springblossomofwisdom

[springblossomofwisdom]

My best isn’t good enough

I don’t even know if it is my best

My best isn’t good enough

What else can I do?

My best isn’t good enough

I try and try and still I fall

My best isn’t good enough

At least it isn’t for me

The mirror reflects smoke instead of effort

Slipping quickly from grasp

Though it’s my own word

I feel against myself

My fingers don’t play like they used to

My gears don’t turn like they used to

Maybe they never did

Maybe they never worked

[springblossomofwisdom]

maybe i was made for loving things. maybe that's what life is all about.

[springblossomofwisdom]

I love girls supporting girls. I always feel so shit about myself. But I like putting on a nice outfit.

And today? Someone said I was really pretty. Someone said they loved my shirt. Someone said this skirt was their favorite of my collection. Someone said my entire outfit was amazing.

Today was a rare good day :)

[springblossomofwisdom]

Why did they make me with the ability to say stupid fucking things and do stupid fucking things; while giving me the inability to say "I'm sorry" no matter how deeply I feel it.

[springblossomofwisdom]

I can never love a book normally.

What do you mean the story is over?

What do you mean there’s no more found family?

What do you mean the ending was tragic and ambiguous?

What do you mean there won’t be more story waiting for me?

What happens now?

The part in my heart is empty. I’m suffering withdrawal.

I’m starting at the wall.

I miss them….

[springblossomofwisdom]

“I don’t know if I’m extremely sensitive or life is unbearable.” - Vincent Van Gogh

[springblossomofwisdom]

I really need to learn how to shut up. It’s not a me moment, I don’t need to be trying to get in a laugh cuz I just end up making an absolute fool of myself. Anything I share just goes to shit.

What’s wrong with me? I can’t even remember the times I do make people laugh, it’s just the times where I say the most stupidest thing.

Reminder: I am not the shit. I have no talent. I don’t even have passion, I’m a lazy ass who sits on it the entire day. AHGHHGGHH!!!

[springblossomofwisdom]

I have to take a deep breath and remember people have opinions. 😭💀

[springblossomofwisdom]

I have problems with my self-image just like every other teenage girl.

But unlike what is said about every teenage girl, I do not care about my body or the way my face looks.

I care about my voice and the actions that I take.

How many times am I going to cringe after I say something rude or annoying or dumb before I shut my mouth?

How many times am I going to cry after I hurt someone because of my emotions before I go numb?

How many times am I going to pound my head with all the things I can’t do before I give up?

How many times am I going feel like my chest is exploding with stress on how to live through the earth on fire (mentally and physically) before I decide it’s not worth it?

How many times am I going to lay in bed thinking about all that went wrong that day before I fall asleep forever?

How many times am I going to say I hate myself in my head before it actually gets out?

[springblossomofwisdom]

Arcane is over....😭😭😭

I'm still mourning the end of Arcane. I watched and consumed it so fast, that I got whiplash. I don't know what to do anymore. I put off watching it until last week because I wasn't motivated to be emotionally destroyed when it came out. I'm in denial of all the deaths cuz I'm not watching the show and it's over anyway.

None of them are dead and all lived happily ever after with their s/o's...

Right?

[springblossomofwisdom]

I took the fattest nap I think I've ever napped in my life. I had my songs that make me feel like I'm floating and I was unconscious by the time the first song reached the chorus. I was so comfortable. I had like 50 blankets on and it was like 0 degrees. I wish I didn't have life so I could feel like that forever.

[springblossomofwisdom]

My friend just got tumblr and she was telling me about and I just had to sit like 🙂. Like I'm not going to tell her about this account. She was all like "You should totally get a Tumblr account so we can live out our 2010 blog vibes and we can follow one another. " 😬 I told her no. I didn't tell her I've been blogging. Think she'll find this?

[springblossomofwisdom]

This is SOOO cute! Even though I don't play Stardew Valley ( I KNOW I SHOULD!!!!) But I love the life series!!

I forgot to tell you guys that i finished my Stardew Valley designs 😋 im trying to use Tumblr more lets see how long it lasts

[springblossomofwisdom]

Most days the moon does little to light the darkened night.

Their light is not their own, so to share isn’t a usual sight.

But tonight, the moons light is exceptionally bright.

I can see the road ahead of me, even in the dead of night.

Something has changed.

The thought of the moons light that was once estranged.

[springblossomofwisdom]

My mouth needs to stay shut sometimes. What am I doing? I always say the wrong thing and I fuck it up. Man. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was trying to make a joke. I didn’t think you’d get hurt. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I appreciate our friendship. I don’t think lowly of you. I think you’re one of the coolest people. You’re so funny and amazing to be around. I didn’t think what I said would harm you. I pushed to far. Again. Are they over it? Am I still hung up over nothing? I’m sorry.

[springblossomofwisdom]

It’s New Years

The words “We made it guys!”

Really means something else.

[springblossomofwisdom]

Today a mental health awareness speaker came to school. He was actually really cool. He did this exercise where we named 5 people who knew everything about us. The bad and the worse. 5 people out of 400 raised their hands. Then he asked two questions to the audience.

Like why don't you let people know the real you?

I could have said: I've worked so hard to create this image of myself that's the perfect me. A kind independent smart hard worker with every opportunity given to me. But that's not what I want me to be. That's what I've grown into. People don't like much change. I don't either. I'm scared if I ever do "not hide" then everything will get much more complicated and I will be even more confused and overwhelmed than I usually am like this. My projecting self.

Then he asked what do you think when I say all this to you.

I could've said: I think I'm selfish. At first, I think Why can't people notice what I'm going through? I hope someone can see that I'm struggling. They should help me, someone needs to help me get better. Then I realise, I'm not the only one. People have shit going on all the time. They have their own problems. I don't look around to help people because I need to help myself first. But they are doing the same exact thing. Then, I think, people have it much worse and they need a lot more help than I do. I don't deserve to be thinking these thoughts because everyone has it bad. NO ONE IS WORSE THAN I AM. I PROBABLY HAVE IT BEST.

But I didn't.