aside the way the movie throws out the complexities of Wanda Maximoff’s character, developed in the profoundly more successful and interesting Wandavision, with the vague handwave of “Darkhold make you Bad.”

EVEN THEN

This movie is middling at best. Strange himself is largely a medium for snark and quips. He’s told several times what a control freak he is, and how that’s a bad thing, but the “prime” Strange we follow never actually demonstrates that flaw, and is less interesting for it.

But Wanda has always been more interesting than him, and the movie is at its most engaging when it’s a horror movie starring her. 

I think the version of this movie I wanted to see, which would not have been difficult to write, could even largely follow the same plot - is not Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness, but Wanda Kills the Marvel Multiverse. Doctor Strange can be there trying to stop her if he has to be. I’ll allow it.

Since we’ve already apparently decided Wanda’s going to go “full bad guy,” let her chew the scenery some more. Let her go full horror movie slasher. Sure she mows through the Illuminati. That was cool! Now I want to see her do it again, to someone that matters.

We’ve got infinite disposable universes and heroes now, let Wanda chew her way through all of them in pursuit of Doctor Strange and whatever McGuffin you have to give him to justify it. They can be second long cameos. Let her use the full extent of her weird and psychological reality warping powers. The disposable nature of the multiverse makes for the perfect excuse to remove the usual feeling of invincibility from superheroes so we can actually dip toes into the dread of the horror genre. 

Let Wanda Westview the Avengers, let her Carrie and Freddie Kreuger and Jason her way through whatever disposable otherworld Marvel teams you can throw at her. You don’t even need to hire the big actors, we already know there’s other Spidermen and Thors and Captain Americas and Hulks and any old suit can be Iron Man. Let her devastate old bad guys, roll through Destroyers, Ultrons, Hydra, people with alternate-world Infinity Stones. She can kill characters you want to set up, or homages to heroes or villains you’ll never touch again. Have fun with it. Get wild, that’s what people want from a multiverse movie.

Not only does making the movie about Wanda give us a chance to revel in her power and anger, and the horror of having her as an enemy, but more screentime can give us an opportunity to find a little depth in her again too. On her way through the Marvel catalogues, does anyone resonate with Wanda, or slow her down for a minute? Does Professor X have a cautionary tale about Jean Grey? What happens if she encounters a Vision, or a Quicksilver? Or her own parents? When she stands off against herself, maybe let that play out a little longer?

I think this movie could have its cake (terrifying uber bad guy Wanda) and eat it too (give her some depth) if they were just willing to make the movie about her. Give her space to actually say something. Then if you have to send her off, it won’t feel like it’s for nothing.

Anyways, if this leaves you hungry for a good multiverse movie, with a deadly omnipotent villain who still has some depth, I highly recommend Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. Sorry this was so long.

[shenspeaker]

Who would win?

Googly eyes or an everything bagel?

[shenspeaker]

Everything Everywhere All at Once Review

How is this movie not trending? It’s the hottest shit happening in 12 genres simultaneously. It’s everything we wish movies could be all the time, ground-breaking, out of the box, POC-led, tearjerking, queer, well-handled, mind-blowing, fucking fun, and a clear labor of love by every member of the cast and crew, a small company knockout in an era of big-studio blockbusters.

It’s Turning Red, it’s the Matrix, it’s Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, it’s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, it’s The Farewell, it’s Community, and so much more, and somehow, impossibly, it kicks ass on every front at once.

It’s a love letter to Michelle Yeoh that finally lets her be everything she can be, it’s Jonathan Ke Quan finally getting a chance to explode back to the screen in one of my favorite characters of all time (and the only successful now-they’re-sexy glasses removal in cinema history). Stephanie Tsu kicks ass, represents despair, wears every bitching outfit you ever wanted to, becomes a being of ultimate omniversal power, cries, would maybe rather be a rock, and is gay, representing an entire generation of millennials who feel like they’ve seen too much to ever go back.

If you haven’t seen this movie, you should. It’s everything everywhere all at once.

[shenspeaker]

Normal/Ghost Zoroark and why it kicks ass

The new Pokemon Legends Arceus trailer just came out and I’m pretty stoked.

Normal/Ghost has been my “most wanted” type combo, basically ever. I’m a fan of Normal type in general, and Ghost does a perfect job covering its only weakness, while also taking advantage of its only resistance.

^^^ cutie finds a dead body (or probably a dropped medieval camera, but you know)

I know some people probably expected the ice type based on the trailer, but I think Normal/Ghost is both more interesting and makes more sense. It’s a never before seen combination and it plays well into Zoroark’s signature Illusion ability both mechanically and from a story-telling point of view. Ice doesn’t play into either, and it would bring the Pokemon uncomfortably close to the already aesthetically and narratively similar Ninetales.

Story-telling wise Normal/Ghost is perfect. I long-felt that a Normal/Ghost would be a Schrondinger’s Cat style pokemon, something occupying a liminal space between Ghost-hood and cute ordinary animalhood. While Zorua perhaps does a better job straddling this line than Zoroark, deceiving appearances are a staple of Japanese ghost stories. Haunter and Gastly have been creating disguises and illusions more or less since the original Pokemon anime began, so Illusion as a ghostly ability is long overdue. 

Watch out. Gastly will catfish you. But for benevolent reasons? Idk watch the episode. And now Zoroark can too. Congrats furries. Honestly the type-uncertainty presented by Illusion cleaves mechanically closer to the Schrodinger’s Cat uncertainty I wanted than I think I realistically could have hoped for. 

Speaking of mechanics, Normal/Ghost gives Zoroark a fantastic 3 type immunity to fairly common attacking types (Normal, Fighting, and Ghost) and only one Weakness (Dark), which leaves more play for Illusion paranoia than the mono-Dark type Zoroark ever had. Is it really a good idea to use Close Combat on that Aggron? Or Shadow Ball on that Bronzong? What if it’s Zoroark in disguise?

Anyways, optimistic about this mon. Long have I hoped for some Spinda or Dunsparce evolution to gain the coveted Ghost/Normal type, but now that I think about it Zorua and Zoroark is an even better choice.

Obviously I’ve been quietly optimistic for a Breath of the Wild Pokemon game for a while, at the very least I think it’s great that Pokemon’s beginning to consider new directions of evolution for its franchise.

[shenspeaker]

Becoming a real blog lol

I think it’s becoming pretty obvious to me this as a daily/weekly themed blog was another one of those ambitious projects you set for yourself, that you know is way too ambitious at the time, and yet fully commit to anyways? Until you eventually burn out and then give up because it’s just too time consuming and you’ve got other projects going on.

I’m still going to post my thoughts about writing on here, and perhaps the occasional magic creature as well, but I think it’s time this became a real blog where I talk generally about things I like as well! 

I’m already on Tumblr all the time, I might as well make it official.

So anyways, TLDR - this blog will still post my ideas for magical creatures, and probably a lot about magic and storytelling in general, but I’m now opening it up to more general subjects, including talking about stories I enjoy in the wild!

[shenspeaker]

Amber and the Blink Shark

Can’t contain my feelings on the latest Ethersea episode of The Adventure Zone.

I don’t know if it will happen, but I so so sooo want the introduction of the blink shark to result in a reluctant enemies-to-friends arc between Amber and the sharks in general.

I feel like all the elements are there. The animosity trained into her from a young age. The mysterious unknowns surrounding blink sharks. The shark itself - dangerous, majestic, yet vulnerable. Injured even, likely because of the Ribbon Worm.

And that’s the most most important element of all, the presence of an obvious shared foe. The Ribbon Worm, which is eating Blink Shark eggs? Maybe even specifically this Blink Shark’s eggs? Not saying for sure this results in Amber and Blinky teaming up for a massive Kaiju fight that bonds them, but I’m just saying maybe this results in Amber and Blinky teaming up for a massive Kaiju fight that bonds them.

I know a huge Blink Shark companion probably unbalances the campaign, but maybe mama Shark dies in the fight, leaving Amber to raise one of the surviving babies?

I mean can you imagine the exquisite angst? And Amber as she fights the urge to flinch instinctually away from something she’s been taught is the embodiment of fear, only to over time form a reluctant bond, and to realize how little her society truly understands about these apparently sentient sharks?

Plus adorable baby teleporting shark.

Just saying, I feel like all the plot elements are there. Would love to see it.

[shenspeaker]

Zipfly

This little spirit resembles a metallic horsefly just under an inch long. While the zipfly appears harmless, its mode of reproduction is dangerous in the extreme. 

The zipfly seeks out unattended surfaces and implants them with little metal teeth resembling a zipper. This zipper can be built on almost anything - wood, stone, metal, porcelain, even flesh, although the zipfly prefers smooth surfaces to rough ones. The length of the zipper only depends on the commitment of the zipfly. Most are mere inches long, but in secluded places winding zippers over a mile long have been discovered.

The zipfly completes its work by undergoing a metamorphosis, and installing itself as a non-descript metallic tab at the zipper’s end. If you encounter a zipper you think may be left by a zipfly DO NOT OPEN IT. Not only will this leave a deep and permanent pocket in the zippered object, it will also release a new brood of zipflies. If the zipper is on a person’s body, opening it can be fatal.

Once implanted a zipfly zipper is almost impossible to remove. But as long as you don’t pull the tab, it remains merely ornamental.

[shenspeaker]

One mo’ ‘gain

Sometimes you just get really busy and so you let a blog die! But then you make one review of a movie you saw that so many people like and share you feel bad that your blog is basically a wasteland?

So you decide to restart it, but with less ambitious goals, because, really what was past you thinking anyways. Content every day? You have a job!

Anyways, going to try to get this thing started again. We’ll start with one a week and see where things go from there. 

[shenspeaker]

Mythical Creatures of Shang-Chi

Reposting the second half of my earlier post, for people who just want the creature lore.

Impressively, basically all the creatures of Talo were drawn from real myths (except, I think, for the villainous ones which I will leave unnamed here for spoilers’ sake). Which is fine, since I think they were supposed to have a not-of-this-world vibe anyways!

Some of the most famous: the Qilin (”weird horse”), Fenghuang (”bird on fire”), and Hulijing (nine tailed fox) all make appearances in Talo, although none of them exactly pitch in much. Come on guys! The Dragon is pulling her weight! As does the Shishi lion dog!

Morris is the most obscure of the bunch, but even he’s real, a Dijiang!

Thought to be a manifestation of the primordial chaos that existed before the universe known as Hundun, the lack of a face coupled with six legs and four wings is meant to indicate that chaotic lack of direction. Also supposedly they love to sing and dance! The Hundun is also known as the primordial egg from which the universe hatches, which helps explain Morris’s pleasing round shape.

Truly, a creature that has seen things no mortal could even begin to comprehend, Morris might just be one of the oldest beings in the MCU!

If you’d like to hear me talk more about any of the other mythic creatures of Shang Chi, let me know!

[shenspeaker]

Shang Chi Review (and Mythical Creature Review)

Just saw Shang-Chi! Really impressed me! Went in with medium expectations, thinking it would just be another Marvel punch out, maybe with some added first generation immigrant/daddy-angst vibes, but it surprised me. Tony Leung as Wenwu genuinely moved me, and more than once. Perhaps my favorite Marvel villain of all time.

Also was it just me, or did anyone else think Katy and Xu Xialing kind of had vibes? “Sorry Shawn, I’m dating your crimelord(?) sister now, I don’t make the rules,” is a vibe I think Awkwafina could pull off beautifully. Her friendship with Shang-Chi was very wholesome too, I loved the intimate trust there. Wuxia is a great look for Marvel, some of the best fight scenes they’ve ever done, more reliant on choreography and skill of the actors and doubles than a raw CGIfest (although there’s plenty of that goodness too).

Speaking of which let’s talk magical creatures!

Impressively, basically all the creatures of Talo were drawn from real myths (except, I think, for the villainous ones which I will leave unnamed here for spoilers’ sake). Which is fine, since I think they were supposed to have a not-of-this-world vibe anyways.

Some of the most famous: the Qilin (”weird horse”), Fenghuang (”bird on fire”), and Hulijing (nine tailed fox) all make appearances in Talo, although none of them exactly pitch in much. Come on guys! The Dragon is pulling her weight! As does the Shishi lion dog!

Morris is the most obscure of the bunch, but even he’s real, a Dijiang! 

Thought to be a manifestation of the primordial chaos that existed before the universe known as Hundun, the lack of a face coupled with six legs and four wings is meant to indicate that chaotic lack of direction. Also supposedly they love to sing and dance! The Hundun is also known as the primordial egg from which the universe hatches, which helps explain Morris’s pleasing round shape.

Truly, a creature that has seen things no mortal could even begin to comprehend, Morris might just be one of the oldest beings in the MCU!

Anyways, great movie, really pleasantly surprised me.

[shenspeaker]

Mosswinder

The first sign of this spirit is rain. A slimy grey rain, that leaves viscous film. It will rain until the ground is a grasping mire. It will rain until the storm’s whisper is almost subliminal.

Go out, close your eyes, follow this whisper, and it will lead you someplace damp and forgotten. The rain will murmur against your face. It will tell you where to find the Mosswinder.

The Mosswinder - a standing mass of vines, algae, driftwood, fish bone. Around it are scattered possessions of those who made the journey before you, like offerings. Its head is a leering skull, a crocodile’s. 

The Mosswinder will not heal you. It will not grant wishes or wisdom. If you find it, the Mosswinder will take something precious away. That is what some crave most.

[shenspeaker]

Shuijing

This spirit appears as a massive Koi made of crystal clear water. Often populated by small colorful ecosystems of fish, algae, and other life, it is most recognizable by the large pink lotus that floats above its dorsal fin, often skimming the surface of whatever water the Shui Jing patrols.

In clear water the Shui Jing is almost invisible, save for this lotus. But in murky water its silhouette becomes obvious. Said to be a symbol of regeneration and well-being, a Shui Jing’s presence slowly purifies the water around it. Unfortunately, the spirits have dwindled in recent years, due to a persistent legend that eating a Shui Jing’s lotus prolongs one’s life by 100 years.

[shenspeaker]

Bughouse

A two-foot-high beetle, this creature’s carapace is flat on top and checkered like a chessboard.

Each Bughouse is actually a colony, populated by tiny warriors. Resembling inch-long porcelain insects, these warriors metamorphose through several distinct stages of steadily increasing strength. However, they can only reach their final form by invading a rival colony.

Thus, when two Bughouses of opposing colors meet, the tiny warriors assault one another. Nearly all Bughouse colors have been wiped out besides white and black, but there are rumors of fierce red strains located in secluded locations, and growing to prodigious size.

[shenspeaker]

Yakhchāl

This spirit looks like a normal refrigerator, before the door opens juuust enough for the arms to come out. Long, many jointed arms, dark and dry like ice-mummified flesh.

The Yakhchāl crawls around on these powerful arms, lugging the fridge like a hermit crab’s shell. The fridge is covered in cute magnets and reminders that the Yakhchāl collects. Buy milk. Don’t forget to call Mom. 

When it needs to rest, the Yakhchāl plants the fridge upright and closes the door, sometimes for years at a time. If you see an old fridge standing somewhere it doesn’t seem to belong, open at your own risk.