star-struck09

[star-struck09]

I am surrounded by endless hard workers, leaders, inspirers—the ideal people who have faced hardship and strife and worked past that—and I cannot help comparing myself to them in everything I do. Lord, I fear I will never be enough—I will never be them.

[star-struck09]

You worked so hard for me to have a good life, and you say you are endlessly proud of me whenever I ask or even when I do not ask, but I cannot help myself from always running towards a goal of perfection that will never exist.

[star-struck09]

I see the wrinkles on your face and the thinning of your hair, the blue veins that run down your hands, and I wonder how many years I’ve taken for granted not being kinder to you.

[star-struck09]

Selfishly, I hope you don’t forget me.

[star-struck09]

I can’t help but keep running, running until I do not know what is around me.

[star-struck09]

I’ve experienced loss, too. The grief never leaves, nor does the love—we just learn to live with it. Rather, we learn to grow with it.

[star-struck09]

You tell me I am too much like my father and nothing like you, but you do not realize how much I’ve always wanted to be like you, too.

[star-struck09]

I have forgotten your voice; that is the greatest tragedy.

[star-struck09]

I’ve never doubted that you love me, Mom, but sometimes I wonder if you even really like me at all.

[star-struck09]

The difference between us is that I never sat at a table you weren’t welcomed at, but that’s just who I am. I couldn’t say the same about you, however.

[star-struck09]

Oh, how grateful I am to have the ability to know you.

[star-struck09]

Love does not leave, it just changes direction.

[star-struck09]

I know you, so I know when you are hurt, but I cannot help you if you do not allow me to.

[star-struck09]

I knew I was in love when I found a way to bring you up in every conversation.

[star-struck09]

When does the grief leave me? Why does it have to stay for so long?

[star-struck09]

All the people you loved and you knew carry pieces of you, these little torches of your light that will never be put out.

[star-struck09]

I’ve found that grief visits in the most unexpected times and places. It’s been years, but I still miss you. I think there is a bit of love in that, too.