star-struck09

[star-struck09]

I know you miss me. Will you say it first?

[star-struck09]

I would let you ruin me if you wanted to.

[star-struck09]

When I sleep, I imagine I am 10 again, and I am untouched by the world.

I am happy.

[star-struck09]

I did not realize how much we leave behind when we die. It makes me wonder where it’ll all go.

[star-struck09]

You know you recognize your anger in me.

[star-struck09]

The very least I can do for myself is try. I owe myself that much right?

[star-struck09]

I miss you. Words cannot describe it.

[star-struck09]

I am surrounded by endless hard workers, leaders, inspirers—the ideal people who have faced hardship and strife and worked past that—and I cannot help comparing myself to them in everything I do. Lord, I fear I will never be enough—I will never be them.

[star-struck09]

You worked so hard for me to have a good life, and you say you are endlessly proud of me whenever I ask or even when I do not ask, but I cannot help myself from always running towards a goal of perfection that will never exist.

[star-struck09]

I see the wrinkles on your face and the thinning of your hair, the blue veins that run down your hands, and I wonder how many years I’ve taken for granted not being kinder to you.

[star-struck09]

Selfishly, I hope you don’t forget me.

[star-struck09]

I can’t help but keep running, running until I do not know what is around me.

[star-struck09]

I’ve experienced loss, too. The grief never leaves, nor does the love—we just learn to live with it. Rather, we learn to grow with it.

[star-struck09]

You tell me I am too much like my father and nothing like you, but you do not realize how much I’ve always wanted to be like you, too.

[star-struck09]

I have forgotten your voice; that is the greatest tragedy.

[star-struck09]

I’ve never doubted that you love me, Mom, but sometimes I wonder if you even really like me at all.

[star-struck09]

The difference between us is that I never sat at a table you weren’t welcomed at, but that’s just who I am. I couldn’t say the same about you, however.